Weapon
"-And then Sam decided it would be a good idea to continue to entice Mr. Howard by telling him he looked like a walrus," Freddie sighed as him, Sam and Carly headed up to the Shay's apartment after school. "Which of course landed her in detention for the next two weeks."
"I don't see why you're so wazzed off about it," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "You're not the one who has to deal with it."
"But we had plans, Sam!" Freddie said. "We were going to go to the museum after school tomorrow. And the next day we were going to go to watch vintage movies together. And then-"
"Look, as fun as all that stuff sounds, I promise, baby, I'll make it up to you," Sam said, putting an arm around him. "Alright? So we good?"
Freddie sighed. "Oh…I guess so. Mr. Howard did kind of deserve the walrus comment."
"Cool," Sam smiled, giving him a quick peck on the lips.
"You didn't get detention on purpose, just to get out of all that lame stuff Freddie had planned for you, did you?" Carly whispered knowingly to her best friend as she pulled out her key.
"Of course not," Sam said simply. "It's just a happy coincidence…"
"Right," Carly chuckled, opening the front door.
The second the three teens stepped inside the apartment, they were greeted by a very enthusiastic Spencer.
"You guys!" Spencer exclaimed, popping up from behind a large object sitting in the living room that was covered by a sheet. "You'll never guess what happened to me today!"
"You found a girlfriend?" Sam guessed.
"You got a job?" Freddie suggested.
"Oh! Did you finally tell dad you dropped out of law school?" Carly asked.
"No, no, and nooo," Spencer replied. "I went to the dump!"
"Pfft, that's nothing big," Sam scoffed, heading towards the fridge. "You go there once a week."
"But I found something really cool there this time!" Spencer said excitedly.
"More cool than that mannequin you brought home last week?" Freddie asked.
"Oh yeah," Spencer nodded. "You guys wanna see it?"
"Sure," Carly said, amused. "Let's see what you got."
Spencer yanked the sheet off of the object, revealing a slightly worn table tennis set.
"Whoa, what is that?" Freddie asked, stepping over to examine it.
"It's table tennis," Spencer explained.
"You mean like Ping-Pong?" Sam said.
"Excuse me, table tennis is the official name," Spencer corrected. "But isn't this great? All of us can have fun having little tournaments and competitions with this thing."
"Um…that-that kind of seems, well, um-" Carly started.
"Dude, that's the lamest idea ever," Sam said bluntly.
"What?" Spencer and Freddie cried simultaneously.
"Come on, it's a game where you just hit a little ball back and forth," Sam scoffed.
"It's a sport of skill!" Spencer defended.
"It's not a sport," Sam laughed.
"It is too!" Freddie said. "It's in the Olympics and everything!"
"That's the same argument you use for fencing," Sam smirked.
"And fencing is a real sport!"
"Come on, have either of you even played table tennis before?" Carly asked.
"No, but we can learn, right Freddie?" Spencer said, picking up two paddles and tossing one to Freddie.
"Sure, this will be awesome," Freddie grinned.
"What? You're gonna play now?" Sam asked.
"Sure, why not?" Freddie shrugged. "Go ahead, Spence, serve."
"Alright," Spencer said. Though when he attempted to do so, he missed the ball completely and sent the paddle flying into a nearby lamp.
"Aw jeez…my home's gonna be destroyed," Carly sighed.
"Hold on, wasn't there some behind-the-scenes Galaxy Wars thing on the sci-fi channel that you wanted me to watch with you today?" Sam asked as Spencer went to retrieve the paddle.
"Huh, oh, yeah…" Freddie said reluctantly. "Well, I-I've already seen it. I just wanted to watch it with you to see if it could get you to expand your view on the whole series a little bit. But, um, well, I guess if you really want to we can just play this later and the two of us can-"
"No, no," Sam said quickly. "You have fun playing this! Forget about the video."
"You sure?"
"Yeah! Go, play!" Sam said.
"Awesome, thanks Sam," Freddie said. "Alright, Spence, let's try this again."
"Oh Carls…this is great!" Sam whispered as the girls stepped into the kitchen.
"What? The fact that I'm probably not going to have any furniture left by tomorrow morning?" Carly said.
"No! With Freddie being into this table tennis chiz now, I've finally got him distracted enough to stop bugging me to do his lame nerd stuff with him!" Sam said. "Kind of wish I knew this would happen before I went and got myself detention…oh well, Wendy will be there."
"So you did get detention on purpose then," Carly said, crossing her arms. "Sam, that's awful!"
"Oh come on, he's been being extra geeky lately!" Sam defended. "It's like every day he wants to take me to some museum or show me some documentary. It's either I get detention to get a little break every once in a while or I explode. Which would you prefer?"
"You know, some girls would kill to have a boyfriend who actually wants to spend time with them," Carly said, rolling her eyes.
"Look, it's not that I don't like spending time with him," Sam said. "I just need a little break from his nerd junk. Would you want to go to a lecture on some new model of microscope?"
"Well…"
"Exactly," Sam smirked, triumphantly.
…
A couple weeks later, Sam let herself into the Shay's apartment after she had just finished up her detention session and was looking forward to spending the evening with her boyfriend.
"Hey," Sam said. "You guys know where Freddie-"
"Oh, nice serve!" Spencer said, not looking up from his table tennis game with Freddie.
"Thanks, I practiced," Freddie said, also making no indication that he was aware that his girlfriend had just entered the apartment.
"Um, hi?" Sam said, only to be ignored again. She rolled her eyes and stepped over to the game, grabbing the ball in midair and finally getting notice from the two boys.
"Oh, hi Sam," Freddie said. "You finished up with detention for the day?"
"Uh-huh," Sam said. "It was my last one too. Have you two really just been playing this game all day?"
"Sport," Spencer corrected. "It's a sport."
"My bad," Sam said, her voice dripping in sarcasm. She turned back to Freddie. "So you wanna go back to your place and watch a movie or something? Your mom's still at work, right?"
"Er, yeah, she is," Freddie said. "But, um, see, the-the thing is, Spence and I are-we're kind of in training."
"Training?" Sam repeated, raising an eyebrow. "For what?"
"There's this giant table tennis tournament down at the community center in a couple of weeks," Spencer explained. "People are coming in from all over the country and Canada!"
"It's a really huge deal," Freddie grinned. "The winner of the competition gets a forty dollar gift certificate to the Sock Emporium and a golden paddle!"
"So what? You're gonna just stay here all night and play your little game?"
"Sport!" Spencer exclaimed.
"Shut up!"
"Well, um, if-if you don't mind," Freddie said sheepishly. "But hey, it's Thursday! You always say you want to go play laser tag on Thursdays, but you can't take me there because I suck at it. Why don't you hang out there tonight? You'll have fun."
Sam sighed. "Whatever. It's better than watching this. But we're still on for tomorrow though, right? You got us those tickets for the sea urchin exhibit."
"Oh, um, about that," Freddie frowned. "I, um, Spence and I were going to go to the gym."
"The gym?" Sam scoffed. "You guys?"
"We need to do some wrist strengthening exercises!" Spencer said.
"Yeah, you don't mind, do you?" Freddie said. "I know you weren't exactly thrilled about going to some boring museum exhibit anyway."
"No, I-I guess it's fine," Sam mumbled. "Well, um, is Carly home?"
"Yeah, she's upstairs in her room," Spencer nodded, preparing to serve the ball.
Sam started towards the stairs, taking one look back at her boyfriend, who was completely enthralled in the game.
She headed up to her best friend's room, where the brunette was lying on the bed, flipping through a magazine.
"Hey, Carls," Sam said.
Carly didn't respond.
"Carly?" Sam frowned.
Again, no response.
"Carls!" Sam yelled, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at her.
"Huh? Oh, hey Sam!" Carly said, sitting up and pulling two earplugs out.
"Why were you wearing earplugs?" Sam asked.
"Because I can't take the noise from their stupid game downstairs!" Carly snapped.
"Don't you mean their 'sport'?" Sam scoffed, rolling her eyes.
"I swear, I think this is worse than the whole Pak Rat disaster," Carly sighed. "You know they were playing until four in the morning last night?"
"Oh is that what Freddie was doing when he wasn't answering any of my texts," Sam said, shaking her head. "And you know what? The nub totally bailed on me tonight and tomorrow night! We were supposed to go see some sea urchin exhibit at the museum, but he's ditching for this dumb game!"
"Wait…" Carly smiled. "I thought you were excited about Freddie spending time with this because it meant you didn't have to do that type of stuff with him anymore."
"Well I-"
"Do you miss Freddie?" Carly grinned. "Do you miss spending time with your boyfriend?"
"I, um, okay fine!" Sam conceded. "I miss the doof, alright? Turns out I didn't really mind doing all that geeky junk with him! I mean it's been two weeks since we've watched any classic movies or gone on tours of Seattle's historical sites or anything! This table tennis thing has ruined my life!"
"Hey, you're telling me," Carly said. "It took over my living room! At least Freddie's somewhat good at it, but with Spencer's bad aim, he's taken out the T.V., six lamps, two pitchers, and the desktop monitor! Plus he's missing his sculpting deadlines, which means that we've got no money!"
"Well Freddie didn't even call me the other day on our seven-month anniversary!"
Carly gasped. "No!"
"Uh-huh!" Sam fumed. "At first I was kind of glad he forgot because that meant I didn't have to get all dolled up for a fancy date, but now I'm wazzed off! How dare he! You know what? That table's got to go!"
"No chiz!" Carly agreed. "But how? Those two practically sleep on it. There's no way we can get rid of it without them throwing a fit."
"Hey, it's like you forget who you're best friends with sometimes," Sam said, a mischievous grin sneaking onto her face. "Leave everything to me…"
….
"So I'm thinking we just get these really big tubes," Spencer said a few days later as him and Freddie entered the apartment. They had taken a ten-minute break from their tennis table training to run down to the Groovy Smoothie to refuel. "And connect them to our, well, you know…and that way we cut out bathroom breaks! Think of all the time that will give us back!"
"Where would we get the tubes though?" Freddie asked.
"I dunno, a tube store?" Spencer shrugged. "Anyway, what do you-Oh my God!"
"What?" Freddie frowned. "What are you-Oh my God!"
The two boys dropped their smoothies in shock as they stared at the empty space in the living room where the table tennis table had once stood.
"Where-Where is it?" Freddie asked in disbelief, frantically looking around.
"I don't know!" Spencer exclaimed. "We were robbed!"
"But the door was locked when we got here," Freddie pointed out. "How could we have been robbed?"
"Whoa, what's going on down here?" Carly asked innocently as her and Sam came downstairs.
"You guys! Did you see what happened to the table tennis table?" Freddie asked.
"Oh, that?" Sam said. "Well while you guys were out, the original owners came back for it."
"What?" Spencer frowned. "Original owners? I got this from the dump!"
"Yeah, but somebody had to own it before it go there," Carly said.
"Well they gave up all ownership when they tossed that thing in the dump," Freddie said.
"But it was an accident that it got thrown away in the first place," Sam said.
"So?" Spencer scoffed. "The fire department doesn't care when I set something on fire on accident."
"Look, it was a really sad story; anyone with a heart would've given that table back," Carly said. "See, it belonged to this couple who bought it on their honeymoon fifty years ago. But last year the man, his name was Earl, passed away. Now his wife-"
"Joan," Sam added.
"Yes, Joan," Carly nodded. "All Joan has left to remember her beloved husband is that table tennis set, which was accidently thrown out by the movers who were helping her relocate to the assisted living home. She went to the dump, but they told her that you had taken it, so she came here, and, well-"
"Carls and I decided to do the right thing and give the little old lady her table tennis table back," Sam said. "Keeping it just didn't seem right."
"It really didn't," Carly agreed.
"Hold on," Freddie frowned. "So…in the ten minutes that we were gone, this woman suddenly comes up here, carries this giant table out of the apartment, and vanishes before we get back?"
"Sam, go!" Carly hissed under her breath.
"Yeah, it's crazy," Sam said, quickly stepping over and putting her arms around Freddie. "But you know, crazy stuff happens, baby." She gave him a quick kiss.
"I know," Freddie said. "But it just seems-"
Sam cut him off again with another kiss, this one longer than the first.
"You were saying?" Sam grinned when they pulled apart.
"That poor Joan," Freddie said breathlessly.
"Wait, so our table tennis days are over?" Spencer moaned. "Just like that? What about the competition? Freddie was gonna win first prize and split that sock gift card with me!"
"Well you have a best friend who can get you all the socks you could want," Carly reminded him.
"Who?" Spencer frowned.
"Um, Socko?"
"Oh, right."
"I am gonna miss playing," Freddie sighed.
"Come on, it was just a lame game," Sam said. "Now you can focus on other things."
"And you can focus on getting caught up with your sculptures so they don't turn off the electricity on us," Carly told her brother. "Again! Now let's go, I set up all your sculpting stuff in the iCarly studio; you're going to sit up there and work for the rest of the night!"
"But I-"
"Now!" Carly said firmly, grabbing his wrist and tugging him towards the stairs, leaving Sam and Freddie alone.
"Well, that's too bad," Freddie said heavily, sitting down on the couch. "It was fun being an athlete."
"Dude…I think you had more of a shot with this whole 'athlete' thing with the fencing gig," Sam said, sitting down next to him. "At least with that you get a cool weapon. But…seriously, don't be so bummed."
"I'm not bummed," Freddie mumbled.
Sam raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, maybe I'm a little bummed."
"Well…it's not like you can never play again," Sam said. "They have tables down at the arcade."
"I guess," Freddie nodded.
"Besides," Sam said, moving closer to him. "That game was kind of distracting you…"
"From what?" Freddie asked.
"Um, hi?" Sam said, thumping the back of his head. "From me! You realize since you got all obsessed with that dumb game, or sport, as you call it, the two of us haven't done any of our usual things together! We haven't watched any train documentaries or gone to any concerts at the park or gone to computer stores 'just to look around'."
"Oh…" Freddie said slowly. "I guess…I guess you're right. We-We really haven't spent a lot of time together since I got caught up in table tennis. Wow…I-I'm sorry, Sam. I feel awful."
Sam sighed. "It's alright. Honestly…I-I never thought I would've minded not getting to do all that stuff. I mean, I've always kind of thought it all was lame. And…at first, I was kind of glad you were distracted, because I thought I could get a break from all of it."
"You-You did?" Freddie asked softly.
"Yeah," Sam said. "But…But these past few weeks, I realized something. I do like doing all that stuff with you, and I missed it. A lot. Because you know what? Even though looking at sea urchins or listening to some guy talk about the first computer might not sound like something I'd enjoy on my own, when I'm with you…I suddenly can't get enough."
"You really mean that?" Freddie beamed.
"I do," Sam nodded. She leaned over and kissed him. "So…what do you say? Wanna go make up for lost time? We can go see a foreign film."
"Or…" Freddie said slowly. "We can grab a pizza and watch horror movies for the rest of the night."
"What? But you hate horror movies," Sam pointed out.
"I know," Freddie said. "But you know…they suddenly become a lot better when I watch them with you."
