Gross

"Carly!" Sam exclaimed loudly as she burst into the Shay's apartment with Freddie at her heels. "Carly!"
"What?" Carly frowned, setting down the bowl of soup she had been eating.

"I'm dating a moron!" Sam huffed as she flung herself down on the couch next to her best friend. "Do you know what this nub did? Huh? Do you?"

"Aw, Freddie, did you try to share her tub of chicken again?" Carly sighed.

"No, trust me, I'll never make that mistake again," Freddie said. "But I didn't do anything, Carls. She's just being dramatic."

"No, you're an idiot, that's all," Sam snapped.

"Alright, children, what's going on?" Carly said, far too used to this bickering at this point.

"You know how Freddie got us two tickets to some weird train dinner thing?" Sam asked.

"It's an authentic 20th century experience, complete with staple foods from the early 1910's, since the train is a 1915 Steammaster and-"

"Whatever, that," Sam said, shaking her head.

"I-I seem to remember you mentioning it," Carly nodded. "So what's the problem?"

"The problem is Freddie had the brilliant idea to give our tickets away!" Sam said.

"He gave them away?" Carly repeated. "Er, I might be missing something here, but why are you upset about that, Sam? I thought you weren't that into trains."

"I'm not upset about missing out on the whole train thing," Sam said. "I'm upset about who he decided to give the tickets to."

"Well who'd he decide to give the tickets to?"

"Our moms!" Sam cried.

"Your moms?" Carly frowned.

"Uh-huh!" Sam nodded. "He wants my mom and his mom to go on a three hour train ride together all by themselves!"

"It will be good for them!" Freddie defended. "It will give them a chance to really connect!"

"Why do they need to connect?" Sam groaned. "They're not the ones dating!"

"But we're dating, and since things are getting pretty serious between us, I really think it'd be a good idea for our families to get to know one another."

"Then have your mom swing by the prison!" Sam said. "That's where most of my family is anyway."
"Er, I was thinking we'd start with baby steps," Freddie said. "But Carly, don't you agree with me? Our moms should spend time with each other!"

"Um, well, have-have they ever done anything together before?" Carly asked.

"Once," Freddie replied. "Sam and her mom came over for dinner a few months back."

"And it was a complete disaster," Sam pointed out. "His mom made all this health junk and my mom started clipping her toenails right over the squash loaf!"

"And that's why we need to give them a second chance with each other," Freddie said. "Right Carly?"

"Well, um, okay, Freddie, I do think it's important that your moms learn to tolerate each other," Carly said slowly. "But leaving them on a train by themselves for three hours may be a bit too advanced for them."
"Thank you!" Sam smirked triumphantly.

"But it's a train," Freddie emphasized. "Everybody's happier on a train!"

"No, you're happier on trains," Sam corrected. "Everybody else is wondering why this outdated piece of transportation is still around."

"Maybe it would've been better to start just a little smaller," Carly said. "You know, maybe the two of them could've met for coffee somewhere or something."

"Well my mom doesn't drink caffeine and Sam's mom is banned from nearly every coffees hop in Seattle," Freddie replied. "Look, just trust me on this, okay? By the end of this train ride, our moms will be able to, well, at least tolerate one another. I know they're probably never going to be best friends, but I really would like it if all of us could stuff together without worrying about them going at it."

Sam sighed. "Dude…what even makes you think our moms will agree to this, huh?"

"I can talk my mom into it; I'll just promise her an extra puzzle or something this weekend," Freddie said. "And I'm sure if you just explain to your mom how important this is to us she'd be willing to give it a try too. Please Sam? For me?"

Sam groaned. "You're not supposed to use that line…alright, fine, I-I'll get my mom to go on the train, alright? But I'm telling you, it's gonna be a disaster."

….

"Just remember, mom, Mrs. Benson isn't like one of your regular friends," Sam said as her and her mom pulled up in front of the train station the next day. "She's boring and lame. She likes being clean and knitting and eating non-fat yogurt. So don't say anything about your tattoos or about your do-it-yourself waxing kit, got it?"

"Well what am I supposed to talk about with this chick then?" Pam scoffed.

"I dunno, the weather, current events, something," Sam said. "Just…don't blow this, alright? I know Freddie's mom is kind of a nightmare and all, but Freddie seems to really want you guys to get along. And…I guess I can kind of see his point. So please just behave."

"Relax, Sammy, I can play nice," Pam said. "It will be just like a meeting with my parole officer."

"Yeah, except, um, this-this will be a little longer," Sam said slowly.

"How long?" Pam frowned.

"Um, three hours,"
"What?" Pam exclaimed. "You expect me to sit with that nut bag for three hours? Can I at least wax my toes during this thing?"

"Mom…"

"Okay, okay!" Pam conceded.

…..

"So mom, just remember, when Sam and her mom get here, please be nice," Freddie said as him and Marissa waited by the ticket window.

"Fredward, surly you are not implying that I will forget my manners tonight," Marissa frowned.

"Well, mom, it's just that sometimes you an be a bit…condescending," Freddie said slowly. "I mean last time you saw Sam's mom you did call her a-"

"She was wiping her nose on my table cloth!" Marissa exclaimed.

"I know, but did you really have to try and spray her with disinfectant?" Freddie sighed. "Look, I know you two have very little in common-"

"We have nothing in common," Marissa said firmly.

"Well, regardless," Freddie continued. "I'd really appreciate it if you can at least work on tolerating Mrs. Puckett during the train ride. It means a lot to me that you two can get along. Things are starting to get a little more serious between me and Sam-"

"Serious? How serious?" Marissa snapped. "You're not acting on any urges are you? You're remembering the puppet show I showed you when you-"

"Mom, please!" Freddie hissed, his face turning bright red. "I just mean that I see me and Sam being together for a really long time, and it would be nice if we could have our mothers in the same room with each other!"

"So you're not acting on your urges-"

"Stop saying urges!"

Thankfully, Sam and her mother turned the corner and walked over to the two of them a moment later.

"Hey," Freddie smiled, stepping over to Sam and giving her a quick kiss.

"Hey," Sam replied.

Marissa and Pam stood awkwardly behind their children, both glaring at one another.

"So, um, mom, you-you remember Freddie's mom, right?" Sam said, clearing her throat.

"Sure do," Pam nodded. "That's a nice sweater you got there, Marissa. Where'd you get it? The fifties?"

"At least my sweater doesn't look like it was made for a child!" Marissa shot back.

"Hey, don't you-"

"Okay, okay, let's get you two on to that train!" Freddie said quickly, giving a bit of nervous laughter. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the tickets. "Here you go. Now, you two have fun. You're going to be learning all about the 1915 Steammaster, which is sure to be the time of your lives."

"That would imply Ms. Stuffy over here has a life," Pam mumbled under her breath.

"Well excuse me for acting my age-"

"Hey, um, isn't the train going to be leaving soon?" Sam cut in.

"Oh, right, you two better board," Freddie nodded. "So we'll meet you back here in three hours."

"Can't wait," Pam said dryly.

As they watched their parents board the train, Sam turned to Freddie. "Still think this was such a good idea?"

"I-I may be having my doubts now," Freddie said heavily.

"Let's just hope that they don't kill each other," Sam said, taking his hand.

…..

"Where are they?" Freddie frowned three hours later as him and Sam stood in the middle of the train station, looking around at the crowd. "Their train got in twenty minutes ago! You think the got into a fight and got arrested or something?"

"No, the cops call you if that happens," Sam said promptly. "Trust me."

"Aw jeez, this was a terrible idea," Freddie sighed. "You were right; I should've started smaller. Even trains can't help those two get along!"

"Baby, relax, I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Sam said. "They probably just sat in awkward silence the whole time. Or, well, either that or my mom tried to put your mom into a headlock…"

"That's not helping!"

"Listen, Frednub, I know you wanted our mom's to get along better, but let's face it; those two have absolutely nothing in common," Sam said, putting an arm around him. "But that's okay…we'll deal with it. Lots of couples have parents that don't get along."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Freddie sighed. "Still, I wonder where they could-"

"There they are!" Sam said suddenly, pointing off into the distance.

The two women were coming towards them, but there was something odd…

When Sam and Freddie had left their mothers, both were glaring at the other as though she had crawled out of the sewer. But now…

"Are they smiling?" Freddie frowned.

"And laughing?" Sam said, utterly confused. "Those-Those are our parents, right?"

"Yeah…" Freddie nodded slowly as the women reached them.

"Um, hey mom…Mrs. Benson," Sam said. "You-You have fun on the train?"

"Oh, it was delightful," Marissa nodded.

"Yeah, it was real nice," Pam nodded. "The conductor was a real looker. I got his number and everything."

"Ugh, mom, you promised you wouldn't hit on any guys while you were out," Sam moaned.

"I didn't get it for me," Pam said, rolling her eyes. "I got it for Ms. Stuffy Pants here."

"Aw jeez," Sam moaned.

But to her surprise, Marissa giggled, causing Freddie to nearly fall over in shock.

"Mom?" Freddie frowned. "You-You got the train conductor's number? Ugh!"

"Well he had the train in such tip-top shape," Marissa said. "It was so clean and organized…So Pam here gave me a few pointers on how to get his attention. After all, it's been so long since I've been out with any nice men and I-"

"Please stop, I'm begging you," Freddie mumbled, massaging his temples.

"Welcome to my life," Sam whispered.

"And she did better than I expected her to," Pam said, patting Marissa's shoulder. "She got herself a date!"

"You-You-No, no, no," Freddie moaned. Sam had to help balance him up on his feet. "This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"What's the problem kid? Sam said you wanted us to bond," Pam pointed out.

"Yes Freddie, you're acting awfully immature," Marissa nodded. "Just because I'm a mother does not mean I don't still have, well, urges-"

"I told you to stop saying urges!"

"You get used to it," Sam sighed. "My mom says that at least a dozen times a day…"

"Say Pam, would you like to go grab an un-caffeinated cup of herbal tea?" Marissa asked.

"Huh, that sounds nice, I'm in," Pam nodded. "I've never had tea before."

"Oh you'll love it, it's very sophisticated," Marissa said as the two women walked off, leaving their children staring after them.

"Did your mom just hook my mom up on a date?" Freddie cringed.

"Did your mom get my mom to drink tea?" Sam frowned.

"I-I don't think I like this," Freddie said. "What did I do?"

"I might throw up," Sam said, shaking her head. "That was gross."
"Tell me about it," Freddie nodded. "Do me a favor, baby. If I ever get a great idea like this again…talk me out of it."