Dear Journal-
Look, I know that I'm the new kid who's got a bit of a bad reputation. But... Why should that change other people and how they view me?
Honestly, I feel like I'm being purposefully excluded from some things, and not just because I'm the newbie. And... Well, everyone seems to be scared of me. That girl Clara seems to be okay with me, but that Cassandra? She's a bit on the cold side when it comes to me. Craig seems to be okay with me, but I can't ask him questions... How's a guy supposed to learn things about his surroundings and roommates without asking questions?! The only one who seems nice enough to me all the time is Jonah, which isn't too bad, I guess. It's just... Jonah seems to be a lot like me. Well, me with an extra dash of confidence. I'd like to know a variety of people, not just someone who is pretty much me on a different level...
Anyways, today is the first day of classes. I have read up on all of the guidelines and syllabuses. I have memorized my schedule. I have gathered all of my supplies and made an action plan for how to get to each class and get supplies, so on and so forth. I'm pretty prepared! But... Just doing that never makes one fully ready, does it? I mean, there's a huge difference between being 'prepared' and being 'ready.'
I'm equally excited and scared. Still... This is what I must do.
This is my only way to total reinvention.
-Varian
First day of classes. Varian was as ready as he'd ever be. Which, sadly, probably wasn't all that ready.
But as his eyes opened that morning, he couldn't help but smile a little bit. The sun was up. Birds were chirping. And his roommates were still fast asleep.
Craig's red locks were spread around his head, making him look almost like one of those princesses in the movies. He looked comfortable, lying rim-rod straight as he clutched a plush otter to his chest while sleeping.
Meanwhile, Jonah... Oh, Jonah.
His hair was partly matted to his forehead in dark, sweaty clumps. The rest of it was already going crazy with bedhead. He was splayed out across the bed, belly-down, looking pretty uncomfortable. But he must've been okay with it all because he looked peaceful as he gently snored.
Even after a few days, Varian still found it all intriguing: the way his roommates slept, the way the sun gently streamed into the dorm, just... Everything. He was fascinated by everything.
He willed himself to get up, grab a fresh pair of clothes, and start a shower.
When he was done with his shower and other such amenities, Varian sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled out his binder. Opening it, he quickly reviewed his big Game Plan (a term he often used despite wanting absolutely nothing to do with sports or athletics) one last time before the first day of classes. He didn't want to look like the one guy who had no clue where he was going or what he was doing. Even the freshmen had at least an idea long before they even had to worry about coming here. The people who lived outside of the city and were attending Corona High likely planned on coming for the past few years- and likely lived in the suburbs. They didn't have to cram all of the learning and memorizing into less than a week before school started. Heck, they probably had dreams about this place and its rules and layout.
And here was Varian, completely unsure of how it would all work out. He had it all planned out, sure, but that never meant he was truly ready. And now his time was up. It was time for the big test. The real deal.
Jonah moaned a little bit, rotating his body a little bit so that he was on his side, facing Varian. "G'morning," he grumbled, "time to start the day, huh?"
"Yep!" Varian replied cheerfully, grinning, "rise and shine, it's butt-whipping time!"
Another moan escaped Jonah's lips as he buried his face into his pillow. Craig opened his eyes just then and groggily tossed his plush at Jonah.
"Hey! What was that for?!" Jonah asked incredulously, "seriously, man..."
"Maybe if you would get up," Craig countered, already halfway dressed, "maybe then I wouldn't have thrown Michael at you. You ever think of that?"
Jonah sat up and, when Craig wasn't looking, chucked the otter at his best friend's back. Varian noted how they both had great aim- even early in the morning. It still kind of shocked him how skilled they were, especially since they were both plenty like him. He resolved to never get on their bad side. Or always wake up earlier than they did. The self-sacrifice it required to avoid being a victim of Otter Throw... It was worth it. Or it would be, in the long run.
Pretty soon, the other two were done preparing for the day.
"You ready for your first day, Varian?" Jonah asked, his voice still sleepy-sounding.
Varian just nodded a little, still immersed in his binder. Craig grabbed Michael again and flopped down on Varian's bed, nearly flinging the poor guy across the room. He grabbed the binder from Varian's hands and started thumbing through it.
"You put a lot of thought into this, huh, kid?"
Varian gulped back and nodded again. "I- I try to be as prepared as I can possibly be. For anything. Any possibility... I try to take it all into consideration. It's never the same as experiencing them all, but... It calms me."
He left out the rest: it was kind of his coping mechanism. His mother used to be the prepared one, preparing for all eventualities. But... When she died, Varian decided he would step up to the plate with preparation and organization. It kept him from missing her too much. It reminded him that there was still a part of her that was alive. It was living in him.
Of course, this isn't saying that Varian didn't trust Craig and Jonah, or that he expected them to judge him or anything. It... It was just a personal quirk of his.
"You sure you don't want any tips or anything?" Jonah asked, "Craig and I are more than willing to-"
"No, no thank you," Varian politely declined, "I- I've got this."
I think, he silently added to himself.
"Okay, then," Craig said, cracking a slight smile, "we should probably head to breakfast soon, then."
They all agreed and headed down to the dining hall.
"Good morning, Varian!" Caroline called out, smiling, "good morning, Craig and Jonah! How are you guys doing this morning?"
Varian had to smile. Caroline... She was a sweet girl. She seemed to always be open to things- including Varian himself- and she was just all-around nice. And not in that annoying, smothering manner. Varian wondered how she and Cassandra had come to be friends. He understood the entire 'roommates' part, but... Other than that, they just seemed so different.
"I've been doing just fine, Caroline," he replied, "how about you?"
"I've also been doing good, thank you. Ready for the first day?"
"Well, I think so..."
They chatted for a little while longer before Varian remembered that he needed food. He excused himself and went up to grab himself breakfast: some Frosted Flakes and a banana. The food was all so good, but he had found that it was easier to grab small amounts first. If he was still hungry later, well, he could always go back for seconds. Grabbing some chocolate milk for good measure, he turned and headed towards the "J323 Regular Table."
In the middle of eating, though, Craig stopped talking. His eyes went wide, making him look... He looked almost afraid. Varian casually turned around to see none other than Cassandra.
"Good morning, Cass," he said, trying to sound as peppy as he possibly could while still being tired, "can I help you?"
She rolled her eyes. "You wish."
He didn't understand what that meant, but continued. "Then... What do you need?"
"I don't need anything," she emphasized, "just wondered if you needed any help on your first day."
The way she said this made Varian think that she had been ordered to do this, and that she had rehearsed the question over and over in her mind. He shook his head and she heaved a sigh of relief. Varian pretended not to notice, not to take it personally.
As soon as she left, he scooped up some Frosted Flakes and popped them in his mouth, mind racing. Were people just trying to be nice to him? Or did they think that he was incapable of surviving the first day of school?
It was time to prove them wrong- whatever it was that they thought of him, he would show them that he was not the person that they thought he was.
