"Ugh, what's up with this daimon?" Sailor Venus asked as she arrived on the scene. "I swear they get weirder and weirder."

The daimon was chasing Sailor Moon around a pedestrian plaza, blasting her with volleys of pointed cotton swabs. Her face was bizarrely crowded, as she had an extra set of eyes in its forehead, two noses set above two mouths, and four ears on the sides of her head.

"I know," Sailor Mars said as Sailor Moon tried to pull a swab out of her nostril. "She looks like a Picasso or something."

"She's U-Eared," Sailor Mercury said, joining Venus and Mars. Sailor Jupiter was lobbing a ball of lightning at the daimon, giving Sailor Moon a brief respite.

"I know it's weird, I already said that!"

"No, no," Mercury clarified. "That's her name: U-Eared."

Venus scrunched her face. "Whoever is coming up with these daimons should really think hard about her life choices." [AN: no comment]

"U-Eared!" Mimete called. "Give these annoying senshi an earful!"

"U-Eared! U-Eared! U-Eaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrd!" the daimon cried, spinning like a top, causing earwax to spray in a wide radius around her.

Sailor Moon screeched as she attempted to dodge some of the larger wax globules, many of which had sharp, spiky hairs protruding from them.

Mercury and Jupiter both took a number of direct hits and were quickly pinned to the ground beneath enormous chunks of orangey wax. Mars and Venus were slightly luckier, though both had considerable amounts of wax stuck to their bodies and in their long hair.

"This is going to take forever to get out!" Sailor Mars yelled, looking at her gummed-up hair.

"Ewww! This smells rancid!" Sailor Moon said as she wiped a chunk of wax from her face.

"Are you talking to me?" U-Eared said, rounding on Sailor Moon. "I'm all ears!"

"Not so fast!" a voice cried, causing U-Eared to halt in her tracks.

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" Sailor Moon said, her hands on her cheeks as her savior deftly leapt between her and the daimon.

"A woman needs to be seen and heard to feel appreciated and loved. You may have four eyes but you fail to see the truth: to abuse the senses is senseless."

Tuxedo Kamen whirled back with a flourish of his cape, revealing a spindly, leafy green plant nearly as tall as himself with several branched stalks, each topped with several inches of tiny bell-like protrusions filled with yellowish-green lobes.

"How's that supposed to help us?!" Sailor Mars yelled. "You useless fop!"

Tuxedo Kamen merely grinned, then picked up his cane and spun it faster and faster until it was just a blur, creating a steady blast of wind directed at the plant. The plant swayed, its lobes shaking, releasing thousands of tiny yellow particulates into the air and straight at U-Eared.

U-Eared shook her head as her eyes and noses quickly grew red and inflamed.

"What . . . ACHOO! What is this?!" she yelled before being overcome by a sneezing fit.

"Ragweed," Tuxedo Kamen said with a smile as U-Eared fell to the ground, coughing and sneezing and rubbing her inflamed eyes. "Now, Sailor Moon!"

"Right!" she said, wielding the Spiral Heart Moon Rod. "Rainbow Moon Heart Ache!" she cried out.

"Lobe . . . ACHOO! Lobelyyyyy!" the daimon wailed as she was blasted through Sailor Moon's oversized pink heart and was put out of her misery, leaving behind a pack of cotton swabs, a shattered daimon pod, and a Pure Heart Crystal.

"ACHOO! You stubid duxedo man!" Mimete, who had been watching the action behind U-Eared had evidently also gotten a face full of pollen. "I'll ged you—ACHOO!—for dis—ACHOO! As soon as I ged some andihisdemine!"

"Great job, Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailor Moon said, jumping up and down.

"Yeah," Sailor Mars said, approaching them as Sailor Venus fetched the Pure Heart Crystal and returned it to the body of the millionaire Janssen & Janssen Company heir that U-Eared had attacked. "Great job, IDIOT!"

Sailor Moon put her hands on her hips. "But he only did what you told—"

"ACHOO!"

"Aaaack!" Sailor Moon put her hands up in an attempt to shield herself from Mars's sneeze.

"I hab—ACHOO!—seasonal allergies you jagass! ACHOO!"

"My apologies," he said, offering her a surgical mask which she smacked out of his hand, since it had been stored in the same bottomless pocket as the ragweed.

"No more—ACHOO!—ragweed! Jusd be useful!"

"Noted," he said, tipping his top hat.

Mars stomped off and blasted the ragweed with fire until nothing more than a tiny scorch mark was left behind, then went to help Jupiter and Mercury unstick themselves from the ground between sneezes.

"Farewell!" Tuxedo Kamen said, making his exit as Sailor Moon waved.

By the time she started sneezing a few moments later, he was already gone.


Some of you might be wondering where Chibi-Usa, Hotaru, and the rest of the senshi are. Well, if you've seen Mimete's arc, you know that Sailor Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto were just being a bunch of unhelpful creepers the whole time, so you can just imagine them hiding behind a plant in each of these fics. And uh... Hotaru and Chibi-Usa are at Crown. Yep.

Thanks to Antigone2 as always.