"Incoming!" Sailor Jupiter yelled to Sailor Mars, who was doing her best to burn the swaths of fabric and threads that the daimon had been shooting at them from the fashion show's runway. They both managed to dodge her latest attack, leaping away just before the muted plaid fabric could encase them.
Jupiter ran to help Luna untangle Sailor Moon from several yards of embroidered charmeuse while Venus was trying to cut Sailor Mercury free from her cocoon of boldly printed brocade, leaving Mars to deal with the daimon on her own.
"U-Edgy, U-Edgy, U-Edgyyyy!" the daimon yelled, the sewing machine that made up her torso working furiously to eject more fabric. The daimon herself was wearing surprisingly little, sporting a studded black leather crop top and ill-fitting black leather micro shorts that she was continually adjusting between attacks, as they kept riding up uncomfortably in the back.
"Burning Mandala!" Sailor Mars yelled at the next volley of fabric, but U-Edgy had learned from previous attacks.
"Try this on for size!" U-Edgy yelled, snaring Mars with a bolt of fire-retardant canvas.
Mimete cheered her daimon's success, clapping her hands together. "Good job, U-Edgy!"
"Stop right there!" a voice boomed over the sound system.
"Tuxedo Kamen-sama!" Sailor Moon said as Jupiter finished de-mummifying her.
"Not you again!" Mimete yelled, turning to find Tuxedo Kamen illuminated in the auditorium's sound booth.
"It is every young woman's wish to be lovingly dressed in beautiful fabric, but your creations would disgust even a mannequin. For turning them into fashion victims, I'll leave you hanging by a thread!"
"U-Edgy, get him!" Mimete yelled as the daimon adjusted her shorts.
"Gladly!" U-Edgy said. "Don't you know capes are out? Time for a makeover!"
But U-Edgy was too slow—by the time the fabric had started flowing, Tuxedo Kamen had already leapt to the stage and hurled a volley of hundreds of cockleburs at her.
"My beautiful fabric!" U-Edgy fumed as the burs embedded in the toile she was preparing to throw, jamming up her sewing machine. "How dare you?!"
He jumped as she sent a series of threaded needles at him, but his retaliatory round of burs tangled their threads together and sent them harmlessly falling to the floor.
Again and again they attacked each other, but the sheer amount of burs Tuxedo Kamen was throwing was keeping U-Edgy from gaining an upper hand.
"Now, Sailor Moon!" Tuxedo Kamen called as U-Edgy fixed her shorts between one of the volleys.
"Right!" she said, holding up her Spiral Heart Moon Rod. "Rainbow Moon Heart Ache!" she yelled, calling out her attack.
U-Edgy was briefly illuminated by a rainbow before being blasted by the enormous pink heart Sailor Moon had sent her way.
"Love-lovely!" she said, still adjusting her shorts as she fell to the ground. Soon all that was left of her was a jammed sewing machine, a Pure Heart Crystal, and a shattered daimon pod.
"Quick, Sailor Moon, the Pure Heart Crystal!" Sailor Venus said as she went to tend to the unconscious fashion designer Mimete had attacked.
Soon her heart crystal was restored, absorbed into her body as the senshi watched.
"Vivienne Eastwood? Are you feeling alright?" Venus asked, helping the older woman to sit up.
"I believe so," she said. "But that's a sight that will haunt me . . ."
"The daimon?" Sailor Jupiter asked.
"No," Vivienne Eastwood replied, "her shorts."
Venus laughed. "I think it's fair to say that a U-Edgy is a major fashion don't."
"Hey tux boy!" Sailor Mars yelled, getting his attention. "You really thought it was a good idea to just throw bajillions of burs around everywhere? Don't you know how to aim?"
"Well, I suppose I could have—"
"Look at Luna!" she yelled, pulling the black cat out from behind her back. Luna yowled pitifully—nearly every inch of her was covered in tiny spiked burs. "She's going to have to be shaved!"
Sailor Moon walked over to Luna, then burst into laughter. "Bahahaha! Luna you're gonna be bald! Hahaha—ow!" She stepped back, grabbing the spot on her face that Luna had just scratched. "That hurt!"
"I think that was the point," Mars said as Luna ran off. She grimaced as she saw the amount of burs that had been transferred onto her gloves from Luna's fur. "Thank god all of this will disappear from our costumes once we detransform or I'd roastyou for ruining my gloves. For the love—learn! how! to! aim!" she said, punctuating each word with a hard poke to his chest.
"Understood," Tuxedo Kamen said with a bow. "And now, since this fashion show is over, I will take my leave. Farewell!" With a mighty swish of his cape he was gone, sending cockleburs flying behind him.
"Next season," Vivienne Eastwood said, noticing the burs that speckled her wool ensemble, "I'm thinking . . . all vinyl."
Guys, it's been a WEEK here in the US. (It's taking all of my willpower to not go have a margarita in the middle of my workday.) I don't know about all of you, but I need a laugh. I hope this helped make your day a little better.
xoxo to Antigone2
