As a sort of warning or a heads-up, the next few chapters will have anorexia and mentions of it.
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August, 1974
I tapped my fingers on the kitchen table and held my chin in my other hand as Mother pontificated. We had just returned from the doctor and Mother had been outraged. I actually grew two inches, so I was now 5'1, but while she was happy about that, the doctor then told her my weight. I had gained 15 pounds and so the entire ride home and even now she was screaming and yelling.
"How do you expect to find any man to love you when you don't even love youself!" Mother was saying as she angrily cleaned the kitchen as a way to calm herself down. "And I know you don't love yourself because you're doing this to yourself! You will never be pretty now!"
I had the urge to scream and shout, to get her to shut up, but I bit my tongue as she continued her rant. Besides, I knew that saying nothing would annoy her more, since she soon wouldn't have a reason to scream any longer. So I waited it out, my insides fuming. I almost cried in relied when the front door opened and in came Father. I was certain he would calm Mother down.
Boy was I wrong.
When Mother told him about the doctor's visit, he also became enraged. I wanted to poke my eardrums so I wouldn't have to listen. But if I did anything else to enrage my parents, I could say goodbyeto going to going to Hogsmeade this year. And I really wanted to go without having to tag along with Sirius under the invisibility cloak. Because it had work so well last time.
Finally, Mother got dehydrated and she left the room. It wasn't long before Father did the same, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I thought I was out of the woods, but then Mother reappeared.
"And another thing," Mother said, pointing her finger at me. "If by this school year you don't lose weight, your Father and I are taking you out of Hogwarts and we're sending you to Beauxbatons. And that's final!"
My eyes widened in horror and before I could argue, Mother rushed out if the kitchen. It took my brain a moment to process her threat and once it did, I groaned in frustration, pulling at my hair so hard I thought I would rip it. But before I could, I raced up to my room and locked my door. Anger overwhelming me, I kicked the chest that was at the foot of my bed before grabbing a pillow and screaming into it. But my anger didn't fully fade until I threw my pillow at my mirror, almost breaking it.
My lungs ached from my screaming and my heart tightened. How dare Mother threatened me that way. How dare she threaten to seperate me from Hogwarts and my friends there. But I knew she wasn't bluffing. Mother never bluffed and once she convinced Father it was a good idea, there was no way I was changing her mind.
But all the times before I tried to lose weight, I had failed. I stress ate and everytime I was with my family, I was stressed out. I was stressed out trying to be perfect like my siblings were. The only place I was happy was at Hogwarts.
Pushing my ash-blonde hair from my face, I stood up and glanced at my reflection in my mirror. I was always self conscious about my appearance, but eventually I just gave up trying to change it. But when I thought about Mother's threat, I knew I had to go back to changing myself. And so I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling as I thought about ways in which Mother's threats wouldn't come true and I would be able to stay at Hogwarts, my true home.
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September, 1974
I was so relieved to be back at Hogwarts, and to be with my friends again. Because of fhe tutoring I had two years before, I was a lot better at DADA and Professor Slughorn even said I was becoming his best student. I beamed with pride at his compliment, since I rarely got one, but as it soon got to be mid-September, I knew I could no longer do any lolly-lacking.
Lily and Lydia were spending time at Hogsmeade this weekend and Marlene was who-knows-where when I decided to head to the library. I had gotten my permission slip to go to Hogsmeade from my parents, and even though I really wanted to go, I decided not to. I needed to carry out my plan.
When I entered the library, I gave a nod of acknowledgement to Remus Lupin who sat in a corner with a book and then I gave a small smile to a group of first years before I finally found who I was looking for. Seating at one of the tables in the library, surrounded with piles upon piles of books was a boy in my year with black hair so black it looked blue. He was rather thin, making his uniform look huge on him, and seated on the bridge of his nose were rectangular glasses. He was scribbing someone in a notebook when I approached and even though he didn't seem to see me, I knew he knew I was there. I knew this because I knew him. He was Ravenclaw Tobster Knowl, probably the smartest kid in Hogwarts.
"What do you want?" He asked tersely as he turned the page in his notebook and continued to write.
"I need to know how to do a potion," I told him, placed my hands on the table and leaning in.
"What potion?"
I hesitated, not really sure what he would think, but I needed the potion and there was no way he didn't know how to make it. "A potion to lose weight."
He didn't even look at me as he grabbed one of the books in his pile, opened it, and wrote whatever was on the page. When he was done, he gave me the page, once again not even glancing my way.
I skimmed over the page and thanked him before tucking the page in the pocket of my robe and then racing out of the library.
I was excited to start working on the potion so I raced to my dorm room, ignoring the Marauders who were seated lazily on the couches in the common room. When I entered my room, I locked it behind me and examined the paper, checking to see what I needed. I basically memorized it and I put it away just before I heard voices.
Marlene and Lily entered the room and they seemed to be having an argument.
"...just go out," Marlene was saying. "Maybe he'll stop after you go out once."
"No!" Lily said. "Oh, hi, Cerisa."
I smiled at her. "Hey. What are you talking about?"
"Marlie is being idiotic," Lily said before disappearing, presumably to get changed.
When she was gone, Marlene collapsed on my bed. "Would you do it? Would you go out with James Potter once to see if he would stop bugging you."
I thought about it. "Yeah, I suppose."
"He's a bully!" Lily said, stepping back inside the room dressed in her pajamas. "I'm not going out with a bully. Honestly, Marlene!"
Lily disappeared once again, presumably to brush her teeth, leaving Marlene and I alone once again. Marlene didn't move from her spot on my bed and I tried nudging her off. I soon realized she had fallen asleep. Shaking my head with a smile, I careful got off my bed and got on Marlene's. When Lily returned, we talked for awhile, but all I could think about what my potion.
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October, 1974
Due to classes and spending a lot of time with Lydia, Lily, and Marlene, it took me a while to complete my potion. Once I did, it was a purple color and smelled grossed. But I didn't want to leave Hogwarts so I pinched my nose and gulped down fhe potion, with no knowledge of any possible side effects.
