Cynic

"You really think Spencer will be surprised about his party?" Freddie asked as him, Sam and Carly sat in the Shay's apartment blowing up balloons.

"Well his actual birthday isn't until next month," Carly reasoned. "So he shouldn't be expecting anything yet."

"Where is Spencer anyway?" Sam asked, tying up a large, blue balloon and tossing it behind the sofa.

"Him and Socko went away with a couple of girls they met at the street fair," Carly replied. "He'll be back tomorrow morning. And when he walks into this apartment I want it to look great. We'll have balloons and streamers everywhere, his favorite pies laid out, a nice spread of deli meats-"

"All of his friends here for him," Freddie added.

"Does he even have friends besides us?" Sam smirked.

"Sam…" Carly said, rolling her eyes.

"We were all thinking it!"

"How many more balloons do you think we need, Carly?" Freddie asked, rolling his eyes at Sam.

"Um, maybe a few more dozen," Carly replied. "Spencer loves balloons. They're his favorite party decoration."

"Well Mama needs to take a break," Sam said, tossing aside the bag of deflated balloons she was working on. "My lungs feel like they're on fire."
"That's because you're not using the method I told you to use," Freddie said. "You tried to inflate all the balloons at once. You should've done one or two, taken a five minute break so your lungs could recover, then-"

"Oh my God, make it stop!" Sam moaned. "How did I tolerate dating you for a whole month?"

"Same question I ask myself every time I see you," Freddie shot back skillfully.

"Please, I'm the best thing to ever happen in your nubby life," Sam scoffed.

"Guys, not that I don't love it when you argue like a couple of three-year olds, but would you mind saving it until we're done decorating here?" Carly said before Freddie could respond.

"Why are you so concerned about finishing tonight?" Sam frowned. "You said Spencer doesn't come back until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow at ten A.M.!" Carly said. "And since I know you won't want to wake up early to finish everything up, we have to get it done tonight."

"Alright, alright," Sam said.

"Once we're done with this, we need to bring his present in from the storage unit," Carly continued. "He's going to love it! A state-of-the-art paintball gun!"

"You sure it was smart to get Spencer a weapon?" Freddie asked.

"It's not a weapon," Carly said. "It's a paintball gun."
"Like he still won't find a way to do something stupid with it," Sam smirked.

"Well…I'll just tell him he can't play with it in the house," Carly said as her phone began to ring. She took her Pearphone out of her pocket and looked at the screen. "Oh! It's the bakery where I got Spencer's cake from! It must be ready to be picked up!"

She pressed the phone to her ear. "Hello? Yes, this is-huh? No! No, the cake was supposed to be at the Seattle bakery, not the Olympia one! Is there any way you could-Uh-huh…Uh-huh. Okay. I-I'll be there."

"Something wrong?" Freddie asked as Carly hung up.

"Yes!" Carly groaned. "There was a mix-up with my online order for the cake. Apparently my order's sitting at the bakery in Olympia instead of the one in Seattle."

"Well what are you going to do?" Sam asked.

"What can I do; I need that cake," Carly said, grabbing her keys. "I'll just have to drive to Olympia and pick it up. Do you two mind finishing up the decorations here by yourselves?"

"Sure thing," Freddie nodded. "Good luck with that cake."
"Thanks," Carly sighed, heading towards the door. "This better be one delicious cake…"

Once Carly shut the door behind her, Sam quickly grabbed the remote and turned on the T.V.

"What are you doing?" Freddie frowned.

"Watching Hilarious Car Chases," Sam said as if it were obvious.

"We're supposed to be decorating!"
"Dude, relax, Carly's gone," Sam said. "She won't be back for at least another six hours. Which means we can finally take a break from this decorating chiz."

"No, that's not what that means," Freddie said. "Carly trusted us to finish decorating here and-"

"We will finish decorating," Sam said. "All we have to do is fill up some more balloons, throw some streamers around the place and we're good."

"But Carly said-"

"'But Carly said…'"," Sam mimicked, picking up one of the inflated balloons and bouncing it into the air like a volleyball. "If you're going to be all lame and annoying can you at least do it back at your place? You're killing the vibe, here."

"I'm just saying that we should be responsible," Freddie said. "This surprise birthday party for Spencer obviously means a lot to Carly, and as her friends, we should-"

His speech was cut short as Sam swatted the balloon towards him, hitting him square in the face.

"Oh ha, ha, real mature," Freddie said, batting the balloon up into the air before it could hit the ground. "What are you going to do? Just sit around here and jungle this balloon all day instead of decorating?"

"That's a possibility," Sam nodded. "Now hit it back over here, will you?"

"You're a child," Freddie said, rolling his eyes as he sent the balloon back over to Sam.

"Careful!" Sam snapped, jumping out of her seat to salvage the balloon before it could hit the floor. "You almost wrecked it!"

"Huh?"

"You almost made the balloon touch the floor," Sam said, bouncing the balloon up and down in front of her.

"Are you serious?" Freddie frowned. "Are you really doing this?"

"What? It's fun," Sam said. "You just see how long you can go balancing the balloon in the air without letting it fall. Carly and I used to do it all the time."

"Seems like a waste of time, if you ask me," Freddie said, shaking his head.

"Good thing I didn't ask you," Sam said. "But you'll see…you'll be real jealous when I get my name in the book of records."
"Book of records, ha!" Freddie scoffed. "There's no world record for keeping a balloon up in the air."
"Sure is," Sam said. "The record right now is thirteen hours and twenty-seven minutes."

"No way."

"Look it up, if you don't believe me," Sam shrugged.

"World records are supposed to be prestigious," Freddie said, stepping over to the computer and pulling up a search engine. "You know, for things like fastest runner, highest IQ, biggest pumpkin grown…they're not going to have a world record for-holy chiz, they do!"

"Told you!"

"Who the heck sits around for thirteen hours bouncing a balloon in the air?" Freddie frowned.

"Um, world record holders, that's who," Sam said. "And soon it's gonna be my name up there."

"You really think you're going to be able to keep that balloon from hitting the floor for thirteen hours?" Freddie said. "What about sleep?"

"I had six shots of espresso today," Sam said simply. "I'm good."

"Well what about when you have to, you know, use the bathroom," Freddie pointed out.

"Well I-Um…Oh," Sam said lamely, causing Freddie to grin.

"I bet you regret those six espressos now, don't you," Freddie smirked triumphantly.

"Um…okay, you-you'll just have to take over for me when I have to take a waz," Sam said. "Which is right now, so come on!"

"Who says I want to have anything to do with this dumb balloon thing?" Freddie said.

"Dude!" Sam exclaimed. "Just bounce my balloon for me while I pee!"

"That's an interesting sentence."

"Fredwad!"

"Fine!" Freddie conceded. "I'll take over for you while you're in the bathroom. But…I want my name in that record book too."

"No way!" Sam said at once. "This is my record."

"Okay," Freddie shrugged, stepping over to the kitchen. "Have fun with your full bladder then."

He turned on the kitchen sink and the sound of running water filled the apartment.

"Fredgut!" Sam growled.

"Oh what? Is this distracting for you?" Freddie grinned.

"Just-Fine!" Sam exclaimed. "Your name can go in the record book too! Just come take this stupid balloon!"

"Sweet!" Freddie cheered as he turned off the sink and headed over to Sam. The second he took the balloon from her Sam jumped to her feet and bolted into the bathroom.

"And that's a victory for me!" Freddie said happily to himself.

…..

"So how long has it been?" Freddie asked as he bit into a slice of pizza with one hand.

"Six hours and ten minutes," Sam replied, hitting the balloon back to him.

"Almost to the halfway point, nice," Freddie nodded.

"Not such a lame thing to do now, is it, Benson?" Sam smirked.

"Surprisingly…no," Freddie admitted. "More fun than decorating, at least."

"Well duh," Sam chuckled.

"So how long have you been after this record anyway?" Freddie asked, swatting the balloon back over to her.

"I dunno, like I said, it's just a dumb thing Carly and I used to do," Sam said. "But she's not into it anymore."

"She's not?"

"Nah, she says spending hours bouncing a balloon back and forth is kids stuff," Sam shrugged.

"Oh," Freddie frowned.

"Eh, she wasn't too good at it anyway, to be honest," Sam said. "We'd always have to start over after an hour because she'd let the balloon hit the ground."

"That doesn't surprise me," Freddie chuckled. "Carly's never been too good at anything that involved hand-eye coordination."

"No, she hasn't," Sam smiled. "But anyway, I have a question. Is winning a world record something you can put on your resume?"

"Um, I guess so," Freddie nodded. "Though you might not want to say it was for bouncing a balloon for over thirteen hours. Why? Since when do you care about your resume?"

"Eh, I'm applying to be a writer for this magazine over the summer," Sam said. "It pays so, I figured why not?"

"Wait…I think you mentioned that before," Freddie said. "Yeah…I remember. Back when we were dating you told me that you were thinking about applying. You never told me you decided to go for it! That's awesome!"

"It will be awesome if I actually get the job," Sam said.

"You will, you're a great writer," Freddie said. "Seriously, why didn't you mention this? I figured you changed your mind about it."

"I dunno, we really haven't had that much time to talk lately," Sam said. "You know, being broken up and all. Besides, now that we're not a couple I thought you wouldn't be too concerned about what's going on in my life."

"What are you talking about? Of course I still care about what's going on with you," Freddie said. "We-We're friends…aren't we?"

"Well, yeah, we have been sitting here hitting a balloon around for the past six hours," Sam smirked.

"Then I still care about you, and what's going on with you," Freddie said. "Which means I want you to tell me big things like this."

"Fine," Sam agreed. "I guess I can keep you up-to-date. And, well, since I'm sure there's nobody else for you to tell, you should tell me if anything un-dorkish happens in your life too."

"I will," Freddie chuckled. "Hey, if you want, I can take a look at that resume of yours. Help you spruce it up a bit."

"Um, yeah, okay, that sounds cool," Sam nodded. "We can meet at the Groovy Smoothie tomorrow or something."

"Sounds like a plan," Freddie said, hitting the balloon back to Sam.

"So," Sam said. "How mad do you think Carly is going to be when she comes back and realizes we didn't finish decorating the place?"

"Oh she'll be absolutely furious," Freddie said at once. "I bet she'll-"

"Hey, sorry I took so long," Carly said, walking through the front door. "There was a lot of traffic. But I got the cake and-oh come on!"

She looked around at the undecorated living room. "You guys didn't do a dang thing!"

"That's not true," Sam said. "Fredward and I are six hours into getting a world record."

"For what? Laziness?" Carly scoffed.

"No, keeping a balloon up in the air without letting it hit the ground," Freddie said.

"Ugh, this again?" Carly moaned. "I can't believe you two!"

"It's fun," Sam said. "And I think we're really gonna beat the record!"

"Yeah, how cool will that be?" Freddie grinned.

"So am I just supposed to finish decorating this place by myself while you two have your fun?" Carly snapped.

"Um…that'd be nice," Sam nodded.

"Thanks, Carls," Freddie said.

"Hard to believe they couldn't work things out as a couple," Carly mumbled under her breath to herself. "Because they sure seem to have a lot in common when it comes to being pains in my-"

"What was that?" Sam asked.

"Nothing!"

….

"What time is it?" Freddie yawned several hours later. Carly had long since gone to bed for the night, but him and Sam were still going at their attempt to beat the world record.

"Almost four," Sam said, equally as tired as Freddie. "But we only have…seven more minutes left until we beat the record."
"Oh thank God," Freddie said. "Because I'm about to pass out."

"Tell me about it," Sam mumbled. "All I want to do is sleep already."

"Still…we got ourselves a world record," Freddie said, batting the balloon over to Sam. "That's pretty cool!"

"I'll celebrate when I can keep my eyes open," Sam said. "Because as soon as we're done, I'm gonna go right to sleep and-"

Just then, as it was in midair, the balloon popped, causing both Sam and Freddie to jump in surprise.

"N-No…" Freddie said weakly, staring at the rubber remains of the balloon on the floor. "We-We were so close."

"Seven minutes away…" Sam said in disbelief. She looked up at Freddie. "Well?"

"I'll put a pot of coffee on," Freddie said, picking up another balloon. "You restart the clock…"

"Got it," Sam said.