Note: So a Guest told me that Cerisa actually has bulimia instead of anorexia. So glad Guest told me because I didn't know. So that's the only thing that has changed.
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December, 1974
I didn't recognize myself.
That was the first thing I noticed as December rolled by. It wasn't that I had lost fifty plus pounds, nor did I first notice my body, which was now a lot thinner. I didn't care about all the compliments I've received or the number of times I was asked out to go to Hogsmeade. No. As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, I notced how I didn't recognize who was staring back at me.
My once round face was thin, with defined cheekbones and a sharp chin. My stocky figure was gone and replaced with an hourglass figure complete with a slim waist and curvy hips. Thanks to the makeup I wore to hide my sickly pale skin, my eyelashes were longer with mascara, my cheeks a light pink color, and my lips a light plum.
When I had thought about looking like this in the past, I was thrilled by the mere thought. But now as I stared at my 'better' appearance, I couldn't help but hate it. I couldn't help but hate me.
Keeping the stubborn tears at bay, I turned away from the mirror and finished getting dressed. I wore a dark green gown—the only color Mother would have me wear—and had my long, ash-blonde hair let loose and curled. It fell to my waist and was heavy, causing my neck to ache. But Mother would kill me if I cut it.
When I was ready, I practiced my smile before going out of the dorms. Veronique and her friends were in the common room, already dressed in their fancy clothes. I kept my smile, but I couldn't help but wish that Marlene, Lily, and Lydia were with me. But they weren't. They were at home, having Christmas with their loving family.
When I entered the main hall with Veronique and friends, I felt bitter at the number of students. There were barely any and I couldn't help but think it was because their family made sure Christmas was family time, not vacation with our favorite daughter time.
However, I was surprised when I spotted Sirius and Remus sitting together at one of the tables. Regulus wasn't there, making me presume he was at home. I wondered why Sirius and Remus were at Hogwarts instead of at home.
As the Christmas feast began, I found myself seated between Veronique and Jules, both of whom laughed and talked with their friends. I kept a content look on my face, but the loneliness knawed at me.
I knew I had to eat, despite knowing what would happen if I did. So I did. I ate as little as socially possible, but I ate enough so that no one would think something was wrong. I mean, I doubted anyone noticed, but just in case.
Atter I ate, I was surprised when a Hufflepuff came over and stared to make conversations with me. She wanted to know how to do her hair like mine. I gave her some tips, delighted for the company. But my gladness was cut short when I began to feel lightheaded.
With a smile, I excused myself and ignored Veronique weird look on her face as I raced out of the hall.
Once I was out, I forgot about appearances and full on ran back to the dorms, keeping my dress above my feet so I wouldn't trip. My body started to weaken when I arrived at the dorms and I had to practically crawl fothe washroom.
And so it contined: the anguishing head ache, the hot-cold fevers, the vomiting, and the paralysis.
As I lay on the cold ground, unable to move, I allowed myself this moment—this moment which no one would see. My sniffles turned to crying and my crying turned to sobs that left me with a coughing fit. But I forced myself to stop sobbing, becuase if I didn't then, I feared I never would.
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January, 1975
"Kaiser, come on."
I sighed and looked up from my notebook and at Sirius, who was on the couch beside me. We were in the Gryffindor common room, on the day before all themstudents would return from Christmas break. I was drawing the scene before me in my sketchbook book, but since Remus was studying somewhere, Sirius was bored and so he was bothering me.
He sat—could it be called sitting?. He was sitting upside down, with his legs dangling over the top of the couch. His hands were folding on his chest and his head hung from the edge of the seat, his raven-black hair almost touching the ground.
"I'm busy, Black," I told him, feigning annoyance. I wasn't annoyed though. I was pleased for the distraction. Drawing was fun but it allowed me to think too much.
"Well, stop being busy," Sirius said with a pout. "I'm bored."
I rolled my eyes. "If you'll like this after being without the others for one Christmas break, I can't imagine what summer vacation is like."
"It's torture," Sirius said and I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.
I looked at him for a moment before sighing and putting away my sketchbook and supplies. The zipper of my bag was obviously trouble, so it took me a while before I faced Sirius again.
He frowned. "Why won't you just use reparo on that zipper?"
I shrugged. "Guess I'm just lazy."
Sirius smiled and my heart got weird feeling again. "You're something else, Kaiser. You know, I thought for sure you were a Slytherin, and then I sometimes think you belong in Gryffindor, but even..."
At this point in the conversation I felt myself becoming incredibly lightheaded. My head pounded and though I tried, it was getting increasingly harder to keep listening. But I was confused. I hadn't eaten anything all day and so I shouldn't get sick.
However, after a few minutes my condition worsened to the point I stopped Sirius. "Sorry, but I think I'm gonna go take a nap."
Sirius frowned and sat up regularly, his face full of concern. "You okay?"
I barely nodded before I stood up and got to my room, my surroundings seeming to spin around me. I was barely able to make it to the bed and once I did so, my eyes darkened.
When I woke up again I didn't feel better. If anything, I felt worse. I stumbled into the bathroom and took a shower, hoping it would help. When it didn't, I sloppily got dressed and tried to take some muggle medication Lily had left behind before she left for Christmas break. I took it but if anything, it made it worse.
It was when I my legs buckled underneath me as I walked back to my bed when I decided enough was enough. Pulling myself up from the floor by holding onto the furniture, I somehow managed to get to the door.
I stumbled out of the dorm room, waking up Sirius who was napping on the couch. I paid him no heed as I left the dorm, thankfully without collapsing.
"Kaiser? Hey, Kaiser! Wait up!"
Sirius soon appeared by my side as I grasped onto the railing, slowly lowering myself down fhe stairs. At this point I realized I wasn't wearing my makeup because Sirius's eyes were filled with more than just concern and worry. There was genuine fear.
"Kaiser, you're not looking very good," he said, grasping my elbow to help me down fhe stairs.
"I'm fine," I croaked, my vision blurring and a heat wave coming over me. "I'm fi—"
"Kaiser!"
Paralysis overtook my body and black dots flooded my vision. I was vaguely aware of Sirius catching me in his arms as I fell.
"Oh gosh," I heard him mutter, losing consciousness fast. "Hold on, Cerisa. Just hold on..."
