"Hello, welcome to your interview. We just have a few questions is all, then you can go get ready."
I blinked. I remembered that the first thing I did was blink. Even though I was sure of myself when I entered the room, as soon as the person came to interview me I… My mind went blank. It took me a moment to come back down to Earth.
"Thank you for this opportunity." I said to the person in front of me, bowing my head a little bit. Some hair hung out in front of my face. Dark as always. Maybe I should consider buying a hair clip or something like that…
Well, that's not relevant… It's not like I'd be able to now.
"I'm ready to start." I confirmed, brushing my hair out of the way. My hands took their place on my lap and I ran one of my thumbs across the back of the other hand.
When I think about who was sitting on the other side of the table. All I remember is a voice and sitting in a chair that made me a little uncomfortable. I know there were two people in the room, one of them was taking notes and the other was actually asking the questions. I just didn't know who was who…
Every time my mind returns to this interview, I tense up a little… From remembering a sickening anticipation.
"Why do you think that you should be part of our program?"
"I want to show the world…" I paused, thinking through my answer, "I want to show the world what I think that it's worth. What I'm worth. I want to send a message to the people around me, and do something meaningful…"
Hearing pen on paper, I proceeded to answer a little more.
"I don't want to just be part of this for something like a platform though," I said, looking up a little from where I was staring at behind the person who was talking, "I think that it's something special and I want to be a part of it, I want to be able to contribute."
The person who was interviewing me nodded. We sat in silence before the next question was asked, as they waited for the other person to finish writing down their notes. It was like that every time.
"What are you expecting it to be like inside?"
I put a hand back against my neck, looking down again. I started examining my shoes, red with the laces neatly tied. I liked something to stare at while I thought. These shoes were brand new too. They're meant to be for style and all.
"I don't really know." Was the first thing to come out of my mouth, but I kept going with, "It'll probably be pretty hard. It's not easy an easy game, you know? From what I know it's really hard to make progress, and the fact it comes down to a vote is pretty nerve wracking…"
My hand clenched as much as it could around the dark black fabric of my jeans. Thinking of voting people off…
It almost felt cruel. More personal, you know? I didn't want to have it end like that for some, but… Well. It can't be helped now can it.
"Do you think that you can make it to the end?"
I sunk bank into my chair.
"Well, uh…" I began, with a long pause. Thinking it through I wasn't sure that I could really do this… It was worth it, I'm sure, but I don't know if I can *do* this you know.
Silence hung over me and I brushed my hair out of the way again. A strand of my hair was always out of place one way or another… It's getting a little long in front at this point too, but it's too late to think about that now. I was through styling already, after all. They didn't touch it too much and left it the same blackish brown it always is.
Realizing that I had gotten distracted, the anxiety in the pit of my stomach got worse. I left my hair alone.
I then answered, "I'll try my best to… Honestly, I don't know if it's possible. Maybe I'll be wrong. Anyone can win after all… Right?"
One of them nodded, before we moved on.
"How do you think that it'll go for you?"
With how far back I was sinking back in my chair, my big hoodie practically swallowed me up. I don't know when I crossed my arms, but my hand reached up to play with it's strings. Red like my shoes and the zipper too, clashing against it's shadowy fabric. If it was real darkness, they'd barely be able to see me anymore.
Taking a moment to breath in, and then out, I answered again.
"Poorly." Was all I could say at first. I remember being asked to elaborate and I could feel my heart racing faster. I half wished it were like the one on my shirt… "Bleeding Heart", the shirt they gave me said. It was in English.
I don't know why, but the picture looked peaceful to me. Maybe it's because of the meaning?
A bleeding heart. Someone who shows a lot of sympathy for the people around them. I guess it was appropriate enough, though I wished… Well… I hope I'm really like that.
The heart crumpled between my fingers as I did as they asked, "I'm just not really good at this type of thing…"
It was all I could muster. So much for being a poet, but I guess… Maybe, if I do manage to go on that my words will be worth something real to people.
"Are you open to making friends?"
"I think I'll have to make some," I answered right away this time, I had been thinking about this earlier, "Everyone will if they want to make it through to the end… It's something that people need."
The fact that we were moving away from how I might actually do filled me with relief. I straightened myself out, sitting up away from the cold metal back of the chair. I can answer this.
"That's something I feel like I'll definitely be able to do." I said, still shifting in my seat. I was… Confident in that.
It's good to have confidence in something. I'm not the most confident person, I'm… A bit of a mess, actually. I just know that regardless of that, I'm able to make friends. I know I'm good with words. I know where my priorities are, and that's something that can't be taken from me. So… Here's hoping.
The next question that came after the long, uncomfortable silence was one that hit hard.
"Why do you want to take part, and what do you think you can contribute?"
I was… Well, half confident in my answer.
"I just have something to say…" I started, looking off to to the side, "It's not ready yet. I, well, I have something I want to get across to people. A message of sorts. An open letter. I just… I just want to get it right, you know, it's not ready yet."
Needing more time to answer, I paused.
"There's a worth that I want to prove… To myself, and to other people. For myself too. Maybe I'm worth more than I think I am… This just makes sure that I definitely at least have the chance to make a difference. To contribute."
Pausing again I felt anxious, so I rounded it off with a quick, "So hopefully I have a lot to contribute, then."
This whole thing felt so awkward. I think that I'm doing alright for this type of interview though… I had to be part of all of this… Part of the show. I need to remember that. This show is going to give me the chance to have a better reach. Of affecting more people. That's… Something that I need to remember. I need to keep that in mind.
"Will you accept any potential consequences your actions will have?"
"I do," I said this without hesitating, but I remember feeling sick, "Even if, well… If something bad happens, and it's my fault, then I'm ready to face those consequences. That's part of the deal of the game, right?"
The person across from me nodded. It was… Scary, playing a game like this. The drama… The potential for hurt feelings… All of that. I can see why they'd need to ask a question like that. They probably don't want anyone to be able to sue them, but I think that it's good to ask. People should take responsibility, after all.
It was quiet for the longest time. It's still really unnerving how little talk there was between them all…
That's the way it was though. I'm sure this is the usual process for something like this, it just… Makes me nervous. When things are too quiet I get anxious, and feel guilty… I guess this isn't the same kind of situation though.
"Thank you for answering our questions, you may now enter the room beyond this one. Good luck."
With that, I remember being escorted to a back room. The interview room was so dark compared to the brightness of this one that I had to close my eyes. I heard a door close behind me, and despite feeling disoriented, I kept going.
Opening my eyes a bit more, I saw this was a waiting room. There was a mirror, a few different chairs, a potted plant and a lot of poster from old seasons… I knew from watching the show that I was going to have to wait here until the next door opened. These rooms are moved, so no one sees the outside of the location going in, or other people.
Standing up I went to examine myself in the mirror…
Makeup really does work wonders. I couldn't see the acne scars on my face anymore… I was still pale, and it's not like they could give me any sort of muscle, but I looked… Well. Better than I have in a while.
New clothes… Makeup.. All that. They really do a good job of making people look presentable. Men's fashion can really fall flat, but I'm glad that they have me something comfortable that looks good too. Maybe a little too much black, but it's not too far away from how I normally look.
I should ask someone how I can keep up some of this makeup as well…
Either way, there isn't really much to do in this room. All that I could really do is look at myself, the plant, or the posters and wait. The plant was refreshing at least… Something green.
The chairs were comfortable too…
Ultimately though… All that I could do is wait. I just had to wait for the world to move around me, and carry me into a world that I know nothing about, where I don't know what's waiting for me… That sort of anticipation… It's something that you only feel when something big is about to happen.
This was the start of most important experience in my life.
[Author's Note]
[This is the last chapter I'm posting before we start.]
[Submissions aren't closed yet, and there is no deadline as of yet. If you want, send me a message to say you're sending someone in and I wouldn't mind trying to wait for you. I may finalize the cast before then though.]
[There are only four characters including Akuya currently accepted.]
[Their talents are Poet, Interior Designer, Screenwriter, and Miko respectively.]
[There's an even gender split between boys and girls.]
[I need more boys submitted, and more nonbinary characters would be nice to.]
[You can submit more than once, though with potentially a few exceptions most people will have only one character in the fic. I want to give a lot of different people the chance to have their characters in it, that haven't been used.]
[See you next time, when we'll hopefully start.]
