Chapter 66: Shadows of the Past

Albus's heart felt heavy and miserable as he watched the two start to head out towards the gates. He could only imagine just what a painful experience this had to have been for Harry. To think that it took him sixteen years to finally return to the place where it all began for him. To see his parent's graves there like that…

He wasn't so sure that was the best thing to do at the time… not with everything that was going on. But he hoped that it helped him somewhat… to see that his parents truly did love him and that they died because it was their choice to protect him.

But as he was thinking that, Hermione stopped them both and she froze, terror on her face. He felt his heart sink as Harry asked hurried, "What's wrong?"

"There's someone there. Someone watching us," she whispered quickly to him and Albus looked up at once when she added, "I can tell. There, over by the bushes."

Who's following them? They should get the cloak back on and leave right now. They stood still, holding onto each other as they gazed back at the graveyard, though Harry didn't seem to have been able to see anything as he asked, "Are you sure?"

"I saw something move. I could have sworn I did…" she whispered as she reached for her wand.

"We look like Muggles," Harry pointed out.

Yes, but why would a pair of Muggles visit the Potters' grave? Or put those flowers there? No… if they had been there the whole time they would've seen that.

Hermione obviously thought that as well for he heard her whisper urgently, "Muggles who've just been laying flowers on your parents' grave? Harry, I'm sure there's someone over there!"

"It's a cat," said Harry, after a second or two, "or a bird. If it was a Death Eater we'd be dead by now. But let's get out of here, and we can put the Cloak back on."

Yes, please… but there was still the matter of the snow and their footprints… that problem doesn't just go away because you want to keep yourself hidden for view. He watched anxiously as the two kept their eyes peeled on everything around them like they expected to be attacked at any moment. They kept looking back so often that it was as if they both had twitches, and when they reached the gate they pulled the Invisibility Cloak back over themselves and disappeared from view.

They walked as quickly as they dared, past more windows sparkling with multicolored lights, the outlines of Christmas trees dark through the curtains. Albus followed after them as they headed deeper into the village and Albus knew that it was only going to be a matter of time before they found it

"How are we going to find Bathilda's house?" he heard Hermione whisper from under the cloak, "Harry? What do you think? Harry?"

But Harry was clearly not paying attention as he was now almost dragging Hermione behind him, who was trying to ask him what the problem was… but Harry had already spotted the house.

"Look… Look at it, Hermione…" he said and he heard her little gasp of astonishment when she saw it. It had been a lot time since Albus saw this house as well… with the garden that Lily had once worked so hard to keep filled with flowers, had now grown wild, and though most of the cottage was still standing, it was covered with a thick level of snow and ivy. But Albus could tell that Harry was staring at the top right side of the house, where the floor had been blown apart.

This was something he always wondered about… how could Harry have survived that? Surviving the curse was one thing, but to be untouched by the rubble? There were still so many questions about that night that was a mystery to him, so much confusion that even he had yet to make sense of it all. But this wasn't the time to think about that.

Harry and Hermione were at the gate, staring up at the cottage as Hermione asked, "I wonder why nobody's ever rebuilt it?"

Harry suggested that maybe they just couldn't fix something that had been damaged by a dark curse. Well, that was part of it. But the real reason was to make it a kind of monument. A monument to sacrifice that ended the fight against Voldemort for so many years. Families used to bring their children to see it and so that they could teach them that this was the kind of world that they lived in now and how good they had it thanks to the sacrifices made by those who came before. And so that they could always remember the family that had been torn apart.

He suddenly saw Harry's hand suddenly slipped out from under the cloak and grasped the rusted gate, as if he simply wanted to touch some part of the house. But as Hermione warned him that it wasn't safe, a small sign rose out of the ground through the nettles and weeds so that they could read the words… Albus had read this so many times that he knew it by heart.

On this spot, on this night of 31 October 1981, Lily and James Potter lost their lives. Their son, Harry, remains the only wizard ever to have survived the Killing Curse. This house, invisible to Muggles, has been left in its ruined state as a monument to the Potters and as a reminder of the violence that tore apart their family.

He was curious to see how Harry would react when he saw all the graffiti that had been left there over the years, and he saw Harry's finger tracing among the most recent…

Good luck, Harry, wherever you are.

If you read this, Harry, we're all behind you!

Long live Harry Potter.

"They shouldn't have written on the sign!" said Hermione, indignantly.

But Harry seemed to be laughing slightly. "It's brilliant. I'm glad they did. I…" He broke off for at that moment someone was coming towards them from the darkness.

'Oh no…' Albus thought, wishing that they would just leave now. They came here and saw everything they needed to see here, but they had to get out while there was still a chance. And when he saw who—or what—it was he felt his insides freeze. It was the figure of Bathilda Bagshot… or rather her body that housed Nagini inside. She shuffled in the snow and was looking at them long and he wanted nothing more than to shout out a warning. She limped by, and faced them and gazing at the Potter's cottage and to Harry… guessing two and two even though they were wearing the cloak… she could most likely smell them…

"How does she know?" Hermione whispered and 'Bathilda' beckoned vigorously for them to follow her.

Finally he heard Harry speak up, causing Hermione to gasp and jump. "Are you Bathilda?"

The muffled figure nodded and beckoned again. Even if she spoke, Albus knew that Harry wouldn't suspect the truth until it was too late. For he had once told him that when he hears snakes speak, it's as if they were in English to him. There wasn't anything more that he could do but watch her led them to Bathilda's old house, which had gone to ruin.

He couldn't bear to watch, yet at the same time he couldn't turn away as the disguised Nagini continued to go around the house, and he heard Hermione's voice breath out in hardly more than a whisper, "Harry, I'm not sure about this."

"Look at the size of her, I think we could overpower her if we had to," said Harry.

"Nothing's ever as it seems, Harry," Albus whispered quietly, his mouth in a worried frown, making his face look older than usual.

"Listen, I should have told you, I knew she wasn't all there," he whispered back, "Muriel called her 'gaga.'"

Well, she was strange at the best of times… but they were in serious danger here… and at last Nagini hissed to Harry to come with her.

"It's okay," said Harry reassuringly to Hermione, and he led the way into the sitting room where she was now trying to light a candle and he had to fight the urge to cover his eyes at all this was happening. Harry lit the matches and candle stubs so that a faint light was filling the room. But Albus's heart sank when Harry found the photographs on the chest of drawers and he cleared off the dust to get a look at them all. He reached over and took the picture of Grindlewald in his youth. Albus stiffened at the photo, but that wasn't important now.

"Mrs. - Miss - Bagshot?" he said, and his voice shook slightly. "Who is this?"

"I'm sure you're sure to find out, Harry," Albus whispered. But if learning about his past and thinking poorly of him would be the worst from this experience, he'd take it and be grateful. Though he couldn't help but feel like he had been punched at the thought.

Harry tried to get her attention again, with the picture in his hands, but she wasn't daring to say anything that might expose herself for what she really was.

"Harry, what are you doing?" asked Hermione when Harry kept pressing her.

"This picture," he answered her, "Hermione, it's the thief, the thief who stole from Gregorovitch! Please!" He looked back to their 'host' and asked again, "Who is this?" But she only stared at him.

"Why did you ask us to come with you, Mrs. - Miss - Bagshot?" asked Hermione, raising her own voice. "Was there something you wanted to tell us?"

No, but to try and keep their attention, to grab Harry when he least expected it and hold him there so that when her master came. Instead she came to Harry and he asked if she wanted them to leave. That was what he wanted, silently begging for Harry to listen to his senses… which he was sure were telling him to leave now. But she was gesturing him to come with her upstairs.

"Oh, right… Hermione, I think she wants me to go upstairs with her," he said.

"NO…" Albus cried out, wanting to reach out and grab him, but he was as good as made of air.

"All right," said Hermione, "let's go." But when she moved, 'Bathilda' shook her head with surprising vigor, once more pointing first at Harry, then to herself, letting her know that she only wanted Harry to go with her.

"Why?" asked Hermione, and her voice rang out sharp and clear in the candlelit room.

"Maybe Dumbledore told her to give the sword to me, and only to me?" Harry offered. No… it's just that with one less person to worry about, she'd be able to have a good chance to hold him down.

"Do you really think she knows who you are?" Hermione pressed him.

"Yes," Albus said. Unfortunately, everyone knew who Harry was, but Nagini would know better than most.

"Yes," said Harry, glancing back at 'Bathilda' again. "I think she does."

"Well, okay then, but be quick, Harry," she said and Albus felt his heart sink as she led Harry towards the door and up the stairs, slipping the picture into his pocket. Up the steep and narrow stairs, up to a low-ceiling bedroom and Harry lit his wand when she closed the door.

"You are Potter?" she whispered.

"Don't answer her, Harry," Albus whispered, but Harry already said, "Yes, I am…"

At his words, he paled even further and shook his head as Harry asked if she had anything for him. She closed her eyes and at that, Harry staggered back slightly with his hand on his forehead searing in pain and he could see the locket around his neck pulsating slightly like it was alive. Miles away, Albus checked on Tom, who had been travelling abroad, freeze and a look of excitement came over his face as he said in that high, cold voice, "Hold him!"

No…

Albus gave a sharp intake of breath and felt as though he was underwater since his lungs couldn't fill. Harry was swaying where he stood, the pain in his head must've been great, and Albus was just hoping that Harry realized what it meant. That Voldemort knew that he was there.

"Have you got anything for me?" he asked for a third time, much louder.

No Harry… you must leave. But when 'Bathilda' pointed to the corner, Harry had gone to where the dressing table was underneath a window. Harry at least kept his eyes on her this time, yet it was too late for at that moment, Nagini had finally burst from the old body, which fell to the ground and the snake slithered out of the neck. 'Bathilda' had been an Inferi all along and was merely being used as both a puppet and a disguise for Nagini. Harry saw what had happened too late for when he raised his wand, the snake launched itself at him, biting deeply into his forearm.

He knew that she was poisonous, but she had control over the venom she releases… she wasn't to poison Harry at this point… but to give him just a tiny bit to keep him down. The snake then hit Harry in the midriff and knocked the air out of him as he fell back into the dressing table and rolled sideways, trying to avoid the snake once again as the glass from the mirror shattered.

"Harry?" called Hermione's voice and Albus knew that she must've been able to hear the banging going on. Harry tried to call for her, but he didn't seem to be able to as Nagini slithered onto him and kept him pinned. "No…!" was all he could gasp as he was held down. Albus bit his lower lip, knowing that there was no way that Harry would be able to get that snake off him on his own.

Harry tried to summon his wand, but he needed both his hands to keep Nagini from coiling itself around his torso, and he seemed to struggle just to breathe. The Horcrux was glowing with a kind of dark light from under his shirt and he seemed to seize up like he was having a seizer.

At that moment, Hermione had heard the commotion and came running into the room and screamed Harry's name in terror as she pulled out her wand and struck at the snake. At the distraction, Nagini had loosened her grip so that Harry could scramble away as she turned to Hermione, who shrieked in panic and dove aside and her deflected curse hit the window and cold air filled the room as the glass shattered. Harry had to duck to avoid the glass and he slipped on his wand before he snatched it up.

Albus felt the feeble spark of hope inside him, but Nagini thrashed around, and Hermione was trying to fight—hitting the snake so that it flew up to hit the ceiling, but smacked Harry hard as it fell down. Harry raised his wand and he winced in pain as he cried out to Hermione, "He's coming! Hermione, he's coming!"

Which couldn't have been at the worst timing. But he wasn't sure if it was a good thing that he was at least aware of it. At least they have a chance of getting away in time… but Tom was coming quickly, they had to hurry… they had minutes at most…

Nagini hissed wildly from the fall she took as chaos burst out everywhere. Broken china fell from the smashed shelves, and there was so much noise that he was sure that people outside were sure to hear it. Harry jumped over the bed and grabbed Hermione, who cried out in fear until she saw it was him and let him pull her across the bed to the window.

Yes… if they could just get outside they could disapparate out of there… but Nagini was far from over. She lunged at the two of them and was about to strike at Harry once again until Hermione cast a spell which caused the wardrobe mirror to explode and ricochet around the room violently and to his horror the spell ended up hitting Harry's wand hand where the wand snapped almost clean in two.

"No…" he whispered back, knowing that wand had been Harry's protection against Voldemort's… but that was driven from his mind as he felt it… Tom was here. He appeared just as Hermione pulled Harry out of the window with her and screamed before they twisted in the air… and vanished just as Tom flew to the window, his hands clutching at the sill as he screamed with rage at the sight of them disappearing.

But something was wrong… Albus followed after the two, who disapparated outside the village to a distance hill, where Hermione was staring around fearfully.

"We did it… we got away, Harry… Harry?" she asked before she looked and saw the blood that was gushing from his arm. "HARRY!"

She rolled over and crawled desperately over to him and rolled him onto his back to see his pale face. He was staring up at the sky like he was in shock, but he was thriving around wildly now and they both knew he was having another vision. "Harry? Harry? Can you hear me?"

But it was clear to her that he couldn't make heads or tails of what was going on around him and she was looking around desperately, trying to figure out what to do. She then touched his chest and she redrew her hand with a cry of pain and sucked on her fingers before he realized that the tips of her fingers were burned slightly. He looked to see what had caused them and realized that the locket was glowing almost red-hot and there was the smell of burnt flesh… burning onto Harry's chest.

She saw this and let out a panicked gasp as she grabbed hold of the chain and tried to pull it off, but it was now almost stuck to his chest and no matter how hard she pulled, she couldn't seem to break it free. But Harry was now yelling out in pain, thrashing around and Hermione was left with a drastic solution and pulled out her wand to cast a Severing Charm to break it away from him.

At last it worked and it broke away. She threw the cursed object onto the ground and left it there as she tried to tend to her friend. On his chest was now the perfectly circular burn mark just above his heart.

"Hermione," Albus whispered as she looked tearfully around, as if hoping that someone could help them. "You need to calm down… quiet your mind and think…"

Miraculously, as if she heard him, she seemed to slowly calm down and began to start thinking of what to do. At last she jumped up and went hurrying around in a circle, trying to put up their protective charms and spells before she went back to Harry and did what she could for him there. She tied up his forearm in a handkerchief to stop the bleeding before she pulled the tent out of her back and set it up.

He watched, hoping that it would be enough to help, as she got ready to move him inside. But he was too heavy for her to move on her own so she had to levitate him up and into the tent before she dropped him onto the nearest bunk and did her best to start to treat him. That was when she finally spotted the broken wand and she let out a cry of despair.

"One thing at a time, Hermione," Albus whispered to her and once again she seemed to hear him. She wiped her tears away as she set it aside for not and continued to try and take care of Harry.

"No…" Harry moaned out over and over again. Albus didn't know what he was seeing, but it must've been terrible for him to be reacting as violently as he had been. Hermione stayed calm for the most part, she cleaned out the wound and dropped a few drops of Dittany onto it so that the wound closed and stopped the flow of blood. She then gathered up every single blanket inside the tent and covered him in many different layers to try and keep him warm even as he became drenched in sweat.

She sat there and wiped at his forehead with a sponge and whispered soothing words of comfort to him, trying to coax him back to reality. Yet hours went by, and still she stayed by his side well into the night and even as the first few rays of sunrise were just about to poke their heads over the horizon.

He never left either…

He sat there and stayed… also trying to draw Harry out of this terrible vision he was trapped in. He wasn't sure if he could hear him, but it at least brought him some comfort to think that he could.

"No…" Harry whispered, over and over again.

"Harry, it's all right, you're all right!" she cried out desperately to him, trying to get him to wake up.

"No… I dropped it… I dropped it…" he repeated and Albus blinked in confusion. Dropped it? Dropped what? Suddenly he understood and remembered that the picture of Grindlewald was left behind at Godric's Hallow. And he was sure to finally know who it was who had stolen the wand all those years ago…

Hermione didn't move from that spot as she tended to him, whispering over and over that it was alright, that he was safe.

"Harry, it's okay, wake up, wake up!" she pleaded, and at long last, Harry's bright green eyes opened up and he was staring at her.

"Harry," Hermione whispered, relief in her face. "Do you feel all - all right?"

"Yes," he said but anyone could see right through that lie. He was far from alright… but at least he was finally awake. He was staring around the tent with a confused look on his face. "We got away…" he croaked up at her.

"Yes," she whispered back, "I had to use a Hover Charm to get you into your bunk. I couldn't lift you. You've been… Well, you haven't been quite…"

He looked up at her face and then to the sponge in her hands as she finished, "You've been ill. Quite ill."

She had been so scared… and Albus knew that being forced to just sit there and not know what was truly happening. He could tell that she knew that Harry was having a vision, but there wasn't anything else that she could do about it but to just be there and take care of him until he came back.

"How long ago did we leave?" Harry asked.

"Hours ago. It's nearly morning," she told him tiredly.

"And I've been… what, unconscious?" Harry asked, wiping his sweaty bangs from out of his eyes.

"Not exactly," she told him uncomfortably. "You've been shouting and moaning and… things…"

Harry looked up at her, as if concerned over whatever might've happened. Albus looked at the two sadly, knowing that Hermione was hiding how scared she had been, how helpless she had felt not knowing what was wrong with him nor how she could help. She quickly changed the subject and told him that she had to cut the Horcrux off his chest, and how she did the best she could with the snake bite.

Harry sat up shakily and pulled his shirt away so that he could see the wounds. The half healed marks to his arm and the slight burn over his heart. Albus felt himself rack with guilt at the sight of all this.

"Where've you put the Horcrux?" Harry asked.

"In my bag," she told him. "I think we should keep it off for a while."

He certainly agreed with that. They were under enough as it is without having that cursed thing around and making everything seem so much worse. Harry laid back and looked at her exhausted face as he told her mournfully, "We shouldn't have gone to Godric's Hollow. It's my fault, it's all my fault. Hermione, I'm sorry."

Albus shook his head. No, Harry deserved it… he needed to see all that… if only they had left after seeing the house… if there was anyone here to blame… it was the man who had sent them on his quest to begin with.

"It's not your fault," Hermione insisted, "I wanted to go too; I really thought Dumbledore might have left the sword there for you."

"Yeah, well… we got that wrong, didn't we?" Harry asked and Albus flinched a little at his cold words.

"What happened, Harry? What happened when she took you upstairs?" Hermione pressed him, "Was the snake hiding somewhere? Did it just come out and kill her and attack you?"

"No," Harry said, "She was the snake… or the snake was her… all along."

"W-what?" Hermione stuttered and Harry closed his eyes as he told her how the snake had been inside Bathilda's body. How Voldemort put her there to wait for him in case he did come back. Hermione looked like she was about to be sick as Harry informed her that the reason she didn't talk in front of Hermione was because she was speaking Parseltongue.

Yes, Hermione couldn't actually hear the words… that was why she couldn't understand anything that was actually going on. Harry went on to tell her that he went up to that room and that was when Nagini sent a message to Voldemort, how he heard it inside his head and felt him get excited at the thought of killing him. How He told Nagini to try to hold him there.

He hesitated for a moment and skipped over the details of how Nagini emerged and attacked him. Albus suspected that it was for Hermione's sake and knew knew that she would've been grateful for him leaving the details out… but there were some things that should never be witnessed… and it saddened him greatly to think that they would have to see such a thing in the world.

Harry looked down at his arm once again and said, almost to himself, "It wasn't supposed to kill me, just keep me there till You-Know-Who came." Suddenly he pushed himself up even more and threw the covers off him.

"Harry, no, I'm sure you ought to rest!" Hermione cried out.

"You're the one who needs sleep," he said, looking around for a distraction. "No offense, but you look terrible. I'm fine. I'll keep watch for a while. Where's my wand?"

Hermione froze, looking away and shame crept up into her face.

"Where's my wand, Hermione?" Harry pressed her, worry in his eyes, and he was probably wondering if he dropped it back at Godric's Hallow. She bit her lip and tears began to form in her eyes.

"Harry…" she began.

"Where's my wand?" Harry asked quickly and she merely reached down beside the bed and held out what remained of his wand. Albus got a good look at it… the fragile strand of phoenix feather was the only thing that kept both pieces hanging together… Harry reached out and took it into his hands and stared at it as if he was looking at a dear friend who had suffered a terrible wound. He just stared at it, looking completely lost as to what to do.

It was dangerous to be without a wand even during a peaceful time… he was completely defenseless now. And he couldn't get a new wand since Ollivander was being held hostage.

Harry held the wand to Hermione. "Mend it. Please," he pleaded.

Albus's heart went out to him and knew that it would be almost impossible to repair it. Only the Elder Wand would even have a chance.

Hermione looked startled and said, "Harry, I don't think, when it's broken like this -"

"Please, Hermione, try!" he begged and she did her best. The two halves resealed but when Harry tried to light it up it just sparkled feebly before it went out. He looked to Hermione and then tried to disarm her, but the most that it did was make her wand give a little jerk before his wand split in two again.

He stared at the two pieces once again, unable to believe what he was seeing, as if he just couldn't accept it…

"Harry," Hermione whispered so quietly he could hardly hear her. "I'm so, so sorry. I think it was me. As we were leaving, you know, the snake was coming for us, and so I cast a Blasting Curse, and it rebounded everywhere, and it must have - must have hit -"

But at least they were alive. Albus almost expected Harry to snap at the confession but he said, almost unthinkingly, "It was an accident. We'll - we'll find a way to repair it."

"Harry, I don't think we're going to be able to," said Hermione, the tears trickling down her face. "Remember… remember Ron? When he broke his wand, crashing the car? It was never the same again, he had to get a new one."

Albus looked up at the mention of Ron's name… at long last they had spoken just his name and knew that Ron at least heard that much. Whether or not they could come back together again was something that he couldn't answer.

"Well," Harry said, in a falsely matter-of-fact voice, "well, I'll just borrow yours for now, then. While I keep watch."

He looked at her tear-filled face as she handed it over, and left her sitting beside the bed as he went out. She stared after him in misery, but she was so exhausted that she didn't do anything else as she crawled onto a bed and collapsed.

Albus opened his eyes and stared long and hard at the mist that continued to twinkle about him—lost in a spiral of troubling thoughts. It wasn't until hours later did he decide to check in on them again, just to make sure that they were alright. The sun had come up and spread a warm light across the snowy landscape, but Harry was sitting in the entrance to the tent and was staring ahead of him with a vacant look in his eyes.

His fingers were digging so hard into his arm Albus was concerned that he might start breaking skin. But he knew the feeling of being without a wand now… to feel so weak and vulnerable…

He guessed that Harry had been counting on the protection of the twin cores but that may no longer matter if Tom was searching for a new wand… or in this case… a very old one. He watched as he pulled his broken wand out and then tucked them away in the pouch around his neck. He then pulled out the old Snitch that he had left him in his will and he could see the anger flash in his face. He could tell that Harry was fighting the urge to throw it away… but instead he simply put it back into the pouch.

But the anger in his face didn't disappear as he glared out at the landscape and it didn't take a Seer to know whom it was that he was furious with. He could see it from their point of course… he had left them to cope entirely on their own. Seemingly alone and unaided without having explained and now Harry was without his wand and most likely beating himself up over dropping the photograph for Voldemort to find, and Albus knew that it would be easier for him to get information than it would be for Harry…

He wanted nothing more than to believe that this will all be worth it in the end… that this will force him to think things through and to plan ahead. Harry's hot head had gotten him into trouble more times than once and he wanted to think that he would understand in the end…

"Harry?" whispered a worried voice and Hermione was standing there with a book tucked under her arm and two cups in trembling hands. She looked a little better after some sleep, but there were still tears in her eyes and she seemed worried that he might blow up at her if she said anything.

"Thanks," Harry told her as he took one of the cups and she asked if she could talk with him. Harry let her sit down next to him and she pulled out the book and told him that she knew who that man in the picture was and she held up the copy of The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore.

Albus's breathing got caught in his throat at the sight of it. He wondered where Hermione had gotten that from before he remembered that there was a copy of it at Bathilda's. His thoughts were proven right when she told him that she saw it lying in Bathilda's living room.

"This note was sticking out of the top of it," she told him as she held out the note that was written in acid-green ink. "'Dear Bally, Thanks for your help. Here's a copy of the book, hope you like it. You said everything, even if you don't remember it. Rita.'"

"I think it must have arrived while the real Bathilda was alive," Hermione said, "but perhaps she wasn't in any fit state to read it?"

She had always been horrible that Rita… and he thought about how hard it had been on Bathilda when she had extracted the memories. She had just gloated at her and admitted that she did something horrible… of course with Bathilda now dead and the war going on, Rita's writing was the least of everyone's concerns. Yet even as he tried to remind himself of that, the look on Harry's face made his heart tear in two.

That look made Albus frown sadly, not sure if he could take it. He hoped that Harry would be able to pick out the truth from it… but how could he if he didn't even know anything about it?

"You're still really angry at me, aren't you?" Hermione asked shamefully, more tears falling.

"No," Harry said quietly and he could hear the sincerity in his voice. "No, Hermione, I know it was an accident. You were trying to get us out of there alive, and you were incredible. I'd be dead if you hadn't been there to help me."

He forced a small smile before he opened the book and was riffling through the pages looking for pictures… and he found what he was looking for quickly. Albus looked at the picture and his eyes closed once more as he remembered that day so clearly… how they were just a couple arrogant and ambitious boys who didn't really know what the world was truly like.

He then heard Harry read out the caption below that picture… Albus Dumbledore, shortly after his mother's death, with his friend Gellert Grindelwald.

He heard Harry gape at the last word and he knew the two of them were staring at each other in shock. He didn't need to see their faces to know that… he hung his head as he heard Hermione croak out, "Grindelwald?!"

And he could hear them flipping through pages, trying to find something to make sense of all this. Albus turned his back on them as the feeling of shame washed over him once again. What Rita had dug up was worse than anything he could've imagined. He remembered it all so clearly… he had left Hogwarts just before he had turned eighteen and had been ready to take on anything that the world had to offer. He had already won countless awards and was about to take the Grand Tour with Elphias before he received the news.

He had just finished packing, excitement filling up inside him at the thought of finally having the chance to see the world before he opened that letter and the sick waves of disappointment and anger washed over him along with anger when he found out that his mother was gone. He felt shame for thinking about it, but he hated the fact that his mother was dead for now that meant that he was the one who had to take care of his brother and sister. Oh, what was wrong with him?

It was the proper thing to do… to look after Ariana until Aberforth finished school. If he could just get through one or two more years surely that would've been alright wouldn't it? But he didn't care… not nearly enough and he wished that he could've done more by it.

He was only eighteen at the time and it was hard for him to give up everything that he wanted to do at the time to take care of his siblings. It was as much as he could do at the time—or so he told himself… and Aberforth wasn't the easiest person to keep an eye on. He liked to run wild and was never the sociable type…

With Ariana emotionally and mentally unstable, there wasn't any other choice but to keep her locked in the house. And so, the idea of the Deathly Hallows soon became a passionate and deep obsession with him. He had did his best to care for his siblings for those first few weeks but that was when he met with Grindelwald and fed the flames for his lust for power.

He was such a foolish young man. He should've seen from the start just what kind of person that he would turn out—he had it written in ugly black letters all across his soul. He knew from before that his new best friend had been expelled from Durmstrang and he couldn't help but wonder what he did in a school that teaches you Dark Arts to do such a thing. When he had first met him, he couldn't deny that he had loved his company. To have someone to challenge him and have an intelligent conversation.

He had truly missed it. To have someone that he could speak so openly to… to discuss something and not be afraid of holding anything back. And he hadn't been able to do that with anyone for a long, long time. It was a hard learned lesson. He remembered with a sickening heart at the thought of that one letter, the letter that he knew was in there, and wanted nothing more than to bash his head against a wall to erase those memories from his mind. Even as a child, he was a powerful wizard that thought that he could change things for the greater good.

He could never forget nor forgive his weakness of mind at that point however. He had given up his better judgment simply because he was so enthralled to have met someone who he thought truly understood him… he had already had resentment towards his siblings trying to look after them.

It was what happened with his sister that made him think like that. Ariana had never been the same after that. She tried to stop being a witch, but power like that can't be getting rid of. He knew now that he could not judge all Muggles as a whole for the actions of a few. But at this time of his life it was easier to believe that if he had been in charge of everything then things would be better… that Ariana didn't have to hide anymore and that he could rule.

But it wasn't simply to control or wipe out the Muggles. He really thought that it was for the best. He had spent the rest of his life to try and make up for that… no matter what happened in his past he wanted to seem like his life was worth something. If he could spare someone from suffering the same way as Ariana then it would've been worth it, right?

He never did find out who it was who had killed Ariana… but it didn't really matter anymore. For he knew that it was his fault that it ever got to such a point… and his sister had to pay the price for his mistake.

And of course, Aberforth blamed him for it all. Which he had every right to… and as for Gellert, he knew that he must have secretly feared the truth of who was responsible for Ariana's death… why else would he refuse to face him for so long when he was gaining power? But when he could no longer make excuses and forced himself to confront his old friend, he did so for he knew that he had to try and make up for his sins once again.

That was a difference between himself and Harry… Harry was still so young and shouldn't be involved in a war in the first place. Yet despite that he never shied away from a battle.

"Harry…?" croaked Hermione's voice and Albus took a deep breath before he finally made himself look back at them. Hermione had tugged the book out of Harry's hands and was looking anxiously at the look of stunned disbelief on his face.

He knew what was going through his head…

It was more painful than he thought it would be… but he deserved it. He knew that there was no other way out of it. But to lose Harry's complete respect…?

"Harry," Hermione said hurriedly, and she seemed to have heard his thoughts as well as she said, "Listen to me. It - it doesn't make a very nice reading -"

"Yeah, you could say that -" Harry said, and it was surprisingly calm. But Albus had a feeling that wasn't going to remain that way for much longer.

"- but don't forget, Harry, this is Rita Skeeter writing," Hermione began.

"You did read that letter to Grindelwald, didn't you?" Harry cut across and she couldn't seem to find any other way around it.

"Yes, I - I did," she admitted as she stared at her tea. "I think that's the worst bit. I know Bathilda thought it was all just talk, but 'For the Greater Good' became Grindelwald's slogan, his justification for all the atrocities he committed later. And… from that… it looks like Dumbledore gave him the idea. They say 'For the Greater Good' was even carved over the entrance to Nurmengard."

She was right unfortunately. He did give Gellert that idea didn't he? That's why it seemed fitting to lock him in Nurmengard once their battle was finally over.

"What's Nurmengard?" Harry asked in confusion.

"The prison Grindelwald had built to hold his opponents," she explained grimly, "He ended up in there himself, once Dumbledore had caught him. Anyway, it's - it's an awful thought that Dumbledore's ideas helped Grindelwald rise to power. But on the other hand, even Rita can't pretend that they knew each other for more than a few months one summer when they were both really young, and -"

Harry wasn't going to like that statement…

"I thought you'd say that," said Harry, and his voice was shaking with suppressed anger. "I thought you'd say 'They were young.' They were the same age as we are now. And here we are, risking our lives to fight the Dark Arts, and there he was, in a huddle with his new best friend, plotting their rise to power over the Muggles."

And that was what made it seem so much worse. Yet he couldn't stop the faint shadow of a smile that came back to his face. This proved once again that Harry was a better man than he, himself, had ever been.

Harry got up and began to pace around the clearing, trying to work off some of his anger like the night that they went to try and retrieve the Horcrux from the cave.

"I'm not trying to defend what Dumbledore wrote," said Hermione. "All that 'right to rule' rubbish, it's 'Magic Is Might' all over again. But Harry, his mother had just died, he was stuck alone in the house -"

"Alone?" Harry snapped back, "He wasn't alone! He had his brother and sister for company, his Squib sister he was keeping locked up -"

Albusy flinched at the words as Hermione said firmly, "I don't believe it." He felt a surge of gratitude towards her words as she went on, "Whatever was wrong with that girl, I don't think she was a Squib. The Dumbledore we knew would never, ever have allowed-"

"The Dumbledore we thought we knew didn't want to conquer Muggles by force!" Harry shouted, his voice echoing across the empty hilltop, and several blackbirds rose into the air, squawking and spiraling against the pearly sky.

"But I wasn't the same one you knew when I was your age, Harry," Albus confessed almost silently.

"He changed, Harry, he changed!" Hermione cried out, almost as loudly, "It's as simple as that! Maybe he did believe these things when he was seventeen, but the whole of the rest of his life was devoted to fighting the Dark Arts! Dumbledore was the one who stopped Grindelwald, the one who always voted for Muggle protection and Muggle born rights, who fought You-Know-Who from the start, and who died trying to bring him down!"

Neither one said anything to that for some time. Both of them just looked long and hard at each other before Hermione said what seemed to be really bothering him.

"Harry," she said, "I'm sorry, but I think the real reason you're so angry is that Dumbledore never told you any of this himself."

Albus never told anyone this before. He never had the courage to reveal the weakest part of his life. He had always told himself that he had to be the strong one, which meant he had to keep those emotions at bay.

"Maybe I am!" Harry finally bellowed, and he flung his arms over his head, as he continued to shout out, "Look what he asked from me, Hermione! Risk your life, Harry! And again! And again! And don't expect me to explain everything, just trust me blindly, trust that I know what I'm doing, trust me even though I don't trust you! Never the whole truth! Never!"

His voice cracked at last and they just continued to look long and hard at the other.

The worst part was though that he knew it wasn't untrue. Look what he did ask of him and his friends. To hunt down pieces of a madman's soul without any clue as to where they would be. And the truth was that he trusted Harry with his life… just not his past…

Harry had lost everything to Voldemort and he had sent him on a mission to destroy the remaining horcrxes but hadn't given him a clear idea of where they are or how to destroy them. Ron had already walked out on them—though he knew that that might not remain that way for long—and their last idea of where the sword might have been had backfired in a grotesque ambush. Now his wand had been broken in half and he is forced to borrow a wand from Hermione to protect himself… and to top it all off… this…?

Now he doubts everything he thought he knew about the man who sent him on this journey.

His desire for power had been his greatest flaw. Though he only ever desired it for good, he knew that he couldn't be trusted with it. He remembered when he had told Harry about how the mirror worked… how he had gotten the Sorcerer's Stone out… because he just wanted to find it but not to use it. He knew from that moment on that he was worthy of the Deathly Hallows because of that same reason. And he had kept that faith all this time…

"He loved you," Hermione whispered and Albus froze. "I know he loved you."

Harry also started to freeze at her words before he seemed to drop his arms in defeat.

"I don't know who he loved, Hermione," he confessed. "But it was never me. This isn't love, the mess he's left me in. He shared a damn sight more of what he was really thinking with Gellert Grindelwald than he ever shared with me."

"That doesn't mean that I don't Harry…" Albus whispered, wanting nothing more than to tell him how wrong he was. But what else could he do…? If Harry had truly closed his heart up to him then there was no other way he could let him hear the words that he wanted to say.

Harry picked up Hermione's wand and told Hermione that he would finish the watch and that she should get back inside where it was warmer.

She hesitated for a moment, but seemed to see that there was no longer any point in trying to talk about it. She picked up the book and walked passed him into the tent… but she stopped to brush the top of his head with her hand and he closed his eyes at her touch… as if it offered him some kind of comfort.

He sat there for what felt like hours, simply watching, never speaking… Harry never once moved from that spot as he stared ahead of him with that angry, but empty, look in his eyes. Hermione would come out once in a while to check on him, to make sure that he was alright and even offered to take over the watch from him once or twice. But he just insisted on it… said he needed something to do, and she didn't press the matter.

But as darkness slowly began to creep over the horizon, Hermione insisted that he come inside for some food. Maybe because there was no other excuse inside him, Harry finally got up and went in as they had a sad meal of food that they had managed to scavenge up. They sat in silence for a while and Albus was just wondering if he should go when Hermione said unexpectedly, "Merry Christmas by the way."

Harry looked up at her, startled, before he realized that she was right. It was Christmas.

"I forgot…" he said and there was actually a faint smile on his mouth. "With everything that's been happening, it slipped my mind. Well, I think it's safe to say I've had better Christmas's."

She looked at him sadly. "You still… angry?" she asked softly.

"Yes…" he confessed, "But… that's not important now is it? How I feel?"

"It matters to me," Hermione said softly. "And to so many other people. Harry… you're important to all of us."

He didn't answer as he merely looked at her with sad eyes.

"Harry," she said worriedly, putting her spoon down from the mushroom stew that they were having. "This isn't good for you. All this hate and anger, it's not good for you."

"How are you not as angry as I am about all this?" Harry asked her grimly. "I mean… aren't you upset at all about our situation?"

"Of course I am," she told him softly. "And I am angry at Dumbledore for all that's happened. But I don't think that he had expected to die like he had. He knew that he would've had more time to try and help you and prepare you…?"

Albus reached up to cover his face as he fought the tears of regret that were threatening to break free.

"And you're right, I didn't forgive him for any of this," Hermione went on.

"Could've fooled me," Harry muttered.

"No, I have to forgive him every single day for this," Hermione said firmly as she watched him get up and pace inside the tent once again. "Again and again, and though it's easier sometimes than others."

"How do you do that?" Harry asked her, trying to find some kind of an answer as to what to do, "Because I sure can't."

"I know that everything he did he did for you," Hermione told him quietly a watery smile on her face. "And I try to think about ending this war before anyone else has to go through what we're going through… what Dumbledore would've want us to do."

"And what is that anymore?" Harry asked, his back to her.

"If you don't know, then I don't know who would," Hermione said softly. "You knew what went on inside him better than anyone."

"Then why…?" he asked her desperately, looking over at her. "What do I care? Why did it have to be me? I want to let go… I really… really do… to forget all about anger and everything so that I can just move on. But… but, I just don't know how…"

She stared at him sadly before she also got up and hugged him from behind, resting her check on his back for a moment.

"That's something only you can decide," she whispered to him and even gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Albus opened his eyes and realized that there were warm tears falling down his face. He reached up and touched them with an almost amazed look.

Maybe if he had friends like Ron and Hermione it would've changed him.

To have someone to look after him like how these two look after each other. Harry is horrified by everything that is happening and angry at him. But he was doing his best not to hurt Hermione… how to protect her from the awful truth of what happened to Bathilda and Nagini… how he's protecting her from his anger. And she tries to comfort him… to give him the one thing that he craves… that there was someone who did care.

And to remind him of all the other people out there—living and dead—who never stopped loving him.

(How is it? Sorry for the long wait, but there was a power outage about a week ago and it did something really freaky to my computer so I had to wait for days to get it back when I had to get it fixed. Well, I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter and the next one will be of Ron finally returning and what Dumbledore thinks when he sees the three of them back together again. Hope you look forward to it.)