Qualification

"I can't believe Jason waited until he came home for Thanksgiving to do his laundry," Freddie said, rolling his eyes as he walked into his and Sam's bedroom, where Sam way already laying in bed. "I swear, he gets lazier and lazier when it comes to chores."

"Part of being an adult," Sam said. "You realize how much that stuff really sucks. That's why I pawn most of the housework off on you."

"Ha, ha," Freddie said dryly, kicking off his shoes. "Well, I'm serious, that kid's twenty years old. Tomorrow I'm teaching him how to do his own laundry."

"Are you now?" Sam smirked.

"Yeah, you making me do all the chores around here is bad enough," Freddie said. "I don't need it from the kids too."
"Aw, but I always reward you so well after you do all the chores," Sam grinned as Freddie sat down on the bed next to her. She sat up and laced her arms around Freddie's neck and kissed him deeply.

"Wow," Freddie chuckled when the two parted. "Someone's extra affectionate tonight."

"I am," Sam nodded, kissing him again. "So you should stop commenting on my affection so that I can show you my affection."

"Whoa, maybe doing all that laundry early was worth it," Freddie laughed as he wrapped his arms around Sam's waist and flipped them over so he was hovering right above her.

"Yeah it was," Sam said. "It was real worth it…"

…..

"I think I planned out all the stores I want to hit on Black Friday this year," Ashton said as her, Emma, Jason and Tyler sat in the living room. "First I'm going to go to Shoe Roundup and get those cute red flats I've been eyeing. Then I'm going to go to Glitter Gloss and look at their dress selection. Then I'm going to-"

"Black Friday's three days away," Emma frowned. "Why are you talking about this now?"

"Because you have to be prepared if you want to get the good deals!" Ashton snapped.

"I don't get why you'd want to go out with a million crazy shoppers just to get some junk marked down seventy percent," Jason said, flipping through the channels of the T.V.

"Um, because it's fun," Ashton scoffed.

"I hate shopping," Tyler mumbled, taking the remote from Jason and turning the T.V. on to a basketball game.

"Well you don't have to come," Ashton said, rolling her eyes. "Just me and Clarissa are going so everybody can stop their complaining."

"Dude, I don't want to watch some dumb basketball game," Jason said to Tyler, taking back the remote.

"It's not dumb!" Tyler defended.

"Hey, we should watch a DVD or something," Emma suggested. "It's only eleven; the night's still young."

"What do you want to watch?" Ashton asked.

"I dunno…oh! What about that movie with the little alien that gets lost on earth and wants to get back to his home planet?" Emma said. "We all like that one, right?"

"Yeah, I could go for that," Jason nodded.

"I love that movie," Tyler said.

"Well where is that movie?" Ashton asked. "I don't see it on the DVD shelf."

"You think mom took it to watch upstairs in bed when she was sick last week?" Emma suggested.

"I dunno, go look," Jason shrugged. "I'll pop some popcorn in the meantime. Just be quiet when you go in mom and dad's room. They're probably asleep already."

"Got it," Emma said as she hurried upstairs. When she reached her parents' bedroom, she saw the door was shut.

I can't believe they go to bed this early now, Emma thought, shaking her head as she took the doorknob in her hand. I hope I never get that lame when I'm old.

She pushed open the bedroom door, prepared to quietly step in, look on the T.V. stand across from the bed, and get out without waking up her parents. When she stepped into the room, though, she was greeted with quite another sight.

"Ahhh!"

"What the-"
"Get out!"

"Sorry!" Emma said at once, all the while trying not to gag at what she had just witnessed.

She quickly turned and slammed the door shut.

Oh my God! Emma thought as she simply stood in the hall for a moment. I can't believe I just saw-They were-gross! I'm going to have that-that image stuck in my head forever! Oh…I'm gonna throw up!

She hurried back down to the living room looking pale and shaken.

"Did you find the DVD?" Ashton asked.

Emma didn't respond as she slowly sank down onto the couch.

"Em, did you get the movie?" Jason repeated.

"You look weird," Tyler commented. "Like you just saw a ghost or something."

"Did mom and dad yell at you for waking them up?" Ashton asked.

"They-they weren't asleep," Emma finally managed to get out. "Nope…not asleep."

"So then why are you acting like this?" Jason frowned. "Did you get the movie or not?"

"I-I…They…ugh!"

"What?" Ashton said, confused. "What are you going on about?"

"I-I saw-I walked in on-mom-mom and dad were…they were doing…stuff," Emma gasped, clutching her stomach. "I'm gonna be sick."

"Oh my God!" Ashton said, her eyes widening. "Are you telling me you walking in on mom and dad doing it?"

"Yuck!" Tyler exclaimed. "Gross!"

"It was terrifying," Emma said, shaking her head.

"Ugh, thanks for the images," Jason cringed.

"Hey! You didn't have to witness it!" Emma snapped. "I'm never going to be able to look at either of them again!"

"I can't believe they didn't even lock the door," Ashton said, shaking her head. "It's bad enough we have to walk in on them making out all the time. Those two really need some self-control. Parents should not be doing stuff like that!"

"Can we stop; the images are freaking me out!" Jason said, covering his eyes. "I knew I should've stayed at school for Thanksgiving."

"I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life, aren't I?" Emma sighed.

"Probably," Ashton nodded.

….

"I can't believe that just happened!" Freddie moaned as him and Sam paced anxiously inside their bedroom. "Our sweet, innocent, sixteen-year old daughter just walked in on us…like that."

"The one time we didn't lock the door," Sam sighed. "Figures…"

"This is all your fault, you know," Freddie said.

"My fault?"

"Yeah, if-if you hadn't been being all affectionate we would've never been having-been doing-"

"Sex?" Sam finished, rolling her eyes. "I think you should be mature enough to say the word…Besides, it's not my fault!"

"You were the one who initiated the whole thing!" Freddie argued.

"Oh, like you weren't a willing participant," Sam scoffed. "Besides, it was your idea to try all those new moves; that probably made this whole thing more traumatizing for Emma!"

"Like you weren't a willing participant," Freddie retorted. "Look, let's just figure out what we're going to do about this."

"What's there to do?" Sam shrugged. "It was awkward, yeah, but it's not like she doesn't know about sex. And she must know you and I have sex, even if she doesn't want to acknowledge it. She'll avoid eye-contact with us for a few days and then we'll all move on."

"You're being awfully calm about this," Freddie frowned.

"Eh, it could be worse," Sam shrugged. "When I was younger I walked in on my mom and her boyfriends doing stuff that was a lot worse than anything we have ever done. Most kids walk in on stuff like that sooner or later. It sucks, but, you know, you're all in the same house…honestly, I'm just surprised it hasn't happened sooner. Especially all those times when we were downstairs…"

"It never happened to me," Freddie pointed out. "I never walked in on my parents like that."

"Really?" Sam said, raising an eyebrow.

"That's right," Freddie said. "I mean when I was little and my parents were still together, there was this one time I woke up from a bad dream in the middle of the night and I went into their room and walked in on them having some sort of a tickling contest, but that was about it."

"I'm sorry what?" Sam said. "A tickling contest?"

"Yeah, that's what my mom told me after they kicked me out of their room real quick," Freddie nodded. "It made sense, they were giggling and all wrapped around each other."

"Um…baby?" Sam said, clearly trying to hold back a laugh. "I-I need you to think really hard for a second. Your parents weren't having a tickling contest."

"What are you talking about? Yes they were," Freddie scoffed. "And I think my mom was winning because my dad kept saying her name over and over-oh! Oh no! They-No! No, no, no! They were-ah!"

Freddie bolted into the adjoining bathroom and began gagging.

"You okay?" Sam asked, chuckling.

"No!" Freddie snapped. "I walked in on my parents and I didn't even know it! Oh, now every time I close my eyes all I'm gonna see is…ugh!"

The next morning Sam and Freddie stood at the foot of the stairs as their four children sat in the kitchen.

"What do we say to them?" Freddie hissed.

"What do you mean 'them'?" Sam asked. "It was only Emma that walked in."

"Oh, like she didn't share her trauma with the rest of them!" Freddie snapped. "They're all probably sitting in there, scarred for life!"

"Okay, you're being dramatic," Sam said. "They're all old enough to understand that sometimes mommies and daddies like to-"

"Sam!"

"Seriously, you're making way too big a deal out of this," Sam said. "I told you, it will be awkward for a little bit and then everybody will just get on with their lives."

"Well then you go in there!" Freddie said.

"You know what? Fine," Sam shrugged. "Whimp…"

Sam left Freddie and stepped into the kitchen where Jason, Emma, Ashton, and Tyler were all sitting around the kitchen table, picking at a large plate of bacon.

"Morning," Sam said brightly. "Sweet, who made bacon?"

"It's the microwave kind," Ashton mumbled, looking down at her lap.

"Eh, it will do," Sam shrugged, picking up a piece for herself. "So, who has plans today?"

The four kids were all silent.

"Nothing?" Sam said, looking around. "No one's doing anything? Well, if you want we can load up the car and go up to Olympia for the day. That would be fun, right? We could go to that pie store you all like and pick up a few for Thanksgiving tomorrow."

All four kids simple mumbled under their breath in response and avoided eye-contact.

"Okay…" Sam said, shaking her head. "Clearly you all heard about the incident last night. And yeah, I get it's weird and gross to think about your parents doing that but, well, come on, you all didn't just magically appear here! How do you think you were made? I know none of you bought that lame stork story when your dad told you it."

"Ugh, mom, we're eating," Emma cringed. "It's bad enough I had to walk in on-"

"Yeah, speaking of which, have you never heard of knocking?" Sam said, rolling her eyes. "You all throw a fit if your dad and I don't knock on your door, but apparently you all can just barge into our room."

"Well how was I supposed to know you two would be being all disgusting?" Emma defended.

"Disgusting?" Sam repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Alright, I thought you all were somewhat mature, but clearly you're not. Your dad and I love each other, we've been married twenty-one years! Obviously we have sex with each other and I'm sorry you walked in, Emma, but-"

"Okay, I am not hungry anymore!" Ashton said, jumping out of her seat.

"Same here," Jason cringed.

"Me too," Tyler nodded.

"Yeah, I can't even eat bacon right now," Emma said, shaking her head.

As the kids hurried out of the kitchen, Sam shrugged and helped herself to another piece of bacon.

"Sam!" Freddie said, coming into the kitchen. "I thought you were talking to them! They all just ran upstairs looking like they were gonna puke!"

"They'll get over it," Sam said simply. "In the meantime, you and I now have an entire plate of bacon to ourselves."