Wolfgang woke up to the sound of birdsong. It was midday, and every part of his body stung. He tried to take a deep breath, but his lungs scraped against a broken rib, bringing a whole new bout of aches. He looked around the clearing for Willow, but did not find her. Seeing the two new carcasses, Wolfgang wondered if she might have turned into a monster. Witches could do that, he knew. Or was that vampires?
"Witch girl! Is you giant stinky mound?" Wolfgang called. His voice, even yelling, was not above a whisper. He tried to make it louder but only gave himself a headache. Against what Wilson would call common sense, Wolfgang threw the blanket off himself to assess the damages. Three enormous cuts were strung out along his bare chest, still red and fresh looking. The cool breeze became a biting cold that gnawed at his injuries. This was the most pain that Wilson had been through in his life, but that did not stop Wolfgang climbing to his feet and waddling over to the dead wolves.
The full extent of the injuries to Wilson's body would only come to light under very powerful technology. Between sunburn, grass burn, regular burns, cuts, bruised bones, broken ribs, internal and external bleeding, and an unpleasant looking infection, Wilson appeared to be a dead man walking. And yet, he refused to die. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want him dead. His personalities are the most interesting part of this world, to lose that would be very boring. but it's surprising that he is this tenacious for a skinny British nerd who's afraid of his own emotions.
Wolfgang hobbled over to the wolves and did not find Willow. Willow was off on her own, about half a kilometer from Wolfgang. She had become bored with watching Wilson sleep, and there had been no further howling, so she'd decided to explore. After all, what good is one's body if it isn't used to explore the world around us?
The first thing of note that she came across was, of course, the beefalo herd. They had moved further north since yesterday, but Willow didn't know that. Willow gave the beefalo as wide a berth as she could, keeping an eye out and an ear to the ground. Once she had passed them, she came upon a strange tree. It was surrounded by some of the ugliest flowers Willow had ever seen, and the other, more normal trees seemed to grow in a perfect circle away from it. Even at a distance, Willow could see that this tree sported a face. Not a crude face carved into the wood, but true features, like that of a human or a demon. Its mouth was a hole that took up a third of the tree, with jagged edges that served as crooked 'teeth'. Willow peered down the throat, but she could not see anything, only a void behind the maw. Two eyes sat above the open mouth, closed off to the world. If willow had gotten closer, she might've remarked how human this trees eyelids were. She might even have noticed how they fluttered slightly, as if the tree were in a restless sleep. The tree bore no leaves and no fruit, and would look like a statue if not for its gentle swaying. To her credit, Willow did try to approach the tree, but getting near the flowers caused her to feel strange. At first, she felt as if something was amiss. As if there was some assailant out of the corner of her eye. She took another step forward, and the feeling worsened. Another step, and her neck and arms started to cramp. She retreated from the tree while she still could. She felt the effects of the flowers ebb away, but not even close to fast enough. She lit a fire once she got to a safe distance, which helped get rid of the rest of the effects.
Willow kept moving, wanting to put some distance between her and the ugly tree. From there, it was not long until she reached the place that she now resided as Wolfgang woke. A meadow, lush with grass so green it seemed painted on. Rolling hillocks broke up the flat landscape like frozen waves of some lime colored sea. Willow walked with caution, painfully aware of how dangerous everything in this world had been up till now. But there was nothing out here to hurt her, save for a nasty looking beehive a few meters to her right. So she was content to wander, riding the hills, eating a few sweet potatoes, and washing her feet into a shallow stream. The midday sun hung high in the air, illuminating the doughy white clouds that filled the sky. It bathed the world with enough solar energy to give every man, woman and child a tan. Willow wondered if she might ever leave this place.
Back at the beast, Wolfgang had decided to try and stay awake. After all, the little witch girl couldn't be far off. He had wanted to go looking for her, but his vision seemed to blur with every step. Wolfgang was not used to sitting still, unless he was asleep. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time that he had been so exhausted. His limbs ached, his joints stung, his skin burned, his tongue tasted of chalk and steel, and he could not lift his hands above his shoulders without sending searing pain rippling across his body.
As Wolfgang was considering trying to punch the exhaustion out, the sound of rustling came from the undergrowth behind him. He tried to turn to face whatever it was, but found his body unwilling to co-operate.
"Witch girl, is you?" He asked, his voice weak with exhaustion. The rustling stopped, and there was silence for a long moment. Long enough for Wolfgang to know that whatever that was, it wasn't Willow.
After another minute, Wolfgang began to slouch. He let his head loll to one side, and he set a steady rhythm for his breathing. To anyone behind him, Wolfgang appeared to be fast asleep. It worked like a charm. The rustling began again, moving out of the brush and onto the soft grass. It was slow, but it was coming towards Wolfgang. When he thought it was close enough, Wolfgang swayed and allowed himself to topple backwards off the fallen log. He let out a pained grunt as he hit the ground and opened his eyes to stare up at the mystery intruder.
It was a beast, close to six and a half feet tall, with pink, spotted skin, hairy forearms, and a snout nose. Crooked, ugly teeth lay beneath beady green eyes, which themselves sat under a forehead like a rocky overhang.
"Is pig..." Wolfgang said in disbelief.
The pig, who was close enough for Wolfgang to stare straight up its grass skirt, began to shriek. Loud, shrill noises bleated from its face as it bolted back into the undergrowth, moving far faster than something that top-heavy had a right to. Wolfgang watched it go with a stunned disbelief.
Willow returned two hours later to find Wolfgang chewing some tree bark.
"Ah! Hello witch girl!"
"Hey Wolfgang," willow replied, flopping herself down on a log and starting up a fire, "what're you eating?"
"Is tree-skin, make Wolfgang tough, like tree."
"No shit? Is it working?"
"Wolfgang have no idea."
Willow cracked a smile. It had been a long day, and she was feeling exhausted. All this walking and fighting was going to get her killed. Still, it was better than doing nothing. On her trip, she had found some more Giga-flys, and a few purple apples that seemed edible enough. It had been a risk to grab them, but they were too sweet to leave on that bee infested tree. She shifted herself, feeling where the stingers had cut her bottom and back. No need to mention that embarrassing little escapade to Wolfgang. She began to roast the apples over the fire as the two of them continued to talk.
"...and that is why never trust monkey butler," Wolfgang finished his story took a bite out of the now cooked Apple.
"Fuck me, that's amazing. I never thoughtcha for the mansion type."
"Is true, Amadeaus family very rich back in day," Wolfgang replied as purple juice dribbled down his bare chest. There was a silence between them as they set about eating the rest of the apples, save the crunches and burps. When he finished, Wolfgang donned a contemplative look.
"Woah, you alright there mate?" Willow asked.
"No, is fine, just...thinking," Wolfgang said, brow furrowing.
"Heheh, well don't strain yerself too hard!" Willow replied, grinning through purple teeth. Wolfgang didn't react, and her smile fell, "what's up mate?"
"Wolfgang saw thing, early today. Is like pig, but also like man," Wolfgang explained, staring into the fire with a strange concentration.
"Soooo, a pigman? I mean, that's pretty cool, but whys it got you all rattled?"
"Is... Is looking like my papa," Wolfgang said, his eyes not moving from the fire.
There was silence for a very long time. Willow wondered if Wolfgang had gone mad. Maybe his injuries were getting to him, making him see things. No way was she going to call him crazy, but neither Wilson or Wendy had been out at all today, as far as she knew. She didn't know if that meant anything, but time would tell.
"Wolfgang, I don't reckon it was your friend. Why would they be out here, in the middle of nowhere, and a pig?"
"Is not friend, is papa," Wolfgang raised his eyebrows a bit.
"The hell is a papa? Issat like a pet or somethin?"
"No, is like... Im- Impor- good good more than friend is look like pig thing, and Wolfgang not know why," Wolfgang said, hanging his head.
"Maybe it's a trick, a shapeshifter of somethin. There isn't anyone here but us," Willow replied, not believing that, "but if it makes you feel better, we can look for it tomorrow."
"Wolfgang like that."
As he sat there, nodding along with the idea, Wolfgang swapped out.
"HELLO."
"Oh hey...um, what was your name again?"
"I AM DESIGNATED WX-78."
"Right, right. Y'know, we ought to give you a nickname," willow said, looking him up and down, "cause WX-78 is such a mouthful."
"A MOUTH FULL OF WHAT?"
"No no, not a literal mouth full. It's like... Your name is too... Your name feels weird to say. It's like it's not a name sa-much as a bar-code."
"I AM DESIGNATED AS WX-78, THAT IS NOT WEIRD."
"Uh-huh. What does that name even mean? Is it code for something?"
"I AM WILSON-BOT X-MODEL VERSION 7.8, MY DESIGNATION IS WX-78."
"Wow, what a cocksure bastard," willow muttered. Then, at her normal volume, "Well then wouldn't you be WBXMV-7.8?"
"I SAID THAT AS WELL, BUT DOCTOR DICKBUTT WAS INSISTENT."
"Bah, what does he know."
"HE KNOWS HOW TO GIVE A MACHINE SENTIENCE."
"Yeah but besides that," willow replied, "listen, it's a new world, and you deserve a better name. I can't call you Willy-bot, as funny as that'd be. How about...Wex?"
"YOU WOULD DESIGNATE ME AS 'WEX'?"
"Yeah, I reckon it suits ya."
"VERY WELL NAMER OF THINGS, I WILL BE DESIGNATED WEX, FORMERLY WX-78," Wex replied, an inkling of pride creeping into his monotone voice, "WHAT IS YOUR DESIGNATION?"
"Well, Namer Of Things has a pretty nice ring to it, but I'm kinda racking up the titles at the mo'," willow said, offering a slight smile, "Call me Willow."
"SEARCHING: WILLOW. A LARGE TREE PRIMARILY FOUND IN COLD OR TEMPERATE ENVIRONMENTS. IT IS EASILY DISTINGUISHED BY ITS LARGE, DROOPING FOLIAGE. ARE YOU A TREE?"
"Jeez, at this point, I might be. Though I don't know about the drooping part. Or the cold part," willow shivered, and pulled another log onto the fire. It sputtered, sending up a shower of sparks, but it didn't go out.
"RESULTS: INCONCLUSIVE," Wex replied. He looked around and clutched his stomach, "MY INTERNAL SYSTEMS APPEAR TO BE FAILING. IT APPEARS I AM UNDER THE EFFECTS OF OIL LEAKAGE."
"Is that robot speak for needin ta take a piss? Cause there's some bushes over there..."
"INCORRECT. AUTOMATONS DO NOT "piss". I REQUIRE MORE OIL AND ASSISTANCE IN LOCATING AND PLUGGING THE LEAK."
"Well, we've got no oil, cause I'd'a used it already, but I don't reckon you need it," Willow looked around the camp. The sun was starting to fade, bathing the world in an orange glow. She spotted what she was looking for in seconds, and drive a spear down on the giga-fly, "Here, eat this, it'll make you feel better."
Wex looked from the dead insect, to her, then back at the insect, "EAT?"
"Oh seriously? How do you not know what eating is?"
"I AM AWARE OF THE CONCEPT OF CONSUMPTION, BUT ANDROIDS HAVE NO STOMACHS."
"Dude, I don't know what weird bot ya used ta be, but right now, you're in a human body. I don't see any oil comin' out of you, so there's an 80% chance you're hungry."
"AND WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER TWENTY PERCENT?"
"Well, there's also the chance you're still bleeding out, but food'll help with that either way."
Wex looked from the dead animal to willow over and over, agonizing over her proposal. Finally, he pushed the giga-fly into his mouth, whole, and began to choke on it.
"No, no!" Willow jumped behind him, hazily remembering something about high-lick. She wrapped her hands around his stomach and pulled. It was a strange angle, as Wex was still sitting, but it did its job. The giga-fly hit the ground with a wet splat, "Dammit man, you've gotta chew first!"
Wex didn't reply. His face was red, and sweat covered his skin. He did nothing for a long time except take deep, rasping breaths. When he was finally back to form, he spoke, "HOW...HOW DO YOU EXIST LIKE THIS?"
"Aw man, don't start this. This is bein' human, and you and I are gonna be doin' a lot of it," Willow replied, kicking the spit-flecked giga-fly away, "I'll find you something easier to start off."
After a few minutes of searching, willow found some wild carrot. She did a slap job of cooking it, before laying it out and using the edge of the clean spear to slice it into pieces. She handed a cut to Wex.
"Alright, watch me," willow said, popping a slice into her own mouth. She chewed slowly, mouth open, giving Wex a full show of exactly what he had to do. She remembered all those times she'd been smacked for chewing this way, and her ears seemed to ring again. Her lips closed for the last few chews, before she finally swallowed, "Now you try."
To his credit, Wex was a quick learner. He chewed loudly, and spittle got everywhere, but the food seemed to stay in his mouth. His jaw seemed to move from one side to the other, not so much chewing as grinding the food. It was slow, but effective enough. Willow watched in a kind of morbid fascination, and found herself wondering if she'd have to teach him how to drink. Something for another time, she hoped. When he had finished, it took him a few goes to figure out how to swallow, but he did get there in the end.
"CONSUMPTION INEFFICIENT, OIL LEAKAGE HAS NOT STOPPED."
"Yeah, it takes a coupla minutes for your belly to catch up. If you're still hungry, you can have some more carrot, but try'n keep your lips closed next time."
Wex gave her a sideways glance, about the most emotional response he'd given her yet, but he continued to eat the carrots. Willow stoked and tended to the fire, and Wex started to get better and better at eating. He seemed to grow quicker with each slice. He even got quieter, so that by the last slice she could barely hear him chew.
Night came, as did sleep for the both of them.
