Again, all Harry Potter characters belong to Rowling.
Bet you weren't expecting this!
Hello everyone, it's been a long time since I updated a chapter to this otherwise completed story. I first want to thank everyone for supporting me during the writing of this story and so just think of this special bonus chapter as a surprise.
I had originally planned that it was over and done with, but I came up with this scene which I wrote for a good friend of mine who loves these kinds of stories and has recently been going through a rough time. I have always been a fan of Harry's relationship with Dumbledore, and I guess after finding so many sad stories about Dumbledore being a manipulative, uncaring old man… I just got so sick of it that I wrote this story.
I don't know why they wrote them like that, but those stories just didn't seem like Dumbledore to me. My favorite parts of the books was the father/son chats that they have, and while I did love that Harry got to speak with Dumbledore again… I always felt a little… unsatisfied with the chapter of Kings Cross. We know that Dumbledore did care about Harry, but it would have been nice for him to come out and say it. I have to say that I am a little disappointed in how the conversation went, so I came up with this scene.
After my friend read it, she begged that I post it at the end here as a bonus chapter and I finally agreed. This here is an 'extended' sweet moment between Harry and Albus Dumbledore when they met at King's Cross. It's not canon—but it is in my mind. This is how I think that their talk could have gone as well.
Consider it a thank you present to everyone out there who has read and enjoyed my story! And for those of you who have asked, no, I have no intension of doing a Cursed Child story because I refuse to believe that it happened. I know that Rowling said that it should be considered Canon, but it just doesn't feel right to me. I prefer the endings that I come up with LOL.
So, to all Potterheads out there—this is all I have to say:
Study hard like Granger…
Laugh like a Weasley…
And care for others like Potter…
Bonus Chapter: Like Father, Like Son
"Do not pity the dead, Harry," he said softly, "Pity the living, and above all, those who live without love. By returning, you may ensure that fewer souls are maimed, fewer families are torn apart. If that seems to you a worthy goal, they we saw good-bye for the present."
He knew that the battle was won. Now that he said it, he knew that Harry will go back to ensure that others don't go through what he went through. He may be pushing Harry back to a world full of pain and loss, but if there was any out there who could pull through this and overcome it, it would be him. More than anything, he wished Harry to continue to live and spend the rest of his life in peace. He more than earned it…
Already the mist was filling the air once again and Harry was slowly starting to fade from view before Harry even nodded and sighed as he stood up. Albus followed suit as the two turned to look at each other in the face.
As Albus looked long and hard into this young man's face, marveling once more at how far he had come, he was trying to find some way to convey all that he felt into some words. Just to tell him how proud he was and how great a man he truly became… yet nothing he came up seemed to be enough.
Harry suddenly turned red and looked down and Albus heard him mumble, "I… I really am going to miss you, Sir. I've missed you so much already. I wish… you could come back with me."
Albus felt his heart ache painfully at that confession as he felt a sense of grief welling up to such a point that he may start shedding tears again. This was going to be the last time that they would interact like this… for a long while, anyway.
"Harry," he said kindly, a lump rising in his throat once again as Harry rubbed his own eyes, unable to hide how he felt, "I wish I could also. But we both know that my time in this world is over. It was an honor to teach you and so many other students and I know that my life wasn't completely worthless. And though it has been far from easy, I choose to look back on the good memories, rather than focus too much on the bad. I know that this is difficult for you to hear, but I want you to know that you do deserve to be happy. To live… to be allowed peace. That is what you deserve and I know that all who came before feel the same way."
Harry hugged himself as if he was feeling cold all of a sudden, and Albus could see that there was still a great weight upon his mind. He didn't press it as he waited, trusting Harry to find the right words to tell him what is troubling him so greatly. Finally, Harry looked back to his face and his eyes found his own as he went on speaking.
"For as long as I could remember, I felt unwanted," Harry began. "Growing up with the Dursleys… they didn't want me and they made sure that I knew it. But when I came to Hogwarts… meeting Ron and Hermione… the Weasleys… and so many other people… I know they want me to live. But… a part of me always had a hard time believing it. And… I won't lie. I blamed you for that feeling. That feeling that I never really belonged anywhere. And after seeing those memories of Professor Snape… I just felt that you manipulated me my entire life… wanted to raise me to be someone like this."
But Albus shook his head, never taking his eyes off him.
"That was not what I wished for," he said, pain racking his body like he had just been beaten. "Please, believe me when I say that I did what I felt was best at the time. It wasn't just because of the protective wards that were placed there that I placed you into their care."
Harry blinked in confusion as Albus just looked sadly before confessing, "Apart from the wards, I truly believed that you would be, not only safer, but you would have as a normal childhood as possible. Even if Sirius had been proven to be innocent and won custody of you, I would still recommend that you both remain in the Muggle World until you were ready to return to school."
"But why?" Harry asked him, and Albus sighed miserably.
"You know as well as I do how corrupted government can be," he reminded him quietly. "After Voldemort's defeat, there were some who were against your placement with your aunt and wanted to take you in. But, not all of them with good intentions. I feared that you could have ended up anywhere, and I suppose that I feared that 'The Boy-Who-Lived' could have been given to someone who would only use you to their own advantage. Or alternatively, you could have become as spoiled and damaged as your unfortunate cousin was shown. Imagine what would happen if you were adopted by someone like Cornelius or even the Malfoys? If you didn't go to someone who had an unquestionable claim over you, as in your aunt by blood… I fear that you would have been used by politics."
Harry's eyes widen at that as Albus shut his own, guilt weighing him down as he finished, "While I am deeply upset how you were treated there, there is one good thing I can say in that your relatives taught you how a family isn't supposed to act."
He opened his eyes again and said, "After I left you with them, I disappeared out of your life for those ten years because I felt that the less contact with the magical world, the better. I had hoped that your aunt would think of honoring her sister's memory. I had believed that growing up away from all that fame was what was best for you, but I know now that it only hurt you. You cannot know just how deeply I regret all that you suffered through because of me and I can't say it enough. Though I know that it is too late now… I am so sorry."
"It wasn't your fault that they treated me like that," Harry reminded him suddenly and Albus forced a smile at how he was defending him once again from himself.
"But I was the one who left you there," Albus confirmed, "It would be ten years before I next saw you again. And I can still remember the first time that we had a chance to talk face-to-face."
"I remember," Harry said with a hint of a smile. "It was Christmas and I found the Mirror of Erised. You really scared me when you found me. I thought that you were going to punish me for sneaking out of bed."
"While I disapproved of it, I understood the pull of that mirror," Albus confessed as he chuckled and remembered how he sat on the floor next to the small boy and began the first of their many lessons together.
"You were still so young," he whispered fondly, realizing that it was almost difficult to believe that this tall, brave, young man and that naïve little boy were one and the same. "And so began the first of your many trials. You put all your trust in me because you weren't ready to be a leader yet. I was aware of that, and so I promised myself to guide you as best as I could until you were ready."
"Did you know from the beginning?" Harry asked him curiously as his head looked back to where the fragment of Tom's soul continued to make those slight noises, "About the piece of his soul inside me?"
"I… only ever suspected," Albus admitted carefully, "It was not until you handed me the diary was I able to put it all together."
How he hated himself for having a mind that was able to figure it all out. He knew… and he hated how he knew.
"We talked at the end of that year to. I remember when we talked about… Voldemort after the Chamber of Secrets," Harry added. "You really did mean what you said that year?"
"Of course," Albus confirmed. "Because of the actions of Voldemort and his Death Eaters, did Slytherin House develop its reputation. However, none of the Houses are better than the others. Slytherin House… is far more than just a House of dark witches and wizards. The Sorting Hat merely meant that no matter what house you would have been sent you, you would have done well in. But as we both know, you ended up were where you needed to be."
Albus smiled warmly when he saw Harry now rubbing forcefully at his eyes, becoming more emotional at everything he was hearing.
"But you still knew from then on what was inside me?" Harry asked and Albus nodded, a grimace appearing instead of a smile.
"You cannot image the guilt I felt knowing that," he whispered, "I was forced to accept the fate that was forced on you by Voldemort's actions. After years of watching you and seeing how you rallied against all that was put up against you, I grew to care very deeply for you, Harry. But I saw nothing but tragedy ahead for you and I hated myself for not knowing how to fix it. But when I learned that Voldemort took your blood, I realized there was a way around it; that Voldemort had found a loophole that I, myself, had spent a long time trying to discover."
"And you did find it in the end," Harry nodded but Albus shook his head.
"No, you did," he countered, "If not for your courage, your selflessness…"
"I don't feel like either of those things," Harry muttered as he looked away. "I just felt like I was stumbling around in the dark. Not sure of where to go. I didn't feel like a leader. I felt…?"
"That is not true," Albus said softly. "But that is not what is deeply troubling you, now is it? Tell me, what is that you want to say?"
Though he already thought he knew the answer to that.
"I want to be forgiven," Harry whispered so quietly that one would think that they imagined it. But Albus knew that he didn't and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders, once again marveling at how tall he had grown.
"By who?" he asked quietly.
"Everyone," Harry muttered, still looking away from him, "I never wanted anyone to die for me."
"But that was not your choice," Albus reminded him. "You have done nothing to apologize for. We all have a choice and those who died… were not your fault."
Harry shook his head and Albus knew that while he did understand what he was saying; he also knew that guilt was a powerful thing.
"But they deserved to live," Harry said quietly, "You deserved to live."
"And you truly believe that you don't?" Albus asked him quietly. "Harry, please look at me."
Harry resisted for a moment, but after taking a deep breath, he forced himself to look at him once more and Albus could see the sadness etched in those green eyes.
"I am old, Harry," Albus reminded him kindly, and added jokingly, "As I'm sure you could tell. Proof that I have lived my life. There wasn't a single moment that I wished I could take your burdens from you, yet, I couldn't… no matter how much I wished I could. But you are not alone. You were never alone… and that is what made you so different from Voldemort. You have willing friends and allies who will gladly fight with you. But you need to allow them to."
"But…?" Harry began, almost a little wildly, "Fred… Remus and Tonks… after they just had Teddy… Teddy will grow up without his parents."
"So that is why it is all the more important that you return," Albus reminded him, "For he will be needing his godfather more than ever. Just as you needed Sirius. This is why Remus and Dora chose you to take care of their son… they knew that he would be well taken care of. They knew they couldn't find a better person for the job."
"But…" Harry began, his voice close to a shout but Albus squeezed his shoulders in a comforting way as he interrupted him.
"This is war," he said simply. "They all knew that there was a good chance they would not return home alive. But they came because they wanted to create a better future for those they love. You did not kill them. Don't blame yourself for what Voldemort has done."
He could see that Harry was close to breaking down completely and was unable to say anything to that as he looked back down at the floor.
"But what you must understand, about all, is that you never needed to ask us for forgiveness, for you never needed to," Albus said quietly, "We never blamed you, not once. It seems to me, that the only person who has yet to forgive you… is yourself."
At that, Harry could no longer hold back his tears and Albus saw them fall as he let out some shaky sobs. He placed his fingertips beneath Harry's chin and gently forced his head up so that he could look into those green eyes again and said firmly, "This has gone on long enough. It is time that you forgive yourself. If you are able to forgive me then…?"
"I was angry with you," Harry confessed softly. "I was so… so angry with you for such a long time. Leaving me at the Dursleys… especially during my fifth year… at how you were just ignoring me? I-I get why you did it. I understand now. But… I couldn't help but feel… abandoned. Like you didn't care about me anymore… and I didn't know what I did that would cause you to hate me all of a sudd…?"
"You did nothing wrong," Albus told him sternly, determined to get these misunderstandings and anything that needed to be said out in the open. He was unable to bear Harry returning with even more feelings of guilt and self-hatred than he already had for himself. The last thing that he wanted was for Harry to live as he had and be unable to truly move on with his life. "Nothing you do could ever bring me to hate you," he reassured him, his voice a little softer, "It hurt for me as well. I knew from the beginning that growing close to you would be dangerous. As Headmaster, I was to treat you as any other student… but somehow… that didn't work out. I knew that I was hurting you, but I truly believed that by distancing myself from you was the only way I could protect you. I'm sorry, once again, for hurting you."
"I don't blame you for that," Harry said in understanding. "I mean, were it the other way around, I would feel the same way. But…?"
He trailed off, not sure of what else to say; but Albus didn't need him to because he knew feelings that must be rolling around inside him. He hesitated for a moment, not sure if he would be allowed to do so, but he drew closer and pulled Harry into his arms. He felt Harry freeze in surprise at this unexpected gesture, but to Albus's relief, he felt Harry return the hug as his former student buried his face in his shoulder.
"I know," Albus whispered soothingly to him, "I just wish that I knew the things that I knew now."
He could feel his own tears falling as he breathing hard, trying to keep it together, but these feelings were welling up and he couldn't keep them contained for much longer.
"I'm sorry for what I did to your office, by the way," Harry said, a hint of hysteria in his tone as he began to cry openly. "I was so angry that entire year and I don't know why…?"
"No," Albus said firmly, placing his hand on the back of Harry's head and rubbed his back soothingly with the other hand, trying to comfort him. "It was good for you. You were forced to go through so much and I only helped to add to that burden without meaning to. You never allowed yourself to grieve properly and if destroying my office was the only way that I could help you, then you were free to break everything. I understand completely. But I do want to thank you for all that you did for myself and for Hogwarts that year."
"To thank…?"
"For teaching your fellow students how to fight and defend themselves," Albus reminded him, "For standing tall and refusing to back down no matter what Umbridge and the Ministry threw your way. Because of you, many of your fellow students have survived the battle so far up at the castle. While it is sad that some did not make it, you have done so much good for all of them. And it is for this reason that you are needed."
"It's a lot harder being the leader of a group than you made it look," Harry mumbled, his voice muffled by his face still pressed against shoulder.
"You did amazingly," Albus informed him gently. "You were growing up and were ready to take your first steps away from me. It's to be expected. You felt abandoned by me and you turned to others instead."
Albus knew that the main reason that Harry turned to Sirius and their relationship grew was because of their own relationship becoming so strained. In fact, because of this, Harry didn't want to confide in him when he was forced to cut his hand open during those detentions and why his scar hurt. The two of them were avoiding each other all throughout that year that when they did meet face to face, he could feel the tension.
He was afraid. He could admit that. He feared that his affection for Harry would put him in danger from Voldemort. He did his best to distance himself from Harry because he wanted to protect him… not realizing until it was too late that it was Harry's anger and negative emotions that made it so easy for Voldemort to look into his mind.
As a teacher and headmaster, he has to be both kind with his students but also have a firm sense of authority. As such, it is his job to teach, and try not to favor one type of student over another. However, he had watched over Harry since he was an infant and somewhere along the way, Harry's happiness becomes his number one concern. Albus had made the mistakes that he had foreseen—that could have been avoided—because he was blinded by love.
Once he realized that Harry was old enough to understand the full connection with Voldemort, he finally revealed the truth to him. And it's because of this that it serves to restore the relationship between them and they unite against their true enemy, Voldemort.
"I know that it wasn't easy for you," Albus went on, "But my goal was never to teach you to be a Death Eater killer. But to help you understand your enemy and give you the tools you would need to accomplish this goal in defeating Voldemort. But… just because you were directly tied in this war didn't mean that you could do it alone."
He could feel Harry's grip tightening and he was shaking slightly—where Albus knew the reason for it.
"It was my fault for putting on that ring, Harry," he reminded him, "I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late."
"But it was natural, you wanted to see them again. You went looking for the ring because you wanted to be forgiven," Harry reminded him but Albus shook his head.
"As I said before, I was unworthy to unite the Hallows," he whispered, "I had already known about that for a very long time, but still I haven't learned a thing. After retrieving the ring, it opened my eyes that I needed help, and our quest for the locket was proof of that. It needed two people to work in unison to retrieve it. I never would have been able to get it on my own… I never would have been able to drink the basin of potion without you there with me. That was why I drank it; I knew that I was in good hands."
"But I couldn't do anything to help you! Instead I forced you to drink that damn potion and weaken you," Harry cried out.
"But you were there," he whispered back. "When I was reliving my guilt, I could hear your voice and it was what kept me sane. You helped me more than I can say. I am so sorry to have forced you to witness such a thing… to make you keep giving me the potion… but teamwork was essential to defeating Voldemort… for to Voldemort, who only works alone, he never had a chance. Besides, my fate had already been sealed, that potion wasn't what killed me."
Albus just held him tighter, trying to show him how much he meant to him while he kept speaking.
"Harry, I meant what I said that day," he whispered, "I wasn't worried because I was with you. Because I trusted you. After we escaped from the cave… I was so weak I couldn't even walk on my own. I needed you to help me and never once have you ever let me down. I had planned my death with Severus but I never planned for you to be forced to witness it. I couldn't let you interfere with what was happening… but the thought that you would be forced to watch me die in front of you? I can only imagine the nightmares that were given to you because of me."
He continued to rub Harry's back as he continued to allow the tears to fall as he said everything that he wished he could have said before.
"And I know that you held onto a considerable amount of anger and resentment towards me this last year," he acknowledged. "But I don't blame you for that either. After all that you had to face and go through on your own, it's only natural that you would be furious with me. I know that I am not always a good man… but I tried to be. I admit that I am manipulative and secretive; and there were many times that I questioned my own decisions and wondered how I could stand to live with myself."
"I was just upset that I found out from Rita Skeeter, of all people," Harry said loudly, moving his head up slightly so that he could speak clearly. "I was angry with you because I didn't know what to think. I felt betrayed that you didn't trust me with the truth. And if you didn't trust me enough to confide in, then…?"
Albus pulled back, his hands on Harry's shoulders and shook his head firmly.
"You were never a pawn to me," he promised. "Never. Not a pawn, a weapon, or a tool to be used in my plan. You have always been so dear to me and that hasn't changed."
The two looked at each other, the silence between them both comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. But they both seemed to recognize what the other wanted to say.
"I'm sorry about all that I said," Harry said, almost sounding like a child who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. But Albus beamed back at him when he remembered that Harry wasn't the same child as he was before. Here, for the first time, he wasn't teaching Harry, but confessed everything about his past and begged for forgiveness. It was all he could do. And when Harry reached out to comfort him, it showed him just how much he cared.
"Don't be," Albus repeated with a smile as shame washed over him. "You have always been loyal to me even when I didn't deserve it. I expected nothing less than everything you said. But even with you knowing the entire truth, even hearing the whole story, you still kept faith with me. I can't tell you how much that means to me."
He pulled him back into a hug and rocked him gently as he muttered thank you over and over. They remained like that for some time—or perhaps it was no time at all. It was very difficult to decide such things in this place.
"I am sorry for making it so difficult for you," Albus added, speaking at last, "But my worst fear was that you would make my mistakes. I have known for some time that you are so like, yet unlike me, when I was your age. I wanted to see you rise where I had fallen… to prove that you could do it."
"You make it sound like being like you is a bad thing," Harry whispered back, resting his head against his chest as he held on with a fierce hug.
"You are your own person," Albus reminded him. "Not me or anyone else. The reason I never told you about my past was because I respected you so much and was ashamed of my own mistakes. I am not saying what I did to you was justified. I did use you and many others. Despite the fact that if this plan of mine worked, then the world would be ride of Voldemort, I still brought a lot of pain and hurt too many people, you most of all. But I want you to please understand that it wasn't because I never cared. I always cared."
At last, he drew away and Harry looked up at him through red eyes and he knew that he must look similar. But Harry was smiling in understanding and nodded.
"I didn't want to believe that you were a terrible person," Harry confessed. "You… are a complicated man. But that doesn't change the fact that you did a lot of good too. I'm only sorry that I forgot about that."
"I don't blame you," Albus told him, "I forgotten it myself many times."
They stood there, looked long and hard at each other's faces as they knew that their time had drawn to an end.
"I have to go now," Harry reminded him sadly.
"I know," Albus told him proudly, as he gently wiped a tear from Harry's eye. "It will be hard, but you were never one to take the easy way, my dear boy. Be strong… and be careful out there. And… though I don't know how much it will mean to you now… know that I am proud of the man you grew up to be."
Harry hesitated for a moment before a very kind look appeared in his eyes and he said, "Who I turned out to be, I owe to many different people. I never would have made it this far without them. But… there's one in particular that I owe."
Albus waited before Harry took him by surprise and flung his arms around his neck in one final hug, which Albus returned just as tightly.
"Thank you," Harry whispered and Albus felt his heart filling up with happiness.
He meant what he said. Harry was never a pawn to him. He was never a piece that he moved around on a board that only he could see. Perhaps, that was all he wished that Harry was to him, but he did come to care about Harry's happiness. He knew that his life was going to be filled with suffering and hardship, but his place in it was to teach this young man how to be human and to help him learn to make the right decisions. He taught him all he knew and simply trusted that he taught Harry enough that he would find the answers on his own and reach a point higher than he ever could.
Just like how any proud father would.
"I have made many mistakes in my life Harry," he said as they drew back, "But getting to know you was not one of them. You were… I believe… what finally redeemed me for the mistakes in my youth. In some way, I came to believe that you were the only thing that kept me going. And for that I thank you. But… if you can only remember one thing from me. Then know this… I will be right here, lurking out of sight, just hiding behind the veil, but know I will be there watching over you."
"You mean it?" Harry asked carefully, as if afraid to hear the answer. "You'll be beside me?"
"Always," Albus vowed quietly.
Harry was almost as tall as he was now and all the unspoken feelings that he wanted to say seemed to pass between them in a silent understanding. It no longer mattered if Harry forgave him… he at least understood why he did what he did… and accepted it.
Knowing that Harry cared for him was more than enough.
"Tell me one last thing," Harry asked as he continued to fade away, "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
Albus could only beam down at him as he laughed out happily, "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?"
And then he was gone…
But Albus was still smiling, knowing that he would see Harry again… though he hoped that it would be a long, long time with many happy years in between.
