Chapter Three


[Note: This chapter is written in script format since it is mostly action or flashback sequences. I think it works a lot better this way, so tough cookies!]


References in this chapter:

-The Shining (1980)

-Chris Farley's appearance on All That (1997)

-Chris Farley's death (also 1997)

-Batman (1966)

-Alien (1979) or the parody from the Simpsons

-Kenan and Kel (the people and the TV show)


It is midnight at the mental institution, all the lights are off. Amanda is still in her padded cell, still tied up in a straight jacket, utterly, utterly alone. Her eyes are focused on something invisible in space. She is shivering dementedly and squinting hard, a la Danny in "The Shining." It turns out she is psychically summoning Penelope Taynt by going into a seizure [Note: Penelope appears real for the rest of the script, despite it being impossible, so tough cookies yet again!].

Penelope awakens in her bedroom, fully alert. She is still wearing the same clothes after 1X years. A loop of Amanda Bynes movies and TV spots endlessly plays on the television at the foot of her bed. A giant nude painting of Amanda hangs above the headboard of her bed (much like the nude paintings in Halloran's room in "The Shining"). She sits up in her bed at full attention.

Penelope: I'm comin' for ya Amanda!

She jumps out of bed and sprints out of her room, inexplicably determined.

Back in the padded cell, Amanda is shivering. She is hearing voices in her head from the distant past; fifteen years ago at least as if through an ethereal voice filter.

Chris Farley (voice over): Hell of an afterparty Dan.

Dan (v.o.): Yeah thanks Chris.

Chris Farley (v.o.): Should the kids really be here?

Dan (v.o.): Yeah sure it's a party innit? Alright now, because you're the special guest, you get Laurie Beth… and I get alllll the other girls.

Chris Farley (v.o.): Should we really be joking like that in front of the kids?

Dan (v.o.): No I'm serious.

Chris Farley (v.o., clearly disturbed): Oh…

Dan (v.o.): Here I'll top you off…

Chris Farley (v.o.): Thanks Dan [sniiiffff].

Dan (v.o.): Ha… Anyway, we're going back to my office; see you in the A.M. m'man.

Amanda (v.o.): Bye, Mr. Farley!

Chris Farley (v.o.): Wait… Don't leeeeaaaave meeee!

Penelope slows her run as she reaches the gate and the seemingly impenetrable wall of the mental institution. She has come prepared, however: she pulls a grappling hook out of her vest suit thing and shoots it straight up. It somehow latches onto the inside of the roof of the building. She tugs on the gun's cord to get it to recoil.

Penelope: Please...

The cord recoils after a comedic delayed reaction and she goes aflyin' up.

Deep inside the insanity ward, Amanda is shivering harder. In her head, she recalls a shocking memory in phonographic (pornographic?) detail; she hears urine spraying into a toilet whilst a disposable camera snaps. She also hears the omnipresent voice of her mentor, Dan (she always hears him in her head).

Dan (v.o.): You look cute even when you're going to the bathroom!

She blushes and responds out loud to the voice in her head.

Amanda: Oh Dan, tee hee!

Dan (v.o.): I'm serious.

Cut to Penelope walking up the mental institution's wall, 1960s Batman style. She is singing a parody of the Batman Theme.

Penelope: NANA NANA NANA NANA NANA NANA NANA NANA AMANDAAAA… please.

NANA NANA NANA NANA NANA NANA NANA NANA AMANDAAAA… please.

Cut back to Amanda shivering. She is also drooling now. She has a perverted smile on her face.

Dan (v.o.): All right, we're gonna send you BOTH in on Amanda this time…

Kenan (terrified and pleading) (v.o.): C'mon Dan, I don't wanna do it anymore!

Kel (also terrified and pleading) (v.o.): I don't wanna do it man, I don't wanna do it…

Dan (v.o.): You shut the FUCK up NIGGER; you do what the FUCK I tell you… or I will KILL you! I'll cut off the orange soda… or make you overdose!

5 Minutes Guy (v.o.): We can make it look like an accident so easy Kel…

We hear knocking on a door through the ethereal voice filter.

Amanda (heard faintly, as if on the other side of the door) (v.o.): I'm ready for my chocolate injection Dan!

Dan (v.o.): Two secs dear…

Cut to Penelope sliding swiftly through a giant air vent on her stomach. She is whistling the Amanda Show theme.

Penelope: I'm comin' for ya' Amanda!

It's all smooth sailing until she reaches the end of the vent. She crashes through it and goes flying. However, it is clearly a dummy flying as she crashes into a wall. She stands up, adjusts her glasses, and begins sneaking around the mental institution in her usual comic manner looking for Amanda. She happens upon the institution's night time security guard, it is the same fat Dan Schneider doppelganger security guard from The Amanda Show.

Security Guard: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing out of your cell at this hour?

Penelope: I'm no inmate sir! I am Penelope Taynt, Amanda's number one fan please!

Security Guard: Oh yeah, I remember you. I really don't think she's cleared for visitors just yet.

Penelope: Nonsense, I run Amanda's website www DOT amandaplease DOT com, there is no information on a visitor ban.

Security Guard: That website is still up?

Penelope: Of course, look inside please.

The camera pans down from her face to her chest and her strap on laptop computer. Just as she unlatches the laptop on her chest to open it, the camera angle deftly focuses on her back with the fat Danwarpesque security guard in the background looking at the laptop lustfully as if she is flashing him. He is mesmerized.

Cut to her front side again. She lays the laptop down on a table.

Penelope: You may peruse the website with my laptop's touchpad mouse please.

The security guard begins tooling around the website with the little touchpad mouse.

Penelope: Just stroke it to scroll.

Security Guard: It's 201X, I know how a laptop works.

Just as the security guard is sufficiently distracted, Penelope smashes the laptop screen down on the hapless employee's fingers. It clamps down like a mouse trap and he writhes around in pain, flailing the laptop up and down wildly.

Security Guard: Ah! My hands!

Penelope: That's what I call a mouse trap, please!

Penelope slinks away. In her search for Amanda, Penelope passes the rooms of various other female characters from the Schneider's Bakery universe who have been institutionalized during their various series [or are these girls really the actresses who played them?]:

-Heather (or rather Linda Cardellini in "Good Burger") preferably dressed in her HAWT goth attire like she was in the Kenan & Kel episode that she was in

-Mindy Crenshaw (or rather Allison Scagliotti on "Drake and Josh") pacing back and forth saying "this is a mental rehabilitation clinic" over and over again

-Cat Valentine (or rather Ariana Grande on "Victorious") with cube fists

-Sam Puckett (or rather Jennette McCurdy on "iCarly") painting a portrait of a hand on canvas.

Penelope unlatches each girl's cell doors. They all exit their cells calmly and silently (even Cat! Not singin' nonsense syllables or nothin!) and follow Penelope without saying a word downstairs to the reeeaaallly bad area, the wing of the building for the criminally insane; Amanda's stomping ground, to break her out.