Lamp
"I love this couch!" Sam beamed as she stood in front of her and Freddie's newly purchased sofa.
"Er…why exactly?" Carly cringed as she sat down on the couch.
"Do you not like it?" Sam asked.
"No, I didn't say that," Carly said quickly. "It's just…It's not something I would want in my living room…Or within a hundred yards of my living room."
"Carls, this couch is great!" Sam said. "It has footrests, a built-in-cooler, and seat warmers. I'm never gonna wanna get up!"
"I can't believe Freddie agreed to get it," Carly said. "He actually likes this thing?"
"Pfft, no, he said it was ugly too," Sam said. "But the nub is easy to sway, especially now that we're married."
"How many times do I have to tell you? Marriage is about compromise," Carly said, rolling her eyes.
"We did compromise!" Sam said. "We bought the couch that I wanted, and I spent all day with him yesterday breaking it in after it got delivered instead of watching the Shelby Marx fight."
"Breaking it in?" Carly frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Oh Carly," Sam chuckled. "Sweet, innocent, Carly. Let's just say you probably don't want to be sitting where you're sitting…"
"Ah!" Carly exclaimed, jumping up at once just as the front door opened and Freddie walked in carrying a large cardboard box.
"Hey baby," Sam grinned as she hurried over to her husband and gave him a long kiss. "What've you been up to all day?"
"Oh, I was just having kale wraps with my mom," Freddie replied. "She sent us some new disinfectant wipes, by the way."
"Yay…" Sam said dryly. "Is that what's in the box?"
"Oh no, this is a new lamp for the living room!" Freddie said happily, setting the box down and pulling out the ugliest looking table lamp Sam had ever seen. It was puke green with obnoxious paisley patterns all around the lampshade. "Cool, huh?"
"Um…" Sam said slowly.
"I know we were supposed to go shopping together for a new lamp this weekend, but, my mom brought this up from our storage unit today special for us," Freddie said. "Besides, I figured since you kind of picked out our new couch, you wouldn't mind."
"Right," Sam said, still looking at the lamp. "Um…well great! Go ahead and set that thing up!"
Freddie smiled as he turned on the lamp. "Huh, looks pretty good. Well, I'm gonna go run up an take a shower, and then what do you say we all go get some smoothies?"
"Sure, I'm down," Carly nodded.
"Y-Yeah," Sam said. "That sounds good."
"Cool, I'll be back down in a few," Freddie said, giving Sam another quick kiss. Sam waited until her husband was safely out of earshot before turning to Carly. "It's not just me, right? This is the ugliest looking lamp ever, right?"
"Oh yeah," Carly nodded. "It makes your couch look like it belongs in Buckingham Palace. Wonder why Freddie brought it? He should've just left it at his mom's so you two could've picked out a new lamp like you planned."
"Of course!" Sam said. "That's it, Carly! The couch!"
"Huh?"
"Carls, Freddie doesn't actually like this hideous lamp his mom forced on him," Sam said. "I mean look at it; no one could like it. He's just pretending to."
"Why would he pretend?" Carly asked.
"He wants me to make a big scene about how much I hate the lamp, and how he shouldn't have brought it in here without asking me first," Sam said. "But the second I do that, he's gonna point out that we got this couch even though he was against it. And we'll wind up 'compromising' by me returning the couch and him giving the lamp back to his mom!"
"Whoa…that's some plan," Carly said, somewhat impressed. "You've really rubbed off on Freddie."
"I know," Sam moaned. "The nub is getting good at scheming…But, this scheme is going to fail. There's no way I'm giving up my couch."
….
A few weeks later Sam was sitting on the couch in her and Freddie's living room, flipping through a magazine. Every once in a while she'd look up and glare at the lamp that was still sitting on the coffee table. She had thought she'd have gotten used to it by now, but every time she saw it, all she wanted to do was shove it in the back of the closet.
"Hey, hey," Carly said, letting herself into the home. "I have spaghetti tacos! Spencer asked me to bring these over for you guys."
"Thanks," Sam said. "Though if I eat anything I might throw up from having this disgusting lamp still in the room."
"Ah, so Freddie hasn't caved yet?" Carly said.
"No!" Sam snapped. "I've got to hand it to the doof, he's holding out better than I expected."
"Maybe you should just tell him you don't like the lamp," Carly suggested.
"I told you, if I do that I'll have to give up my couch!" Sam said. "It has seat warmers, Carly! I can't go back to having a cold butt; that's barbaric!"
"So you're just going to deal with the lamp then?"
"I guess I have to," Sam sighed. "I don't know how else to-wait a minute! I got it! I know how to keep my couch and get rid of that lamp!"
"Why do I already have a feeling this is a bad idea?" Carly said.
"I can't tell Freddie to get rid of the lamp, but if it were to 'accidently' break, he'd have to get rid of it anyway!" Sam said. "And since I never told him to get rid of it, he can't make me give up my couch! Holy chiz, why didn't I think of this sooner!"
"Sam, you can't break the lamp!" Carly said.
"Why not? It's the solution to all of this!" Sam said. "Besides, I told you, it's not like Freddie actually likes this lamp."
"But still his mom gave that to you guys, even if he doesn't like it, it could still have family value," Carly pointed out.
"Carls, it's a hunk of ceramic," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "All I have to do is shove it off the table. When Freddie gets home I'll say I accidently bumped into it or something."
"Well, I'm not sticking around for this," Carly said firmly. "I don't want to have to be involved."
"Wuss," Sam smirked.
"I'll see you later," Carly said, heading out the front door.
Sam turned to the lamp. "Alright, let's get this over with…" She slowly reached out and pushed the lamp off the table onto the floor, where it shattered into many small pieces.
"Ah, I feel better already," Sam grinned. "Now I can get back to enjoying my couch in peace and-"
Just then the front door opened and Freddie walked in.
"Hey!" he said cheerfully. "What have you-oh my God, what happened to the lamp?"
"Oh, um, baby, I'm so sorry, but I, er, I knocked into the table earlier while I was…vacuuming, and-and it just fell."
"Oh no," Freddie moaned, kneeling down next to the shattered remains.
"Here, I'll clean it up," Sam said. "But don't worry, we can go out tomorrow and find another lamp to replace it."
"We can't replace this lamp, Sam," Freddie said heavily.
"What do you mean? Of course we can," Sam frowned. "They have a hundred different ones we can pick out at the store."
"No, I mean we can't replace it because-because it had a lot of meaning behind it," Freddie said. "It's been in my family for generations and generations. My grandpa passed it down to my parents after they got married, and his father before that passed it down to him. And his mother before that passed it down to him."
"Whoa…" Sam said. "I didn't know that. You didn't tell me…"
"Yeah, I-I thought you might think it was a little lame," Freddie mumbled.
"How could you think that? We're married," Sam said, putting an arm around him. "I wouldn't make fun of your family traditions."
Freddie gave her a strange look.
"Okay, I wouldn't make fun of this family tradition," Sam corrected. "It actually sounds like it was a nice one."
"Yeah, I was looking forward to one day passing it down to our son or daughter after they get married," Freddie sighed sadly. "But…well, guess the tradition stops here."
"I'm really sorry, baby," Sam said gently.
"Hey, like you said, it was an accident," Freddie told her, giving her a small smile. "Don't worry about it. Besides, I did just bring it into the house without checking with your or engaging in any form of communication about it once so ever. Maybe this is just karma for that. I should've waited for us to pick out a lamp that we both agreed on. Together."
Sam looked guiltily over at the couch and felt a pang of sadness. She knew what she needed to do.
"Um, listen, Freddie, why don't…why don't we go out to the store now and pick up a new lamp?" she suggested. "And while we're out…we can pick up a new couch too. One that we both like."
"Oh no, Sam, we don't have to do that," Freddie said. "You love this couch."
"I know, but you're right. We should make decisions together, and I didn't do that with the couch," Sam said. "And…And I'd rather find something that we both agree on. Even if it means giving up my seat warmers."
"Wow Sam, that means a lot," Freddie said. "Thank you, baby."
"Of course, we're married…we've got to do this compromise thing," Sam grinned, leaning up to give him a long kiss. "It's the law. Alright, let me just run upstairs to get my shoes and then we can go to the store."
"Alright," Freddie smiled, kissing her back. "Sounds like a plan."
Freddie watched as Sam hurried up the steps and then looked down at the broken lamp.
Huh, she lasted longer than I thought with this ugly thing in here, Freddie thought to himself as he began to gather up the pieces of the lamp. The lamp that his mom had bought just a few weeks ago from a website that made furniture out of tick-resistant materials. He felt a little bad about telling Sam that fake story about how the lamp had been in his family for generations, but he couldn't help it.
He absolutely hated that couch.
I just can't believe I've finally pulled off my own scheme, Freddie thought proudly. Sam really has taught me well.
…..
AN: Thanks for all the support, guys, and thanks to everybody who has stuck with this story:) But no worries, I'm not ending it!
