12
Olivia lay in bed feeling a certain emptiness next to her. She slid her right hand across the smooth sheet, extending her arm, and felt nothing but cool cotton. Her wife wasn't there.
She opened her eyes and turned her head to the right and the empty space and crumpled sheets confirmed her wife's absence.
She sat up then and yawned before reaching to the left for her iPhone on her bedside table and lifting it, squinting to read the time as she depressed the home button.
3:13 a.m.
She placed her phone back on her night stand and yawned again as she swept the covers aside and swung her legs off of the bed and placed her feet on the floor, yawning once more and shaking her head to try and wake up.
She stood and went to the foot bench and took her robe, placing it on as she slowly began to walk out of the room and down the hallway, realizing how exhausted she was as she shuffled.
She loosely tied the belt and then moved up to the first room on the right—the twin's room—and peeked inside the cracked door. It was dark, contented breathing coming from two beings inside, Grace on her side, and Isabel on her back, both girls out cold.
She stepped away then and glanced down to the end of the hallway at the closed guest room door, where the elder Cabot's were staying, before she continued down the hallway and reached Theo's room, noting that the door was opened all the way. She carefully walked inside to find her wife sitting on the floor, back against the wall beneath the window to the right of their son's bed. Her knees were up against her chest, and her arms were folded on top of her knees. And she was just watching him.
Olivia moved further into the room then and Alex looked up and, even in the dimness, the brunette could see that the lower lids of her eyes were filled with tears.
"Hey…" Olivia whispered as she traveled closer and crouched to join her wife on the floor.
Alex leaned her head to the right and rested it on Olivia's shoulder. "I've been making the rounds.
Olivia smiled and reached for Alex's cheek, holding it gently. "Oh, yeah?"
Alex nodded against her. "I was in the girls' room for about an hour…"
Olivia moved her face closer and kissed her wife's temple. "And how long have you been in here, Babe?"
"About the same…"
Olivia closed her eyes, a pang of pain piercing her heart at Alex's divulgence.
Olivia had seen Alex at her worst—when Katie died, she had been an absolute wreck. But this. With her wife having gone through such a horrible nightmare, the death of such a huge part of her wife's childhood and upbringing paled in comparison to what had just happened to her, and the brunette knew that these two very different experiences would take two very different healing journeys.
She kissed Alex's warm, soft skin again. "Let's go downstairs, Al…talk…"
Alex nodded and Olivia stood and held out her hands, pulling her wife to a standing position. The blonde smiled and they wrapped their arms around each other's waists, but Alex broke away briefly to kiss Theo gently on the forehead and adjust his blankets around his shoulders before returning to her.
Alex slipped her arm around her again and they exited the room, Olivia shutting the door halfway behind her.
Alex watched her wife at the counter, Olivia's back to her, as she prepared the chamomile tea. Deep purple robe on, silky, dark hair down and tousled, and she looked absolutely gorgeous—even in the middle of the night.
Olivia turned then and began approaching with a mug in each hand, a smile on her face. She came up to the table and set one cup in front of Alex before she sat at the head and placed her own mug down and then sat and leaned back, looking at her. "Babe…?" Olivia reached forward and held her arm out, palm facing upward.
Alex placed her hand in the brunette's and they intertwined their fingers, the blonde studying their linked digits on the table, watching as Olivia began caressing her fingers gently with her thumb. Alex felt that lump again, felt her tears begin again—she seemed to be an on again off again faucet—and then took a small, slow deep breath in, and then let it out just as slowly.
Finally, she looked up and into the most empathetic eyes she had ever known—her wife's. The warmth of the chocolate hue in those orbs, the sincerity, the love they held, caused Alex's emotions to further build.
And those beautiful brown eyes gradually began filling with tears, as well. "I am so worried about you, Al…" Olivia whispered.
Alex nodded slowly. "I know." She swallowed again and looked down at their hands. "I'm worried about myself, too." She lifted her gaze back to her wife. "I just can't seem to shake this."
Olivia laughed lightly beside her. "No one expects you to shake this, Babe. It was less than two days ago, my love. This is going to take time to get through, Al."
Alex nodded again, feeling her face wrinkle. "But I want my life back, Liv," she whimpered. "The way everything was. I want everything back. And it just feels…so different…"
Olivia stood then and moved up to the blonde, leaning over. Alex stood and the two moved into each other, the brunette holding her tightly and Alex returning the hug with equal strength.
Alex felt her wife's hands slowly move up and down the length of her back then and she closed her eyes, relishing in the soothing sensation.
"I know, Babe." Olivia's voice was soft.
Alex felt Olivia's pillowy lips on her cheek then and she clenched her wife tighter, the warm softness of her wife such a comfort, a familiarity, a devotion. "Make love to me, Olivia…" she uttered softly.
She felt Olivia pause momentarily and then the gentle sliding of her strong hands continued.
"Alex…" Olivia began, her tone reluctant, and no other words came out.
Alex began shaking then, her sobs growing in strength from her wife's minimal response. Alex held on to Olivia tighter then, firmly pressing her body against hers, letting her hands slide along the silky fabric of her robe, feeling the warmth of her curves. The blonde turned her face and let her nose run along the silkiness of her wife's neck, taking in her scent, smelling her essence, before placing a delicate kiss there. She then let her kisses begin to travel along her jaw line, the intensity of her motions increasing as she heightened the strength of what she was doing, her mouth now sucking, kissing in an almost frantic manner.
And she felt out of her body somehow. Like this wasn't her that had her mouth on Olivia. As her hands began to grip the brunette's hips and backside with absolute need, it was as though an unseen force was at work.
Olivia moaned, tilting her head back. "Alex…please…"
Then, firm hands to the blonde's shoulders and Alex found herself separated from her wife, those cocoa eyes now looking at her with even more piteous responsiveness.
Alex covered her face with her hands and she could feel the anxiety, the tension, the frustration overwhelm her then as a wave of violent trembling overtook her and her knees buckled beneath her, her wife catching her before she hit the ground.
And Olivia was on her then, wrapped around her, as they both sat in a heap on the kitchen floor, rocking, crying, releasing.
"Shhhh," Olivia soothed, rocking her gently.
"I'm sorry, Liv," Alex whimpered.
"Stop, Al. There's nothing to be sorry about."
And Alex nodded against her, knowing that her wife understood her so well, so completely, that no explanation was needed.
Alex closed her eyes and spoke into the brunette's shoulder. "It's just that…I keep seeing that ceiling, those cracks…I can smell that apartment. I can smell the alcohol on Pedro's breath, his body odor. I can feel the dampness of him. I can feel my skin burning from the ropes. I can hear their voices."
Olivia's hand continued to run slow circles along her back and Alex moved further into her.
"I'm in the safest place I can be, Liv. When I'm with you, in our house, surrounded by our family, it's always been perfection to me. You've always made me feel so secure, Liv."
"And you, me, Al," Olivia agreed. "You always have made me feel the same."
Alex let her right hand cradle the base of her wife's head then and she began running her fingers through her thick, silky hair. "But when I close my eyes…and sleep comes in…it's all there again. I just can't get rid of it."
"It's gonna take time, Al."
They held each other for a few moments, the blonde hearing her wife's breathing, feeling her solid body, the tenderness of her touch.
"Do you still think about it? About what happened to you?" Alex questioned.
Olivia nodded against her. "Yeah, Al. I do. And I know you can always tell, Al…when I am thinking about it, right?" She pulled away then and looked Alex's face over before moving a lock of hair behind her ear and cocking her head to the side and smiling.
Alex nodded and smiled back.
"It comes back, Babe. Even though it was over two years ago, I still have nightmares every now and then…I still remember…" Olivia smiled wider then. "Hey…you think we can…can we…move to the sofa? Get off the floor?"
Alex grinned back. "Of course, Babe."
Olivia and Alex stood then and the brunette took her wife's hand before they moved to the sectional and sat—the brunette sitting legs outstretched along the length—while Alex crawled to lay on top of her, resting the left side of her head on Olivia's upper chest. The blonde felt her wife's left arm wrap around her and her right begin to stroke her back as Alex slid her hands beneath Olivia's upper back and buried her hands beneath her shoulder blades, getting settled in.
"And Dr. Lindstrom…you went to him three times a week for a year and now you go once every couple of months…" Alex thought aloud. "Did he help you?"
"He did, Al. He helped a lot in the beginning. He's trained in dealing with those kinds of experiences and he knew what to ask and what to say to help me, so…yeah, he helped me a lot when it first happened."
"But?" Alex brought her right hand from underneath Olivia's back and placed it on her wife's upper arm.
"But…after a year, I was much better and life went on and I saw how much you and Theo and Iz and Gracie were my healing. How you all were the glue that held me together and made me appreciate…made me sane."
Alex opened her eyes and looked off into the distance, staring into space. "That makes sense…"
They lay again, in silence for a few moments, just enjoying each other.
"I don't know what I would have done if the kids hadn't made it back and I had survived…" Alex felt her throat begin to constrict then, her eyes begin to well with tears. "I kept thinking…if something had happened to them…I don't think I could've gone on..."
"But nothing happened to them, Babe," Olivia offered. "They're just fine. As quirky and crazy and sweet and adorable as ever…"
Alex felt her wife's fingers in her hair then, stroking her scalp with her fingernails.
Alex's lids began to get heavier, she felt her eyeballs begin to roll, until fatigue overtook her and she closed them. "Can we stay here, Liv?"
"We can do that, Al…"
"Thanks, Babe…" Alex tried, speaking now becoming an effort. "and…I might try Lind…s…" she yawned and buried her face into her wife's clavicle, "…strom…"
"OK, Babe…"
She could hear Olivia smiling through her words.
"I love you, Liv…"
"I love you more, Al…always…"
And Olivia could hear her wife's breathing deepen, felt her arms relax against her, her grip lessen. She glanced down and saw that her wife's mouth was parted, tiny snores being emitted.
Olivia thought about her wife's roundabout admission to possibly needing to talk to a professional about what happened to her, and the brunette couldn't help but to think that Alex seeing a therapist could be beneficial to her. Dr. Lindstrom had helped Olivia and, when the time came to lessen their sessions and taper off to only when she thought it necessary once she had recovered enough and the constant night and daymares had ceased, she had stopped.
And Alex would know, as well, when that time would be right for her.
Olivia shifted her legs beneath her wife and then adjusted her back and backside, sinking further into the couch. She took a deep breath and then let it out, feeling her wife's weight on top of her, feeling Alex's contentedness, and feeling her own body begin to enter sleep.
Arraignment had been that morning and bail had been set, none able to afford it. Raul was still pleading not guilty and the prosecution was looking into offering a plea bargain in return for a change in admission of guilt. Armando and Pedro pleaded guilty on all counts and sentencing was set for some time later in the week. All wished to avoid a trial, if at all possible.
Rosa was still no where to be found, possibly having left the area, perhaps the state or country, entirely, and Armando and Pedro hadn't said a word about her whereabouts, either. Raul had also kept his lips sealed on her possible location, but not his less-than-stellar opinion of her. Neighbors and Abuelita had been questioned with no leads and no clues as to where the young woman had fled.
Fin had also put out photos to all of the pawn shops in the area and in the five boroughs, letting all of them know that if rings matching the pics were currently at the site, or happened to be brought in, to contact NYPD as soon as possible.
The rings hadn't been found in the apartment, even after an extensive search, and so the hunt had been expanded to pawn shops, thrift shops, and secondhand stores in the entire area in hopes that Alex's rings would somehow turn up.
And when they had been found, Olivia had been more than ecstatic, and she couldn't wait to share the news with her wife.
She had just picked them up from evidence earlier that morning, after the arraignment—the rings having been dusted and photographed already and Olivia having begged for their early release—and the brunette had also just returned from having them professionally cleaned.
With the kids at school, the older Cabots out running shopping errands, and Alex at home taking some time off of work to heal, Olivia had something that she desperately wanted to do. Something she knew would make her wife more than elated.
She pulled the BMW into the garage, in between the Datsun and the Rover, and turned the car off, reaching for the surprise she had in the passenger seat next to her, smiling to herself.
She took the container into her hands and then exited the car, closing it with her hip before she moved to the garage door leading to the kitchen. Opening it quietly, she could immediately hear the whir of the dryer, the rinsing of the washing machine cycle, the scent of fabric softener hitting her senses.
Creeping further inside the house, she shut the door quietly behind her and stepped forward, noticing her wife on the sofa with a cup of coffee in her hands, sipping, looking casual in a pair of heather gray joggers and a white cardigan, her bare feet tucked beneath her and to the side, her hair up in a messy bun, glasses on, eyes on Chris Cuomo CNN on the TV.
Olivia moved closer, holding the surprise behind her back.
Alex looked up, slightly taken aback.
"Hey, Al…" Olivia smiled.
"Liv? What are you—? Is everything OK?" Alex leaned forward and placed her mug on the coffee table before untucking her feet and sitting cross-legged and bracing herself to begin to stand.
"Don't get up, Al. I just came home because I wanted to give you something." Olivia smiled, the gift in both of her hands behind her back.
"Give me something?" Alex raised her eyebrows, smiling.
Olivia nodded. "A surprise."
"You came home just to give me a surprise? It couldn't wait until tonight?" Alex smirked then.
Olivia shook her head. "No, it couldn't." Olivia sat on the sectional, right next to her wife. "Close your eyes, Babe."
A commercial came on the TV then, an ad for a new Buick blaring vibrant, loud dubstep music. Olivia reached over with her left hand and grabbed the remote control and muted it before setting it back on the coffee table. She then returned her left hand to behind her back.
"They're closed, right?" Olivia ducked her head lower and then moved to the left and then to the right, inspecting her wife's eyes.
"They're closed, Liv." Alex smiled.
Olivia brought the small, black, glossy hinged box from behind her then, glancing at the gold lettering on top. "OK, Al. Open them."
Alex's blue eyes opened and she looked at Olivia grinning wide before she looked down at what the brunette was offering. The blonde's eyes went wide then, her mouth opening in shock, before those amazing blues looked back at her.
"You found them?"
Olivia's heart melted at her wife's expression. "We did, Babe. And…do you recognize the box?"
Alex nodded quickly. "Where we both got our rings for each other…in Southampton." She looked back at it. "Is that the…same box, Liv?" Her eyes met her own.
"It is, Al. I dug it out of our artifacts. I had both rings professionally cleaned and all shined up and they're as good as new."
Alex's eyes filled with tears then, her lower lip trembling. "I'm so glad…" she whispered, "…I want…" she sniffed, "…I want to see them."
Olivia smiled. "I can do better than that, Al…" The brunette leaned closer and then moved onto the floor, kneeling on her left knee and holding the box out to her before lifting the lid. She couldn't help but smile as she watched her wife so happy, the joy radiating her every feature. "Will you, Alexandra Elizabeth Benson-Cabot, be my bride for ever and ever, until the end of all infinity?" Olivia raised her eyebrows.
Alex took her wife's face in her hands, nodding emphatically, tears now streaming down her cheeks. "Yes, yes, yes…a million, trillion, quadrillion times yes…" Alex uttered.
Olivia removed the rings from the box and then took her wife's left hand. She brought the milky creaminess to her mouth and kissed her ring finger gently before sliding them onto her slender digit. She eyed them before looking back into her eyes.
"Beautiful," Olivia said softly. "Thank you for making me the happiest woman in history, Al."
Alex only nodded and Olivia moved further onto her knees and into her wife and they held each other tightly.
"We're gonna get through this, Alex," Olivia promised. "However long it takes. Whatever support you need, Babe. We'll overcome this together. OK?"
Alex nodded against her. "With you, Liv…we can do anything," she whispered.
A/N: All I can say is…I love the relationship part of this. Forgive any legally incorrect writings. I never wanted to deal with writing a court case, etc. because I am not equipped. So, let's just focus on the ladies. All I've ever wanted to do. I hope to hear from you. And some more favorites would be great.
Favorites bring readers.
So please favorite.
And review this last chapter to let me know how you liked it!
I think I'm done with this particular story. It's really been depressing and draining for me, as I get all-consumed when I write a story/chapter.
I have written what is important to the plot, I think, and it has closure.
Thank you for all of the favorites, follows, and reviews for this one. I look forward to hearing from those of you who read it after the fact.
If you are a fan of the entire LWL series, you know how their lives turn out, so all is good:)
I will now focus on the "Memories", the "Hot and Heavy" and the "Vacations" sections (upbeat and happy!) so please favorite those to get updates.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.
