Reptile

"Alright, my flamingo sculpture is finally done, I paid my fee to the fire department, and I cleaned out my bellybutton for the week!" Spencer said happily as he stepped out of his room into the living room. "Now I can finally sit back, relax, and watch some-of of course!"

Sam, who had been lounging on the couch, looked up from her phone. "Oh, hey," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I-I live here!" Spencer exclaimed. "What are you doing here? I didn't even hear you come in!"

"How's that my fault?" Sam shrugged simply.

"You know, Carly's not home," Spencer said. "She's out with some boy."

"I know," Sam said simply. "But Fredwad and I are having a lunch date here."

"You-Oh come on!" Spencer exclaimed. "I can't even have lunch dates here!"

Just then the front door of the apartment opened and Freddie walked in carrying about a dozen bags from Inside-Out Burger.

"I got lunch!" Freddie announced.

"Whoa, I know I usually eat a lot, but you didn't have to get twelve meals," Sam said. "I would've been good with four or five. Oh well, I guess I can go for a personal record."

"They're kid meals," Freddie told her as he set the bags down on the kitchen table.

"Oh," Sam frowned. "So you just got twelve?"

"Why'd you get kids meals?" Spencer asked.

"Because!" Freddie said excitedly, digging into one of the bags. "Guess what toys Inside-Out Burger is giving away with these meals now? Galaxy Wars figures!"

He pulled out a small, plastic NugNug.

"Oh my God…" Sam sighed.

"Oh my God!" Spencer gasped.

"I know," Freddie grinned at Spencer. "There are twelve different figures you can collect. Hence the twelve kid meals I just bought. I'm so excited, I'm going to clear off a whole shelf in my room for these babies. For fast food toys, they're actually pretty high quality."

"Dude, you do realize that just because you got twelve kids meals doesn't mean you got twelve different toys," Sam said.

"What are you talking about? Of course it does," Freddie said.

"No, I remember going through this when I was six and I was trying to get all the Girly Cow toys from Tub of Chicken," Sam said. "Each restaurant only gets like, one or two toys each day to give out. Look inside the other bags, you probably have a whole bunch of NugNugs."

"What the…aw man!" Freddie moaned as he reached inside his bag and pulled out another NugNug. He looked in the other bags. "They are all the same! How am I supposed to get the complete set?"

"You'll just have to go to a bunch of different Inside-Out Burgers around Seattle," Sam shrugged, helping herself to some fries. "Not that I'm encouraging this pathetic obsession, but, you know, if I get food out of it…"

"How many Inside-Out Burgers are there in Seattle?" Freddie frowned.

"Nineteen," Sam replied promptly.

"Well then we'll just have to visit them all," Freddie said firmly.

"You're going to wind up geeking up fast food for me, aren't you?" Sam sighed.

….

"I don't believe this!" Freddie exclaimed a week later as him and Sam sat in the Shay's kitchen. "We've been to every Inside-Out Burger in Seattle, twice, and I only got seven out of the twelve figures. And I've consumed who knows how many kid meals this past week; I feel like I'm going to puke!"

"That's because you have a weak stomach, baby," Sam said, biting into her own burger.

"I think I've gained like, ten pounds this week too," Freddie said. "My jeans barely went on this morning."

"Yeah, you have been getting a little pudgy," Sam smirked.

"Thanks," Freddie snapped, rolling his eyes. "Excuse me for not having an insane metabolism like you. Seriously, how can you eat this stuff every day and be perfectly healthy? I feel like I'm going to fall over."

"Because growing up your mom fed you vegetables and tofu and chiz," Sam explained. "My mom raised me on chicken nuggets and French fries and cheeseburgers. This is all my stomach knows."

"Well, my stomach needs to learn to adjust, because I'm not stopping until I get those last five figures."
"Dude, come on, maybe you're getting just a little obsessed with getting all those toys-"

"Figures!" Freddie corrected. "Not toys!"

"They come in kids meals, they're toys," Sam said firmly. "Seriously, though, seven out of the twelve isn't bad."

Just then the front door opened and Spencer walked in carrying an armload of Inside-Out Burger bags himself.

"I mean you could've wound up like Spence," Sam grinned. "He's been buying these meals all week too and he's gotten the same one toy every time!"

"Ha, ha," Spencer smirked. "But this time I must've gotten some new figures. I hit every Inside-Out Burger in Seattle. It took three hours, but it will all be worth it if I just get at least one new-oh come on!"

He pulled out NugNug after NugNug after NugNug. "Ah! I keep getting dang NugNugs! This is a curse, I tell you, a curse! That chick I dated from the Inside-Out Burger must've had something to do with this!"

"How could she have-" Sam started.

"I don't know!" Spencer cried. "Ugh, this is ridiculous! I spent a hundred and seventeen bucks so far on these kids meals and I have nothing to show for it except thirty little NugNugs!"

"I thought it was going to be so easy to get this complete set," Freddie sighed. "But it's really hard!"

"Oh…well, like I said, seven isn't bad," Sam said, attempting to comfort him. "Come on, why don't we go do something else to get your mind off of all of this. Want to go to the movies? I'll let you pick what we-"

"You know, I think I know what the problem is," Freddie said, cutting his girlfriend off. "Seattle must have only gotten these seven toys for all their Inside-Out Burger locations! I need to expand my search. Spence, you up for driving to Olympia to try there?"

"Sure, I've got to get a different figure if we try there," Spencer nodded, grabbing his keys.

"What about our movie?" Sam demanded.

"Um…we can go later," Freddie said. "Hey, why don't you come to Olympia with us?"

"I'll pass," Sam said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, well, I'll see you later then," Freddie said, giving her a quick kiss. "Come on, Spencer, let's go."

….

"Why does the universe hate me?" Freddie moaned a few days later as he slumped down on the Shay's couch. "I'm a good person, aren't I?'

"Baby…" Sam sighed. "You're making it really, really hard to be a compassionate girlfriend right now. I'm this close to giving you flying wizband."

"Eleven out of twelve!" Freddie groaned. "I have eleven out of the twelve Galaxy Wars figures. I've never felt so defeated in my life! And tomorrow Inside-Out Burger is getting new toys for their kids meals. They're going to be giving out stupid Bambie doll things."

"So you didn't get the full set, so what?" Sam snapped. "How about the fact that you blew off like, five dates with me going around to try and get these? How about the fact that all you've wanted to talk about for the past two weeks are these toys? How about the fact that you've spent more time obsessing over getting that last toy than you have with me, your girlfriend? Huh? What about that?"

Freddie slumped even further down in his seat. "One Princess Amalgada figure away from a full set…this is really how this is going to end."

"Ugh, you're unbelievable!" Sam exclaimed, getting to her feet and heading to the door.

"Wait, Sam? Where are you-" Freddie started, but Sam had slammed the door behind her before he could finish his sentence.
"Well…fine then!" Freddie said. "I'll groan all by myself!"

….

"Eighty-six identical NugNugs," Spencer said, shaking his head as him and Freddie sat at the kitchen table. "What am I supposed to do with eighty-six identical NugNugs?"

"What am I supposed to do with a stupid, incomplete set?" Freddie said. "I'm missing one dang figure! It's a slap in the face!"

"Well maybe if you go to Inside-Out Burger one last time tonight, you'll finally get Princess Amalgada," Spencer suggested.

"No, I already called every single Inside-Out Burger within a three-hour radius," Freddie sighed. "Nobody has her. I'm just going to have to face the fact that I'm a failure. The only way I'll get Princess Amalgada and complete my set is if she magically comes waltzing through the door or something."

Right on cue Sam swung the front door open and stormed into the apartment carrying a single paper bag from Inside-Out Burger.

"Oh, hey Sam," Freddie said. "What are you-oh my God!"

Sam had silently reached into her bag and pulled out a plastic figure of Princess Amalgada; the exact one Freddie needed to complete his collection.

"How did you-What did you-Sam, you did it!" Freddie exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "You got the last figure I needed! Oh baby, you are officially the best girlfriend to ever exist. But how did you manage to-"

"I have my ways," Sam replied.

"Let me just hold her and-"

"Not so fast, nub," Sam said, quickly pulling the figure back. "Who says I'm giving this to you? I got it from my kids meal just now."

"What-What do you mean?" Freddie frowned. "Why wouldn't you give it to me? You hate Galaxy Wars?"

"I dunno, I can let Frothy have this as a chew toy or something," Sam shrugged.

Both Spencer and Freddie gasped.

"Sam…baby, I-I don't understand," Freddie said. "You-You know I just need Princess Amalgada to finally complete my set, right?"

"Oh I know," Sam smiled.

"So-So why wouldn't you want to give him to me?" Freddie said. "Don't you love me?"

"Pfft, don't play that card, Fredbutt," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "Look, I am willing to give you this toy-"

"Great!" Freddie cheered, perking up.

"But!" Sam continued, pulling the figure back again. "I have a few things you need to agree to first."

"Um, okay," Freddie said. "What are they?"

"First, I want you to take me out tonight for a real meal," Sam said. "I've had to eat fast food so many times these past few weeks that I've actually…I've gotten sick of it! You happy? You've officially ruined one of my favorite restaurants for me! So tonight we're going some place nice, without a drive-thru, and I'm going to get lobster or steak or something other than a burger and fries, understand?"

"Done," Freddie nodded at once. "Now can I have-"

"Number two!" Sam continued. "You're not allowed to keep these dumb toys anywhere in your room where I'll be forced to look at them when I come over. After everything they've put me through, I never want to see them again."

"Deal," Freddie said. "So can I-"

"And number three!" Sam went on. "I want you to promise me that you'll never get this obsesses over anything as stupid as collecting toys from Inside-Out Burger again! I don't like being pushed to the back burner, especially for something like this."

Freddie's face fell. He supposed he had neglected Sam these past few weeks. It must've been annoying for her to have him so preoccupied over something that, now that he thought about it, did seem a bit silly.

"Okay," Freddie agreed heavily. "I guess I did get carried away. I'm sorry, Sam. It will never happen again."

"Shoosh yeah it won't," Sam smirked. "Alright, well, I guess you can go ahead and take this then."

She tossed the figure over to Freddie, who caught it at once.

"Alright!" he exclaimed. "I can't believe it! I got all of them! I need to go home and put Princess Amalgada with the others and-er, actually…that can wait. Sam, let's go get smoothies or something before dinner."

"Aw," Sam smiled, leaning over to give him a quick kiss. "Very sweet, nub. But…oh, just go ogle at your 'complete set' for a few minutes, and then we can hang out."

"I love you!" Freddie beamed, kissing Sam back and sprinting out of the apartment.

God, I'm dating a total nerd, aren't I? Sam thought to herself, though she couldn't help but smile.

"Alright, well I'm going on the web to see if I can sell eight-six NugNug figures," Spencer said. "Wish me luck!"