I only own my OC's!
Advice
Once I'm finally done, I step into my office with one of my many books from our library, and settle on the couch to read.
Rather than read my book, I glance over to watch the minicon recharge, and think back to the talk Aid and I had while Spot and Optimus brought the new furnishings in.
Aid had taken half an hour from the med-bay to explain docking—simply attaching a minicon or laying them against your spark to fuel them in emergencies—which can be used to strengthen a symbiote bond or form one in this special—and actually rather common in the past—case.
He looks so small and defenseless when he's asleep, and even though I know he's not defenseless, I still feel a desperate pull to protect him from whatever could hurt him, while at the same time, feeling like I should just let him live his own life and not try to hold him back… ~Spot…~
~What's wrong, Little Sis?~
~It's…hard to explain…~
~Talk to me, Mari.~
~First, are you done putting that toilet and sink in?~
~Yep. Groove and I made sure it was secure, and I've got it hooked into our plumbing, so we're good!~
~Good…~ I sigh heavily through the bond. ~Would we be able to go out back…maybe to the base?~
~Mari…~
~I want to talk with you and Silver both…~
~Oh… This is about Fixit, isn't it?~
~Y-yeah… I don't know how I'm supposed to…to do this…this… Um…leadership thing…~
~You don't know how to lead a single minicon?~
~Oh ha ha, Spot. You know as well as I do he's only going to be the first of many… And…and I want to do it right… I don't want to make him think I don't care…but I don't want him to think I'm sheltering him either… and I'm just…lost! I'm lost, Spot!~
~Calm down, calm down. It's all right. I've been there before. It's okay. I'm sure Silver will be able to help you.~
~You're sure he can?~
~If he can help a newspark mech figure out leadership dilemmas when he'd just about lost his brother… He'll have no problem helping a newspark Symbiote carrier that's part of a gestalt figure out what she's doing.~ He stops outside the door and taps lightly. ~Come on. You can bring Fixit if you want… It won't bother any of us… Least of all me.~
I shift up to bot form and pick the sleeping minicon up before laying him against my chest—in a docked position even though he's asleep—and putting the dark pink blanket over him. ~You…~
~I met Silver the day after Aid was hurt by the disruptor cannon, Mari. I was at a pretty low point at the time…I didn't know what to do, and there was a big chance we could have lost Aid… We weren't even a vorn yet, but…but we almost lost a part of ourselves…~
~Hey, it's okay…~
~And I can tell he's already like…like one of us, to you… It's like he's another part of us, and we could lose him, just like we could have lost Aid…~
~Spot…~
~And he's a medic too…~
~Nurse, actually. Medical assistant. But you do have a point.~ I stop and give the mech an awkward hug at the door to the main base. ~This is bringing everything back from when you almost lost Aid, isn't it?~ He nods. ~And I can feel your emotions, Spot. Don't cry for me, okay? I'll get through this. We all will. (singing) Just have a little faith and you'll see.~
~Okay, okay. I get it. Now it's my turn to calm down.~
~Yep.~ We step up to the Aerials door, and I step up to knock on it lightly.
"Who is it?"
"Flight…" Silverbolt opens the door and smiles at the three of us. "Hey, Spot. What's going on?"
"Mari needs some advice, and she wanted to talk with both of us, so…"
"Want to go somewhere else? My brothers might try to interrupt…"
"As usual." Spot deadpans with a smile.
"We can go back to my office." I shift the recharging minicon in my arms slightly, causing the blanket to slip. The base is warmer than outside, but it's still not warm enough for the little fellow, so I quickly attempt to catch the blanket without running the risk of dropping the minicon, but it slips through my fingers. Before I can adjust enough to pick it up, Spot grabs it and helps me re-cover the minicon before he gets chilled. "Thanks…"
"Don't mention it."
my office
"This is really nice, Mari."
"Thank you." I sigh heavily. "Credit goes to Hot Spot, though. They set it up for me." I shrug. "But I only have the one bot-sized chair…"
"We can sit on the floor, Mari. We don't need chairs."
"Okay…" I lay Fixit on the couch before returning to human form and settling beside him, and pull my fleece blanket close. I need it, with the stress I'm under right now.
"Now, what's going on, Mari?"
I sigh softly, and run a hand over Fixit's head as I think. "I'm…" I shake my head, causing Spot to reach over and lay a finger on my leg. I rest my braced hand on it lightly. "I'm going to be working on forming a symbiote bond with the little guy here, and…" I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees before putting my chin on my hands. "He's at the beginning of a high-risk carriage, and…and I'm already scared of losing him…"
"He's the one we helped rescue this morning, isn't he?" I nod. "He's really cute."
"Thank you. He's also really sick, Silver. Aid said if he loses the sparklet, he won't survive it, and… And part of me says I need to do everything I can to keep him safe, but…"
Silver smiles slightly. "But the rest of you doesn't want to shelter him too much, and insists he should get to be his own person." I nod. "That's a typical problem with a gestalt leader, Mari. We want to keep them all safe, but every one of us feels that pull to answer our callings as well… It's not easy, but we do it because we have to." He sighs. "I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, but I have to say it before we go much further."
"I understand." I sigh heavily. "I just…don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore… I thought I'd gotten everything figured out, after Aid told me I was a Prime, but…" I sigh heavily. "More times than not, I catch myself doing or saying something that undermines Spot's leadership… And he's always been okay with it, but I feel so guilty about it…and…"
Silver turns to Spot with a startled look. "She's been taking command?"
"Not a lot, Silver. It's only happened three times, and it's always been in times of stress…it's like she's a natural-born leader, even if she doesn't think so…"
I nod. "The first time…I'd just shot a man for attacking them, even though they'd wanted me to stay inside, and…I was so scared that I'd lose them that I couldn't follow the orders I'd gotten through Aid… Then…"
"She started beating herself up… Actually, I don't think she's really stopped…" I shake my head. "She's just as pacifistic as Aid, Silver, but she's got this…hero complex… Like she has to fight for those who can't… I tried to tell her the same thing I had Aid, and she…well…"
I feel someone shift before sitting beside me, his arm around my back. "We've been through something similar with Aid. If you don't want to fight anymore, we won't make you."
"I-I…" I sigh softly. "I have to know how… I promised Ratchet…I'd fight for him…"
"We can fight for him. Don't…don't force yourself to go against who you are. We'll fight. I told Aid I wouldn't let him be in that position again—that he wouldn't touch another weapon as long as I'm alive if that's what it took…"
I sigh softly. "You don't have to go that far, Guys. I like weapons, I just don't like pointing them at something alive. That gun I used…it's mine, from back home. I got it for Christmas when I was seventeen."
A white leg slips into my line of sight as Aid settles on my other side. "Your fire won't kill, and Groove and I could teach you Circuit-Su."
I scoff softly. "Third degree burns are just as bad, if not worse, Aid. They'd be in pain…" I shake my head. "I'm not using my fire on humans, and that's final. Cons…maybe. I don't know yet." I close my eyes, and sigh softly. "I want to be my own person, now, and who I am… I-I can't do that again. I'll have to, someday, I know, because I'm a prime, but…"
I hear a soft scoff to my right. "I'm still your commander, you know."
I giggle. "I know… I'm not undermining you, Spot, I just…" I sigh softly. "My beliefs are so contrary to what I've been taught, growing up, that I don't know what to do…" I rub my arm anxiously. "I may never know what's right…"
"You're more stubborn than Aid."
I shrug. "I'm alive, aren't I?"
I sigh softly, catching the memory instantly. "I'll have to fight, Silver, even if I don't want to, because I'm a Prime… Mariposa Prime… But I hate the idea of hurting people… And it's not like I'm trying to undermine him…"
"Then she took command this morning."
"She did?"
"The mission was all her plan, Silver. I didn't even…"
I think back to that morning.
Now that I'm fully awake, I give Hot Spot a horrified look. "Call Silver. Get Superion to back you up. We'll need Defensor to run interference, and Ratchet's not leaving this property while he's sparked, so I may need Aid if it's bad. I'm not trained enough for solo work yet." I blink. "Sorry if I seem to be taking command—"
"Don't worry about it. You're a prime. You're supposed to. You're not undermining me, Mari." He sighs. "You were saying?"
"Right…Superion, Defensor, no Ratch…Aid…" I smile. "Okay. Get Optimus and the rest of the warriors just in case we need a strike team, though I doubt we will. Have Prowl handle the Alderman. Let's roll."
I rub the back of my neck. "Guess I did seem a little… Overzealous… This morning…"
Spot shakes his head, and smiles over at me. "It was a good plan, Mari. Things might have gone to the pit without you. Street might be hyper-aware, but Silver's the one with a tactician, not us. It could have cost us precious time having to go through Skydive for a plan, because he doesn't know Chicago yet."
"That's true… What about the third time?"
"At the furniture store a few hours ago, but I was kind of leaving that up to her because it was for her minicon."
I shrug. "I just…wanted to make sure he had what he'd need… That he wouldn't have to struggle through this any more than he has already…"
"I understand, Mari. You're just worried about the minicon, and you don't know what you're going to do. We've all been there before." Silverbolt sighs before turning to Spot. "Did she have any siblings, back at her old home?"
"I had a brother, but…he's more like a Con than a bot, though…"
"Single carriage?"
"Yep."
"Did she act like this before you added her to Defensor?"
"I haven't changed much at all since I joined Defensor, Silver… Leaving home was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, though…"
Silver turns to me, his eyes wide with shock. "Were you close to anyone? A friend…cousin?"
"Best friend. We had a twin connection…"
"Same age, older, or younger?"
"Younger. By seven years."
"Wow…" He turns to Hot Spot. "We need to get those two together…and see how they act when they're together."
"What… What's going on here?"
Silver turns to me intently. "How did you sleep, before you came here?"
I tilt my head to the side, but answer him anyway. "Um…" I sigh heavily. "I had to curl into a corner on the floor sometimes, because I couldn't sleep alone…I'd cuddle with the wall…or a sleeping bag full of blankets…I needed a lot of them anyway… I told Aid this last week…the morning before we formed the bond."
"Not the part about the corner, Mari." Hot Spot sighs. "She did tell us once that she hadn't been able to sleep unless she'd climb in bed with her parents growing up, so…"
"And your room back home?"
"Cluttered. Worse when I was little, but still pretty bad before I left…"
"Hot Spot… Are you getting this?" He nods, seemingly speechless. "You already felt close to the Protectobots when you met them?"
I nod. "I'd been part of them in my fantasy… Then I got out here, and…it became my reality…"
"Primus…" Silver shakes his head. "If I hadn't met you guys before she was around, I'd insist she'd been a part of you from day one…" Silver sighs. "How long had you known your friend?"
"Since I was seventeen. I'm almost twenty-four now, so…seven years."
"So she is…"
"Almost seventeen now."
"So you met her when she was ten. Was her side of the connection just as fast, or…"
"We met in May, we became friends in October, and we noticed the connection at the same time, within days of becoming friends. Either we'd wear the same color, or the same style, but without planning it—though we planned it for fun sometimes… We had the same likes and dislikes… We were like twins separated at birth, Silver, and…and I miss her, so bad right now…"
Spot reaches over to me and lays a finger gently on my lap. "Mari… Why didn't you tell me any of this?"
"I…I didn't want you to think I didn't like being with you… I wanna go back, but only to see her, and… And I can't… I can't throw myself back to the lions just to see…" I trail off, not wanting to say what I'm thinking. 'My sister…' I shake my head. "And we can't bring her here without her mother's permission—not until she's eighteen, and…" My voice breaks, but I manage to not start crying in front of them.
"It's okay, Mari. It'll be all right." Hot Spot turns to Silverbolt with a heavy sigh. "We'll get through this, Silver… Mari's really strong emotionally, as you can probably tell, but…"
"We need to see the two together. How soon is her spring break?"
"Not 'til mid-March… It feels like it's going to be forever 'til I get to see her again…but…"
"It's only a month away, Mari." He turns to Silverbolt. "We'll see what we can do. Hopefully, she'll be allowed to come visit for the week, but we can't be sure yet…"
"Her parents are really strict with her… Not mean…just… They never let her spend the night at my place, and I only got to once at hers, back when Aaron threatened to drown me in a bucket of water when I was twenty…"
"We'll do our best, Mari. I know you want to see her, and we're not sending you back to your old family, either." Spot sighs. "Anyway… The two of you have quite a problem—one I haven't even fully figured out—but I can help you through it. You'll never get over the worry and fear when they get hurt… You will panic, especially if it's bad, but Spot and I will be right here for you if you need us, okay?"
I nod, then blink up at Silver. "W-what if…" I trail off before starting again. "What if…she is…actually…connected to me? What would I do? I already know I can't be without Defensor, but…if…" I look down at my lap. "If…"
Hot Spot moves closer before cupping a hand around my back. "You won't lose us, Mari. Even if it turns out we've only got half of you, you won't lose us. You're still our little sister."
"Have you guys had any…actual signs? Like…if someone felt something, and the other picked it up…"
I pause to think, my eyes lighting up when I remember a moment during an almost-unforgettable four-month fight from our second year as friends. "Back when I was eighteen—I'd had to re-take my senior year, and another girl—one I knew as a fair-weather friend and a cliquey brat—was trying to take her from me. I felt like I had to protect her, and tried to prevent her from getting close to the girl, but I failed at every turn. Made myself really sick trying to save her from the girl—nausea, headaches…and I triggered my asthma a lot as well, Spot…" I reach down and finger the mostly-green bracelet on my unbraced wrist—one of two I always wear anymore. "She gave me this, about a month in… Then her mom told her she couldn't be my friend… Then we were allowed to be together again after a weekend…though I don't know why she changed her mind… Then I threw this at her because I couldn't get her to stop running from me. I was hurting…and I got bitter and angry over it all, and I just… Didn't want to see her with the girl anymore…because she'd be hurt…" I sigh heavily. "She'd told me about two weeks before Christmas break, that she'd been having problems with her stomach, but she didn't go into detail…and I was nauseated all the time, especially after I ate…because of the stress I was under…" I shake my head. "She still gave it back to me, after everything, and… I still wonder if I deserve her…after all that…" I turn to the minty-green one in front of it. "I bought these last August, and she's got one just like it back in Indiana. They're—at least to me—a sign of perseverance…of rebuilding and…and staying together no matter what happens between us." I shake my head. "Regret is…is a real emotion with me, anymore, but I still believe, with all my heart, that she would have been hurt if I hadn't fought for her."
"Mari…" Silverbolt leans toward me intently. "Did she have the same symptoms as you then?"
"We never discussed it, and…we've never really wanted to before… So I don't know, but I think so…"
"And your sensitive spine? And hands?"
"Never talked about it… Guess we should have…"
"Was the protectiveness you felt for her the same as what you're feeling for Fixit now?" I nod.
Hot Spot stands with a sigh. "I'll need to go talk with Aid about what we've learned. If she still needs advice…"
"I'm good, but thanks…" I turn to Silverbolt. "And thanks for helping me, Silver."
"You're welcome, Mariposa…"
