=/\=
That Lieutenant Torres might take issue with something Seven had done was hardly a new occurrence. They'd been at odds with one another from Seven's first day on Voyager. What was surprising on this occasion was the chief engineer's violent reaction to Seven's latest attempts at understanding interpersonal relations.
After Lieutenant Torres snatched away the PADD containing her data on human mating behavior, disrupting Seven's observations in the mess hall, the lieutenant had become increasingly incensed when she read Seven's observational notes. Once she reached the citation from Stardate 52648, she screamed at Seven, "How the hell do you know when we're having intimate relations?!"
Her response was irrefutable. "There is no one on Deck Nine, Section 12 who doesn't know when you're having intimate relations."
Lieutenant Torres became so enraged, she actually threatened to break Seven's nose. Fortunately, Ensign Paris was able to thwart his paramour's attempt to carry out her threat. He pushed her away from Seven and out of the mess hall. It was disturbing, however, to see that Ensign Paris seemed as disgruntled about the data Seven had collected as Lieutenant Torres had been. At least he didn't say anything to indicate he meant to damage Seven of Nine in any way.
Clearly, Seven's study had hit a nerve.
=/\=
The captain ordered her - very nicely, but it was still an order - to cease taking what she called "field notes" on the crew. "This is a starship, not a nature preserve." The captain, just as Ensign Paris had said to Seven a few weeks previously, suggested that Seven should think about forming a relationship with a member of the crew. The captain even went a step further by suggesting a romantic relationship, noting that Seven had collected 30,000 gigaquads of data on the subject.
After giving the captain's order due consideration, Seven decided she should consult with someone about forming a relationship with an individual on this ship. Needless to say, given recent events in the mess hall, it would be inadvisable for Seven to seek out Ensign Paris for advice regarding this subject.
Despite the ensign's warning that the Doctor might overload her with advice, Seven went to him. When the Doctor offered to provide Seven with lessons in appropriate social behavior, as Kes had done for him, she accepted. He scheduled the first one for that evening, on Holodeck Two.
The slide projection-heavy lecture was far more detailed than Seven required. When the Doctor came to the image he identified as, "Fortress Ovum . . . besieged by countless Little Warriors," Seven called a halt to the lesson. "I am familiar with the physiological processes of sexuality."
Although clearly disappointed that the first one would not be presented in its entirety, the Doctor went on with "Lesson Two - Encounter in a Public Place." After conjuring up Ensign Paris' Sandrine's tavern program, the Doctor provided Seven with a script containing lines which were almost as annoying to her as the Fortress Ovum segment of the previous lesson. When she balked at this, too, the Doctor suggested she interact with one of the holographic characters in the Sandrine's program instead of trading lines from the script with the EMH.
While Seven was very tentative when interacting with "Steven," the Doctor was thrilled at the way his student was performing. Unfortunately, at that moment Ensign Paris entered the program and was peeved when he noticed his pool table had been deleted. The Doctor invited him to stay a while. "Watch. You might learn something."
The ensign did stay to watch. Even though the hologram was programmed to respond well to anything Seven said, the awkwardness of the entire scene was apparent to the helmsman, if not to the EMH. While the Doctor exulted over his pupil's rapid progress, the ensign was not impressed, particularly when Seven suddenly left the interaction, declaring that she had "mastered this exercise. We can proceed to the next."
When Ensign Paris advised the Doctor, "If I were you, I'd start looking for somebody to fill in for me," Seven considered the comment irrelevant. Unfortunately, she failed to ask the ensign what he meant by it. She was extremely unhappy when she found out.
=/\=
Over the following days, the Doctor continued to tutor Seven in dating skills. When they sang "You Are My Sunshine" together, she was too busy looking at the music and lyrics to notice the adoring way he was gazing at her. He was enthralled by her progress, unaware his view had been influenced by the rose-colored glasses perched figuratively on his nose. Pygmalion was falling in love, although Galatea was oblivious to his regard. Unfortunately, a lesson on recognizing the ways partners in a relationship expressed their emotions had not been included in the course syllabus.
=/\=
Although Ensign Kim's recovery from the disease he'd caught from Derron Tal might have been facilitated if Seven had been willing to grant him the privilege of a date or two, she didn't bother to consider him as a prospective date. This, despite knowing that in the past, he'd tolerated difficult behaviors from her without becoming unduly upset. Lieutenant William Chapman, a very efficient structural engineer who was also, as an impartial observer might notice, a very nice-looking young man, was Seven's choice. His reputation as a man who was often extremely nervous around women may never have been mentioned around Seven. If it had been, she would have discounted it as gossip, and therefore, of no consequence.
When they met for their date in Sandrines, he'd already ordered lobsters for their meal. That a food with an exoskeleton might not be particularly appealing to an ex-Borg with exoskeletal parts of her own had apparently never occurred to Chapman. She also had no idea how to eat a lobster, but gamely, she made the attempt. When she cracked hers open, pieces of the crustacean's shell and flesh flew through the air, splattering the lieutenant's face and off-duty outfit. She offered to replicate a new one for him, but Lieutenant Chapman calmly picked the pieces of shellfish off his face and clothing, and the date continued.
The incident with the lobster was only a minor inconvenience for Lieutenant Chapman. Giving up on dinner, he asked Seven to dance. It took a bit of practice, but after a while, they began to move reasonably well together. When Seven observed another couple on the dance floor twirling around each other, over and under each other's outstretched arms, she decided to try the same move. Unfortunately, she didn't warn him in advance. He ended up with a dislocated shoulder.
After Lieutenant Chapman left Sandrines to be treated by Ensign Paris in Sickbay, Seven approached the Doctor, who'd been observing her date. She told him she wished to terminate their lessons. The Doctor encouraged her to continue. "This may be a good time to cover Lesson 35: Shall We Dance?" he explained. He instructed the computer to play the song, "Someone to Watch Over Me," and offered himself as her partner. As he pointed out, he didn't have any ligaments that could be damaged during the exercise.
Dancing with the Doctor was much more successful than her trip around the dance floor with Lieutenant Chapman. It was notably rewarding for the Doctor, as well.
=/\=
Tomin, the Kadi ambassador assigned to visit Voyager to evaluate if the Starfleet crew would be satisfactory trading partners, was a monk who was expected to eschew anything that might stimulate an extreme emotional response. His order kept to a strict diet of bland food and a lifestyle devoid of wine, women, and song. Or hologram jokes. Tomin soon proved eager to experience a very different lifestyle. During his stay on Voyager, he ate spicy food, cavorted with holographic alien babes, and discovered the joys of imbibing syntheholic beverages.
When Seven and the Doctor arrived at the reception that was being held in his honor, he'd already consumed far too much of everything he shouldn't have, according to the dictates of his monastery. He was, as Ensign Paris observed, ". . . so lubricated, he'll laugh at anything."
Seven offered a well phrased toast in honor of their guest. She interacted politely with everyone. All seemed to be going well that night. When Ensign Paris observed this, he conceded that the parameters of an arrangement he'd made with the Doctor had been met. "I've got to admit it," the helmsman told the Doctor, "you've done wonders. All right. You win."
"Win? Seven asked.
"I know when I'm licked. You tell me when you want me to start those double shifts."
The Doctor smiled contentedly, sure of his victory, except - "You made a wager regarding me? Clarify." Seven demanded.
"It's not what you think!" the Doctor exclaimed.
Although Ensign Paris said she shouldn't blame the Doctor, claiming the bet was his idea, Seven was not mollified. In an obviously hurt tone of voice, she said, "I believed your interest in my social development was sincere, not motivated by personal gain. Clearly, I am not the only one who requires social lessons. Thank you for a lovely evening."
When she stalked towards the door, the extremely inebriated Kadi ambassador tried to entice her into exploring "human dating rituals" with him. She was not amused. When he grabbed her to stop her from leaving, she threatened to remove his arm if he didn't release her. Outraged, Tomin yelled so loudly, the entire reception came to an abrupt halt. And then he collapsed.
The terms of the Doctor's wager with Ensign Paris were that Seven was to arrive at the party and leave with the same date; they were to be on good terms with each other when the date ended; and she would not be involved in a diplomatic incident. Seven's behavior at the reception had failed to satisfy all of these conditions, insuring Ensign Paris a full month of freedom from Sickbay duties.
The aftereffects of the incident were mitigated by Seven's willingness to modify her nanoprobes to treat Tomin for intoxication. No one had previously suspected his body would react to synthehol as violently as regular alcohol. While Seven was treating Tomin, the Doctor asked his field medic, "Mr. Paris . . . hypothetically . . . if one develops romantic feelings for another person, how does one usually go about expressing them? It's for one of Seven's social lessons."
"Ah...Well, I recommend the direct approach. Tell the person how you feel."
"What if the feelings aren't mutual?"
"Well, that's the risk you always take."
While the Doctor pondered this response, Ensign Paris added, "Why don't you tell her? Come on, Doc. It's obvious the Ambassador is not the only one in this room who's intoxicated."
"She's my student!"
His field medic understood the EMH's dilemma. "A hologram and a Borg? Stranger things have happened. Just look at me and B'Elanna."
=/\=
When Tomin's superior came to the ship the following day, he said to him, "There are many distractions aboard this vessel. You didn't indulge in any of their more . . . colorful traditions?"
Despite his crashing hangover, Tomin answered, "Of course not!"
Neelix told the superior that Tomin "followed the itinerary you approved to the last detail!"
The superior smiled. "Oh, what a shame. It isn't a violation to explore new experiences . . . As long as you don't make a habit of it."
=/\=
The next day, Seven entered Cargo Bay Two and found a dozen long-stemmed roses on the console. The Doctor followed her into the bay. He told her the flowers were a gift, congratulating her for achieving the latest phase of her social development. Seven understood the significance. "You have developed romantic feelings for me," she said softly, wonderingly.
The Doctor went on, "It's as if you've become a part of my program. When we're apart, I feel like I'm missing a subroutine! I don't expect you to reciprocate, but I wanted you to know how I feel."
When a door chime sounded, however, the Doctor quickly said, "Computer, end program."
Seven - the real one - walked into the holodeck and handed him a medical tricorder. She'd modified it to increase its scanning resolution by 33%, since he'd mentioned he desired a more efficient instrument. The giving of a gift had been mentioned in Lesson 22 - "Thanks for the Memories." The lessons were definitely being terminated. "It's obvious there are no potential mates for me aboard this vessel."
When Seven reminded the Doctor he'd indicated he had something to say to her, too, he bravely replied, "I just wanted to say . . . the past few days . . . have been unforgettable. Thank you."
The Doctor never did learn if she heard the song he chose to play on the piano when she walked out of the holodeck. It was the same one he'd chosen for them to dance to in Sandrines, after her date with Lieutenant Chapman had ended so badly.
The song was "Someone to Watch Over Me."
If she did hear, the significance of his choice eluded her.
=/\=
