Chapter 7: Do You Even Lift?
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The vastness of space spread out before them gave Shiro a sense of tranquility like no other. Back on Earth people would be waking up to a sunrise but he was met by the steady movement of the planets and celestial objects surrounding the Castle of Lions. He was up chatting with Allura as she navigated through space when the door behind them slid open. Pidge walked in, shoulders hunched as she shuffled towards her seat, slumping into it drowsily. She let out a small sigh.
Shiro took pride in understanding his fellow Paladins. They all had certain quirks and habits that he had grown accustomed to but there were always times where something felt awry.
"Morning, Pidge," Shiro greeted.
"Reporting for duty, sir," Pidge said, lifting her arm to give a lazy salute.
"You seem exceptionally tired today," he went on, chuckling at her greeting. "Long night?"
"I woke up early," she mumbled, picking at the arm of her chair.
"Couldn't sleep?"
"Something like that."
Shiro stared at her a moment longer to see if she would elaborate but she resolutely avoided eye contact, instead focusing on her fingernails.
He understood the conversation was over for now but decided he'd have to keep a close eye on the youngest Paladin that day.
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Hours passed without any trouble and it was later in the night when Shiro ventured down to Pidge's lab. It came to no surprise when he found her nodding off in her chair, head lolling back lazily as her quiet snores echoed around the room. He learned from experience that waking her up when she was this far gone could be dangerous for both parties. He heard stories from some of the other people on the ship as well. Coran had one in particular where he said he found her sleeping in the kitchen some night and swears she almost murdered him with a coffee mug.
Too many fights and too many surprises when they were out fighting as Paladins made her wary and alert, even in sleep. To surprise her warranted an attack.
But if he was gentle enough even Pidge's sleeping brain understood he meant no harm.
"Pidge," he whispered calmly as he crouched down beside her. He shut her laptop with a click and slowly pulled her chair out away from the desk. The young girl mumbled, eyebrows scrunching together as his voice no doubt pervaded into her dreams. He couldn't help but smile. "Katie," he tried again, nudging her shoulder slightly. Still she slept. "I'm going to pick you up," he said, unsure if she was conscious enough to even register his words. As gently as he could he hooked one arm under her legs as his mechanical one slipped against her back. He reveled at how small she felt and how delicate and, not for the first time, felt incredibly large and clunky in comparison to the green Paladin.
It was when he placed her into her bed when he noticed a mix of red and hardened spots on the palms of her hands. Maybe she had been helping Hunk tinker with something new. He turned off her lights and exited the room. If something was wrong with her why wouldn't she tell them? As the door slid shut behind him his concern grew.
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A couple days went by and Pidge seemed to grow exhausted by the day. Either she showed up to places earlier than she normally would or she came late. A few times Shiro had went to knock on her room door to let her know everyone was having breakfast but came up empty. He checked all her usual spots and still couldn't find her. On those days she'd show up at the dining table and shovel down as much food as she could, clearly famished.
Today was another day. Shiro was normally the first out of all the Paladins to wake up. He was doing push ups in his room when he heard one of the doors in the hallway hiss open. He had an inkling as to who it was and thoughts rolled through his head as he tried to find purchase on a solid plan. He wanted to see where she crept off to so early in the morning and what she was hiding- why she was hiding but…that would be the wrong path to take. He trusted her to do what was good for herself and unhappily stayed behind his door as she passed.
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Eventually Shiro noticed Pidge was sporting bruises. She was pointing something out on a screen and the back of her shirt moved up, exposing some mottling on the skin of her back. He wasn't too alarmed though. It wasn't surprising for the Paladin's to gain some injuries after their missions. But she seemed to be gaining more and more even after several days without battle.
"Are those a fashion statement?" Shiro asked one day, pointing at a couple bandages on her legs. He didn't bother to mention some purpling splotches that seemed to add to her collection of mystery.
Pidge snorted. "Sure. Do you like them?" She propped her leg up against the wall, balancing on the other to showcase her new accessories. "I'm using alien themed band-aids courtesy of Hunk. He found them last time he went to the space mall."
"They're lovely," he admired with a chuckle. "But why the need for them?"
Pidge let her leg slide back down to her side, scratching the back of her head nervously. "Just been doing some extra training," she admitted.
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And she was training. Hard.
She was currently fighting one of the training robots in hand-to-hand combat. She was starting to tire. Who knows how long she had been keeping this up? Shiro watched her carefully. She seemed to be figuring out the best way to defeat her opponent without exhausting her energy. Pidge was panting and now he understood where she'd been gaining all her injuries. The robot was relentless. He hadn't seen it fight this intensely before and he briefly wondered what level of difficulty she had chosen. He briefly noted she was wearing her Paladin armor and felt proud of her choice. The armor was high tech and lightweight but it still added some bulk and took more effort to fight in it. Training like this would help her build strength and grow accustomed to it so the armor felt like a part of her.
The robot had broken through her defenses and she took a hit to her side in favor of blocking one to her face before pushing back. But he could tell she was reaching her end. He almost stepped in a couple times but the way she moved- she was determined. She collapsed onto her rear, breathing heavily as the training robot closed in on her but she yelled, finally yielding in to using her Bayard.
Her opponent was a frazzled mess on the floor and she collapsed onto her back.
Now, Shiro made to move and help her but paused when Pidge started laughing.
"Woohoo!" she cheered, arms raised. She kicked her legs happily before letting her limbs sprawl back down. "I did it!"
Shiro felt proud.
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Something still felt off.
He understood now that Pidge was trying her best to improve her combat abilities but there was something else he felt like she wasn't telling him. Of course the Paladin's were allowed to have their secrets but there were times when Pidge got strangely quiet and the callouses he saw on her hand came back to mind. There was something upsetting her.
He wasn't the only one to notice either.
"Ah shit, sorry Pidge!" Shiro walked in on Lance and Pidge playing some video games. It took a lot of searching but they finally procured something similar to what they wanted. Pidge was cradling her shoulder, glaring at Lance who hovered over her anxiously. "I didn't mean to," he was insisting.
"What happened?" Shiro asked, stepping in front of them.
"Shiro, move!" Pidge exclaimed, swiping up her remote. "We can't see the screen!"
Shiro shifted to the side, taking a seat on the couch beside the two. Well, she seemed to recover quickly.
"What happened?" Shiro repeated.
"I punched Pidge on the shoulder," Lance said, focusing on the game again.
"Why would you do that?" Shiro asked.
"It was a congratulatory punch," Lance defended, sparing him a glance for a moment. "She finally found all the materials to make her favorite weapon so I was all way to go Pidge! And punched her and she started crying."
"I didn't cry!" Pidge shouted, whipping her head towards the oldest Paladin. "Shiro, you saw. I wasn't crying. Lance is lying."
"HA!" Lance cheered, throwing his hands into the air. "Pay attention to the game. You're dying. You're dying…and you're dead."
"You cheated," Pidge pouted, sinking back into the couch. "You physically assaulted me."
"I tapped your shoulder," Lance defended. "Did you hurt it or something?"
"It's just sore okay," Pidge said, shrugging.
"What did you do to it?" Shiro tried asking.
"Nothing," she said. "I was training."
Shiro considered prying some more but the other two Paladins were already absorbed in another game.
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Shiro finally decided he had enough when he found her angrily throwing jabs at a punching bag down in the training room.
"What are you doing down here?" Shiro asked, walking around her to help hold the punching bag in place.
Pidge didn't respond for a few moments and the only sounds that filled the room was the steady thumps of her attacks.
"I thought you'd be knocked out in your bed after today's fight," Shiro continued. "Pretty sure the rest of the team is."
"I'm training," she ground out. Sweat dripped from her brow, darkening a spot on the floor.
"You've been…" Shiro sighed. "You've been training a lot. Is there something wrong?"
Pidge threw one last punch, with so much anger and power behind the hit that it jolted Shiro back in surprise.
"I have to train!" she exclaimed, breathing heavily and glaring at him. "Isn't it a good thing that I'm practicing?"
"Pidge, you're doing fine," he said.
She shook her head, frustrated and irrationally irate. "You don't get it," she said. "Did you notice what happened today? We had to hold shut those doors and everyone was able to do their part except me."
Shiro furrowed his brows. "There were a lot of bots trying to get through. It wasn't easy to hold the position-"
"But they only got through my entrance didn't they?" she said, her fury slowly starting to dissipate as exhaustion took its place. "They targeted Allura and-" Pidge groaned. "Shiro, everyone could have gotten hurt really badly and it would have been my fault."
Shiro swallowed thickly. He didn't know what to say.
Pidge walked towards the wall and bent over, picking up a large dumbbell with two hands. She walked back to him and nodded at his arm. Shiro opened his hand, palm up, and she dropped the heavy weight. He grasped it, confused and unsure about what any of this meant, but she had started to look increasingly uncomfortable.
"Pidge-"
"See!" she exclaimed. "I'm weak!"
"You're not weak-"
"I am, Shiro. Mentally? Not really. But physically? I'm weak," she said, exasperated. She ran a hand through her messy hair. "Well…weaker. No matter how much I train it's not enough. I could be doing just as much- if not more than the other guys and I'm still only able to lift a couple pounds less than them. It's not fair. Guys are just built differently! I struggled to hold that thing with two hands and you can do it with one-"
"No," Shiro interrupted, gently placing the dumbbell back on the ground. "You're still young. I've had years of fighting on you."
Pidge frowned and scuffed her shoe against the ground. She looked lost and tired. "I- I just want to be able to fight and protect you guys," she confessed. "We were able to find Matt, sure, but…if I don't get stronger I'm going to lose more brothers."
Now all the puzzle pieces fell into place. Shiro smiled tenderly at the youngest Paladin, reaching over to clasp a hand on her shoulder.
"You haven't lost him, Pidge," he said. "And you're aren't going to lose us either."
And those simple words lifted her spirits.
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Authors Note:
So, I had started writing this way before the recent seasons were released- probably around the end of season 3? I can't even remember. But it sat unfinished in my folder forever and I finally decided to get to publishing it. So technically this was written before Pidge reunited with Matt (so some edits had to be made) but honestly, I feel like it can fit in anywhere in the timeline! (But I guess technically it has to take place before they return to Earth).
Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed. Honestly, that's what motivated me to finally finish this. Sometimes I just need a kick in the butt and reminders that – hey, we're here and we want to read more! So, again, thank you!
Until the next one?
-Magma
