To Whatever End: Chapter Twenty-Three

-Kathryn-

The air was thick and damp that day as I stood alone in the gardens of Minas Tirith, sheltered by a few trees from the last of the light spring rains falling over the city. We'd been caught in a string of storms for almost a week straight, but today it had finally started to let up, so I'd taken advantage of the tolerable drizzle and slipped off to the gardens for some fresh air not long ago. Naturally, my path had led me to stand by Kaia's grave, though not so much in mourning as in simple, quiet thought. I'd been coming out here more often these days, and couldn't explain why, it just... it helped to think and clear my head out in the fresh air. And by this point I had plenty of things to think about, though in truth they weren't really things I wanted to dwell on. But every now and then, I would, and it would stir an unwelcome uncertainty in my heart, which somehow seemed less overbearing when I was out here by myself. And so here I was, standing before the small plaque marking Kaia's final resting place amidst the spring rain, thinking about the thing I was more and more afraid to speak aloud of these days: my future.

I stared down at the humble plaque as the rain lightly dripped against it, letting the word roll around in my mind. Future. Somehow, even at twenty-six, the concept of what to do with my future was no less intimidating to me than it had been at sixteen. In fact, nowadays it felt even more intimidating than it once did. Maybe that's because now it's sitting right in front of me, and not some distant thing to mull over. Which, as much as I hated to admit it, was absolutely true. It was nearing the end of May by now - Aragorn and Arwen had just been officially married little more than a week ago - and summer stood before me like a gaping pit as I struggled to figure out what the hell I wanted to do with it. For awhile now, I'd just been comfortably living in Minas Tirith as a guest of Aragorn's, which was totally fine when I had a reason to be here. First it had been recovering from the quest, and then for Aragorn's coronation, and then for the wedding, and now... nothing. There wasn't a 'next big thing' to look forward to, nothing to anticipate, just... life, and figuring out how I wanted to live it.

My eyes settled on Kaia's name as I stood there unmoving in the stillness of the gardens, lost in thought. It was one of those long, quiet moments, the kind you can so easily lose yourself in if you're not careful. And I did. So much so that I didn't even hear her coming until she'd stepped up from behind to stand beside me, my gaze never leaving the small plaque rooted in the grass. She said nothing at first, the two of us utterly silent as we stared downward for several long seconds. Again, my eyes traced over the letters engraved in the stone, if only to distract myself from the inevitable. I knew exactly why Erin was here, of course. I knew what she'd come to say, what both of us had been putting off for weeks now that we had to discuss. It was entirely unavoidable, yet both of us had been doing everything in our power to avoid it anyway. But now here we were. And so, amidst the rain and the soft chirping of the birds, Erin let out a breath, finally breaking the silence between us. "...So what now?"

And there it was. What now? I continued to stare blankly at Kaia's grave, trying and failing to come up with any kind of eloquent answer. "I don't know," I eventually muttered. "We... we move on, I guess."

A pause, and I felt Erin shift beside me. "How do you?" she whispered, maybe more to herself than to me. "How can we just move on, from... from all of this?" I had no answer for that. I don't think she did, either. My gaze danced between the white flowers dotting the grass, not knowing where else to look. Then Erin spoke again, still softly, almost hesitantly. "This turned into so much more than I ever imagined it would. It just feels... wrong, almost, that it's over."

I nodded. "Yeah, I hear you. But it is."

"It is." Silence fell over us again, and only then did I glance briefly to Erin, who now stared outward towards the glimpses of horizon she could see beyond the trees. She swallowed, her eyes dipping lower. "Will you go back to Edoras?"

I gave a small shrug, looking away again. "Maybe. I don't know yet. Míriel's happy here, and... I mean, I'm happy with her, so I feel like I could, maybe, stay here for awhile."

Erin chuckled to herself as I stumbled over my words, and I looked at her again to see her watching me with a warm smile. "You really like her, don't you?"

I could feel the heat creeping up my neck, unable to help my own small smirk. "Yeah, I do."

Her smile stretched the tiniest bit wider. "I'm happy for you, Kathryn. You deserve this."

"Thanks." Another pause. "How are you and Legolas?"

She sighed, turning her gaze outward again as she shrugged. "I don't know, we're just kind of... floating. Trying to figure things out." Her hands slipped into her pockets. "I don't want to force him into something that's not good for him, you know?"

I frowned slightly, glancing back. "Do you really think that? That you're not good for him?" Silence, and my gaze softened. "I think Legolas should be the one to make that call, not you."

"Yeah, I know," she said quietly. "I'm just afraid of what he'll choose."

My gaze lingered on Erin a moment longer before turning away again, understanding at least in part her uncertain fear. They loved each other, that was obvious, but what they chose to do with it was an entirely different story. I tried to change the subject for her sake, not wanting to dwell on the Legolas problem too much. "Where do you think you'll go now that everything's over?"

She shook her head. "Honestly, I have no idea. There was always so much going on with the quest, I just... never really put that much thought into it. I'm definitely not going to try and go back home, though. Back to Earth, I mean."

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm with you. I'm not going to lie, I really wanted to for awhile. I was so convinced for the longest time that I didn't have a place here, or a purpose or anything..." I trailed off for a moment, memories of those days coming back to me. "But I figured it out, eventually. My part in the quest, feeling like I belong and all... I don't think I want to go back to Earth either. I feel like I've finally built a life for myself here that's worth living."

A small smile crossed Erin's face, and she leaned over to lightly elbow me. "Well, I'm glad you're staying. It'd certainly be pretty boring to be stuck here for the rest of my life without my best friend. I've gotten used to having you around."

I laughed. "Right. Without me here, you wouldn't have anyone else to harass all the time."

"Oh, totally. That's the only reason I wanted you here."

I rolled my eyes at her deadpan sarcasm. "Wow, what a great friend."

Erin's smile widened as she chuckled to herself, looking back to the cloudy skies above. "I do my best."

-Legolas-

The large, ornate doors swung forward effortlessly as I set foot in the enormous chamber housing the great library of Minas Tirith, stretching far and wide with endless shelves of scrolls and ancient tomes as far as the eye could see. Woven tapestries and intricate paintings depicting worthy moments of history hung from high walls, the air smelling of parchment and ink, heavy with a thousand years of knowledge yearning to be discovered. Sunlight filtered in through sparkling stained glass windows lining the circumference of the room, and all was still and silent as I stood just within the entrance. Well, almost silent, save for the faint humming from somewhere deep within, a voice I knew all too well. I crept further into the library to follow it, weaving through the shelves and stacks as I sought out its source. It was not long before I turned a final corner and found just the woman I had been looking for, stretched out across a large armchair with her legs dangling over the side as she lazily flipped through the pages of an old book.

I smiled to myself as I approached from behind, my footsteps silent and unheard as I reached down to lay a hand on her shoulder. "That sounds lovely."

Erin nearly jumped out of her own skin, letting out a shriek of surprise as she bolted upright and whipped around to face me with wide eyes. I could not help but laugh as the startled expression quickly fell from her face, and she narrowed her eyes, lightly swinging her fist at me in jest. "Oh my God, Legolas! Why do you always have to sneak up on me like that?"

"Because your reaction is quite hilarious," I grinned, laughing again as she rolled her eyes. My gaze fell to the book in her hands. "What were you reading?"

"The creation of the Silmarils," she answered. "Fascinating stuff. I'm sensing a pattern, though - every problem you all have ever had in this world seems to link back to someone who's too obsessed with jewelry."

I raised an eyebrow as I stood over her shoulder. "Is that so?"

"Yes." She tipped her head backwards over the armrest to look at me, twirling the pendant around her neck. "That's my theory. So I'm thinking I'd better be careful with this necklace of yours, or I just might become the next Dark Lord of Middle-Earth."

"That would be a sight to see."

"Oh, don't even. I'd be terrifying, and you know it."

"Of course." A playful smile took shape on my lips as I reached over to pluck the book from her hands. "Perhaps it is best not to give you any further ideas."

"Wow, rude. I wasn't done with that."

I chuckled, still gazing down at her as my voice lowered. "Walk with me."

She blinked, taken aback by the request. "Now?"

"No, at the next full moon," I said sarcastically. "Yes, now."

At that, Erin laughed as well, unable to stop herself. "Christ. I've rubbed off on you way too much. Alright, sure." She rose from her seat, brushing her brown hair from her face as it spilled down to the small of her back. "Where to?"

I looked back at her with a small smirk. "Must there be a known destination?"

"You know what, that's fair," she admitted. "I like the way you think, Leg."

At that, my expression twisted into a disapproving squint. "'Leg?' That is the best you could do?"

"I don't know, I think it works."

"That is not a nickname, you just referred to me as a body part."

"Well, it's an essential body part, at least. I could just start calling you something dumb like Appendix. That's far more insulting."

"Or you could call me by my proper name."

"Or... I could just call you Leggles."

"Do not call me Leggles."

Erin laughed again as we emerged from the library, shaking her head. "You're no fun." We began wandering the halls of the citadel together, and she turned to look at me as we walked. "So, Elf Boy-" I stifled a groan, and her grin widened "-what's on your mind today?"

I shrugged, attempting to ignore her seemingly endless nicknames. "A good many things, in truth. I spoke with Aragorn earlier this morning; I believe he plans to hold a banquet in celebration of the summer season's beginning soon."

"Oh, really? That sounds fun."

"Yes, it does sound as though it would be entertaining."

"We should go, if he has it," she suggested with another mischievous smile. "I haven't had the pleasure of seeing Drunk Legolas in a very long time."

A cringe briefly crossed my face. "And by the Valar's grace, let us hope you never do again."

Still, Erin was laughing to herself. "Actually, Aragorn probably wouldn't let that happen. Then we'd both be drunk at the same feast, and that right there is a dangerous scenario."

"Dangerous is one word for it, I suppose." More chuckling escaped us both as we came to the main entrance of the citadel and emerged into the courtyard, the sun shining high in a cloudless blue sky overhead. As we drew nearer to the White Tree in its center, however, my thoughts shifted, remembering why I had sought Erin out in the first place. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt uneasy tension begin to stir, trying to mask my nerves as I spoke. "Erin, I... there is something I meant to ask of you today."

She slowed as we reached the great symbol of Gondor stretched over a shimmering fountain, curiosity in her eyes as she looked at me. Today they seemed brighter, greener, and more beautiful somehow. "Yeah? Is everything okay?'

For a moment, I paused, struggling to find the words and still feeling strange at the very thought of what I was about to say. "...I have been giving much thought to what lies ahead of me now," I began. "The quest is over, the Fellowship is no more..." My gaze drifted to the mountains on the horizon, where Mordor had once stood. "This chapter of history has come to a close, and now I wish to step into something else in its wake. Something... new."

Erin nodded, listening intently. "Yeah, I hear you," she agreed. "I don't entirely know what to do with myself."

I took a deep breath. "Well, I believe I do." Her eyes met mine, and though the words felt almost unnatural as they rose in my throat, I found it within myself to speak them. "...I think I am ready to go home."

Hazel eyes widened as the statement hung in the air, shocking us both in different ways. "...You're serious?" Erin asked, voice low and disbelieving. "Like... actually going back?"

I nodded. "I promised you I would, before the quest began. Do you remember?"

"Yeah, I do, I just..." She shook her head. "I didn't know if you'd still be up for it by now."

"I promised you I would," I said again, other unspoken thoughts passing through my mind. I promised myself I would. "And I intend to fulfill that promise."

Still, it did not seem as though the realization had fully struck her. "Wow, uh... when would you leave?"

"Likely before the month is ended," I answered. "It would allow plenty of time to travel and arrive in the north before the fair weather fades."

She nodded again, though her gaze fell away, distant and unfocused as the news sunk in. "...Okay, um... yeah, that's - that's great, Legolas! I'm glad to hear you've made that decision." She smiled, but it did not reach her eyes, some degree of sadness slowly clouding them.

I frowned, seeing the conflict in her face. "What troubles you?"

At that, her smile wavered, and she grimaced slightly as I saw straight through her. "It's nothing; I am happy for you, Legolas, I really am -"

"Erin." I took a small step closer, holding her gaze. "Tell me."

For a moment, she said nothing, eyes swimming with uncertainty. But then her gaze fell to her feet, and she let out a breath, almost as if in shame. "...I just wasn't expecting to lose you so suddenly." The confession came in little more than a whisper, and my frown deepened. "I mean, if you're leaving, it's..." she stuttered, fumbling with her words. "It's fine, really - it's good that you want to go, and you should, you know I support you and think that you should, but - it's just so far, and I won't see you, and-"

"What?" My head tilted as I drew closer, bewildered by her implications. She looked back at me, and I shook my head. "You think I would willingly leave you behind?"

Her face fell, and I nearly laughed at the idea that it would ever even cross her mind. "You wouldn't want to go alone?"

My eyes never left hers as I gently reached out to clasp her hands in my own. "I would not want to go anywhere without you. I came to ask that you come with me."

Surprise and relief passed over her in the same breath then, it seemed, and she smiled, though there was hesitancy lingering within her still. "Legolas, I... I'm flattered, and... I would love to, I mean, but..." She paused. "You know what's going to happen if I go back there."

My hands instinctively curled tighter around hers, brow creased as I frowned again. "Nothing will happen to you," I said firmly. "I swear it by the stars themselves - I will not let you come to harm within my father's realm." Again, her gaze dropped nervously to her feet, and I reached to cup her face in my hand, forcing her to look back at me. "I will keep you safe, mela. Trust me." Uncaring that we were in full view of the courtyard, I leaned to place a gentle kiss on her lips, feeling her return it and knowing she loved me still. As we drew away, I rested my forehead against hers, wishing I could remain in that moment forever despite the small voice at the back of my mind warning me otherwise. "...Come with me, Erin," I whispered. "Please."

Her eyes fell shut as we stood there beneath the branches of the White Tree, and for a moment I felt a dull hurt in my heart as she said nothing. Would she really refuse me and stay? For so long, we had traveled at each others' sides, so much that it had become second nature to me, and I had always assumed she felt the same way. But I could be wrong, I realized. If she truly does not wish to come, I cannot force it from her. She would be leaving everyone else behind to follow me, even Kathryn. The smallest flicker of doubt crossed my mind as I looked at her, waiting.

Finally, though, her eyes opened again, reminding me so much of the green leaves of the woods and all that I loved. "...I will," she answered at last, nodding. "I will come with you."

A grin split my face, and I kissed her again, more eager now than ever to begin our new journey together. "Le melin." [I love you.]

"I love you too," she whispered back, closing her hands around mine. "Let's do this."

-Erin-

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of activity as Legolas and I made all the necessary preparations to embark on our journey to the Woodland Realm. Honestly, it took more planning than I was expecting, and time felt like it was flying by as we made arrangements, gathered supplies, and packed up all our things. In the blink of an eye, my life had gone from dull and slow-moving to suddenly flooded with activity, although, if I'm being honest, part of me was glad for the change. I finally felt like I was actually doing something with my life again besides wandering aimlessly around Minas Tirith all day. I was ready to step into a new experience; a new adventure. And despite my fears over how well received I'd be among the elves once we got there, I couldn't deny I was excited to get out on the road again.

But with all of that was mixed a deep-rooted sadness which had settled in my heart from the minute I'd agreed to travel with Legolas. A sadness that was subtle and small like low-burning coals, but clung like smoke and was loudest in the quietest moments. Because I was... leaving. Leaving my friends and people I regarded as close as family behind to go off into the world and start a new chapter of my life, and it was strange. Even in the weeks I spent getting ready for it, I don't think the realization fully hit me. I don't think I realized just how much I'd miss Minas Tirith and all those in it until we were standing there at the gates one late June morning under the warm summer sun.

It was just a small party that'd come to see us off, with Aragorn, Faramir, Gimli, and Kathryn gathered together as we strapped the last of our bags to our horses. As Legolas checked to make sure everything was secure, I turned toward the men and dwarf, looking to each of them with a sigh. "Well, I guess this is it. It's been an honor, gentlemen."

Faramir stepped forward first, clapping a hand on my shoulder with a warm smile. "Minas Tirith will surely be a duller place with your departure."

I chuckled. "Quieter, maybe. Enjoy it while it lasts."

He laughed as well, releasing his hold on me as his gaze softened. "I am glad to have known you in this journey, Erin, even if only for a short while. Everything you have done in service of this city... and my own life, will not be forgotten."

I bowed my head in thanks as he stepped back. "And I have no doubt it'll continue to flourish in the coming days under good leadership." As I spoke, I then turned to Aragorn, hesitating only a second before pulling him into a hug. That was when one of the first true waves of grief hit me, and I shut my eyes for a moment, fighting against it as I embraced one of my longest standing friends in Middle-Earth. "You're going to do great," I finally said. "I have so much faith in you."

"And I in you," he replied, pulling back as we separated. His smile was both joyous and heavyhearted as he stood crownless before me - no fancy robes or jewels, just the Aragorn I'd always known. "You will always be welcome in Minas Tirith, should you ever return."

"I will," I nodded, "you know I will. Thank you for everything, Aragorn." He returned the nod, and then came Gimli, immediately pulling me into a fierce hug of his own as I crouched to meet him. "You'd better keep an eye on him for me, okay?" I said to the dwarf, smirking up at Aragorn one last time. "Keep him out of trouble."

He gave a hearty laugh, though as he drew back I could see his eyes grow slightly misty. "I could say the same to you, lass! This pointy-eared one is a handful, he is."

I smiled. "Oh, don't you worry. I'll keep him in line." I looked at the dwarf for a moment longer before giving him one last squeeze. "I'm going to miss you, Gimli."

He stepped back, dark eyes sparkling beneath that bushy red beard of his as he turned away with a wink. "Until we meet again, lass."

My smile brightened for a moment as the dwarf turned to say his own goodbyes to Legolas, but as I got back to my feet, it immediately wavered and vanished as I looked to the last person in line. Three seconds of stillness and silence passed before we both broke, crashing into each other with bone-crushing hugs as tears immediately started rolling down my face. "Oh, Kathryn..." I sucked in a shaky breath, trying to hold myself together as best as I could. "I love you so much. I hope you know that."

"I do," she answered. "I do, and I love you too." There was a pause as we both just stood there, holding each other close as we wept.

"You know I'll never forget you," I whispered into her shoulder. "You, and everything you've done for me in this crazy adventure." More silence, and I felt my chest tighten as I choked. "...I'll never know what I did to deserve such a friend like you."

Kathryn's hold on me only tightened as she cried, though I could feel her smiling through it all the same. "I wish I could go with you."

"I know," I said. "I know, I wish you could too." I hugged her tightly again, tears still rolling down my cheeks as I finally drew back, wiping in vain at my eyes. "But I'll keep in touch, I promise. We'll write to each other."

"And visit often," she added, her own eyes red-rimmed and puffy.

I nodded. "Very often." We stood there for a minute in silence again, and I couldn't help but crack a watery smile. "We made it all this way. The two of us, right here to the bitter end."

Kathryn smiled back at me, biting her lip. "I wouldn't trade it for the world."

A breath of a laugh escaped me as my smile widened, vision blurring again. "Neither would I."

We pulled each other into one more hug, the last of our tears falling on each other in our final moments before the gates of Minas Tirith, and that moment was one I came to treasure in my heart more than almost any other in my lifetime. It seemed like it lasted a hundred years, and I could've stood there with her for a hundred more, but eventually the time came for us to draw apart, and as I turned away from Kathryn I looked to see Legolas in his place atop Arod, smiling down at me as he waited for me to join him. All was quiet as I stepped up and mounted my horse, settling in the saddle as my fingers closed around the reins, and I glanced back to the group of four that stood looking up at us with a smile. "Namarië, friends." [Farewell.] Faramir and Aragorn raised their hands in a wave, and I turned with glassy eyes to Legolas with a nod, taking a deep breath as we dug our heels into our horses' sides and urged them forward. And as we took the first steps beyond the gates of Minas Tirith and out into the world beyond, I turned to look back at Kathryn one last time, my gaze lingering on the closest and most valued friend I'd ever had as she waved goodbye. My smile grew the tiniest bit as I waved back, and then I turned, leaving the last of our Fellowship behind and facing ahead to whatever adventure awaited me northward as the sun shone on my tear-streaked face.