To Whatever End: Chapter Twenty-Four
-Erin-
And so the months passed as Legolas and I began our journey to the newly cleansed Greenwood. It was long and slow-going, but peaceful; both of us more than happy to take our time and enjoy ourselves as we went. We traveled through Rohan and up towards Lórien, stirring up memories of older days as we stayed up night after night beneath the stars, reminiscing until dawn crept over the horizon. It was somewhat strange to travel without any immediate threat of Orcs or other foul creatures hanging over our heads. But it was a nice change. Legolas and I... it was different this time. We were both happier, laughing and talking and enjoying each other's company without a care in the world, like we were the only two people on the planet. It reminded me so much of our earliest days combing back and forth across Eriador together, before the drama and strife of war had taken hold of us. And so often in those months my heart was warm and full, for I was doing exactly what I wanted: traveling the world with the one I loved. I was so aware of it then, how deeply I really did love him, and there in the wild there was nothing to stop us from loving each other as much as we dared, day after day. In so many ways, those months of travel were some of the best I'd experienced in a long time.
Once we left Lothlórien, I was immediately enraptured by all the lands set before us I'd never gotten to thoroughly explore, and Legolas was more than happy to guide us through some of the most beautiful parts as we continued to follow the Anduin ever northward. We passed over the Gladden River as summer's end drew near, the snow-capped peaks of the Misty Mountains glistening a brilliant white far above as they stretched along the western horizon. It was all so beautiful and new and exciting, and for awhile I almost forgot the reason we were traveling in the first place. But as we finally came to cross the river at the Old Ford and turned eastward, I was reminded of our purpose in the form of an endless emerald sea stretching farther than I could see in either direction, the trees tall and strong within the massive forest before us. And that was when, after so many long years of self-exile, Legolas finally set foot within Greenwood again, returning to the land he'd once called home.
It'd changed so much since the last time I'd seen it, and I was shocked by how different everything looked now. Gone was the thick, dank air heavy with dark enchantment and poisoned waters running through bitter earth, for now the trees grew freely and without evil in their roots, and all manner of birds and beasts happily took shelter within them. Thousands of glossy leaves in bright summer greens sprouted from their branches, golden sunlight spilling down in rays through the canopy and warming the soft green grass growing below. It was absolutely gorgeous, and I was awestruck as we worked our way through it. It seemed impossible that this was the same forest so tainted by evil I'd traveled through before. But now there was air of healing here, full of life and light. To finally be rid of Sauron's presence had done this forest a lot of good.
From the moment we first passed the forest's borders, Legolas' spirit instantly lifted, a joy you could see in his eyes and hear in his voice. So many times, he would recognize different parts of the forest, launching into tales from his youth of things he'd done as we walked the paths he knew so well. He laughed and smiled more, and stopped to speak to the trees often in the way one reunites with old friends, and to see him so genuinely happy was incredible. He was home. Legolas was finally home, and I could sense how ready the forest was to welcome its prince again.
I was happy for him, truly. He was back where he belonged, and even then as he laughed at something I'd said late one morning as we rode, I knew coming home was one of the best things he'd ever done for himself. But as he turned his face away in that moment and reached to graze the trunk of another passing tree, my smile faded, and there a deep grief in my heart resurfaced then. It had settled there ever since our first sighting of the forest on the horizon, and now with every step closer to the Woodland Realm it grew. A painful, bitter truth that I knew in my heart, and as I looked at Legolas I wanted to tell him, but couldn't bring myself to. ...I can't. He deserves to enjoy this happiness for a little while longer, at least.
Just then, he turned back, still with that perfect smile on his face I loved so much. "Isn't it wonderful, mela?" he breathed, gaze sweeping the trees overhead. "They are so full of life, and sing songs of such joy..."
I smiled back at him, masking my discontent. "It's wonderful, Legolas."
His gaze fell back to me, a warmth in his eyes as they met mine. "...I am glad you are here to see it with me."
My smile lingered, though still I could feel the nagging pain buried in my chest. "So am I."
He smiled back, and we continued on, steadily coming closer and closer to the outskirts of the Woodland Realm. Within a week, we had reached its borders, though now an air of trepidation settled over us both as we approached our destination. My heart was pounding in my ears that day as we rounded the last bend in the path, the great turquoise gates coming into view across the bridge stretching over a raging river. I drew the hood of my cloak up around my face as my eyes fell to the guards, terrified that any one of them might recognize me, but thankfully, they seemed to have eyes only for Legolas. As we crossed the bridge, Legolas' face lit up, knowing one of the elves stationed before the doors and dismounting his horse to run to him. "Rínion!"
I slowly climbed down from my own mare as they embraced one another, laughing and excitedly speaking rapidfire Sindarin back and forth. The other guards bowed as he turned to them, quickly coming to collect our horses as I led them forward. I smiled through my nervousness, giving a polite nod to one as I passed off the reins. "Hannon le." [Thank you.] None of them seemed to realize who I was, or if they did, said nothing of it, which at least brought me a little relief as I awkwardly stood behind Legolas. I heard the first one ask who I was, to which Legolas answered "a dear friend from Minas Tirith," and smiled again as they glanced to me before allowing us to enter. Rínion gave Legolas a final hug to welcome him home, and then suddenly the doors were opening, and I felt my mouth go dry as I stepped up beside the prince, my hand shooting out to grip his for a split second in fear. He gave it a gentle squeeze, and we both gave each other nervous looks as he let go, the two of us stepping forward into the expansive caverns.
My eyes were immediately darting everywhere as I took in the grandeur of the underground kingdom again, the beauty of it all still taking my breath away. The outer forests may have changed, but nothing here had. Everything was just as magnificent as the first time I'd seen it, the distant sounds of rushing water mingling with elven song sung from somewhere far off. For a moment, Legolas stopped dead in his tracks, staring at it all with discomfort visible in his face, and I reached to gently lay a hand on his arm. "Hey." I drew his gaze back and gave him a reassuring nod. "You've got this. Everything's going to be fine." He nodded back, taking a deep breath before moving forward again, and I fell in line behind him as we began making our way deeper into the cave complex. There were guards serving as escorts in front of us, but my focus wasn't on them, already hearing gasps and cries of shock echoing through the caves as elves walking other pathways noticed who'd just walked in. Even from here, I could hear whispers already spreading fast - "The prince! The prince has come!" - and some called out to Legolas as we walked, waving as he acknowledged them as best as he could. Still, though, I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling creeping up my spine, fearful every time I noticed elves whispering to each other as they looked in our direction. Were they all talking about Legolas? Or were some of them already gossiping about me? I didn't dare make eye contact with any of them, keeping my gaze rooted to the back of Legolas' head as we went. Just ignore it. Keep your head down and don't make yourself known.
Eventually we came within sight of the throne, and my heart felt like it was doing double time as I began mentally preparing myself for whatever Thranduil's reaction to seeing me might be. But as we drew closer, I looked up and realized he wasn't even there, frowning as I continued to follow. Why wouldn't he be here? Surely he would've known his son was coming. As we ascended the last flight of stairs, I cast a questioning glance at Legolas, seeing the same confusion mirrored in his own expression. Where is he?
It was answered not a moment later as an older elf clad in deep greens and browns came to meet us, a warm smile on his face. "Cornen nín..." he said. "It has been a long time." [My prince]
Legolas' eyes widened in recognition, and soon a smile split his face as well. "Galion." They hesitated, looking at each other for a moment before drawing into a tight hug, both laughing at the reunion as they drew away. "I am glad to see your face, old friend."
"Not as glad as I am to see yours, Legolas," Galion replied. "When I heard of your impending return, I almost did not believe it. In fact, I would not have, if I did not know your own penmanship so well."
"Never as good as yours was, unfortunately," Legolas said.
Galion chuckled, shaking his head. "That, at least, has not changed." But then his gaze fell to me, and I paled, wanting to withdraw further into my cloak. "And this is your guest, I presume? The one whom you said traveled with you during the war?"
"Yes," Legolas nodded, gesturing to me. Slowly, I reached up to finally draw my hood away. "This is Lady Erin of Fornost."
As soon as the words left his mouth, I heard an audible gasp or two from nearby, and as the fabric obscuring my face fell back as I squared my shoulders and met Galion's gaze. "Le suilon, my lord. My apologies that I don't know more of your tongue, or I would speak it." [I greet thee]
I could feel every set of eyes in the room on me, and did not miss the way Galion bristled at my name. "...Lady Erin? Yes... your name is well-known in these halls." My jaw clenched. "We have heard much of your part in the war."
It wasn't said in kindness, but I refused to break eye contact as I stared coolly back at him. "Whatever you may have heard of me, I assure you not all of it is true. I do not walk into this realm as an enemy of yours."
There was a flicker of doubt in the elf's eyes, but Legolas cut in before he could speak. "She is a friend to me, Galion, and I trust her with my life. No harm or insult to her shall come while she is here." Galion's brow creased as he looked to Legolas, but the prince had spoken firmly, and the look he pinned Galion with left no room for argument.
A moment of tense silence passed between them until finally Galion exhaled and gave a curt nod. "By your orders, my prince." His gaze flicked to me one last time, but he said nothing more before changing the subject. "In any event, the king has requested you be brought to him upon your arrival. He wishes to see you."
The briefest flash of dread crossed Legolas' face, but he nodded. "I thought he would be here."
Galion shook his head. "He is in his personal chambers. Come."
He turned to leave, and Legolas immediately looked to me in question. "Go alone," I said. "I'll wait for you."
"Are you sure?"
"Legolas, I'll be fine," I promised, urging him towards the waiting Galion. "Go."
He nodded, turning to address the guards. "Take her to the guest halls and stand watch over her room. If any harm comes to her, you will personally answer to me for it." He leveled them all with a look that could've melted steel before stepping back, lowering his voice as he looked back to me. "I will come for you."
I nodded. "Good luck." Legolas gave a small smile before turning to follow Galion, the two of them quickly disappearing from sight as I turned to face the guards. They said nothing, only motioning for me to follow as they began leading me from the throne, and as we left I cast one last glance back over my shoulder, hoping for Legolas' sake that all would go well.
–
-Legolas-
The walk back to my father's chambers was long and silent, with Galion making no more conversation as he led me swiftly along winding pathways and corridors. He had never been an overly talkative elf, so I suspected nothing of it, and was truthfully glad for the silence in that instance. All my thoughts were set on what lay in wait for me as I now went to speak with my father for the first time in over half a century. A thousand possibilities whipped through my head - how would he react? Indifference? Anger? Shock? I did not know. Perhaps none of them, or perhaps all at once. What would he say, or would he say anything at all? Part of me doubted he would be so cold and silent, but then again, it was my father. I wondered if he would seem any different now than my last memories of him. As I thought of them, I winced. My last memory of my father was when I turned my back on him in anger and hurt and left the realm. Would he resent me for that? Suddenly, I began to question why I had ever considered this to be a good idea at all. I should not have come, I thought, my pulse quickening as I vaguely recognized these parts of the halls. I should have stayed in Minas Tirith and never returned here. How could he be anything but angry with me after I abandoned his name, his house, and his people?
But then Erin's voice sounded at the back of my mind - small and quiet, yet clear as day. "He wants you to come home, Legolas. Your father loves you."
I drew a sharp breath, remembering when she had told me that for the first time. That had been years ago, and she had sworn then it was truth. I swallowed nervously as Galion slowed, coming to a halt before a pair of familiar, intricately carved doors. Ai, Erin, I hope you are right.
Galion stepped aside, motioning for me to enter. "He is waiting for you." I nodded, saying no more as I slowly came toward the doors, pushing them ajar just enough so I could silently slip inside.
The moment they fell shut behind me, I took a deep breath, unsettled and yet strangely comforted at the same time by the sight of the room. It looked no different from what I remembered, really - the grand foyer decorated in shades of deep red and gold, warm candlelight casting a dim glow across all within it. A fireplace unlit sat against the far wall with a large selection of wines perfectly in order across the mantlepiece, overlooking a great rug woven with metallic fibers that glinted in the low light. Above it on the wall hung a great pair of antlers spanning far beyond that of any normal elk, well-preserved and encrusted in fine jewels. I drew closer to inspect it, realizing they must have come from the last Great Elk he had ridden and lost in the battle for Erebor. But it came as no surprise. If there was one thing I knew about my father, it was that he cared deeply for all creatures of the forest, but the Great Elk most of all, as rare a beast as they were. My eyes danced across the many twinkling gems. I wondered if he had found another to replace this one as his steed.
That was when I heard them - footsteps on stone, so soft and light I would have missed them had every inch of my senses not been standing at attention. For a fraction of a second, I froze, muscles coiling tight with fear, and my jaw clenched as they stopped short behind me. Feeling as though I were in a dream, I turned, breath catching in my throat, and there he stood, utterly still in the farthest doorway that led deeper into the king's suite.
His crystalline gaze met mine from across the room, and for what seemed like an eternity neither of us moved, still as statues amidst the silence stretching like a bottomless pit between us. I wanted to speak, but could not - no words would surface as I just looked at him, half convinced he wasn't really there and I was imagining it all. Hundreds of things I could have said shot through my mind faster than I could think, rising like a great wave and overwhelming me to the point where I could hardly breathe.
"...Legolas?"
The air left my lungs in a rush as he spoke, striking me like the finest arrowhead as I heard him speak my name. "...Ada..." [Father]
I saw something in him break then, and all of a sudden we were both striding toward each other, and then finally I had reached him, my arms thrown around him as we met in the center of the room. My chest grew tight as I heard a shuddering breath escape him, and everything else faded into nothing as I stood there, so aware of the presence of my father - my father - as I heard him speak; heard his deep voice with my own ears, no longer filtered through distant memory. "Ion nîn... Ion nîn, you have come..." [My son]
"Yes," I breathed, still hardly able to do anything through my shock. "Yes, I am... I am home."
My father drew back then, holding me at arm's length as I released him, and gazed upon me with glassy eyes unlike anything I had ever seen in him. "They told me, but I did not believe them... I did not think you would ever come..." He stopped short, trailing off as bewilderment shifted into deep grief and remorse, and when he spoke again his words were heavy with sorrow. "Legolas... forgive me."
I frowned, taken aback by the plea. "What is past is past," I said quietly. "I hold no ill will against you for your actions at Erebor now."
But he shook his head. "No," he said, "not for that alone." A hand reached to clasp my shoulder, and he looked at me as if ashamed - not of me, but of himself. "Much have I committed in selfishness against you, but... greatest of them is that I would ever give you reason to believe I did not love you." My eyes widened, and again I felt myself go still. "Legolas... I have always loved you. You are my son, and you hold more value to me than all the gems of the world, and the Silmarils, and the very stars themselves. Forgive my pride that I did not make it known to you all these years."
Something deep within me shifted then, like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders I had not known I was carrying, and words utterly and completely failed me as I fell into him again. My father loves me. For years, I had harbored so much pain and hurt that I had not believed it to be true, but... He loves me. I gathered myself and drew back again, struggling now to maintain my own composure as the faintest smile took shape on my lips. "And forgive me for my stubbornness. For even despite our very worst moments, I was a fool to ever doubt it. And I love you, Ada. Truly and always."
Again, I saw the most vulnerable part of him come undone, and for a long while we said nothing more, standing there as one in forgiveness of our transgressions over the other. It was as if a long standing darkness was washed away by the clearest waters, turning everything fresh and new and green again like the dew from the early morning of the spring. Not all was entirely forgotten, for my father and I were two different people still, and some of our differences would take time and deeper efforts if we ever hoped to find true healing from them. But in the present, at least, we were finally at peace with one another in the larger sense, and that itself was more than I had ever expected to experience in my lifetime.
Finally, my father drew back to look at me again, a question surfacing which I suspected he had been wanting to ask for some time. "Have you returned to stay?"
I hesitated at first, struck by the question. "Yes," I said, "for a time, at least. I have been away from our people for far long enough, and have a duty to them to uphold... if they would still have me."
At that, a wide grin split my father's face, and he laughed. "I could think of no finer news to give them. You will be most welcomed, Legolas." I smiled back as he stepped away towards the fireplace, already plotting. "We shall have a feast - the greatest celebration this realm has seen in an age. Every lord and lady within these woods will come, no expense will be spared... I shall inform Galion and your King's Guard immediately."
But at the mention of the Guard, I was reminded of one of my own questions, one I had been haunted by for years and even now was reluctant to know the answer to. "What about Tauriel? What news is there of her?"
My father stopped short, and even as he turned to face me again I could see his eyes dim as his words sobered. "Tauriel is gone, Legolas."
My heart sank as my worries were confirmed, but I pressed him further. I needed to know. "Gone? How?"
He sighed, shaking his head. "Her heart was broken in grief and pain after the battle of Erebor. Like you, she felt she could no longer remain in the Woodland Realm. She claimed there was nothing more for her here and left without announcement, telling none where she was going." His eyes met mine briefly. "No one has seen or heard from her since. It is unlikely she still lives, or if she does, it is far from here and in secret." Even though I had imagined such a fate already, to hear it spoken plainly still stung, and my gaze fell to the floor in sorrow. "...I am sorry, ion nîn."
I let out a breath. "No... in truth, I had suspected as much." I saw my father's brow crease in question. "Some years ago, I was traveling through the southern reaches of Eriador and encountered a pack of Wild Men roaming the fields. We dispatched of them quickly, but as we searched them afterwards, I... I found one of them carrying the necklace." Instant recognition sparked in my father's eyes, and I shook my head. "She would not have parted with it willingly, Ada. I knew."
For a moment, he said nothing, silently accepting Tauriel's fate as his gaze fell away. But then eventually it returned to me as he asked another question. "What will you do with it?"
It was an innocent question, yet as he asked it I felt a sense of dread sweep over me and hesitated, not wanting to answer. I almost considered fabricating some sort of lie to forestall his almost certain wrath a little longer, but knew in the end it would do me no good, so I swallowed and willed myself to hold his gaze anyway. "I have already given it to another," I said quietly. "One whom I love, and has traveled with me to see my return here. Lady Erin of Fornost."
It was like watching a great storm come rolling over the horizon as my father's eyes darkened, his face morphing into one of malice and fury at the mention of her name. He was quiet when he spoke, but the words came dangerously low, full of venom as anger slowly overcame him. "...Erin?" He looked to me in near disbelief. "You have brought that... that traitor back into our realm?"
"She is no traitor to us, Ada," I said.
"No?" Still, his glare was fierce. "The woman who lied to me and betrayed my trust - who killed one of the sons of Elrond? You would call her friend?"
"You know nothing of her but the rumors that have been spread throughout the lands," I shot back. "I know her. I have traveled with her for years and know her heart, and I trust her with my life."
But there was nothing but hatred in him now - jaw clenched as he nearly trembled with rage. "That woman," he hissed, "is a lying, manipulative snake! I will not have her in my halls, save for the lowest bowels of the dungeons where I may suffer neither sight nor sound of her!"
My own anger flared as my fists tightened, struggling to hold myself back. "You will do no such thing," I growled, "or I will turn and leave these woods again without a second thought. If I lose her, you lose me."
There was a flash of shock across my father's face, turning to near disgust a second later. "...Legolas, you cannot be serious." I said nothing, only continuing to stare him down. "I received word from Elladan telling me you had begun courting this woman and thought you could never be such a fool, but..." He shook his head. "How much has the world changed you that you would see such a woman as anything of value to you? She is weak, Legolas, she is mortal! She comes from nothing, and within a hundred years will be gone and leave you with nothing, and yet you would stand here and say that you love her?!"
If he had not been my father, I would've struck him blind. "If you find value in others based only on whatever rewards they may bring you for personal gain, then I pity you. And if you would judge their worth through something as provincial as wealth or social stature, then I am ashamed of you." His eyes widened, brow drawn deep over them as he drew back. "She has nothing in this world, save for what she has built for herself - no family, no home, no inheritance. Nothing. And yet through sheer will and the kindness of her own heart, I have seen her do more good in this world than men with mountains of gold at their feet. From the first day we met, she devoted herself to protecting me and drawing me out of a life hidden in shadow, even though I had done nothing to earn such loyalty. If not for Erin, I would not be here to stand in front of you today." My eyes bored into his unflinching. "I owe her my life in more ways than one. And I love her."
For a long while, my father was silent, his expression cold and unreadable as I finished. Still, I held his gaze, refusing to stand down in my defense of Erin, though I could not deny I resented having to argue with him at all on the matter. In my heart, I had known this would happen - from the very first moment we committed to each other in Lórien, we had both been aware of having to face consequences such as this. But there had always been a small part of me, I think, which had clung to the shred of hope that it would not be so. That all the obstacles we ever spoke of would magically vanish and I would not have to face them. It pained me to have just shared such a peace with my father moments ago, only to have it crumble at my feet again. And it would not end here, I knew. Every day I would have to face this, whether through him or Galion or any other elf within these halls. There would be constant strife among us no matter what I did.
Finally, my father let out a frustrated breath and turned away, still with anger and tension coiled tight in his shoulders. "Whatever you may think of her is not in my power to control," he said. "But in light of all I have heard, she is deserving of punishment, not mercy, and I will not have her as a guest in my kingdom to cause further unrest here."
"Speak to her yourself," I replied, "and allow her the chance to explain her actions. Do not be so quick to throw her from our gates unfairly."
"Unfairly?" He whirled back to me. "You think it would not look unfair for me to allow a suspected murderer of a high lord to roam freely in our realm? What kind of king would I be if I granted her pardon to stay?"
"A king who does not act rashly based on little more than the rumor and gossip of his people," I countered, and then my voice softened slightly as I looked at him. "Give her a chance, Ada. Please. She will be honest with you, I swear it."
Again, there was a long silence, and I all but held my breath as I awaited his response. But then eventually my father turned, briskly crossing the room and moving to the far door. "Return to your chambers, Legolas. I will summon her later this evening."
My shoulders sagged as I closed my eyes in relief, nodding as I turned to leave without another word. Still, I felt a small nagging fear clawing ever diligently at my heart, knowing the fierce nature of my father. He would tear her to shreds if he was angry enough, and I hated to think what might befall Erin should he find reason to justify his rage. Against him, I held only so much power, and if my father could not be convinced to have mercy on her, I truly did not know what I would do. And so as I exited his chambers and began following Galion through the halls once more, I felt a sense of unease settle in my stomach as I wondered what the evening would bring, hoping for Erin's sake that all would go well.
–
-Erin-
"Míno." [Enter.]
I took a deep breath, hesitantly reaching out to lay a hand on the door, and paused for only a second before gently pushing it open just enough to slip through. Even now, I could feel the tension coiled tight in my muscles as I stepped into the small, but still lavishly furnished room, a massive chandelier structure modeled after a stag's antlers hanging far above my head as it doused everything in warm golden light. I stood tall and made sure to keep my chin up as I stepped forward, trying to at least look semi-confident despite my nerves running rampant on the inside. It made it even worse when the king gave me no immediate acknowledgement, his attention focused entirely on whatever he happened to be writing on an old piece of parchment. For several seconds, the room was eerily still, filled with only the quiet scratch of quill against paper. Coming to stand a few feet in front of the great wooden desk, I clasped my hands behind my back, choosing to break the silence first. "You summoned me, my lord?"
The second I spoke, Thranduil's hand froze, and he finally lifted his head to look at me with a sharp, icy stare as his deep baritone resonated within the study. "I did." He glanced over me where I stood, taking me in. "Much has changed since your last appearance in my halls."
It could've been a simple comment on my physical appearance, but I knew better. "Yes," I agreed, mimicking his calm, deceptively passive air. "Much has changed."
Thranduil's eyes flicked to mine again for a split second, but then returned to his desk as he set his quill aside and began to neatly roll his parchment. "I have heard a great deal about you since our last meeting. A strange woman claiming to hail from the lands surrounding Fornost, arriving in Rivendell alongside my son..." He spoke almost nonchalantly as he rose from his seat, turning to the many shelves behind him. "...Embarking on a journey with many of the most respected lords and renowned warriors in all Arda, with the intent of ridding the earth of the greatest evil we have yet faced in this age." He slid the parchment into an open space amidst numerous others. "Fighting in great battles with a skill and strength one would not expect." Then Thranduil smoothly turned to face me again, pinning me beneath his piercing gaze. "You have forged a rather impressive reputation for yourself."
"All in a day's work," I countered, still keeping my expression blank. "Though some might not choose the word impressive." Treasonous, maybe.
Thranduil said nothing, simply staring at me a moment longer with an unreadable expression. Finally, he turned and stepped away from his desk, moving across the room to a small table bearing several bottles of wine and two crystalline glasses. "I cannot deny that when rumor first reached my ears that Legolas had chosen to take part in this quest, I was not surprised." The king's back was to me as he made a selection and poured himself a glass, long platinum hair striking against the deep charcoal of his robes. "He has always been a noble warrior to his people. Eager to defend the lives of the defenseless no matter what risk it may present to him." He turned back, eyes settling on me again as he drank. "And from the stories I have heard, you are not so different."
My brow creased as I frowned the slightest bit, confused. Had he meant it as a compliment? "...I try to be," I answered as Thranduil began to walk back to his desk. "As best as I can."
But now I could see his eyes darken, ignoring my comment entirely. "You can imagine, then, my shock upon discovering the truth to these rumors. That despite swearing to return my son to me with haste, you persuaded him to go to Imladris and join a quest which could have claimed his life." I paled, suddenly feeling very small against Thranduil's towering figure as he drew closer. "And after also joining this quest yourself, you later saw fit to begin courting Legolas in secret, claiming him as your own." His eyes bored into mine as he reached for another piece of folded parchment on his desk, holding it out to me.
At first, I froze, not even remotely knowing how to respond as I slowly took the paper from him. And then, as soon as I unrolled it and my eyes fell to the sleek, flowing script across the page, my stomach twisted into ugly knots. I stared at the signature beneath it all, suddenly feeling sick. "...This was sent to you by Elladan," I muttered, my own voice sounding muffled.
"Yes," the Elvenking answered. "Who was later slain by you, I am told."
I bristled at the biting comment, tearing my eyes away from the letter and looking up. "I did not kill him," I said, "but I won't lie to you and say we were allies."
The king's gaze narrowed on me slightly, and I could sense his suspicion. "Do you deny what is written in that letter?"
My heart pounded in my chest, knowing I was about to make all his hatred of me justified, but I stared straight back at him all the same. "...No."
His jaw clenched in the same way Legolas' so often did when he was angry, and then Thranduil turned his back on me again, taking another long drink of wine before setting the glass aside on his desk, fingers resting on the woodwork. Seconds ticked by in silence, and at first I thought it was my unofficial cue to leave, but then he spoke again, low and terse. "I was prepared to have my guards throw you in the dungeons the moment you set foot inside my halls," he said. I swallowed. "But Legolas insisted I speak with you first and allow you a chance to explain yourself, and so here you are." He looked back to me, wrathful anger in his eyes that seemed to cut straight through me and into the floor. "So tell me, Lady Erin of Fornost, why I should not order your imprisonment this very instant. Some of my people believe you to be a great hero of the War of the Ring, but many others would sooner call you a murderer and traitor to the elves." His stare was fierce and unwavering. "Which would you name yourself?"
It took all my efforts to hold his gaze, but I forced myself to remain planted right where I was. "Neither," I answered quietly, shaking my head. In that moment, I saw something in Thranduil's eyes shift - maybe it was surprise, but I couldn't tell. "I'm not the murderer most people believe I am, but I'm also not the hero some of them want me to be. I've done a lot of good in this world, and a lot of bad, and I'm not about to deny any of it." I paused. "But I came back because I made a promise. Seven years ago I gave you my word I would return your son to you, and I've done that." My tone softened a bit as I glanced down at the floor. "I'm sorry it took longer than I'd planned to bring Legolas back. But he needed time, and I wasn't going to force him to return until he was ready." I looked back to Thranduil, the honest truth pouring out of me. "He was ready to come home," I told him. "Right before we were called to Rivendell, Legolas told me he wanted to come back. He was prepared to refuse Elrond's summons for you - twice he almost left in the middle of the war to ride north once he heard the Woodland Realm was under siege. But his part in the War of the Ring was just as crucial as any other's. If he had abandoned the quest to return home, Sauron may still stand in power today. " I managed a small smile. "Although I have to tell you, I don't think he ever really lost his faith and love for you and his people here. You have no idea how happy he was when we decided to finally head out together."
Thranduil was silent for a long time, listening and watching me intently as I spoke. He still stood tall and proud, and I knew I was not entirely forgiven then, but most of the initial fire in his eyes had faded away. Something caught his eye then, and he glanced downward for a fraction of a second before looking back to me, his gaze softening further. "...Do you love him?"
I blinked, caught off guard by the question, and at first was hesitant to answer. But then I nodded, my own gaze falling elsewhere. "More than anything," I whispered.
Another pause. "He is just as devoted to you," Thranduil replied. His gaze drifted downwards again, falling to the delicate silver pendant still shining in its place around my neck. "...Perhaps more than even he knows."
I glanced down to the familiar piece of jewelry, suddenly more aware of its weight than usual. Just then, however, my thoughts darkened, and I looked back to Thranduil seriously. "But I know what it would mean for him, if he chose me. I know what he'd be giving up."
The king's own gaze seemed to dim at my statement, understanding the implications. "It is a choice Legolas must make for himself."
"I know," I nodded. "I just... If he does, I - I'm sorry. I never meant to drive him away from you."
Thranduil stared at me for a moment, then sighed, turning away and taking another sip of his wine. "...I have gone to war and spilled the blood of my own kin over gold, jewels and precious stones, all for the sake of reclaiming what is mine." Then he stopped, turning his head to look back at me. "But you, Erin, have returned to me a gift more precious than any treasure on this earth. And for that, you have my deepest gratitude."
My eyes widened, shocked at the sincerity in his voice. "...Thank you, King Thranduil," I said after a moment. "I know I don't deserve it, but... thank you."
Despite the heart behind his words, though, the Elvenking's expression remained somber as he looked, exhaling and eventually averting his gaze. "You must understand, however... despite my own gratefulness for seeing through to my son's return, I cannot offer you pardon for all else that has brought your reputation into question. Nor can I protect you from the wrath of my people, or any others who would stand against you after what they believe you have done."
I swallowed, feeling the weight of the letter still clutched in my hands. "I understand," I nodded. "Many of your people hate me, like you said, and will continue to hate me for the rest of my life no matter what I do."
I met Thranduil's gaze again, seeing the silent agreement in his eyes. "They will not accept you as one of their own," he said bluntly. "Your life will be under constant threat if you remain here."
I sucked in a breath, the sinking feeling slowly building in my stomach again as I shook my head. "Actually, um... you don't need to worry about that. I've... I've already made plans to leave at first light tomorrow."
At that, Thranduil's brow lifted in surprise. "Have you?"
"Yes," I nodded again. "I mean, it's like you said - I know it isn't safe for me here, and I won't be welcomed if I stay." I paused, my thoughts drifting to the prince who'd brought me here in the first place. "And I think Legolas needs to stay with you and his people for awhile," I added, "just... just to really be sure of what he wants. Where his heart truly lies. I don't want to be a distraction from that."
Something in Thranduil's eyes shifted then as he listened. "...Does Legolas know?"
I bit my lip, shaking my head. "No," I said quietly. "Not yet."
"Where will you go?"
"...I don't know," I admitted. "Somewhere where I can just... be."
The Elvenking nodded, saying nothing at first, and for awhile a yawning, somber silence stretched between us before he gestured to the door. "Go to him," he said softly.
I nodded, taking a few steps back and setting the letter aside as I looked up at him. "Thank you, King Thranduil." I offered a final bow of respect before I turned, my heart already feeling heavy for what I was about to do.
"...Erin." I stopped, looking back just as I reached the study doors to meet Thranduil's ice blue gaze one last time. "I wish you the very best."
I let out a breath, giving a final nod before Thranduil turned his back on me, and without another word pushed past the doors to take my leave from the study. The halls seemed impossibly quiet as I walked, knowing well enough where I was going, and my steps seemed to drag as I slowly made my way through the caves, staring blankly at the paths before my feet. I didn't want to do this. After all this time, I didn't want to leave him. I loved him more than anything, and now, for the second time, I was going to have to walk away from him. A familiar pain struck my heart as I thought back to Helm's Deep when I'd turned from him then, remembering how hard it'd been. But this time it was different. This time, I wouldn't still be able to see him, or know he was near, or know he was safe and okay. This time I was really, truly leaving him. And I didn't want to, but I had to. Because I loved him.
As I rounded the final bend in the path and came before the doors to Legolas' chambers, I felt my chest constrict, and suddenly it became more difficult to breathe. I spoke to the guards, and they let me pass, and then I was just standing there, staring at the doors, already feeling the weight of my grief. I didn't want to knock. The last thing I wanted to do was knock. But slowly, I raised a hand and did, and sure enough the doors opened soon after.
They split down the middle to reveal his tall form, his pale hair framing his face, lit up with a smile as soon as he saw it was me. "Erin!" But it dropped in a split second when he noticed the visible distress in my face, brow wrought with concern as he frowned. "Has something happened, mela? What did my father say?"
Mela. It took all I had not to collapse into tears then and there, but I held myself together, shaking my head as Legolas beckoned me inside. "No, it's... everything was fine." The doors fell shut behind me and Legolas led me further into the large, open room. "He was angry at first, and suspicious of me, but I explained everything as best as I could. He... he seemed to understand, at least a little. I don't think he entirely hates me now."
Legolas chuckled, reaching for a glass of water set on a table as he sat down on his bed. "Well, that is certainly an improvement." He took a drink, but the concern still remained in his face as he looked at me. "...But something still troubles you."
I took a shaky breath, closing my eyes. I don't want to do this. Oh, God... "...Legolas, I... I'm leaving."
For half a second, alarm flashed across his face, and he went absolutely still, frown deepening. "...What?"
"I'm leaving," I said again, glancing to my feet. "I can't stay here."
He was on his feet in seconds, discarding the glass. "Erin, that's absolute nonsense, of course you can. I will be here for you, I will be here to protect you - "
"No, you won't!" I said, looking back at him in exasperation. "You can't be, not all the time! Not if you're going to be a prince, not if you're going to be out on patrols and running diplomatic errands and fighting battles and all these other things." It was a brutal truth I hated to admit, but there was no way to ignore it. "If you're going to lead your people, you need to be there for them, not spending half your time as my personal bodyguard."
Still, he was adamant. "My duty is to protect those within my realm. And that includes you."
"But what good would come of it if I stay?" I shook my head, already feeling a lump form in my throat. "If I did, it would divide your entire realm. People would hate me, and they would start to hate you and your father for keeping me here, and I'm not going to sit here and be the cause of something like that. I won't do it, Legolas, I'm not going to bring that kind of burden on you!"
He came forward now, but I saw it in his eyes - a flash of uncertainty. He knew I was right, he just didn't want to admit it. "You are not a burden, Erin," he said softly.
My chin trembled. "I would be if I stayed."
It was dead silent for a moment as we looked at each other before I finally saw the defeat begin to creep into his face, and I lost it then as I closed the rest of the distance between us, wrapping my arms tight around him as I wept. Tears rolled down my face as I buried it in his shoulder, feeling him hold me close and hating myself for how much it hurt. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I don't want to do this. I love you."
"Then don't," he whispered back, his voice strained. "Just... just stay with me."
But I shook my head, drawing back just enough to look up at him. I reached up to gently cup his cheek with my hand, tracing the curve of his jawline with my fingers. "You need to be with your people," I said, "and they need you. I can't separate you from that."
"Erin..." He faltered as his gaze feel to the pendant at my neck, reaching to touch it with glistening eyes. "...Please, don't do this."
"If there were any other way, you know I would," I answered. "But if you choose me, you lose everything else. You lose your kingdom, your people, your father... a chance for a family, a life up here..."
His eyes met mine again, a seriousness in them now as his hand slipped up to my neck. "What if I did? What if I chose you?"
I stared right back at him, though, knowing his heart better than anyone. "Are you really ready for that? Right here, right now, if you're deeply and truly honest with yourself?" He hesitated, and I knew he wanted to say yes, but he couldn't. There was still so much conflict in him. He loved me, but he also loved his people and his home, and he knew he couldn't have both. "You need to be one hundred percent sure, Legolas. I'm not going to ask you to commit to me unless you know, you really know it's what your heart wants. And with everything that happened during the war, I..." I trailed off, shaking my head again as I bit my lip. "You just have to be sure."
"...I know."
Our eyes met for a moment, and then he kissed me, and I felt fresh tears slip down my face as my heart felt like it might cave in on itself. Even during the most uncertain times of my life in Middle-Earth, Legolas had almost always been there. Even when I'd had nothing else, I'd had him. I'd lost so much of myself during the war, and now I was losing him too. We'd been through hell and back; to the ends of the earth to try and make this work, and now it was all about to be gone. "I love you," I whispered again as I kissed him. "Don't you ever doubt that."
"Erin..." I hated myself for the pain in his voice. I hated myself for breaking his heart. "Erin, I can't. I can't lose you."
I couldn't bring myself to say another word, burying my face in his chest once more. I cried until I had no tears left, and even then I didn't have the will to leave him, staying at his side as the two of us remained hidden away in that room for the rest of the night. And those final hours were more precious to me than anything, hours I came to covet in the deepest part of my heart above all other memories I ever had of him. The last night we ever spent together; the last night he was mine. The last time I ever felt like I was home.
–
Dawn came quietly the following day as the sun crept up to warm the earth, pale streaks of pink weaving between golden rays slipping through the clouds. I stood with my horse at the edge of the Forest River, dressed for travel with all my things packed, the lesser-used eastern entrance to the Woodland Realm behind me. Even the forest itself was all but silent around us, almost as if nature itself knew the sorrow in my heart as Legolas and I faced each other. For awhile, neither of us spoke, stalling to drag things out as long as we could.
He stared down at my hands where they were gently clasped within his own, running over the rings on my fingers again and again. "Stay close to the riverbank," he said quietly. "If you do not stray far, you should be safe."
I nodded. "I will."
Legolas sucked in a breath, slowly raising his eyes to meet mine as he reached to gently graze my cheek. "...Of all the things I have loved in this world, none have brought me greater joy than you." His brilliant blue gaze grew heavy as he looked at me, and I stared back at him in the dim light, trying to burn the image of those eyes into my memory forever. "Le melin, Erin."
I swallowed thickly. "I love you too." I leaned forward to kiss him, and it hurt, it hurt so much to know I was about to separate myself from him.
We drew apart, but still I held him close, so afraid to let him go as his voice grew thick. "I would follow you," he said, "over mountains, and rivers... and even the widest seas of Arda if I could."
"I know." My gaze fell to our intertwined hands, and again it fell silent. I was so aware of every inch of my surroundings in that moment - the chill of the soft breeze, the chirping of the birds, the dew-soaked grass at my feet, my own heartbeat in my chest... "...I want you to make me a promise." I looked back at him, trying to steady my trembling hands as I gripped his a little tighter. "I know this is hard, but... I want you to promise me you'll stay here with your people and not come chasing after me. Not unless you're really, truly ready."
Legolas hesitated. "...Erin-"
"Promise me." My voice shook, and I clenched my jaw, forcing it back.
He stopped, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on my forehead. "...I promise."
I nodded, taking a deep breath before I went on, eyes falling to my feet. "And if you're... if you're never ready, that's okay. Even if that day never comes; if this is the last time we ever see each other-" My breath hitched. "...That's okay. I will never, never in my life hold it against you." I paused, raising my gaze to meet his again. "But no matter what happens, know that I love you more than anything else in the world - in both worlds. And that will never change. No matter where I am in Middle-Earth, even if I spend the rest of my days wandering from one edge of the world to the next, my heart will always be with you. Always." I reached up to lay a hand on his chest. "And if the day ever comes that you are ready... I'll be waiting." He said nothing, closing the distance between us to kiss me one last time, and I felt my heart break in that same breath, a greater pain than I'd ever known bursting in my chest as I kissed him back. I wanted it to last forever - every part of me was screaming not to pull away - but I had to, slowly stepping back and releasing his hands.
Legolas made no move to draw me back, knowing it was time as I moved toward my horse. He said nothing for awhile as I swiftly mounted and settled in my saddle, only watching, and it wasn't until I finally took up my reins and turned to look back at him that he spoke softly. "...You have my heart and my blessing, until the very ends of the earth."
I gave the strongest smile I could manage as he moved back, raising a hand to his heart and extending it to me in traditional elven fashion, and I mirrored it, my gaze lingering on him for just a moment longer. "...Goodbye, Greenleaf."
The faintest of smiles graced his lips, and that was the last I ever saw of him before I turned, forcing myself away and spurring my horse forward with whatever will I had left in me. And there with the rising of the sun came the end of my greatest adventure in Middle-Earth as I turned eastward, with the warmth of its rays on my face, the wind in my hair, and a piece of my heart left behind on the forest floor.
–
A/N: And with that finally comes the end of this series. Wow. I don't even know what to say. It's been six years since this story began, and now, at the close of its second draft, I can honestly say I am so humbled by those of you who've stuck with it all the way through. Some of you have only ever known this new version, and some of you have been around since the days of the Elven Elemental Bands, but regardless - THANK YOU. To each and every one of you. I would not be the writer I am today, and this story that I've become so fond of would likely not have ever gotten finished if not for you. I'm forever grateful of you as readers and that you took time out of your lives to read what started out as just a silly little wish-fulfillment pipe dream that's turned into so much more since its conception. Changing Destinies has been such a huge part of my life, weirdly, for so many years now, and I'm glad I got to share it with all of you. So again: thank you, thank you, thank you. A new chapter opens as this one comes to a close.
...In fact, it almost doesn't feel right to call this the end, does it?
8.26.18.
