TW: Lemons.
To be perfectly honest I'm super self-conscious about this chapter. I don't really write smut a whole lot so this is very experimental. As always I hope you enjoy. R&R!
"It's my fault. She died protecting me," Jane whispers. Loki's face crosses between disbelief and confusion. He turns away from her, the air around him becomes colder the damn inside Jane breaks.
"She meant so much to you and I'm the reason she's gone," Jane trembles and clenches her hands to fists, tears trickling down her face.
"Show me," Loki's voice is frigid with rage. Jane's stomach hits the floor.
"Loki," Jane whimpers. She couldn't show him that day, she can't show him how she cowered away while Frigga fought Malekith and lost. She can't go back to that place in her mind where the Aether will find her. Loki turns back, his eyes misting and swollen. Loki rushes at Jane, making her startle backward against the wall.
"Please, don't hurt me!" Jane cowers back, trapped between Loki and the wall. That same confusion twists Loki's face, like he can't believe Jane would think he'd ever hurt her. Loki's face softens, his raven hair falling into his eyes.
"Jane, please show me," Loki's voice is wrought with emotion. He cups Jane's jaw in his palm and gently swipes the pad of his thumb across her cheek, wiping away her tears. Jane wraps her fingers around Loki's wrist.
"I need to see how it happened," Loki says, voice thick. Though Jane knows what could happen if she showed him, Loki deserved to know how his mother died. Jane ghosts her hand along Loki's wrist and noticed the raised scars there are surprisingly soft. She presses Loki's hand against her jaw, fingers lacing in his. Loki takes in an icy breath and steps closer so that his chest presses against Jane's.
Jane swallows her breaths, her heart throbbing in her throat. So many have left her in one way or another: Her mother, her father, Erik, Darcy, Thor, Frigga… And now would Loki leave now that he knew the truth? Jane closes her eyes. She can feel Loki there, not just physically but present in her mind. That telepathic bond wraps around Jane like a tight embrace and she gasps as she's yanked down into the depth of her memory.
She stands beside Loki in Frigga's chambers, watching the scene play out. Loki is as still as a statue, the muscles in his jaw clenching. Jane watches him warily, her eyes darting between her memories and him. There's light in his eyes when he watches Frigga fight the Dark Elf soldiers. Frigga is like willow, her movements fluid and graceful. So much like Loki when he fought. When the illusion falls through, and Frigga refuses to give up Jane, Loki's face darkens. He knows what's coming. He shakes with rage. The Dark Elf drives the blade in and Loki can only close his eyes. The memory shatters like sugar glass, dispersing back into memory. Jane is reeled up from the undertow of her mind.
Loki remains close to Jane, silent and slumped against her. His hand against Jane's jaw is colder than an artic wind but it chills the flames that roil beneath Jane's skin.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, squeezing his hand. She had been fighting the truth for so long, had been stuffing it down deep where it festered. And if the truth is supposed to be freeing then why does it hurt so damn much? She can't stand how quiet he is. She wishes he could scream, wishes he would fight and curse but he does nothing except hold her.
"Why does everything I touch turn to ash?" To that, Loki peers up through raven hair with bleary eyes. The way he looks at her makes her heart hurt. It makes her heart hurt like all those times Thor had left her, like the days after Erik and Darcy died. It aches like a phantom limb. It's that damn tender longing that makes her entire body ache. For so long she'd been begging for just someone, someone, to understand this pain. And she'd come so close to just that, and now she's pushing away the only person that could withstand her fire.
"I'm not worth being protected. I'm nothing."
"Jane," Loki whispers softly and he brings his other hand to cup her face.
"I'm a mortal! I'm fleeting! I burn and burn and someday I'll flicker out and there will be no memory of Jane Foster. Jane Foster will be ash in the wind," she pauses, "Jane Foster is already dead." Loki flinches at his words that Jane throws back at him.
"That isn't true," Loki massages her temples with his thumbs, eyes full of sorrow. Why isn't he leaving? Why isn't he enraged?
"Don't," Jane whimpers. She presses her hands against his chest to push him away but Loki pulls her into a tight embrace like the way Loki's mind wrapped around hers. It's that weight enough to hold her steady, delicate and firm and all-enveloping. She can hear his heartbeat through his shirt, a heavy sound that reminds Jane of his own mortality.
"It's alright." His voice vibrates through her, making her shake even more.
"How can you forgive me?" Jane digs her fingers into Loki's shirt, breathing in his scent.
"It's not remotely a matter of forgiveness. It's not your fault Jane."
"It is, it is, it is," she sobs.
"Jane listen to me: Frigga knew the weight of her choices and she chose to protect you regardless of the consequences," Loki says pulling back just enough to peer down at Jane, "She saw something worth protecting."
"What could she have possibly seen in me?"
"Hope. Hope for a better future," Loki says, "For me. For Thor. For all of us. When her gift passed to me, I saw a chance for redemption from all I have done. A chance to be more than just a monster." She grips his shirt in her hands like he is a life raft, close enough to him now that their noses nearly touch.
"I made you change?" Jane can't hold back the incredulity in her voice.
"When we first met, I saw…" Loki pauses, "I wanted to be someone worthy of your respect."
"I slapped you!" Loki manages a smile.
"That you did." The smile fades. "None of this is your fault. You can't help the past as much as I can help being what I am," Loki says, "What I really am," He adds with an intense sadness on his face. He wipes the rest of Jane's tears away, leaning close enough for Jane to see the flecks of red in his otherwise emerald eyes. Those crimson Frost Giant eyes hiding just behind this guise. But Jane realizes that Loki is no more a monster in this Aesir form than in his true form. They are one in the same. Between the two faces, there is no façade and no magic trick. He has always come as he was to Jane. Jane no longer shakes, the fear gone from her bones. If he wanted to leave, she thinks, he would have already been gone.
"You have taken so much on your shoulders, Jane. You are so strong that I forget how much you are suffering."
Jane reaches up between them to rest her hand against Loki's cheek and her thumb to his lips to silently remind him of his own pain. That she isn't the only one whose been broken.
"I don't want to suffer anymore." Jane's thumb traces the small scars around his mouth. Loki's eyelids flicker shut for a moment and she feels the shiver that runs through him at her touch.
"Neither do I," Loki says before crashing his lips to hers in a hungry kiss. Jane's heart catapults up into her throat and she gasps at the sudden intimate contact. Loki's cupped hands at her jaw keep Jane steady as he devours her. Much to her own surprise, Jane responds quickly. She tests her lips against his at first slow and unsure. His lips are soft, but firm and decisive. Jane can feel his heart beat rise as it drums against her chest. She loses herself in him for a moment, her tongue sweeping across the seam of his lips. Loki opens his mouth with a low groan, tasting her for himself. That sound makes Jane freeze up, but with her back against the wall there is no escape from Loki. Jane tears her lips away and shoves Loki back.
He doesn't look surprised, not even remotely perturbed. Jane catches her breath but finds it difficult when her body vibrates with a whole new kind of heat.
Let him in, that small voice begs.
Jane doesn't want to admit it but she knows how much she wants this, wants him. She doesn't know how to be vulnerable again, she doesn't even know where to begin. Could this be the start of the healing? Jane had been terrified of feeling numb in the wake of all that rage, but there is no numbness in her when Loki kisses her but a fire of a different breed.
"Jane, tell me what you want," Loki's voice is that low sultry purr that makes her throat go dry.
"I don't know," Jane mumbles but that's a lie and she knows it. She wants to feel again.
"I don't know," Jane repeats and by the look on Loki's face, he must know it to be a lie too.
"Then tell me what you need," Loki demands, but his eyes are already taking her apart piece by piece.
"I can't," Jane strains. Loki advances her, the space between them disappearing like one of his illusions. With one hand, he takes her hip in a tight grip and his other her tangles in her short auburn hair. Jane roots her palms against his chest and she can feel his powerful heart beneath her hands. Jane breathes him in. She can't get past his scent, earthy and sweet and wholly him. Loki tugs Janes hair, making her hiss as he pulls her head to the side and plants his lips on the exposed skin of her neck. His mouth is hot against her skin and Jane moans, gooseflesh rising all over her. Jane's hands float to his neck, her fingers twisting in his black hair and holding him close. Loki lightly scrapes his teeth along her neck and she shivers, releasing his name.
Loki goes rigid for a moment before spiraling into an even more frenzied state. He tugs her hair just a little harder while his other hand trails down to thigh, to her knee, where he hitches her leg around his hip. Loki's lips ghost along her jaw, planting small hot kisses all the way to her ear. Jane bites her lip to keep herself from moaning again, afraid to give Loki anymore encouragement.
"Is this what you want?" Loki's cool breath tickles against her ear. Jane growls, resigned, and finds his lips. She doesn't hold back, and it seems, neither does he. Loki's hand drifts from her hair to her jaw, deepening the kiss.
"Tell me I'm wrong," He challenges, his voice rough. Jane kisses him back with a renewed intensity, dipping her tongue past his lips and hooking her arm around his waist. Loki's hand drifts lower, his palm trailing over her collar bone and stopping at her breast. Jane's flushes with heat when Loki kneads her breast over her shirt and she moans into his mouth. Her nails dig into his back when he teases circles over her nipple with his thumb. Jane arches her back off the wall, her hips ramming into Loki's, earning a deep rumbling growl from him. She can feel how hard he is in his jeans and it makes every muscle in her body tense. She wants that weight of him again, pressing over every square inch of her body, around her, beneath her, between her legs…
Loki must have sensed her thoughts through whatever bond they share between their minds because his hands drops even further, to the hem of her jeans. Jane's hand flies to his wrist and she breaks her lips away.
"Tell me this isn't what you need," Loki pants against her lips. Jane knows she can say 'no' and he'll leave her be but she doesn't want this to stop. That bottomless pit of fire inside her craves more, craves harder, craves faster. She had promised herself long ago, after Thor, that she wouldn't give herself to anyone until she fell in love again. Though she doesn't love Loki, she wants what he's offering: distraction and release from all this pain they're both sick and tired of feeling.
Jane gulps down breath. "I need you to touch me," she says.
Loki's lip quirks. "Where?"
"Anywhere that makes me forget," Jane says, letting go of Loki's wrist and pulling him by his collar back to her lips.
This time, Loki's kiss is softer and slowed, savoring every touch and taste of Jane's mouth. But Jane doesn't want soft and slow. There'd be time enough for that. She wants 'now'.
Jane touches everywhere she can reach, his hair, his shoulder, his abdomen, in an attempt to bring him back to that wild hunger she'd felt before. When he continues his languid pace of slow passionate kisses, Jane loses her patience and grinds her hips hard against his. It sends a shock of electricity from the heat between her legs all the way up her spine, making both her and Loki gasp. He responds by hooking two fingers in the front of her jeans and using his grip as a leash to push her pelvis back against the wall.
"I've had a long time to think about this," Loki growls huskily, unclasping her jeans, "And I won't give you what you want until you're begging me for it, Foster."
Jane smiles against Loki's lips.
"I like it better when you call me Jane," she says, using her leg hooked around his hip to pull him closer, the hardness in his pants grinding against her heat. Loki chuckles deeply, pressing his mouth against her neck again and sucking ever so slightly. It's enough to make Jane's mouth go dry and for the growing heat inside her to melt between her legs. Loki releases his grip on her knee, smoothing his hand along her thigh back to waist and slipping underneath the hem of her shirt. Jane notices his cool fingers avoid her scar completely. He knows how bad it makes her feel and Loki is only focused now on making Jane feel good. Loki trails his hand up her side, easing his hand underneath Jane's thin cotton bra to cup her breast in his palm. He smooths his thumb over her hardened nipple making Jane gasp. Meanwhile his other hand at her jeans sweeps lower and lower, drawing lazy patterns just below her belly button and teasing along the hem of her underwear.
"Loki!" Jane hisses, and Loki returns to her mouth, dipping his tongue past her lips in a way she knows he's mimic between her legs. Jane reaches between them and tears her shirt off, breaking off their kiss only to bring it over her head. Loki eyes are wild with hunger and she doesn't know how he can control himself so easily while she is falling apart. Jane pulls him back in, her hands reaching behind her back to unclasp her bra to join her shirt on the floor. Loki's mouth moves to her ear again, nipping tenderly at the lobe and making icy shivers run down her spine.
"When I touch you," Loki purrs, flattening his palm against her stomach and sliding into her pants, "will you be wet?" Jane bites her lip, unable to hide the blush branding her cheeks.
"Yes," Jane breathes. Loki circles her nipple again with his thumb, eliciting a moan from Jane, and simultaneously brushes his hand against her sex. Jane's heart swan dives in her chest, her body turning into a live wire beneath his touch. Jane grinds her hips against Loki's hand, her own hands slipping beneath his shirt to dig her nails into the strong muscles of his back. Loki releases a feral groan, his hand massaging Jane's breast as he slips a digit inside her.
"Oh Jane," Loki groans, stroking her, "you're soaking."
Jane pants and moans in time with his ministrations. He pumps in and out of her at agonized pace and Jane soon becomes overwhelmed by him. He is everywhere, his mouth hot on her skin and his hands exactly where she wants them. Jane opens her hips wider by hitching her leg higher to grant him deeper access. Loki immediately inserts a second finger, and Jane loses all control. Her hips buck against his hand, the heel of his palm massaging her clit, making her mew and cry with reckless abandon. She can feel the tension inside her building but it's not enough yet. Jane greedily chases after her release with rolling hips grinding against Loki's hand, the tension mounting with every stroke.
"Loki please," Jane pants.
Loki withdraws from Jane and pulls back just enough to look at her. His face is flushed and lips swollen and he's never looked so human to Jane.
"You blew up my breakfast. I'm going to have to feast on you instead," his velvet voice is enough to make Jane ache for him. Loki begins kissing down Jane's neck again, this time trailing past her collar bone, and giving attention to her other breast. His mouth is wet and hot and Jane wants it everywhere. He teases his tongue at her nipple, sucking lightly and scraping his teeth against the sensitive skin. Jane locks her fingers in his hair and tugs making Loki growl. He pulls her hand from his hair and plants a kiss in her palm.
"Don't move or I'll tear you apart," He purrs, latching his mouth to her breast again. Jane struggles to keep her squirming body still as he moves lower and lower. His thumbs hook in her waist-band and as he kneels, he drags her jeans and underwear down with him. All the while his eyes stay locked on hers and she searches for those flecks of red in his eyes again. Loki kneels before her and untangles her legs from her pants. It isn't the first time he's seen her body but even so a sudden rush of heat floods her face and Jane can't help the small stab of self-consciousness she feels. Once more, Loki runs his hand feather-light down the length of Jane's leg to her knee. There's a wild look in his eyes. Loki hitches Jane's leg over his shoulder and Jane's heart skip a beat. She pants as Loki presses an open-mouth kiss to the inside of her knee. As if sensing her heightened insecurity, Loki locks eyes with her and says,
"You're beautiful, darling," pressing another kiss higher, then "Relax." Seeing his face from this angle sends a whole new wave of goosebumps over Jane's flesh.
He lays kiss after kiss along the inside of her thigh, inching closer and closer to his final destination. It's enough to ease Jane's panic and just enough to drive her insane with anticipation. Loki grazes his teeth teasingly against her thigh, making a shaky moan rise from Jane's throat. The bastard seemed hellbent on making her lose her voice. Loki reaches up and kneads Jane's breast to distract her like he did before but it only heightens her awareness of his every move.
Then, Loki drags his tongue lazily over the seam of Jane's sex making her cry out. Pure energy spikes up Jane's spine and she struggles to keep still. Never in a thousand years did she think that she would have the God of Lies bowed before her, feasting on her. Jane presses her spine against the wall, one hand holding her steady and the other tangling in his raven locks. Jane pants through mussed hair while Loki strokes her with his tongue. The pressure building to a point inside her and Jane feels like she'll explode, perhaps for real.
"Loki, I need-ahhh," Jane moans as he dips his tongue inside her. His torture is slow, teasing Jane until she writhes against the wall. As Jane's moans heighten, Loki increases the speed and intensity of his mouth on her. He takes a long, deepened stroke of his tongue and slips two digits inside her.
With Loki's mouth on her and his fingers pumping inside her, Jane's mind is on sensory overload. She closes her eyes, lost in a world of darkness and the heat of his mouth on her sex. She knots her fingers in Loki's hair, thrusting her hips against his talented mouth. She can feel her insides clenching around his fingers with every stroke, almost reaching her peak when suddenly, he stops altogether.
"Loki!" Jane begs, her voice hitching in her throat. Her eyes fly open and she sees flames. But they aren't the bursting inferno form before, but a slow burning of flames that radiate around her like a halo. Loki stands, admiring her in awe, his mouth and nose blushed and soaked by her essence.
"Well done," Loki purrs, taking Jane's hips in his hands. Jane watches the flames lick around her but they don't burn Loki or the floor or the wall. They're controlled.
"Well?" Loki steps back and crosses his arms over his chest, a satisfied smirk on his face. Jane is confused for a moment, she thought that he wanted to take her. There's still that wild hunger in his eyes and Jane knows this isn't over. This is just a new game, where he makes Jane take what she lunges at him, like they're fighting again, and she takes him down to the floor. Jane straddles him, her thighs hugging his narrow waist. Loki chuckles, deep and guttural.
"That's it," he purrs. She twists her hands in his shirt, and the flames crawl down her arms and devour the clothing. Yet, they don't burn his skin. Loki pants, his clothing dissolving into ash around him until he's just as bare as Jane. She traces her fingers over the raised scars that litter his chest and abdomen. There are so many, far more than Thor had, and it makes her chest ache. Loki's hand moves from her hip and ghosts over her skin until it rests over her scar. He runs his thumb over the puckered skin and it makes her stomach turn with an icy grip. They both had enough scars to last a lifetime. Her stomach moves with her panting breath under his hand and soon, the flames recede back under her skin but the heat remains. Jane bows forward and stretches her body over Loki's like a shadow, taking his hand and planting it above his head. Their fingers lace together, their faces an inch apart. His cold breath tickles her face, his eyes holding layers of sadness underneath the depths of emerald and crimson.
Jane kisses the corner of his mouth, peppering kisses from his jaw to his neck. Jane nips at his skin and Loki hisses, squeezing her hand. He reaches between them and massages her breast. Jane moans into his ear and Loki shivers, the boundaries of his control slipping. With one swift move, Loki turns Jane on her back and settles easily between her thighs. Jane can't deny how perfectly they fit together. Jane writhes beneath him, the hardness of his cock grinding against her clit.
"Greedy," Loki pants, baring his teeth at Jane. He rests on his forearm above Jane while his other hand reaches between them to massage her sex. She cups his face in her hands and brings him down. Jane can still taste herself on his lips. She tangles her limbs around Loki, her fingers knotting in his soft hair and her head swimming in his spicy scent. His tongue flicks past her lips and Jane moans into his touch. She can feel him press his cock at her opening, teasing her again, and it makes her head swim with her pounding heartbeat.
"Tell me what you want, Jane," Loki orders. Jane groans and grinds her pelvis against his, sending a shock of electricity through the both of them. Loki rests his forehead against hers, his hair sticking to her sweat slicked face.
"I want you to fuck me," Jane huffs, the aching tension inside her becoming unbearable. Loki's bruised lips take hers again and he eases the tip of his cock inside. Jane tears hers lips away with an open mouth, her eyes fluttering shut. She hooks her arms around him, trying in vain to pull him closer, farther inside.
"Goddammit Loki," she pants, "Plea-ahh!" Loki presses the length of himself inside and the second Jane is sure that's all of him, he presses even further. Loki's head falls into the crook of her neck. He stills for a moment, his lips find Jane's ear.
"I like it when you say my name," he nips at her lobe and Jane finds she can hardly breathe anymore.
"You're going to have to earn it," Jane whispers, her voice growing hoarse. She can hear him laugh, and he pulls out just slightly and thrust slowly back in. The agonized pace sends Jane over the edge.
"Fuck," Jane gasps.
Again, he pulls back then thrusts in, deeper this time.
Loki's fingers seize a small tuft of hair at the base of her skull, and he tugs, baring her throat to him. When he pounds into Jane she cries out and Loki terrorizes her throat with his lips.
"Loki!" she breathes. She moves her hips in time to meet his stroke for stroke. She knows that this is a dangerous game she's playing, she knows this is playing with fire, but fire is something that Jane has grown used to. Loki pants and groans, his velvety voice breaking apart with every thrust. Release is so close, so close, and what little there was left of Jane's composure dissolves into hungry panting and moaning.
Release burns through her like a mighty inferno and it's his name on her lips. Loki draws Jane out, pounding harder and faster through her. She forgets where he ends and she beings, the lines between them blurring together.
Loki snarls against Jane's skin as he comes, slamming into Jane to the hilt. For a long time, there is nothing but the sound of their combined breaths and mingling heartbeats.
Title and content semi-inspired by NiN's 'Closer'.
Hunny xo
