Hey guys! It's been a long time since I've posted. Been going through a lot of life stuff and I really appreciate you sticking with me through it. I love seeing the fav and follows since the story's been on hiatus. You guys are awesome. I've been brewing some more chapters so please enjoy!
Three Weeks Later
Winter's claws have sunk themselves deep into the bones of the forest. A thick blanket of snow rests heavily over the landscape, suffocating the warmth and life from everything it touches. The naked tree branches, armed with jagged icicles, scrape together in the wind. This realm of ice and silence stirs something visceral inside Loki. It could be in the way the wind howls through the air, or the vast empty white. Though he wouldn't call Jotenheim his home, something deep in his inherent nature calls him to this place. There is a foreign sense of familiarity he feels here. It makes him wonder why he ever tried to be something he wasn't, someone he wasn't. Loki would never have fit with the Aesir clan. He was never one of them. Yet he was and wasn't Aesir, he is and isn't fully Jotun either. He couldn't see that truth before. There is something about this lonely Midgardian forest, here with Jane, that he sees things more clearly.
Though there is ice, there is also fire. Though there is silence, there is also solitude. And hate? Could love yet find a place here?
A blade of ice sings through the air. Jane ducks away and it strikes a nearby tree trunk, exploding into a thousand chards. Jane shields her head from the downpour of snow and icicles shaken from the disturbed tree.
She curses and straightens, inspecting the damage.
"You were quicker this time. Good," Loki muses.
"Are you insane? You could have killed me!" Jane gasps, her eyes wild with fear.
"Haven't we been over this, Foster? If I wanted you dead, you would be. You're lucky I'm a good shot."
"What's the point of hurling ice at me? Huh?"
"Other than for my own amusement?"
"Fuck off," Jane huffs, shrugging off her coat. She squares herself before Loki across from the Bifrost site. By now, the late November snow has covered the etchings. Yet the past weeks duels have worn their scars into the earth. In that time Jane has fallen into this new, yet uneasy, sense of normality with Loki.
"Your instinct to defend yourself triggers the Aether, and therefore your abilities. You control the fire, you control the Aether." Loki iterates.
"Yeah, yeah just do it already."
"Are you ready this time?" Loki raises a brow. Jane nods, taking in a deep breath.
On the exhale, Loki reels his arm back and thrusts another spear of ice at Jane.
Jane plants her feet and raises her palm at the incoming projectile. She channels the roiling, primal, emotions inside her. Despite her gut-wrenching desire to jump out of the way, she stands firm.
Focus.
The Aether flares. A ball of white-hot flame shoots from Jane's palm. It screams through the air and connects with the ice, the spear shattering.
"I did it," Jane breathes out in amazement.
"Well done, Foster!" Loki cheers.
"I did it," she repeats. A rush overcomes her body. Her head swirls with endorphins, turning her vision hazy. Finally, after weeks of training, the first glimmer of hope. If she can control the Aether, maybe there's a chance.
I can do it.
Her knees buckle beneath her.
"Jane?"
"I'm fine," she pants, but the dizziness remains. "I just need a minute." A woozy, mixed feeling of ecstasy and light-headedness takes over. Like the first dive on a rollercoaster ride. All the power coursing through her, its…divine. Thrilling.
Imagine all of the possibilities. The limitlessness.
"Jane stop!"
This is just a taste.
"Jane!"
Loki sprints across the Bifrost site to Jane as flames begin to crawl up her arms. She stares at her hands in a combination of amazement and joy.
"It's so beautiful." Jane's voice is dreamlike. Like all of those afternoons staring at the flames in her fireplace, watching them, admiring. What sad little flames caged up in a box. Here in her palms, they are free. They lick at the air, speaking to her in a way only she can understand.
Leave the fear behind. Come with me.
"Come back, Jane," Loki calls. His voice seems so far away.
A blue hand, reaches out to Jane.
"It's alright," Loki says, but his face is different. Red eyes stare back at Jane. She remembers. This feeling, that voice, this lust for power. That's not Jane. This isn't control.
She tentatively reaches out to take his hand. When their skin touches Loki winces, his face twisting in pain. The flames recede and recoil beneath Jane's skin.
She snaps out of her trance and nearly collapses. Loki catches her and stands her upright while she regains her footing.
"I'm sorry. I lost control," Jane wheezes.
"It will get better with time," Loki assures her, "I think we're due for a break."
Loki starts down the path leading to the house.
"Wait!" Jane calls. Loki turns and raises a brow.
"You're, um. You've still got…" Jane uses her index fingers at her forehead to make mock horns. Loki's pale blue cheeks flush for a moment before a nervous smile replaces his embarrassment. A small flash of light replaces Jotun Loki.
"It's easy for me to forget in this weather," He says, smoothing his raven hair back.
"How can you do that, just switch from back and forth so easily?" Jane asks. Loki is visibly taken aback at the ease of her question. Jane shakes her head.
"Sorry, that's not an appropriate question-"
"Practice," Loki says, "And remembering that both are equal parts of who I am." Loki looks away from Jane for a moment, his eyes lost in the snow covered Bifrost etchings.
"Sometimes I forget where the Jotun ends and the Aesir begins."
There's a pregnant breath between the two. Jane fumbles with her hands.
"Do you think that I could ever be like that?"
"How so?"
"I've been thinking of the Aether like a disease this whole time. Like something I can cure or fix. And…" Jane thinks hard for a moment. "What if I don't need to be fixed?"
Loki smiles.
"Fix, Foster? There's nothing broken to fix."
"But what I mean is that: can I live as both Aether and Jane?"
Loki's lips press into a thin line as he looks at Jane. She always wonders what Loki thinks about when he looks at her like that. Does he see a glass cannon? Just some pathetic mortal with a power well beyond her control? Or something else.
"I think that choice is up to you, Jane. The Foresight has not shown me anything since I've left Asgard. What I know for certain is that you are making progress."
Jane nods. She's not sure if she could ever fully accept the Aether. It's led to so much death and pain. But if there is a chance for peace, and acceptance, why not risk it?
Loki approaches Jane with cautious steps.
"I would like to try something." Loki raises his hands to Jane's face and she recoils.
"Trust me," Loki says. Jane reluctantly allows Loki to place his palms on each temple. Jane's breath catches.
"Close your eyes. Don't move," He whispers. He's so close, his touch sending her heart into her throat. She feels his breath on her cheeks and the gentle massaging of his thumbs against her temple.
Something wells from that pit she'd buried. She wants to feel him again, to feel something again. But what could that cost? Heat begins to radiate from inside her, awakening at Loki's touch.
Jane opens her eyes for a moment to see herself engulfed in a kindling flame.
"What are you doing?" She gasps.
"Trust me." Loki's eyes are still closed, his voice soothing. Jane whimpers and pinches her eyes shut. The Aether hums inside her, burning low and tenderly. Loki dips his head lower, touching his forehead to Jane's.
Too close, she tells herself.
"I could hurt you." Jane places a hand on Loki's chest and finds his heartbeat. The slow rhythmic thumping under her fingers sets her nerves at ease.
"You won't," he murmurs.
Loki's lips brush against Jane's. For a moment the knot in Jane's stomach unravels. There is a calm to the hurricane of her mind again.
NO, Jane's mind screams. She knows where this road leads and she can't go down it again. Never again.
Jane shoves Loki away and he staggers back several steps. His face is a mixture of rejection and pain.
"Don't you ever do that again," Jane growls. "God, I don't get you!"
"Tell me you don't still think about it," Loki says. Jane gulps down air but the knot in her throat chokes away any relief.
"Tell me you don't think about my hands on you." Loki takes a dangerous step in Jane's direction. "In all the places that make you forget," he adds.
A dizziness overcomes Jane, the heat crawling up her spine. Loki takes another step, smooth and calculated like a predator set on its prey. Jane can't stop herself from thinking about that night on her living room floor. She remembers that bottomless, insatiable need. A thirst that only Loki could quench. She remembers the way his breath felt on her neck, and his lips on hers. She remembers the way he felt beneath her, inside her.
Jane can feel the snow melting under her feet. Steam rolls off her body in the frigid air.
"It was an accident," Jane musters. Loki knocks his head back with a cold, humorless laugh. He holds her gaze for a moment, his eyes floating up and down her body appraisingly. He takes a step back. Jane breathes.
"Interesting choice of words." He keeps his back to Jane.
"How so?"
"Words are everything, my dear. You could have called it a mistake, but that would imply premeditated intention. An accident is an unfortunate incident, one that happens by chance."
"What are you trying to say, Loki? Get to the point."
Loki turns, a devilish grin on his face.
"By the way you were moaning my name Jane, by the way you begged me to fuck you, I wouldn't call what we did 'unfortunate'," Loki says slowly. Jane's face heats and she looks away, apparently the reaction Loki wanted. He stalks around her, circling with his hands behind his back.
"I gave you a chance to walk away. I asked you to tell me what you needed, and you did just that. Therefore, I would not say that what we did was 'by chance'."
"Either way it's never happening again," Jane snaps, the welling heat inside her becoming unbearable.
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Loki sneers.
"Fucking excuse me?"
"Don't think I haven't noticed you've been dreaming, Jane," Loki raises a brow. Jane blushes deeply.
"You rotten, smug bastard. You fucking stay out of my head!" Jane shouts. Loki laughs.
"I think we're done for today," He says, nodding to Jane's hands. "Well done," he adds, stepping past her and starting down the forest path.
Jane forgets her anger for a moment and raises her palms. No flames remain, no heat, not humming Aether. Only Jane.
She hadn't lost control.
When Jane look back, Loki is already gone.
When Jane arrives back at the cottage, Loki has already retired to his room for the evening. Relieved, Jane quietly escapes to her room and locks the door behind her. Lying in bed, all she can think about is what Loki said about her dreams. It's true. She hasn't had a nightmare in weeks. Her nights aren't haunted by the ringing, burning, red light. But its replacement is equally disturbing. She tosses and turns, unwilling to close her eyes even though exhaustion tugs at her eyelids. The training these past few weeks has been tiring work, but Jane is hesitant to fall into her unconscious realm again. How did he know? Magic of course, Jane thinks. Or maybe it was just Loki being Loki again, calling her bluff. Jane lies in bed strategizing ways to shield her mind from Loki, all the while slowly drifting further and further away. Eventually she gives into sleep.
The dream is a good dream. More than good. It's a tangle of limbs. Hungry, panting mouths seeking lips. It equal parts unadulterated need and pleasure.
Not long after Jane falls asleep, Loki jerks awake. Panting and sweating, Loki wipes his brow. He sits at the edge of his bed and scrubs his face with his hands. Her abilities are getting stronger by the day. Soon, she could be his equal in the arts of magic.
More importantly, he's not sure whether or not he should tell her that dream-walking into another person's mind without permission is rude. But maybe he could hold onto that secret for a little bit longer.
After all, it had been a very good dream.
