Author's Note: Thanks so much to those of you who commented on the first chapter. I'm glad that you're liking the story so far and rest-assured that this will end up with a happy ending for all, even if we have to wade through a bunch of emotions to get there. kahuna asked if Jack kept in touch with his clone, but in the episode they agree that keeping in touch would be weird (although Jack says to reach out if he ever needs anything).
The lunch between Sam and clone!Jack is broken into two chapters. The totally story will probably be about 9 chapters (30kish words).
They found a restaurant with outdoor seating a few blocks away and got a table. Sam ordered a Diet Coke and a Guinness. She had to switch the drinks when the waitress returned with them, but Jack only rolled his eyes before mumbling a quick "thanks."
He took a sip and sighed. "They really know how to pour it right here. You would not believe the lengths I've had to go to in order to get crappy beer, Carter. This kid Eric Delgado in my physics class has an older brother, but the guy usually only buys Miller High Life."
Sam lifted an eyebrow and took a sip of her Diet Coke.
"Let me tell you," Jack continued, "that whole 'champagne of beers' thing is bullshit."
She laughed at his disgruntled look.
"I didn't think you had such particular tastes."
Jack set the beer down on the table. "I didn't think so either. Then I asked for something different and found out Eric's brother's second favorite beer is Natty Light. Two years of crappy beer. Don't suppose you could get me a decent fake ID?"
Sam didn't think that the Air Force would consider having a wider alcohol selection to be a good justification for a new ID card, but it also seemed like such a small request.
"I'll see what I can do."
There was surprise in his eyes as he breathed a sigh of relief. "Sweet."
The waitress came back to take their orders. Sam got a salad because she wasn't sure if she could handle anything heavier with her anxiety about spending time with this Jack. He got a burger and fries.
"So…what should I call you these days?" Sam asked carefully after the waitress walked away, not sure what false identity they'd given him.
He pulled out his wallet and tossed an ID on the table.
"Jonathan Oliver Neil, one L. His idea of a joke."
Sam picked up the driver's license and looked at the unfamiliar address, youthful face, and a name that was just off from what it should be.
"Jack O. Neil?"
"Yep."
Sam doubted that her Jack chose the name as a joke, or at least not completely as a joke.
"He probably didn't want you to have to deal with a name that was far from the one you were used to," she explained.
Jack took the ID from her hand and shoved it back in his wallet.
"Sometimes I think it would have been easier to have a fresh start. New name, different state, a complete mind-wipe if Thor could've managed it."
His face went tight with frustration and once again Sam felt a wave of familiarity wash over her when looking at the cloned man in front of her. He might look like a young adult, but this was also Jack O'Neill through and through.
"It sucks the way it is now," he said. "It's too hard remembering everything I lost. A guy shouldn't have to go through that more than once in his life."
Jack picked at his fries and took a drink of his beer like he hadn't completely broken her heart with that last muttered sentence. He lost his family and his life for a second time when they sent him out in the world alone without backup.
How had none of them realized what it would feel like for him to be cut off from SG-1?
How had Jack himself not realized what it would feel like for his clone to be stranded in high school without being able to contact anyone he knew?
"I'm so sorry," Sam said. "I should have realized that this would bring up some of the same feelings as when you lost Charlie and Sara."
He looked at her, a hard glint in his eyes. "It's not the same thing, Carter. Plus, I wouldn't have expected you to notice."
That was the second time he alluded to her not seeing something that she should have.
"Why are you mad at me?"
His face went flat and inexpressive. "Who said I was mad at you?"
In the past, Sam might've backed down, but she understood him better now.
"You have every right to be angry about the fact that you got stuck in a bad situation and that we didn't reach out. Jack said that–"
"Oh, it's Jack now?"
"General O'Neill," Sam corrected, not wanting to get sidetracked from this conversation. "He said that you were happy for the second chance. That you agreed that it would be best to start over."
He gave an empty sort of laugh. "Of course he would say that. He wasn't the one who got consigned to high school."
Sam didn't know what to say in response.
She stirred the straw in her Diet Coke and thought back to the conversation the team had two years ago when Jack returned after dropping his clone off at a high school in the Denver suburbs. Daniel asked if leaving a copy of Jack O'Neill off at a local high school was really the best plan. The Colonel replied, "Hey, the kid pointed out that we never really embraced high school the first time around. Said it would be nice to go back and do it all over." When Sam tried to ask a follow-up question, he cut her off and said, "Going back to high school wouldn't be at the top of my list of things to do, but as the mini-me pointed out, we're two different people now. He was on board with this plan."
They never spoke about it again.
It was only thinking back on it now that she recognized Jack shut down the conversation because he was uncomfortable. Maybe he realized that his clone wasn't so different and wouldn't be happy playacting as a teenager.
Maybe he saw through the fact that a younger version of himself would lie about wanting to embrace high school to smooth over a painful truth: they abandoned the clone because no one could think of a better way to deal with him.
Sam took a good look at the young Jack O'Neill sitting across the table from her, eating his burger and washing it down with gulps of Guinness. There were dark circles under his eyes and uneven stubble on his unnaturally pale skin. He wouldn't want her pity, but he had it. He had suffered over the past two years through no fault of his own, and in part because of their own actions.
They left him alone.
"It can't be all bad," Sam said, hoping for a miracle. "There must be something about your life that's good. You don't have to deal with stuffed-shirt politicians for one."
Dealing with politicians was one of Jack's common complaints about working at Homeworld Security. He liked to joke that he had more fun being shot at than talking with the IOA.
There had to be something good about this younger Jack's life. She just had to make him realize it.
"Hockey," he finally said. "Playing hockey is easier in the new body. No pesky knee issues."
Sam let out a sigh of relief. "So that's something," she said, plastering a smile on her face. "You've got hockey."
The expression on his face was a familiar one, even if she didn't see it often. He thought she was being naïve…overly hopeful.
"Yeah, Carter," Jack replied. "I've got hockey and he's got everything else. What a great deal for me."
Her heart sank and she couldn't help thinking that for all her good intentions, she was just making things worse.
"I'm surprised you've been sticking it out if it's that bad," Sam said.
The Jack O'Neill she knew might be bound by duty not to tender his resignation even when it was tempting, but the Jack O'Neill sitting in front of her didn't necessarily have to stay in high school. Sure, he looked young, but that wouldn't be the case forever.
"What are my options? To try to enlist using fake credentials that the Air Force no doubt has flagged? To run off somewhere and get a job paying minimum wage and try to survive on that?" He let out a frustrated sigh. "I can't go to my cabin because it's his. I can't reach out to any of my contacts because they're his and also because I couldn't explain the whole kid thing. I couldn't reach out to you. Hell, I probably shouldn't even have called your name on the street, but I was so surprised to see you. Don't make contact unless it's an emergency and don't make waves. That was the Air Force deal."
Jack drank more of his beer as it started to sink in for Sam how trapped he must feel in the artificial life that the Air Force built for him.
"What are my other options?" he asked. It was a hypothetical question because she knew that he must've looked into every single one. "All I can do is the bare minimum I need to in order to have good grades and get into a decent college that the Air Force will pay for and keep doing this for four more years and then maybe I can actually have a life. I'm just killin' time."
And doing so was killing him. She could tell.
"What would make it better?" she asked. "Is there anything I can do?"
Sam was surprised when the corners of his mouth turned up in a soft, affectionate smile.
"You can't always perform miracles, Carter," he said. "You don't have to try and fix me."
She tried to perform miracles all the time. Why wouldn't she do the same for him?
"I'm not trying to fix you. I just want to help."
Sam watched as he rolled her offer around in his mind.
"It'll make you feel better?" he asked.
Of course, he wouldn't ask for something on his own behalf, but he would if it made her feel better. He knew her well enough to know that she'd keep pushing if she didn't feel like she was making progress.
"Yes," she replied. "It would make me feel better."
Jack nodded and then leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table and steepling his hands.
"Then let's just pretend that I'm the real me and we haven't seen each other for a while, Carter. Just two friends catching up like normal. I don't want to tell you about high school. I want to hear about you."
The simple request was just so him in a way she couldn't fully describe. It warmed her heart and made her feel an ache of bittersweet sadness at the same time.
She wanted to help him and he thought that the best way to do so would be talking with her and hearing about her life.
"Jack, you can call me Sam," she said. "After all, it's not like you're my commanding officer anymore."
He narrowed his eyes and leaned back.
"Carter, I said I wanted a little bit of normalcy," he replied, emphasizing her name. "It doesn't count as normal if I switch up what I call you for just an hour after all these years."
Sam wasn't sure why, but she didn't like that he pushed back on her offer. Her Jack still called her "Carter" most of the time and he made her last name sound like an affectionate nickname, but she liked the intimacy of the fact that he could call her "Sam" now too.
If Jack's clone didn't want to use her first name, though, that was his choice.
"What do you want to talk about?" she asked.
He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.
"So you're a Lieutenant Colonel, now," Jack started. "Head of SG-1?"
Sam looked around before responding, but there was no one within earshot of their table and the waitress wouldn't be back for a while. She could speak freely.
"I was head of SG-1 for a while, but now I'm over at Area 51, heading up research and development."
Jack tilted his head, brow furrowed, as if something about her statement didn't make sense.
"I never thought you'd willingly give up gate travel."
"Times change," Sam said. "Priorities change."
"Why?" Jack asked.
It was such a simple question, but the answer was complicated.
For a while, she felt an almost suffocating pressure to be Pete's perfect fiancée and plan the perfect wedding and live a perfect life. She tried to lock away any feelings she was uncomfortable with. She tried not to miss Janet. She tried not to love Jack. Without consciously realizing it, she also distanced herself from Daniel and Teal'c. She knew she hadn't been there for Cassie as much as she should've.
Sam also remembered the ominous dark feeling that started to surround her that she couldn't do it all and that any mistake she might make could destroy the galaxy. She'd been responsible for the escalated Replicator threat and it was unsettling to know that something built based off own mind could've killed all life in the Milky Way.
Then her dad died and it was like she could finally see things clearly again.
She realized that didn't have to do everything on her own, she didn't have to conform to some preconceived idea of a "perfect life," and any universe worth saving was one where she could tell Jack O'Neill she loved him. Rules, she learned, were just an excuse. The important part was to find a way to be happy.
"Carter?" he prompted, breaking Sam out of her thoughts.
"A lot of reasons," she replied, not wanting to get into every loss and hardship she faced in the two years he hadn't been a part of the SGC. "I just reached a breaking point, or a point of clarity maybe, and realized that I needed a change."
"You okay?" he asked.
Sam didn't have to fake the bright smile she gave him in return. "Yeah, I'm great. I'm happy."
It was what her dad would have wanted for her and she felt like she was honoring his legacy by following through on the unspoken promise she made him that day.
The young man in front of her gave her a soft smile in return and it was so familiar that she almost forgot that she wasn't sitting with her husband.
"I'm glad you're happy, Carter."
"I am."
"Probably fun playing with all of those gizmos up at Area 51," he commented. "Seems like your kinda gig."
She leaned forward. "Recently, I've been helping upgrade the Prometheus with some of the technology Thor gave us."
"Messing around with Asgard tech…you must be in heaven."
He looked excited for her, but his voice was a little tight. Sam suddenly realized that, given his circumstances, the clone in front of her probably had much more conflicted feelings about the Asgard than his older counterpart.
"It's, well, Asgard technology has a lot of benefits, but I know that you've experienced the downsides of it firsthand. I didn't mean to bring up–"
"My distaste for the Asgard is mostly Loki-specific," he interrupted. "Thor did save my life. Although I really think he could have done me a solid and aged me up a bit more."
Thor couldn't have aged him up. She knew that. It had something to do with the way he was created in the first place and the marker that had been placed in his DNA to stop attempts at genetic manipulation.
"I can't even imagine what it must feel like to have so many decades of memories and be stuck in the body of a teenager."
She couldn't comprehend how difficult it must be for him to deal with the fact that he looked eighteen, felt like he was thirty plus years older than that, and was in a body that was technically only a couple years old.
"You trying to call me old, Carter?" he asked, gesturing towards his face. "Even when I look like this?"
She felt immediately defensive, even as his teasing tone registered in the back of her mind. She never thought of Jack as old, even if he was older than her. He acted like a kid enough of the time that their age difference never crossed her mind.
"No, of course not! I would never call you old. And, technically, you're definitely not old at all, but I was just pointing out that you've been through a lot more than some high school senior. Or at least your memories…I mean…" Sam paused, unable to find the right words. She just didn't know how to deal with the fact that he wasn't Jack but he also was Jack at the same time. "You know what I mean."
He must've thought she needed to be rescued from her own awkwardness because he jumped in with a non sequitur.
"So…blown up any more stars recently?"
Sam felt all of her tension release in a burst of laughter. He'd always been so good at using humor to diffuse her anxiety. "No, I'm trying to steer clear of that for a while. Have helped blow up a couple enemy ships here and there since the last time we saw each other, though."
"All in a day's work," Jack quipped.
"Yep." Sam ate more of her salad and tried to ignore the fact that he was openly staring at her. He didn't used to do that, or at least, she never remembered capturing that much of his attention. It was probably because he hadn't seen her in so long.
"So you really gave up the gate and the team?" Jack asked. "No more stepping through an open wormhole on a weekly basis and feeling that rush of adrenaline as you crossed the event horizon?"
Sam didn't look at it as a sacrifice. Instead, she saw everything she gained by finally making a decision that prioritized her needs and those of people she loved. Jack and Cassie needed her as much as she needed them. Now she had more time to spend with Cassie and a legally binding relationship with Jack. It was worth it.
"I might go back to gate travel, but I need this right now. It gave me a break from the pressure so I could get my head on straight. It also means I can focus on the science that I love, I can spend more time with Cassie, and—"
"And it sounds like you've got a guy?" he said, in the same artificially even voice that it had taken her way too long to recognize with her own Jack. "Finally got a life outside of the mountain, did you?"
"Oh…yeah."
Sam didn't think he'd flat out ask about her relationship. She'd been planning to talk around it. This felt almost as awkward as when her Jack made a comment about humming in the elevator when she first started seeing Pete.
"Good guy?" he asked.
That was an easy question to answer.
"The best," she replied.
Sam watched his face fall briefly before recovering. She realized then that he didn't even suspect that she was with his counterpart, the "original" Jack O'Neill. He always had a tough time seeing his positive qualities.
It's you, she thought. The other you. Those things you said during the za'tarc tests and as Jonah, I couldn't forget them. And it took way too long and we hurt each other in the process, but we finally figured it out.
She almost said the words, but she wasn't sure if telling him would be the right thing to do.
