CH: 58: A Time to Mourn and A Time to Dance
When they'd talked to Hugo about how he wanted to mark the anniversary of the accident, he'd surprised them both by saying he wanted to just go to school like a regular day. But he also said he wanted to do something special that weekend to remember them in a "not sad" way. Remembering his conversation with Mrs. Rupsemith, Ron had called her for some suggestions or any ideas of who he should talk with to help come up with some art activity that might be a decent fit. The amazing art teacher had come through and said she would arrange for an art therapist friend to meet them that day who would work with them on a family art project together. Mrs. Rupesmith promised to give the therapist the background story ahead of time so they wouldn't need to re-live everything during the session.
Hugo was extremely excited when Ron had shared that the three of them would be going on Saturday to take a family art class just for the three of them to make some art to help mark the anniversary, and then they would all visit the cemetery before going for a fly and a picnic. Hermione wasn't quite sure what to expect, as she had never really considered herself good at art, but she was game for anything that made the day easier for Hugo. Ron had a similar perspective, more focused on Hugo than anything else.
The three of them arrived at the art center to meet a Ms. Glass, the art therapist who was friends with Mrs. Rupesmith. Hermione checked in at the art center desk and was told to head on back to a specific classroom where she would meet them. They walked into a sun-filled small classroom with four large work tables and every possible array of paints, pastels, chalks, crayons, stickers, cut up magazines, glues, glitters, markers and just about anything else one could imagine gluing to an art piece. As the three of them looked at the different creations adorning the walls, a smiling woman about the same age as Ron and Hermione came into the room.
"Good morning, you must be Hugo's family," she said cheerfully. "My name is Penelope Bell-Johnson," she said as she reached her hand out to Hermione.
"So pleased to meet you," said Hermione. "I'm Hermione Granger. This is Hugo Creevey, and this is Ron Weasley."
"Oh heavens," the woman stammered as she stopped in her tracks and stared at Ron. "You're Ron Weasley, like the Ron Weasley of the Golden Duo, aren't you?"
Caught off guard, Ron simply smiled, but Hugo said, "How did you know who he was? Aren't you a regular art teacher?"
"Oh, I am so sorry," the woman said quickly in a mortified tone. "I apologize. Let me start that again. I am Penelope Bell-Johnson, and I am squib. But, I am better known around here as an art therapist and just all around regular art teacher most days."
"Oh, that's wonderful," said Hermione. "Well, what good luck that we found you then."
"Well, I am the lucky one," said the woman. "I may not be magical, but my family is and has certainly been protected thanks to you, Ron Weasley. I believe you knew my cousin, Katie Bell?"
"You're Katie's cousin?!" asked Ron in a surprised voice. "How is she? What is she up to these days?"
"Katie and I are the same age, our dads are brothers. We grew up together and were very close until she went off to Hogwarts, and I went off to pursue my own life. She is doing really well. She moved to Canada maybe five or six years ago. She and her husband live in Toronto with her kids."
"That's brilliant. Please tell her I said hello when you next talk to her."
"I will. I definitely will. So, my fumbling entry aside, I really am an art therapist. I studied both art and muggle psychology in University. I have actually also done some training with magical mind healers. I obviously don't do the magic part, but I definitely like to incorporate the various techniques in my work with both magical and muggle people."
"Wow. So, this is really great, actually," said Ron. "We don't have to dance around some of the details of our lives then with whatever art stuff we are going to do, huh?"
"No, no. This is definitely a space to be honest and open with everything. And, if you want, you can use magic in the process to make a few things easier. But if you prefer to do it all by hand, that's fine too. It's whatever you want. So, let's get started, alright?"
She soon had them sitting at one of the work tables as she explained the project they would be working on, both individually and together as a family. First she helped them to create silhouettes of each other by shining a light on the one standing while the other two traced an outline on paper. While tricky at first, the three of them were soon giggling and threatening to tickle each other in the process/ She had Ron make 3 smaller copies of each outline so they each had three page-sized outlines of themselves.
She asked them to take one page for life before the accident, one for the past year and one for the future. She challenged them to fill in the empty silhouette for each time period with whatever they wanted that helped represent that time. They could write inside it, draw, cut out magazines and make a collage, paint, sketch or anything else they wanted to. Then they repeated the process for how they felt about or remembered the past year since the accident, and another for what they looked forward to in the future.
Ron laughed in his head, thinking that this assignment in many ways felt similar to Ginny's New Year's Eve homework. And once again, he looked at his family and saw Hermione and Hugo getting immediately to work, sketching out ideas, picking colors and flipping through magazines for pictures. And, once again, Ron found himself staring at a blank piece of paper not knowing what to put on it. Eventually, the art therapist saw his lack of progress and came over to help him figure out how to start. He was a bit embarrassed, thinking that the art therapy was really supposed to be for Hugo. But, eventually he found her to really helpful. She helped him figure out how to start, and soon he found himself taking a charcoal pencil and drawing pictures of different events and missions that had been defining for him. Once he got started, he found that the ideas started to flow faster than his hands could keep up. Before he knew it, the space started to get filled up with drawings and words and symbols that might not have made sense to anyone else but were important to him. There was a spider, a destroyed chess piece, the faucet that opened the Chamber of Secrets, a Gryffindor lion, a phoenix, a dragon, a dead rat, a black dog, a wolf, a stag and a terrier. There were old brooms, a stabbed locket, quidditch goals, a sweater with an "R" on it, his parents in front of the crooked home, faces for Ginny and his brothers, but the one with no ear was crying. There was a lighting scar and glasses, an aurors badge, the deluminator, he and Fi sitting on a stakeout, a baby Hugo, an empty apartment and an empty space filled with brown eyes and faint brown squiggly lines.
Hugo didn't struggle to fill in his "before the accident" page. There were sketches of happy family gatherings. He and his dad on the couch reading, he and his mum playing a game, visiting his dad and grandad at the dairy, eating biscuits with his grandmother. There was a sketch of him and Rose playing with Hermione and his dad. The other spaces were filled up with warm colors, soft lines, gentle light, smiles and specks of glitter.
Hermione's was filled with a globe, tents, books, a lot of roses, scales of justice, a passport, a sketch of her with Rose on her lap, but also sketches of her off alone with sparks coming off of her isolating her from others. There were sketches of her with her parents, but also several different sketches of her alone at the kitchen table late at night.
Then the three of them worked on the silhouettes of the year since the accident. Hugo started out by shading a large part in dark, painful colors that slowly faded into white. Then there was a sketch of he and Ron on a broom landing on a beach, followed by the four of them all asleep on the couch. There was another dark circle around Ron in hospital with the three of them crying. This was followed by a picture of the four of them on the beach in Mallorca watching the four shooting stars. There were also sketches of The Burrow, playing with Weasley cousins and the Christmas celebration with the colored candles. Hermione's transitioned from a flat, boring section to a full area, with a magic wand separating the two. This was accompanied by a sketch of Ron and the two kids. There was a sad space with Ron hurt and also with Rose at the train station. And there were paparazzi cameras as well. Finally, Ron's picture started out with a broken heart on an auror's badge, followed by his attempt at a sketch of him carrying Hugo back to Hermione's home the day after the accident. Then he made some small attempts at drawing Hermione and him the night they kissed. He drew something that in his head was walking on a slippery surface and trying to find his balance, and then then something that felt to him like trying to keep Hermione, Rose and Hugo safe from the evils of the world.
Finally they each started to work on the components of the year ahead. As it couldn't be filled with specific memories, they each took more symbolic and abstract approaches. Ron was tempted to draw a wedding, but didn't want to blow the surprise. So instead, he drew their four faces and surrounded them with words like family, safe, love, happy, adventures together, give back and help. Hugo also had a picture of the four of them with smiling faces and all holding hands, but with four shooting stars over them. Hermione looked at the blank page and seemed to be paralyzed with possibility. But eventually she drew a pathway that turned a corner into an unseen place, and the four of them were at the start together.
The therapist worked with them as they shared about their projects and what they found hard and easy about the assignment. Then she encouraged them to keep the three silhouettes for the year ahead in a frame together. And after talking, they decided to send three outlines to Rose as well, and then they would put all four of the "forward from here" part of their lives in a frame together like a family picture of wishes.
After they left the art center they swung back by the house to drop off their art. But Hugo decided he wanted to take his picture of life before the accident to the cemetery. So, the three of them went to the cemetery and left flowers and Hugo's picture for the Creeveys. Hugo looked uncomfortable at first, but Ron set an example by talking to Fi just as he spoke to Fred at his grave.
"We had to bring you the amazing art Hugo has been making today. He is even more talented than Collin if that's possible. His art teacher connected us to an amazing center, so now our little artist gets to take classes in all kinds of amazing things. We all miss you guys so terribly. And at the same time, we are grateful you brought us together as a family. It is strange how it has all worked, but we are trying to embrace each day as a family and live it in a way that honors you guys."
Hermione picked up from there. "And it is just so absurd that Rose and I were magical all along and never knew it. But it is incredible, and I so wish you could be here with us to enjoy it all. Rose is doing so well at Hogwarts, and Hugo is doing an amazing job teaching us about the magical world. And Fiona now that I understand what you really did for a living I am even more impressed. So – thanks for all you did to protect us when I didn't even know that kind of evil existed. You should all be so proud of Hugo this year. He has done such a fantastic job at keeping your memories alive while not letting himself get stuck in the sadness, which is really hard. He has been amazingly brave and has continued to be the creative, sweet, loving and hilarious boy you raised."
Finally, Hugo took a few timid steps up towards the headstone of his parents' graves. Gently placing his new art work on it and securing it with a stone, he said, "Mummy and Daddy I miss you so much. And I used to cry all of the time because I was so sad. But Ron and Hermione are helping me not get stuck in the sad. It's still there. I think it will always be there, but I am starting to feel like I can breathe again. But I need your help not forgetting. Your sheets don't really smell the same anymore, and I can't really remember what you smell like, and I am really sorry about that. So maybe you could come more in my dreams. Not the bad dreams where you die again, but the good dreams where you read to me or do art with me or fly with me. Then I can remember more."
He took a deep breath and Ron put his hand on his shoulder while Hermione rubbed his back gently. Then he said, "Ron and Hermione said I should not feel guilty about being happy now. I am not more happy. Just different happy. And I really hope you are not mad about that. I think you're probably glad about it. I hope so anyway. But I just wanted you to know."
Ron was trying not to tear up when Hugo started talking again, in a slightly different tone, "And please Mummy and Daddy help Ron and Hermione know how much happier I would be if they got me a kitten."
Hermione busted out laughing. Ron just looked at Hugo, who was trying very hard to maintain a serious expression. "A kitten, huh?"
Hugo nodded.
Ron just shook his head. "Merlin help me, Fi. You see how cheeky he is? Talk about manipulative! Next thing you know he'll try to blackmail us. Oh! Wait! That's right, he already has," he laughed as he picked Hugo up and threw the boy over his shoulder while holding onto his legs. He tickled him a bit and then finally said, "You are so ending up in Slytherin with Al."
Hermione kept laughing, and soon the three were laughing together as they left the cemetery and then apparated out to the hills near The Burrow for a fly. Being January, they were freezing in a short period of time even with their layers and warming charms. So, they eventually decided to picnic in the living room instead of outside. They roasted marshmallows in the fireplace and played cards together as the day turned to night. Hugo fell asleep on the sofa as they watched a movie, and Ron eventually carried the sleeping boy up to bed.
"He was out," Ron said quietly as he came back down to the living room where Hermione was cleaning up.
"It was a really, really good day," she said.
"Could you have been that composed at your parents' graves at his age?" Ron asked.
"No way," said Hermione. "I was always too caught up in trying to make sure I was behaving or acting appropriately. Hugo is so much better at being sad when he's sad, happy when he's happy, and understanding he can be both and laugh at the same time he's upset. He's just an incredibly emotionally mature kid."
"Yeah – and still stay enough in control to try to manipulate us into getting him a cat! I couldn't believe he said that!"
"Do you think he was serious or just being funny?"
"I don't know actually. We'll have to come back to that later I suppose."
They decided to curl up on the couch together and just lay there watching the fire in the fireplace. Hermione snuggled up to Ron's chest, letting the rhythm of his heart beat lull her into a peaceful state. He was absent mindedly twirling one of her curls around his right hand as his left snaked around her waist, holding her to him.
Eventually Hermione broke the silence. "What are you thinking about?"
"How far my life has come over the past year. 53 weeks ago I was a bachelor auror with the best partner in the world. 52 weeks ago I was terrified and horrified and grieving and so fearful I would irrevocably mess up and hurt Hugo even more."
"And now you're at peace with the fact you're a natural with him and you're raising an incredible son?"
"Well, I am not sure I would have said exactly that. But, yeah - now I am much more comfortable with parenthood, and I am so happy with life just as it is right now. I can't ever recall being this content in my entire life. I wouldn't change a bit."
Hermione just kept her eyes closed on his chest and didn't say anything. In her mind, though, she was swirling with thoughts. Content with things as they are? I thought he wanted to get married? Does he not want to get married anymore? He seems so peaceful and I don't begrudge him that, but I am jealous. I want to feel at peace with my work. I know he's been through hell to get there, but I don't even know what I want, let alone how to get there. And if he doesn't want things to change then maybe I should stay where I am because what if I can't count on things? But he isn't saying he wants to breakup – he just wants nothing to change. Does he mean nothing change with us or nothing change with the kids? Ugh. What the hell am I supposed to do when he says shite like that? And with that last thought, she unconsciously let out an aggravated sigh.
"Are you ok, Hermione? You sound upset."
"Oh, no, just blown away by the year I suppose. I am actually beat. Emotionally exhausted I think. I am going to head up to bed."
"Hermione – I know work sucks for you right now. But, we'll get it all worked out. I promise."
"Thanks," she smiled. "I'm headed up."
"OK. I'll just clean up the kitchen, and I'll be right behind you."
When Ron got up to their room, Hermione was asleep. He gently tucked a curl behind her ear and kissed her gently, and then crawled in next to her and fell asleep.
(A/N Please keep comments and reviews coming. They are definitely motivating. Thanks for staying with the story through my longer breaks...carrytheotter)
