Drogon swooped down out of the night sky like a terror of the ancient world and alighted next to Fat Sam's Crab Shack. The wet streets glistened in the newly-fallen rain, as neon city lights glimmered in the myriad puddles and potholes that pocked the seedy landscape. A faint damp mist clung in the air, as somewhere far off a police siren wailed.

"Are you sure about this?" Asked Dany, as Drogon lowered a shoulder to let Hermione disembark.

"Oh quite!" The girl answered with forced cheeriness, taking in the vista nervously. "That chapstick you gave me worked wonders, by the way; they're feeling much better." She touched her chest delicately.

Dany smiled. "Dario used to have this trick with ice cubes, salt and a baby goat filled with live eels. God how it used to bring me to ecstasy-" She sighed fondly. "But it was murder on the areolae. I learned the chapstick trick from a red priestess in Yunkai; we used to take turns rubbing it on each other's sensitive parts and..." Dany caught herself and blushed.

Hermione - too nervous to notice anything amiss - stepped onto the curb and took a deep breath. "Wish me luck!" She said, adjusting her hair.

An unfortunate combination of the damp night air and the flight on a dragon's back had turned it almost into an afro; Hermione gazed into the dingy establishment nervously. She could just make out Voldemort sitting at a table in the corner, wearing a 'Tiny-T' crew-neck. It had a picture of Tyrion's face on the front and bore the words 'licking de bacon' along the bottom. He gave off a nervous, excitable air as he reached up and tied an oversize novelty bib around his neck.

A sign on the front of the restaurant read:

Anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door!

Dany opened her mouth to call the girl back, but Jacob's last words made her bite her tongue. Hermione gave a goofy two-thumbs up signal, and stepped into the candle-lit crustacean station.

Voldemort had called off the attack almost as soon as Hermione agreed to go out with him. That was part of Jacob's plan no doubt - but not all - Dany suspected. She shuddered at the thought of using poor Hermione as a chess piece, to be moved and used according to someone else's great plan. That had been her fate once. The whole situation made her feel dirty. But having Voldemort distracted was a huge weight off everyone's mind, even if the Night King did still lurk in Hogsmeade, plotting.

"Mummy needs cheering up." Queen Daenerys of the house Targeryen patted the great beast she straddled, feeling it's mighty sinews rippling between her legs.

"Take me somewhere far, far away from here; my love." She said sadly.

The Airbus A380-800 juddered as it hit turbulance for the umpteenth time that night, causing the pilot to chuckle nervously to himself.

"It doesn't matter how many hours I log in one of these babies, these damn air pockets still make me nervous like I was straight of out flight school."

His co-pilot laughed. "I know what you mean." He said, sipping his codeine linctus with a trembling hand. "It's quiet out there... almost too quiet."

Back in economy class, a handsome older gentleman compulsively played with a rosary, twisting and rubbing it between his shaking fingers.

"First time flying?" A kindly voice asked to his left.

The older man turned to see who was speaking. It was a gentleman of about forty years, with an open, friendly face bearing a look of benevolent concern.

"What- no." He answered, frowning. "I fly every night; I'm trying to get back to the Island."

The younger man smiled again and held out his hand. "Pleased to meet you sir, my name is Sam; Dr Sam Beckett."

"Jorah." The older man took his hand. "Ser Jorah Mormont." They shook.

"What do you do for a living, Jorah?" Dr Beckett asked, not noticing the look of distraction on his new friend's face.

"Mostly I try to forget." Mormont said sadly, and gazed out of the window hopefully as another bout of turbulence hit. There was a pause, long enough to be uncomfortable. "And you?"

Sam smiled. "I work in animal testing- don't shoot me!" He laughed. "I inject monkeys with cosmetics, that sort of thing. There was a time I used to work in theoretical physics, but the money in the private sector was just too alluring." He sighed wistfully. "I still harbour dreams of developing a clean and limitless free energy source for mankind one day, however."

Jorah frowned. "How are you going to do that slavering lipstick on small animals?" He asked.

"Like I said, it's just a dream." Said Sam, looking sad.

Just then a waif of a girl in a tiny silver mini-dress shuffled between the seats and alighted herself next to Ser Jorah.

"Is this your daughter?" Asked Sam, smiling kindly at the girl.

Jorah looked up, startled. "Yes- er, daughter." He flashed a warning look at the waif, who pursed her lips and stared straight forward, wide-eyed.

"My what beautiful violet irises you have," Sam commented. "And that silver hair, just stunning."

The truth was that Dr Beckett was being kind with these compliments. The 'silver' hair was lank and damaged, and an inch of dirty-blonde roots were visible at the dandruff-flecked hairline; and as for the 'violet irises', they were offset with red-rimmed eyes, a consequence of a bad reaction to the coloured contact lenses Mormont made her wear at all times. There was also an odd, sour, fishy smell about her; it was nasty, like rotting flesh.

"How old are you honey?" Beckett asked.

"Eighteen." She answered, looking at Mormont in obvious fright. He nodded approval, with just the hint of a warning not to say any more.

"My!" Cried Sam. "I didn't put you down as a day over twelve years old."

Jorah laughed nervously. "Olechka's blessed with her mother's good genes." He flashed another warning look at the girl.

"She was hit by a car..." 'Lecha explained sullenly.

Just then everyone gasped as the plane dropped suddenly, their stomachs lifted into their mouths as they left their heads somewhere in the clouds.

"Something's wrong." Said Jorah, pensively. He looked out of the small, square window of double-layered acrylic and saw one engine smoking. "We're falling." He added, almost interestedly.

Dany leapt down from Drogon onto the dark, barren hillside, shivering in the chill of the highland air. "Mummy needs warming up," she stroked the beast fondly. Gazing around to make sure they were alone, she lay down on the short, springy grass and hitched up her skirts to reveal pale, almost translucent thighs that shone in the moonlight. Dany lay back and slipped down her underwear, kicking it into the darkness with one booted foot.

Drogon sniffed the air and edged forward carefully on two wings, enveloping Daenerys with his enormous, black frame. She felt him rising at the touch of her and felt herself responding. Reaching down between her legs, she guided him in and gasped; it felt like fire.

Some time later - Dany did not know how long - a moan and an odd splashing sound from further up the hillside caught her attention. Drogon growled and peered into the murk.

"Who's there?" Called Dany, trying to sound calm and commanding; like the Mother of Dragons.

She was met by only silence.

"Drogon my love," she stroked the beast. "If whoever is out there doesn't show themselves in the next ten seconds, you have my permission to roast them and eat them..." She let the rest hang.

"Wait- wait!" A rough, thickly-accented voice cried out into the night. "I'm- I'm comin' out. Don't shoot!"

A man emerged from a half-hidden cave; holding two trembling hands up in supplication. He was enormous, sporting rainbow-coloured hair and a lime green tutu.

"Explain yourself." Demanded Dany angrily, betraying just the slightest hint of a guilty conscience.

"I'm sorry!" The giant man cried. "We were just mindin' our own business, Grawpy and me, and we heard some odd groaning and panting outside the cave-"

Dany flushed red at this description of events.

"And... well-" The man continued. "I came out to see what's what, and there you were." He looked at the ground in shame. "You were the sexiest thing I ever saw; I- I just couldn't help myself." He buttoned up his trousers, being careful not to step in the massive pile of jizz at his feet. Sperms the size of earthworms writhed on steaming grass, making a wet slopping sound as they thrashed madly in a pearly-coloured liquid that looked about the consistency of thick yoghurt; they hissed at Dany, showing her rows upon rows of silver-coloured fangs, like the mouth of some mechanical lamprey.

Dany frowned. "Well, I suppose I should take that as a compliment."

The large man seemed confused. "I were talking about the dragon." He said at last. "Marvellous creatures; this one reminds me of me old Norberta." He wiped away a tear then rubbed two sticky palms on his stained trousers and offered one out. "Rubeus is the name; Rubeus Hagrid."

Dany was saved from having to touch the filthy creature by the sudden emergence of another, even bigger figure from the cave. He was sixteen feet if he was an inch, with a small head like a boulder that sat on top of massive, powerful shoulders.

"Hagger?" The big creature looked from Dany to Hagrid in confusion.

"My brother Grawpy, bless 'im." Hargrid said fondly.

"Hello." Dany spoke as slowly and clearly as she could to make sure of being understood. "My... name... is... Daenerys... what's... your... name?"

The giant stuck out a hand the size of shovel and opened his large mouth to speak. "My name is Grawp." He said in a clipped tenor. "I'm ever so pleased to meet you Daenerys, how do you do?"

"Oh I'm very sorry." Dany exclaimed, taking the proffered hand. "I thought you were a full-retard."

"The feeling was mutual." Beamed Grawp.

"Grawpy's a computer hacker." Said Hagrid proudly. "He were just helping me set up a custom Kodi build on me Galaxy S6 so I can watch the My Little Pony channel for free."

Grawp looked at Dany almost apologetically. "Normally it would be a simple procedure, but the magics around Hogwarts extend even as far as these hills. I'm having a devil of a time getting the installer to run." He tugged on his black hoodie ruefully.

Hagrid did a clumsy pirouette and showed Dany his pink tail. "I'm a Brony." He told her proudly.

Just then, Dany's ringtone pierced the night. She fished her iphone out of her bodice and was about to answer when Grawp looked at her in amazement.

"How on earth did you get that to work around here?" He asked in astonishment.

Dany shrugged. "A girl called Hermione Granger cast some sort of custom-built magical crack to jailbreak it." She said, not really understanding the words.

Grawp looked at her dumbfounded. "That's the most sensational piece of hacking I've ever seen!" He cried, looking half-mad in his excitement. "I must meet this master and beg them to teach me their ways!"

Daenerys shrugged. "Well she's having a crab buffet with the Dark Lord at the moment so it will have to wait." She swiped the lockscreen and groaned when she saw who was calling. Hesitating slightly, she made herself hit 'accept', then held the device to her ear.

"Khaleesi..." A voice on the other end breathed.

"Look Mormont-" Dany began hotly. "If you're drunk on Arbor gold and thinking of singing the Jonas Brothers down the phone to me again-"

"It's not that-" Mormont cut in. "Not this time Khaleesi- Besides, I'm over you anyway; got myself a new gir- er, woman." He let out an unconvincing laugh. "But we're in trouble - big trouble - and only you can save us, Daenerys."

Dany listened, frowning at times, exclaiming at others. "Make up on animals!" She cried at one point, horrified. Then she gasped, tears in her eyes. "But Ser Jorah!" She exclaimed. "How can I possibly find you in time, you could be anywhere!"

Just then Grawp - who had been listening in - asked Dany if he could borrow her phone. He introduced himself to Jorah and explained how to use the phone's GPS function to get a 10 digit co-ordinate which could be used to pinpoint the aeroplane's exact position. He quickly inputted the details into Dany's iphone, cursing at the dearth of back-end functionality despite the undeniably slick interface.

When all was ready, he handed the phone back to Dany and told her to follow the golden arrow on the screen and it would take her to Jorah. If he had calculated the rate they were falling correctly, following the arrow should lead to a direct intercept about 500 metres above the ground. One thing was certain; it was going to be close.

Dany leapt onto Drogon's back, and they swept into the night.