Ch 69: 20th Anniversary Part 3

Following the long afternoon at Hogwarts, they headed to the Potters for take away. George came over as well, and soon Hermione was the only sober adult. While at first the drinks were taking the edge off the very difficult day, after the third round of shots, Hermione realized that she should probably step up and handle things.

As both Lily and Hugo had school the next morning she decided it would be best if she took both kids back to her house while reminiscing and memory drowning continued here. She had the kids packed up, laid out four servings of hangover potion on the kitchen counter and then let the group in on her plan.

"Guys, I think it would be best if I take the kids to my place and get them to bed. I promise I'll have them both to their respective schools on time in the morning. You guys can keep up the reminiscing and then sleep it off. There are potions for you in the morning on the counter."

George and Harry nodded appreciatively. Ginny teared up a bit, hugged her daughter and whispered "Thanks. I owe you," to Hermione.

Ron stood as well. "Hemyknee," he slurred, leaning in for a kiss.

"Ron," she said in an understanding tone, "this is the best plan. You are quite sloshed so please promise me you will stay here tonight."

"M'fine," he said unconvincingly, wobbling as he spoke.

"You should be with Harry, Ginny and George. You stay and be with these guys tonight. I'll see you in the morning. I put hangover potion on the counter. Promise me you won't try to apparate or anything."

"Dongoermyknee," he slurred in protest reaching for her. "Stayherenhavefunwizthefuckedupheros," he added as he grabbed her arse.

"Ron, I'm going," she said firmly, removing his hand from her behind and giving him a scowl reminiscent of McGonagall. "I'm taking the kids home and putting them to bed. They don't need to see this, and none of you need them to see it either. Things will be better tomorrow, I promise. I love you," she added as she gave him a quick peck on the cheek. With that she quickly got Hugo and Lily, and they flooed home, leaving a bleary eyed Ron staring after them.

Once she had gotten Hugo and Lilly down for the night, she decided a long, hot shower was in order to try and melt some of the day's worries away. She had been caught off guard by so many parts of it – watching Ron rise to the moment and give an incredibly inspirational speech, mourning the loss of Collin and Dennis again as well as the loss of what they could have all shared, seeing Collin remembered as a hero, watching Hugo be so brave as he represented the Creevey family and then finally watching Ron drown the stress of the day in firewhisky. She had never really seen him that drunk before. Sure there had been times they'd both had too much to drink and got a bit sappy or overly romantic. But, tonight was different. There was more hollowness in his eyes, with the alcohol seeming to drown out the little bit of light that was still there. If ever there was a day he deserved to get lost in a bottle it was today. But it still upset her a bit to see him so dark after such a positive and radiant message earlier in the day. His roughness startled her more than it scared her. But mostly it upset her to realize there were deep, dark places where she would never be able to help him. Even though she knew what had happened, she knew she would never truly understand.

The next morning she was up early to take Hugo and Lilly to school. When she came back home, she was surprised to see a rather ragged looking Ron waiting for her.

"You're back earlier than I expected you," Hermione said quietly as she set her keys on the counter. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I am so sorry about last night," Ron said, his voice cracking. He stood across the kitchen island from her, head hanging down. He nervously ran his hands across his jaw, scruffy with morning stubble and then through his hair.

"Do you think I'm mad at you?" Hermione asked earnestly, trying to read his body language.

"You should be," Ron mumbled sheepishly as he continued to avoid eye contact. "On top of not being there when you were upset about Collin, I got so pissed I couldn't even floo home. We were all so pissed you had to take Hugo and Lily out of there to keep them from seeing more. And then I have a vague and awful memory of grabbing you pretty roughly before you left. You have every reason to hate me, Hermione. I just feel so ashamed. I am so, so sorry."

Hermione watched him carefully as she walked around the counter to where Ron stood. "Ron," she said quietly. "I'm not mad at you, love."

His head popped up to face hers wearing a look of confusion. "You're not?"

"No, Ron. I'm not mad. I was concerned for you. But I wasn't mad, and I'm still not," she said as she reached for his face. Running her hand down his jaw line she continued, "I love you, Ron. Yesterday was going to be a hard day no matter what." He finally moved his eyes up to meet hers, and she felt a lump form in her throat at the pain staring back at her through the rid rimmed, damp blue eyes looking back at her.

"I'm not saying I want to do it again tomorrow, but last night you needed to be with the only people on the earth who understood what you went through. That was all that could help you. So I did what I could to make that happen and handled the kids. No matter how much I love you, I know I will never really know. And as much as I wish that wasn't true, it is. Last night reminded me of that. There will be some things where I can't help you through it. But you have incredible friends and family who can. And I'm grateful for that."

Ron closed his eyes and a lone tear fell down his cheek. "You really don't get it do you?" he said in a gravelly voice as he pulled her towards him. "You are the only one who can help me."

At that, Hermione put her arms around him tightly, pressing her face into his chest. "Oh Ron," she said with her own voice cracking. "I'm right here. I always will be." She ran her hand up his back, slowly tracing circles over his rumpled dress robes, still on from the prior day's ceremony. She felt him start to tremble and whispered, "Let it out, Ron. I'm right here."

She pulled him gently to the ground, and leaning against the kitchen island held him against her chest, almost rocking him. His tears started quietly but soon grew into anguished sobs. She held him tightly, simply whispering in his ear that she was there. After a while she pulled back, kissing his forehead.

"Ron, yesterday was just too much pressure. You were trying to help comfort and inspire all of those people and keep them focused on what was important, and then you were trying to help your brother and Harry and Ginny. And you never got to grieve. You never got to just weep and mourn and it's too much, Ron. It's just too much. You have to give yourself space to be human."

He was shaking his head no against her chest.

"Yes, you do Ron. The expectations you are setting for yourself aren't achievable by anyone."

He sniffed against her and mumbled, "Maybe. But that is no excuse for how I behaved last night. I am so, so sorry, Hermione. Please forgive me."

"Ron, please. You have to believe me. I am not upset about last night. I don't want you to turn to the bottle on a regular basis, but I understand it. There is nothing to forgive. We are ok."

He made a sound that was between a gasp of disbelief and a cry of relief as he gripped her tightly. "Fuck, Hermione. I don't deserve you. I am so lucky."

"No, Ron. No. We are both lucky. And we are both incredibly deserving of each other's love. Do you know how proud I was of you yesterday? How proud I was to be your wife? I listened as you spoke so passionately and brilliantly from your heart. And despite what you told anyone else I know it was improvised because I had written what was on the podium that you didn't read."

At that she felt him chuckle against him.

"And I was so proud of you as you helped Hugo stand to honor Collin. And as you were there with George. And then how you stood there, despite the fact you had nothing left to give, and you talked to every single bloody person there who needed to hear from you that you remembered their loved one who had died. You were able to be present with them, to hear their stories, to honor their sacrifices. And in doing so you took on their grief. I was so proud. I am so proud. But I knew you would crumble at some point. You had to. Because while they all see you as a larger than life super hero, I know better. You are so much better than a storybook character. You are a real, live man. You're my amazing husband. And part of what makes you amazing is that you constantly, and despite all logic, continue to open your heart to others. And so, yeah, it was too much yesterday. And you had too much to drink. Was it your finest moment? No. Was it a million times better than anyone should expect? Yeah. The pressure you put on yourself to live up to this hero nonsense is just unreal, and I don't even think you know you do it."

"I don't try to be a superhero. I just don't want to let anyone down," he mumbled quietly, avoiding her eyes.

"Exactly my point. No one cannot let anyone down – especially when they have as many people looking up to them as you have looking up to you. It's completely unrealistic. You have to allow yourself to be human – flaws and all. I love you with all your flaws. I hope one day you can too."

He closed his eyes and tried to absorb her words, but found himself shaking his head side to side. "How do you do it, Hermione? How do you have such unending acceptance and forgiveness?"

"Because I love you unconditionally, Ron. I just do. And I think it is easier for me to love you unconditionally than for you to receive it. But you vowed to receive it. You vowed to let me love you. And I am absolutely holding you to it."

She kissed his temple, nuzzling her nose against his cheek as he closed his eyes. Then she kissed his eyelid and the bridge of his nose as she slowly worked her lips down to his mouth. "I love you, Ron Weasely," she muttered into his lips as she kissed him. "Let me love you."

She felt him respond by kissing her back, softly at first, but then much more passionately. She stopped pushing and let him take the lead, and he quickly did. He moved one hand aside her face while the other palm flattened against her back, pulling her to him as he groaned into her mouth as he kissed her. She raked her fingernails through his hair, and he made a guttural moan at her touch.

"Fuck, I love you," he growled as his hands moved to tug her shirt up from her trousers. His hands smoothed against her skin as he pulled her jumper up over her head while she feverishly pulled his robes off. Soon he had her bra off and had his mouth on her breasts causing her to writhe beneath him. Within minutes they had shed all remaining clothes and Hermione was laying back on the kitchen floor, knees up around his hips, drawing him on top of her. He swiftly entered her, and she rocked her hips to meet each of his thrusts. It didn't take long for Ron to spill into her, collapsing aside her, spent from the physical and emotional release. She kissed his shoulder and ran her fingers lightly over his back as their breathing returned to normal.

Eventually he opened his eyes to see her smiling at him. "Now what?" she laughed.

"I came this morning expecting to grovel for forgiveness. Somehow we ended up having sex on the kitchen floor, and I don't actually think you got to finish, which probably makes for the worst apology EVER," Ron grimaced.

"Oh, Ron," she laughed again. "You really missed most of the point of that conversation, didn't you? You didn't have to apologize. And if sex helps you find release after yesterday, then by all means, let's have sex."

"Hermione, I'm a bloke. I don't need much of an excuse to have sex. But I cringe when it is a one way experience."

"Hmm," she said cheekily. "Last I checked neither of us have anywhere we have to be today until we get Hugo from school. So, maybe you could make it up to me? You know – in a bed or something?" she laughed.

"I don't care what you say," he said standing and lifting her up into his arms. "I am the fucking luckiest bloke ever."