A/N:! Here we go! This chapter will end with the prologue. I've been so eager to get to this chapter that it hardly took any time at all to write it. Plenty more chapters to come... hope you enjoy! Please leave a review.
Chapter 13
Thirteen days ago my world came crashing down around me. My ex-boyfriend, a man I once thought I might spend my life with, found out about my sexually deviant nature. I'd fought hard to ignore that little voice inside my head that warned me the people in my life would eventually find out about my interest in sexual dominance. I naively thought that what happened behind closed doors was a secret easy enough to keep, but changes in my behavior have tipped them off that something wasn't right. The time I spent with Edward further lulled me into a false sense of safety since he appeared so good at hiding certain parts of himself from his sister. But I had known that he wasn't as good at keeping his secrets as he had thought. And now neither was I.
The look in Jasper's eyes as I ran from Edward's apartment burned into my brain. Surprise, disgust, and understanding washed over his face in those first moments that we stood face to face since our breakup. And like a coward I ran away, just as I had done when our relationship began to fall apart.
Not only had I avoided explaining myself to Jasper while we were together, I let our differences drive us a part. Now I was doing likewise with Edward. We'd been in the middle of an overdue conversation about how we felt for one another when we were interrupted. I wanted to find out what Edward meant when he said he cared about me, but seeing Jasper there had been too much to handle. Bolting felt like the only thing to do to keep myself from shattering into a thousand pieces.
And yet, there I was eleven days later, alone and miserable. I was embarrassed that Jasper now had a huge piece of the puzzle of why I really broke up with him. He now knew something dark about me that I'd never wanted him to know. I also lost the beginning of what could have been a friendship with Edward's sister. I couldn't face her again; not while she was dating Jasper. And the most painful loss of all was of Edward.
He'd had enough sense to give me some space after the confrontation in his apartment, but when he finally called me several days later, I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone. We'd been disrupted that morning by the shock of seeing Jasper with Alice just as I was on the verge of telling him that I was falling for him. Being exposed and humiliated in front of my ex-boyfriend distracted me to the point where finishing that conversation with Edward was not as critical as my escape from Jasper's disapproving glare.
Jasper must have told Rosalie and Jacob what he learned about me because they'd been blowing up my phone for a week. I had no one left in my life that didn't know the truth. There was nowhere to hide from this side of me that I hoped no one would ever know. The embarrassment and disgrace I felt caused me to lock myself away in my apartment for days as I came to terms with the new reality that I couldn't put this genie back in the bottle. I usually ran to Rosalie for guidance in times like these, but didn't want to be forced to discuss the revelations regarding my sex life. I knew there was no way of explaining it to her so that she would understand.
After ten days of speaking to no one besides myself the silence was getting to me, but the sudden celibacy was also taking its toll. I was climbing the walls by day twelve and knew I couldn't continue on this way.
I still wasn't ready to talk to Edward and figured that our differences were too great to overcome. But I needed someone; preferably someone as sweet, sexy, and patient as Edward had been. The idea of moving on to a new submissive was daunting but I felt it was necessary. I couldn't go on living like a hermit forever. I needed sex, and I needed it sooner than later.
That night I turned on my computer and went back to the only place I knew of to find other
people like me; the MMM Facebook page where I first met Edward Cullen. I was browsing
some of the men's profiles, trying to figure out how one could tell which men moonlighted for
Emmett and which were strictly escorts, when a chat window popped up. My heart nearly
leapt out of my chest when I saw Edward's name appear. What could he possibly want to say
to me? I knew he hadn't had a change of heart about his lifestyle and that left us at an
impasse.
Edward Cullen: Bella. I need to see you.
Bella Swan: Please stop, Edward. I didn't answer your calls for a reason. It's too much.
Edward Cullen: Jasper doesn't know you're a dominant. I tried telling him you hired me as your nude model since that was the story your other friends heard. But Alice had already told him too much to think we weren't involved. So I admitted we'd been seeing one another about a month. I confessed to owning all the toys Alice found in my room and that we'd used some of them. But they both believed me when I said you left me because of my sexual interests... so for the most part your secret is safe.
I was in shock. Relief poured over me and I felt like crying. Edward had found a way to cover my ass even though it made himself look like a pervert. I really owed him one for taking that bullet. Keeping my secret safe would require a lot more lying to my friends, but it suddenly seemed possible again.
Bella Swan: Thank you so much. You didn't have to do that for me.
Edward Cullen: Yes I did, but you're welcome anyway. I just couldn't let my issues ruin your life.
Bella Swan: I've made plenty of bad decisions that brought me to this place. Not your fault.
Edward Cullen: What are you doing online, Bella?
Bella Swan: Exactly what you must think. Looking for a new submissive.
Edward Cullen: I still want to be your sub. I need you so badly, it's killing me.
Bella Swan: And I need a sub, but it got too complicated with you.
Edward Cullen: It doesn't have to be complicated. Please let me see you and I'll show you how professional I can be.
I put my head in my hands and groaned. I wanted nothing more than to close my laptop and never talk to Edward again. But I couldn't do it. He'd taught me so much and I felt so comfortable when we had sex. The thought of losing that was crushing. And the quandary of getting to know a new man and learning his body was intimidating to say the least. I wasn't ready to fuck someone new just yet, but I needed to feed my sexual appetite soon or I'd go crazy. My body was desperate for Edward, and I didn't have the strength to deny what it wanted. But things would have to be different. I could make him no guarantees.
Bella Swan: IF we do this again, it has to be professional. I'm serious that being friends didn't work for me.
Edward Cullen: Anything you want, Mistress.
I closed my eyes; my spine tingling from the sensations I felt just seeing that word on my screen.
Bella Swan: And we can't do it here. You'll meet me at the hotel. I'll pay you as any other customer does. No more Friend Discount.
Edward Cullen: As you wish.
I sat back in my chair and thought about what I would be putting myself through if I agreed to play with Edward again. I told myself I would not go back to this man no matter what, even if he begged. But deep down I was hoping that he would beg, and that I could find a way to keep him in my life. I knew what his limitations were and I had no preconceived notions that I could change him. My heart knew this was a long shot and would probably lead to more depression and crying, but my body craved his with such intensity that nothing else seemed to matter.
Bella Swan: Tomorrow night at 9?
Edward Cullen: Yes, I'll be there. Tomorrow at 9.
Bella Swan: I want you to walk through that hotel room door already in a submissive mindset. Do you understand? Act as you did on our first encounter, only you're no longer training me. If we're doing this, I am now in complete control.
Edward Cullen: Yes, Mistress.
Bella Swan: Fine then. See you tomorrow.
I signed off the computer immediately and cursed under my breath. I knew I was playing with fire by meeting Edward again, but I didn't care. Despite everything that had happened, I still wanted him in my life. All I could think about was getting him tied up and at my mercy once more.
I was dressed in black the following night when Edward came to the hotel room. With an elaborate scene prepared, I was hoping to push aside all my feelings for Edward and see only my submissive when I opened that door. I didn't know if that was possible, but I was willing to give it one try and hope for the best.
To my relief, Edward followed my request of conducting himself in a professional manner as if I were one of his other escort clients. As soon as he was in the hotel room he fell to his knees with his head down. It was such a rush to feel the power of owning him once again. It was like I was finally breathing after spending two weeks underwater. If I could separate my feelings just long enough to fuck him senseless before showing him the door, perhaps we had a chance to make this work.
"Thank you for coming here tonight, pet," I said, careful not to use his name.
"I thought I'd lost you for good, Mistress," Edward admitted softly, his eyes focused carefully on the floor.
"Don't speak unless given specific orders. You have not been given permission to speak freely. If you break this rule you will be punished. A second time and you'll be dismissed from our session."
I walked over to Edward, staring down at his submissive form, making sure he would continue to comply with my new rule. I'd never been that strict on him in the past since he'd been training me and I often needed his input. He seemed to be handling the shift in our dynamics well; he didn't move a muscle as I watched his even breathing.
"Very good. Now, lift your arms over your head."
I removed his shirt like you would a child, and then tugged on his arms until he stood up. I removed his pants slowly, one leg at a time, and then his underwear. There was something tender yet demoralizing about stripping him down. I felt the same rush of energy I always did when the power over Edward's free will was transferred to me.
Once he was naked, I ordered him over to the bed to lie face down. I used soft black rope to bind his hands together over his head. "Now, pet. I'm going to do as I wish with you this evening, because for the next three hours you are mine. I've paid for your time and your submission so until midnight I own you. Yes or no? Speak your answer."
"Yes, Mistress. You own me," he replied obediently. Another rush of endorphins. I loved hearing him say that.
I positioned Edward on his elbows and knees with his head on the pillow facing away from me. "I crave your submission, pet, so as difficult as this may be for me, now that I've had you I cannot seem to go without. Obviously, we can't be anything more to each other if you're going to keep fucking other women, but I still want sex on the terms I deicide. That will be our new arrangement."
I stroked his back and caressed his ass, hoping that it might calm whatever nerves he may have been feeling. His body was tense and I didn't know what was causing him to feel anxious. We'd certainly played enough for him to trust me. Trust was the main thing we had going for us as sexual partners. I wondered if maybe my words had some adverse affect on him.
"I tried to forget you, to live without you," I continued. "And yet here we are. Clearly, you are a difficult habit for me to break. In a way, these last two weeks have helped me understand how you feel about moonlighting for MMM," I said feeling as though I needed to explain to him why things had to change between us. "From now on I plan to use you for my own gratification, just as your other clients do. Your body is being rented to me to use as I wish for whatever purpose I wish. And at the end of our session, you will collect your fee and leave. This is all I can offer you from now on. Sexual satisfaction through submission. This way, we both get what we need and no one gets hurt."
Edward said nothing as I parted his knees and inserted a plug into his backside. I noticed his cock was not hard yet, which was unusual for him. He almost always arrived at my apartment with half an erection. And here we were, several minutes into the scene and still nothing.
"From now on, I want your cock scrubbed clean before you come to me. I expect no traces of the other whores you fuck when you're not with me. I own you for the time in which I pay and I expect you to prove that to me whenever we're together."
My hand wrapped around his cock and found it still only partially hard. Palming his balls and twisting the plug in his ass did little to improve the situation. "What's going on, pet? You're having trouble serving me. Why?"
Edward grunted and turned his head to see me. There was pain in his eyes and I could tell immediately that it was not a physical pain. "I'm sorry, Mistress. I can't concentrate because there is so much I need to say to you."
I moved myself behind Edward so he couldn't see my face. I was aware that I was reverting back to my defense mechanism of restricting his sight of me, but didn't care. "Tell me one thing you need to say," I replied, intentionally sounding cold and uninterested even though inside I felt the complete opposite.
"I've been so lonely since you left. I miss talking to you, Mistress," he whispered.
"Talking leads to feelings and feelings lead me to heartache. So there will be no more talking from you," I replied sternly.
"Losing you made me realize just how much I've fallen for you; what a strong connection we had. No one else's company has been able to plug the hole in my heart since you've been gone."
His words angered me so much I wanted to spank his ass as hard as I possibly could. "You say you have feelings for me, yet you admit to fucking other women these past two weeks?"
"Yes, I have. I can't help it. It's what I need to feel... alive. Especially with you gone."
"Well then, surely you can see how that isn't going to work for me. Feelings or no feelings, even if you went so far as to say you loved me, I refuse to be just one of your many women, Edward. So it's time now for you to shut up and let me fuck you. Or you can choose to go now and leave your mistress unsatisfied in both her body and her heart."
Edward didn't respond except to lift his hips higher in the air as a silent offering to me. I knew in his mind the thought of disappointing me was not an option so I struggled to push down the emotions I felt and continue with the scene. I was worried I might be too rough with him as I worked through the anger and sorrow I felt from what he'd just said. Never did I want to be the type of dominant who took out my aggression on a submissive, so I decided to take a step back until by emotions were under control.
"Stay as you are, I'll only be a minute," I said as I walked over to my large bag of toys on the dresser. I almost canceled the scene, not sure if I could find sexual pleasure in the state I was in. But then I looked over at Edward, facing downward on the bed, hands bound at the wrist, waiting obediently for me to return. I remembered what fascinated me about dominating my sexual partner, how rare it was to find someone like Edward to do it with, and I decided it was better to have half of what I wanted than nothing at all.
I walked back to Edward determined to finish the scene I had prepared. His head turned towards me and smirked when he saw I was holding a double sided dildo. "Something new to try for a night I hope will be a new start for both of us," I said soothingly.
"Let's get you rock hard now, pet," I added with determination.
An erotic spanking always did the trick, so standing at the end of the bed; I took my time slapping his ass cheeks until they were warmed and pink. I kept one hand around his cock, sliding it up and down, massaging his balls occasionally. The plug served to provide the maximum sensation and pleasure and I was careful to land a few precise blows just where he'd feel it most. It did not take long for Edward's cock to harden like stone in my hand.
When I felt that he was sufficiently primed for fucking, I removed the plug from his body. I laid it aside and told him to flip over onto his back. I allowed Edward to watch as I removed all my clothing and picked up the dildo. It was long, blue, and bendable. He looked as if he wanted to say something, and he might have done it if he'd still been training me. I was about to attempt something I'd fantasized about but never practiced, and Edward knew that. I was slightly nervous, but wasn't going to admit it to him.
His hands were over his head, still bound, as I crawled up the bed and spread his legs. I noticed him testing out his restraints as I bent the dildo into a U shape, applied a coating of lubricant, and gently eased one end of it into his body. Edward's eyes tightened and he moaned from the intense sensation of being filled. Once I had the toy in place, I straddled his hips and reached behind me for the other side of the dildo. Edward watched with excitement as I lowered myself onto the other end so we were experiencing the same fullness. I tested how the toy moved as I rocked my hips back and forth against his. My hands wrapped around his throbbing cock as our bodies adjusted.
"You wanna talk about us having a connection? I'd say we're deeply connected now, pet," I joked.
Edward didn't smile as I thought he would have. Instead, his hands came down from above his head so his fingers could reach my breasts. He looked at me for permission. "Yes, pinch my nipples, pet," I instructed.
I threw my head back and moaned. Edward thrust his hips up, pushing the dildo further into both of us. He pinched and caressed my breasts again. "Harder!" I gasped as the feelings of pleasure began to intensify.
The dildo felt good, but it wasn't going to be enough to make me come. I needed more stimulation and was ready to proceed to the hottest part of my fantasy. I only hoped it would work. "Get your hands out of my way now," I said wishing I could have tied him to the bedpost. Stupid hotel room headboards.
I lifted myself onto my knees just enough to get Edward's cock underneath me. The dildo slid out a little in the process, so I felt both Edward's cock and the dildo sliding into me as I lowered myself back to a sitting position.
Edward hissed and squeezed his eyes shut as his length slid fully into me. I bet he could feel the toy from the inside, making the space for his dick tighter. I moaned once from the intensely full feeling. It felt dirty and sinful to have two cocks inside me. I wondered how it must feel for Edward with one cock inside him while his was inside me.
I gave our bodies time to adjust, and then I began to move. I rocked my hips, figuring out the best rhythm for the position. It was awkward at first, but then my body accepted the fullness and it began to feel amazingly good. Even better than I'd imagined.
"Oh, God," Edward groaned and tried to thrust his hips in time with mine.
Almost immediately, I could feel myself losing control of my senses as my body took over. My heart was racing and after a few minutes it became too exhausting to hold myself upright. I bent forward and propped myself up with my hands on either side of his head, my face hovering over Edward's chest. I was just close enough to his face to reach his chin with my lips.
Then he surprised me, and lifted his head closer to steal a kiss. I say steal, because I had told myself that I would not kiss Edward again. I hadn't done it that first time we were together in the hotel two months earlier, and I thought it was wise to return to a no-kissing policy now that we were nothing but Mistress and submissive again.
Apparently, I'd forgotten to tell Edward, because he kissed me with wild abandon, as if he were famished and I was the only food in sight. I didn't remember ever being kissed that way in my life. I allowed his lips to devour mine for a few precious seconds and then I pulled away.
"No more kissing, pet. It's too personal."
"You won't kiss me anymore?" he asked stunned. I felt his hips thrusting up against me, fucking me as best he could while being on the bottom.
I wanted to scold him for speaking without permission, but it hardly seemed like the most important aspect of what was happening between us at the moment. My orgasm was building and it effectively clouded my mind. Each thump of our hips brought me closer.
Edward looked at me with fright in his eyes. "You can't separate the sex from love between us, Bella. It's too late for that," he panted.
"The fuck I can't," I spat. I fucked him harder, pissed off that he used my name. I fully intended to punish him later for breaking character, but we both moaned and I knew our orgasms were closing in. "I refuse to have feelings for someone who I can't satisfy; someone who needs more than I can give him."
Edward grunted; staving off his impending release. "You can't ignore this, whether you want to or not. I know you love me."
I was so shocked by his words that I stopped rocking against him. What was he trying to do, ruin our scene and destroy what was left of my heart at the same time? Instinctively, I tried to pull off of him, but in my haste forgot that our asses were connected. "I never said I loved you," I groaned as I reached behind me to extract the dildo from both of us. It hurt a little coming out but not as much as his words were hurting me.
"Where do you think you're running to this time?" he demanded.
"I'm done with this. I was stupid to think this could work!"
"You never said it, but you were going to that morning at my apartment. I know you were! So let me hear it now."
I didn't respond and was about to free myself from his body when the unthinkable happened. Edward lifted his arms over his chest and wriggled out of the restraints I'd placed around his wrists. He grunted in pain and I heard material ripping as he freed himself. Before I knew what was happening, Edward grabbed me by the waist and flipped me onto my back. It happened so fast his cock never even budged from inside me.
"What are you doing?" I screamed.
"You can't keep me silent forever. Let me prove to you how I feel about you," he insisted.
I wasn't strong enough to admit the truth he'd already figured out. Regardless, no verbal confirmation was going to change the fact that he wasn't able to be the man I needed him to be. I closed my eyes and fought to get away.
"Damn it, Bella. Look at me. See me! I love you," he declared honestly and emphatically.
I paused my attempts to free myself from his grasp just long enough to let his words soak in. I'd denied my feelings for so long that when they came bubbling up to the surface like hot lava I didn't know what to do with them. Edward took my lack of struggling to mean I was consenting and he suddenly began moving inside me, fucking me with his cock in a way he never had before. Not once had I ever let Edward fuck me the way he would have if he'd just been a regular guy making love to his girlfriend. It was unsettling to feel him take control and fuck me the way he wanted, instead of submitting to my will in our demented sexual game of power exchange.
His head ducked into the crook of my neck and he kissed me, over and over from my ear down to my shoulder. His hips bumped against me in a punishing rhythm; with intensity I'd never experienced from any man before. Edward was fucking me in a way I'd always wanted; rough and passionate mixed together. I felt my orgasm building and knew there was no way of getting him off of me now. Tears streamed down my face as I cherished the feel of his strong arms around me and his cock pulsing inside me as he orgasmed hard and fast.
His breathing was shallow and quick; a sign that he had put all his energy into proving himself. I couldn't believe that he had broken our scene; escaped from the restraints I put on him to make myself feel like I was in control. Maybe I never had been this whole time. All along I'd been putty in his hands. He trained me, befriended me, and made me feel like I was the one with the power. But he'd had it all along. I felt stupid, ashamed of myself, and completely vulnerable.
Edward lifted his head to look at me and before he could make eye contact I turned my head and yelled, "Red. Red. Red. Red!"
He rolled to one side immediately, appalled by my use of our safe word. I quickly scrambled to my feet and wiped the tears from my face. Edward's eyes were filled with horror as I ran into the bathroom and locked it. My legs gave out beneath me and I collapsed to the floor sobbing.
~#~
My whole body trembled as I sat on the hard tile in the bathroom of the hotel room, but I couldn't gather the strength to move. When I did attempt to stand, I felt the shaking worsen and I realized it wasn't the cold floor that made me this way. I was terrified to face him. After what he'd done who could blame me?
He was still out there, probably pacing back and forth with his hands threaded deeply in his tangled bronze hair. I didn't know how much time had passed, but his pleas for me to come out hadn't subsided. I held my palms tightly over my ears and willed him to leave me alone. The banging on the door was what really frightened me. Every time I saw the shadow of his feet approach the bathroom door, I held my breath. He kept calling my name, begging me to open the door. It was locked, but I knew if he really wanted to get to me he could probably break it down.
And it wouldn't be the only wall he torn down tonight. He betrayed my trust and broke his promise. Nothing would ever be the same for us again. I dropped one hand in between my naked legs and felt for the evidence of his orgasm that I knew would still be there. My fingers swirled through the wetness and I brought them up to my nose. The smell was a mixture of his cum and my own arousal. I licked them clean, like an animal licking its wounds, and wished I had the courage to open the door. He must be frantic on the other side. I didn't care what the circumstances were or how badly I reacted. I felt violated.
My head was swimming with so many conflicting thoughts that it made me dizzy. But despite everything that I felt and feared, the one thing I knew for certain was that I loved him.
~#~
