Ch 94: A Painful Absence

A fortnight had passed since Rose's birthday, and Ron was concerned Hermione was getting stuck in a funk. He had understood why she was upset with the Skeeter article and then with missing Rose's birthday. But, he was surprised that she was still so irritable. He'd even ventured as far as asking her if she thought there was a chance she might be pregnant again. But her curt response and ridiculous ranting about looking fat shut him down and taught him to not ask her that again.

All three of them had been putting a lot of work into cleaning out Fi and Dennis' old bedroom. Hugo was wanting to have it all emptied before Rose came home so she could have it as her own space over the summer and he could stay in his room. They'd worked through a number of emotional landmines when they went through their clothes, jewelry and other personal items, but Hugo had stuck with it. Ron was so proud of his son and how willing he was to face the hard tasks. Hugo had selected what he wanted to keep or pack away to have later, and then he asked Hermione to find a "good home" for all of the other things.

Ron had been a bit perplexed about why Hermione hadn't been more enthusiastic about the project. He couldn't decide if she was still missing Rose or was working through issues about missing Dennis. But, after a few nights of short tempers and yelling, even Hugo made some comments to him wondering what was wrong with Hermione.

"Is Mum ok, Dad? I mean, she just seems not like herself lately."

"She's ok, Hugo. But I've noticed she's had a shorter temper than usual. I think the idea of adjusting to both you and Rose going to school has been really hard on her. Well, hard on both of us, really. But I promise I'll talk to her. Don't worry, ok?"

"OK. If you promise," Hugo said as he rolled over and went to sleep.

Ron tucked the blankets in around his son and turned out the lights on his way out of the bedroom. He walked back into the hall and heard a noise in the cleaned out bedroom so went to investigate. He was very surprised when he looked in to see Hermione sitting on the floor in a corner of the empty room with a few tears rolling over her cheek. Ron quickly cast a silencing charm on the room and made his way to her side.

"Hermione? Love, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

She started to try to talk, but only managed to cry more. Ron sat next to her and engulfed her with his arms.

"Can you just nod yes or no? Are you sick? Is anything hurting?"

She shook her head and finally sniffed as she cried, "No, I'm fine."

"Well that's clearly bollocks," he laughed. "This is not you being fine. You haven't been yourself in a few weeks. Even Hugo asked me if you were alright. Something is going on. I'm not saying you necessarily know what it is, but I really want to help. I hate seeing you hurt like this."

She cried some more into his chest as he just sat and held her. But after a while, she started to try to calm her breathing down so she could talk. Ron rubbed her back trying to soothe her and soon she had found her voice.

"I didn't know what it was either until a few days ago when it hit me."

"What?"

"Well, we've been getting this room cleaned out, and it struck me that it's late May and almost June."

Ron waited for her to explain what that meant, but she didn't elaborate. "Can you help spell it out for me, love? I can't quite follow that to a conclusion."

"Well, if we hadn't lost Rory last fall, we would be getting ready to bring home a baby now. And we probably would have been making this room into a nursery. And between Rose turning 13 and Hugo going in a few months and thinking about what we aren't doing right now to get ready to bring home our baby, it's just too much," she said as she burst into tears again.

Ron was kicking himself. How could he have not thought about when their baby would have been born? Of course they would have been getting the nursery ready. If his arms hadn't been busy holding Hermione he would have smacked himself in the head.

"Shite, I'm sorry, Hermione. I can't believe I hadn't put that together. I am such a jerk."

"No," she shook her head. "No, you're not a jerk. I hadn't put it together either. At least not consciously. I just knew something was bothering me and couldn't figure out what it was. But then it hit me and, well, I have been a bit of a powder keg the past few days. I'm sorry. I should have said something. I know not talking doesn't help. I was just trying to hold it together, you know?"

"I know. I do. But please tell me these things, ok? I can help. Maybe not fix it, but I can help. At the very least I can at least hold you while you cry even if I can't make you not cry."

Hearing this, she teared up more, but gave him a watery smile and hugged him tightly. Finally she said, "Next year is going to be so strange with just us, you know? I just look at how empty this room is and wonder if that's how everything will feel come September."

"I know," he sighed. "But let's not get busy mourning that yet when Hugo's still home and Rose will be home in a few weeks. Let's try to just face it as it comes and not a day earlier, ok?"

"OK. Well, I promise to try. I can't promise to succeed on that one."

He just held her tightly against her chest, and then she said quietly, "Our baby would have loved this room."

Ron closed his eyes feeling the sadness hang in the air. "I know." They just sat quietly, each letting quiet tears roll down their cheeks.