A/N: I remembered for 13 weeks. I remembered while sunburnt and exhausted from vacation. I remembered while bouncing from house to house cat-sitting and running on fumes. But on week 14. On a Tuesday where I had absolutely nothing else to do. I forgot to post the new chapter. Because I thought the weekly arrival of the lawn guy was yesterday's "significant event."

Aka WHOOPS, sorry for the delay!

And this chapter contains the one part of IW I actually guessed correctly (well, the main point, the circumstances are wrong but. I got too close for comfort) while writing this fic and I really hate that I was right


Peter stood at Loki's shoulder, arms crossed tightly. He had gone pale in seconds, chest rising and falling in shallow, rapid breaths. Gamora stood on his other side, cradling his hand and stroking his hair. Ik finished smearing the paste and dumped the gloves in a rusty sink.

"You," he said, pointing at Mantis.

She jumped closer to Drax, twisting her hands together. "Y-yes?"

"You're an empath. Come here," he ordered, snapping his fingers.

She took a breath and edged past Gamora to stand by Loki's head. Ik dropped her hand onto Loki's forehead. Mantis sucked in a gasp, antennae flaring blinding white and tears rolling down her cheeks in the seconds it took to compose herself. Loki's breathing eased, not back to normal, but enough for a bit of stress to lift from Peter's shoulders.

"Good, good," Ik said, checking Loki's pulse. "Keep calming him. This will be a strenuous time for him."

"How long's this gonna take?" Rocket asked, perched on a chair to be able to see Loki.

"It could take another five seconds, or it could take another five days. It is up to him."

"Great," Rocket muttered. "More waiting."

Peter leaned against the table, uncrossing his arms to squeeze Loki's shoulder. "You can do this, buddy," he murmured.

You have to.

-MCU-

Loki opened his eyes to a white abyss. As he squinted, waiting for his eyes to adjust, black circles began popping up, just tall enough for him to walk through, their edges swirling like smoke. All right… What am I supposed to be doing?

"Loki."

Loki froze, swallowing down burgeoning hope. "You can't be here," he mumbled. "They said you were dead."

Her gentle hand rested on his arm. "I am, sweetheart, in the real world. But not here. Never here."

Slowly, Loki finally let himself turn around, and it took everything he had not to dive into her arms. "Mother," he rasped.

She smiled, lifting a hand to cup his cheek. "My little prince," she murmured, stroking her thumb across a new scar along his cheekbone. "How you've changed these last few years."

He pressed into her touch, catching her hand in his own. "You know what's happened?" he asked almost absently.

"Of course. I'm merely a manifestation of your subconscious mind, sweetheart. I know what you do – more, I suppose, considering your current state."

Loki had expected that. Of course she wasn't there, that was impossible. But… his heart sank, his hand falling back to his side. "None of this is real," he murmured unnecessarily. "It's all in my head."

She just kept smiling that gentle smile, that smile so full of love that a younger Loki had wondered how one person held so much of it. "Of course this is in your head, love," she said. "But why should that mean it isn't real?"

"I miss you," Loki whispered.

"And I you," Mother said. "But it is not your time to join me. Come, you have something you must do."

She took his hand and lead him forward, stopping beside one of the circles. Sounds emanated from it, too faint and jumbled to make out any details, but he recognized his voice, and Thor's. "These," Mother explained, "are your darkest memories. Here, put your fingers in."

Loki raised his free hand and hesitantly tapped at it. Smoke puffed up from his touch. Despair and regret hit him like a sucker punch to the gut, the sheer strength of them taking his breath away. He yanked his hand away, panting.

"What was that?"

She squeezed his hand, edging between him and the memory. "That was the moment on Sakaar when you realized Thor truly had accepted you weren't coming home. Of course, you had to go and prove him wrong, and your lives have been all the better for it."

Loki chuckled drily. "That… sounds like me."

"Thor has learned reverse psychology quite well since then," Mother said with her own chuckle. "It works wonders on both you and Val. Whom I approve of wholeheartedly for you, by the way. I wish I could have known her."

"If you're a piece of my own mind, aren't you obligated to say that?"

"I'm saying it because you know it to be true," she said. "Now, these memories – there are many here, as you can see. And Beb's spell gave your mind the ability to protect you from them. But, in order to regain them-"

"And what if I don't?" Loki interrupted. "If the others are anything like that… What if I just keep the good memories?"

"Oh, Loki," she murmured, cupping his face again. "If only it were so simple. But these memories are a vital part of your being. The betrayal upon discovering your true parentage is intertwined with you finally standing up for yourself. The guilt of everything you did as a result of Thanos's torture is inextricably linked with your eventual return to Thor's side, as well as your decision to join the Guardians. The grief of losing Asgard helped spur your relationship with Valkyrie.

"Sweetheart, you cannot remove the pain from your life. That pain is how you grew, and how you are still growing. That pain is a part of you, part of the you that Valkyrie fell in love with, part of the you that the Guardians accepted into their family, part of the you that helped save the universe from Thanos and does whatever you can to help Thor rule. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but… It's all or nothing, my love."

Loki leaned forward, and she pulled him in, hugging him close and kissing his cheek. "You have to fight this battle," she murmured. "I wish I could say it would end here, but it won't. You will keep fighting for thousands of years to come, but every day will be worth it. I can promise you, however, that if and when you win here today, future fights will become that much easier to win."

He clutched at her. It was tempting, so unbelievably tempting, to just stay here, wrapped in his mother's arms. But she had maneuvered him closer to a separate memory, and in this one, he could hear voices that were so new to him, and yet somehow so familiar – Val, Peter, Gamora, Mantis, Drax, Rocket, Groot, Ramonda, more he had no names for – right alongside Thor.

And the possibility in those voices spurred him backwards, lifting his chin and squaring his shoulders, still holding her hand for support. But his voice was steady as he asked, "What do I have to do?"

Mother gestured around. "Most of these memories are from before the blockage – those, you need not be concerned about. But of the ones from that hidden timeframe, there are three. Three of your deepest, darkest moments that you have yet to come to terms with. You must enter each of those three and confront them. You must finally accept that they happened, and that you cannot change them. You must forgive."

"Oh," was all Loki could say for a moment. "That's… is that all?"

She chuckled. "It is indeed that simple, and that complicated, I'm afraid."

Loki bit his lip, looking around at all of the black holes. "How am I supposed to know which three are my worst?"

"You'll know, sweetheart," she promised direly. "You'll know. Just walk around."

With a glance at her, Loki obeyed, moving forward. They all seemed to reach for him with smoky fingers, calling to his heart with terror and agony and despair and guilt. Sometimes just one, sometimes up to all four, sometimes more. He skittered away from them all, pressing up against his mother. She just held his hand tightly, urging him to keep moving.

He stopped mid-step. Turned to one on his left that he had just been about to pass. Swallowing, he gave it the slightest of taps. Immediately, screams stabbed into his ears, explosions shuddered his body, and the guilt nearly drove him to curl up in the fetal position in Mother's arms.

"This one," he decided, voice trembling.

She nodded. "This one makes sense. I must stay here, but someone else will be along to help. You are not alone, sweetheart. You never are."

Loki squeezed her hand one last time. Then, with a deep breath and a sharp nod, he stepped into the memory.

-MCU-

The ship lights slammed off, replaced by a flashing red alert. Alarms began to wail, a disembodied voice ordering a ship-wide evacuation. Loki stumbled back, staring at the ship visible out the window. "No," he mumbled. "No no no no-"

"Loki!" Thor snapped, gripping his shoulders. "Loki, look at me."

"I'm sorry," he stammered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Loki!" Thor interrupted. "It's all right. If the Tesseract had stayed on Asgard, we would have died in the resulting explosion. What matters now is that you have to get it out of here."

"What?" Loki exclaimed, panic abruptly subsiding. "Thor, that means-"

"I know," Thor murmured. They staggered as an explosion rocked the ship. "I don't want to be separated again either, but-"

"I'm not doing it," Loki stated. "I'm not leaving you to die!"

"We don't have a choice!" Thor yelled. "You know how to use it, and I have to be here to protect our people."

"Thor, I can't-" Loki started, his voice faltering.

"You can," Thor insisted, pulling him into a tight hug. "I believe in you, Loki." He stepped back, lightning crackling around his fist. "Now go!"

Loki nodded, turning and breaking into a sprint before he could change his mind. Explosions continued rocking the ship, throwing him into walls and civilians alike. He dodged around them, never halting his progress entirely, only ever slowing just long to shield the people from another burst of flames and debris. They parted to let him through, watching in a range of emotions he didn't care to decipher, but saying nothing.

I just need to get to the Commodore. If I take that, summon the Tesseract there, then Thanos will follow me. And they'll be safe. Thor will be safe. Val will be safe. Heimdall will be-

Someone slammed into him, tackling him to the ground just as the wall beside him exploded. He curled up beneath them, throwing an arm over his face after a piece of shrapnel sliced into his eyebrow. They hunched over him until the explosion died down.

"Are you all right, my boy?"

Loki uncurled, twisting around to see Heimdall. "Yeah," he said as they both stood, Heimdall offering his hand to help him up. "Thank you."

He smiled, clasping Loki's shoulder over his now-ripped shirt. "Come. You must get to-"

His eyes darted to somewhere over Loki's shoulder, going wide in horror. Before Loki could react, Heimdall was spinning them around, shoving Loki back to the floor. Loki caught a glimpse of what had terrified him as he fell, a glint of flames reflecting off a blade. He stretched out his hand, magic rippling out from his fingers.

It died at the same moment Heimdall let out a choked gurgle. The dagger now protruding from his chest.

"NO!" Loki screamed.

With a grunt of rage, Loki spotted the attacker further down the corridor and hurled a bolt of magic. It struck him in the chest, and he collapsed, his triumphant laughter still on his face.

Then Loki scrambled to catch Heimdall, easing him down to lean sideways against the wall. He looked down at the dagger, bemused. "Huh," he rasped.

"You're gonna be fine," Loki said, breathy and panicked, tears burning at his eyes, hands fumbling as he pressed them around the blade. "I just have to- have to- just-"

He faltered as Heimdall lifted his hand, cupping his face. Heimdall smiled softly, just like he once had when Loki used to run to him for shelter after a prank. But this time, the gold was fading from his eyes, a tear slipping down his dirtied cheek. His fingers lifted once, weakly, coming back down in a tender pat that made Loki's soul sob.

And then his hand fell away, his plain brown eyes drifting shut, a final breath escaping his lips.

Loki screamed, clutching fistfuls of Heimdall's shirt. As if that alone could bring him back.

"I've been there, buddy."

Everything froze, from the flickering flames to the panicking people to the shuddering ship. Loki jumped back, and even Heimdall's shirt didn't move, clumped up as if Loki was still holding it. And Peter leaned on the wall across the corridor, looking mournfully down at Heimdall's body.

"So that's what happened to him," he murmured. "You never would say."

"What are you doing here?" Loki answered, swiping at his tears.

Peter pushed off the wall, tapped Loki's forehead. "We're in here, remember?"

And then everything from the last few days came flooding back, from the caves to the trip to Earth to the talk with Mother. "Oh."

"Yup," Peter said, looking around. "Damn. I knew you guys got wrecked, but this… this is a nightmare."

"Literally," Loki muttered. "All right, so, what, I'm supposed to be getting over… this?"

"I think specifically him," Peter said, pointing down at Heimdall. "I mean, you summoned me for a reason, and… dead father figures is the only connection I'm getting here."

"You have…?"

Peter smiled bittersweetly, crossing his arms. "Yondu. Things didn't start off so great, but… he did raise me. Taught me just about everything I know, gifted me my ship and my Zune. He saved me from my biological father, but when we were fighting him… Yondu died to save me. Even though I tricked him and abandoned him, he sacrificed himself without hesitation."

Loki sighed quietly. "Heimdall died so I could get the Tesseract off the ship, and I didn't even manage that. He died for nothing."

"Hold up, that's what you've thought all these years?"

Loki furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

Peter pointed down at Heimdall. "You think he died for the Tesseract?"

"What else would he have died for?"

Peter scrubbed a hand across his face. "Oh, Loki. You are really smart, but you're also really stupid."

"Hey!"

Peter snapped his fingers, and the memory started rewinding around them. A duplicate Loki popped up, kneeling down in front of Heimdall. His hand rose back up to rest on Loki's face, and that's when the memory resumed. Focusing on that little pat.

"You see that?" Peter asked. "That little pat?"

Loki bit his lip, looking away. "I remember it. What about it?"

Peter tapped his own cheek. "Yondu did that same exact thing to me. He was suffocating, freezing, weak as all hell and getting weaker, and he used his last bit of strength to reassure me. If he were saving me only so I could keep doing my job, he wouldn't have bothered."

"So?"

"Dude. If Heimdall had only been saving you so you could save the Tesseract, he would've used his last strength telling you to go. Instead, he used his last strength to hold you and try to calm you down. He died as a dad, not a warrior."

"He…" Loki shifted, looking down at the dying man, at his tender smile. "He died for me?"

"Yes, you idiot."

"So I…"

He trailed off, looking down at Heimdall, at the soft, familiar smile he had only ever reserved for the two brothers. Loki sank into a crouch, gingerly picking up Heimdall's free hand. "So I didn't fail you," he murmured.

"Never," someone said, and Loki couldn't tell if it was Peter or Heimdall's voice.

The memory began fading around him, at the same time as he felt a great weight lifting from his shoulders. Somehow, he found the strength to smile. He bent his head, pressing Heimdall's hand to his forehead.

"Thank you," he whispered. "For everything."


A/N: So anyways, yeah, I really really really hate that I was right I miss Heimdall