A/N: I want to apologize for just uploading. I struggled with some of the content of this chapter. It hit close to home so it took me longer to get them all situated in writing. I hope you guys understand. Btw I got a new laptop so the stories should get longer and updated faster now. No more cell phone and tablet writing!

Warning: very vivid content in this chapter

Anatasia's POV

I dont know if i should tell him which in hindsight I can't look at him. I close my eyes and just hold onto Grace. I'm so confused myself that I know I will confuse him too. He needs to know if you want this to go anywhere. Well according to Grace I already have broken up with him. Then how did she know about my abuse really. I know doctors are trained to spot these type of things so maybe that's how she know. I first have to ok this with Rissa half of it is her story. Not to mention that she has to still see a therapist every week. Her therapist name is Maggie Neville. She has been seeing her since we moved to Seattle. It was hard to find someone that she actually liked. She went through men and women. Shehad started to trust her therapist in Montesano before the accident. I'm usually invited to sit in on some sessions. It's when they are going over a difficult section or it pretains to me. Maggie likes to get my prespective on things. It helps me to get some of the things out. She has seen me on a couple occassions when I was freaking out and just needed to talk. She has been trying to get me to go to therapy since I first met her. She said even if it was for maintenance just to see where my mines at. She diagnosed me with split personality disorder, somatization disorder, and depression with anxiety, not to mention I disassociate sometimes. The split personality because I go through so many emotions. Also I do a lot of things on impulse just to make my self feel better. I once bought $50,000 in shoes in 2 hours. It was when I needed an emergency session. The somatization disorder which I can barely pronounce it. It's when I don't talk about my feelings and they come out as physical problems. I once had urine retention for one day. Of course anyone with these issues would have depression. That's no shockèr there at all. Ending the pack is when I disassociate which is what happened last night. My body still functions normally but my mind is a million miles away. I once disassicated on a drive in rush hour Seattle traffic. I didnt even notice that we had got home until I heard Rissa yelling my name. Wait wasnt I just looking at Christian and Rissa running towards me. I open my eyes to see Rissa, Christian and Grace looking at me. I see different emtions in everybodies eyes. Christian eyes are showing confusion and sympathy. Rissa eyes are showing concern. While Grace has empasive eyes maybe thats her doctor kicking in. I don't know what to do but I need to put this behind me.

"Rissa can I speak to you for a minute alone?" Christian looks hurt yet hesitant. Rissa walks toward me while everyone else walks back to the house.

"What's going on with you? This usually only happens when you think too much. You seemed so calm and collected when you left the school. Did Christian do something to you because no matter how much money he has I will kick his ass. Remember dad did teach me how to shot." Is she totally serious right now or am I in an alternate universe. She is so feisty that it's scaring me.

"First off don't talk like that. No he didn't do anything actually. I spaced out when his mom defended her kids against Katherine. It made me think why Carla didn't do that for us.She was our mom and that means you fight for your kids. No matter what your issues are you should be there for your kids. I was and I am your mother. She didn't tuck you in, made sure you ate food, or even give a damn about us. I did all those things so it just got me all sentimental. So I just retreated into my mind for a while. I'm so sorry Rissa that all of this happened to us. We shouldn't have had this life but I need a favor. I need to tell Christian everything and that means what you went through also. You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important." She is on the verge of tears afterward my dumping of all that info on her. I just hope she understands what I need this for.

"I understand and I appreciate you asking me first. I knowyou're my mom even if you didn't have me. We went through so much yet you were always there for me. Even if you don't think that you were but I will never forget everything that you have done for me. Carla and that stupid broke down low down dirty snake. You will always be my mom." Now I am really in tears now. I am bawling like a baby for her to say those words to. I felt like I failed her all these years. I didn't even realize Rissa had left and Christian was holding me. He is just giving me the comfort that I really need right now. I just need to spit the words out so we can go back to normal.

"Baby I am so sorry for the way I acted. There are so many things that I need to say to you. I just don't know how to explain everything to you. I'm just going to start at the beginning. Please just let me get it all out but as you found out some of the things I know are not the truth. When I was about 1 years old my dad died of cancer. That's when my mom remarried to Ray. As you know he was killed by a drunk driver. Well Ray was a Colonel in the Marines so he was always gone. It was just her and me. She didn't give a damn about me when he wasn't there. She would never have food at home. All her money went to cocaine and marijuana. She would be high all the time except when dad was home. Then Rissa came alone and things were good. Then when I turned 11 everything went downhill.. That's when she started more stuff. She was popping pills, snorting coke, and even eating mushrooms. Where the hell do you get mushrooms while living in the sticks of Washington? That's when we found she was cheating on daddy. He would sneak in when we were sleep. Until daddy came home early to surprise us and he was the one with a surprise. We were woken up by screaming and yelling. Daddy had his 9 millimeter against his head. My mom was screaming he raped her but my dad is no dummy. He was still pointing the gun at the guy and getting her shit telling her to get out. The guy finally left and mom was in the fetal position crying. I was trying to calm dad down but he wasn't listening. It took for Rissa to start screaming for him to calm down. He told us to go to bed and forget everything that happened. The next day mom was gone and dad was crazy depressed. He asked us why we didn't tell him when he called but the truth was we just didn't know. All we knew was she did drugs. We didn't know she had a lover. We didn't see her for almost 3 days. She just showed up and told dad to give her Rissa because I was her property. She would drag him through court and he was never home so we belonged with her. I talked me dad into not fighting her and we left for Vegas. She was under this illusion that she was going to be a showgirl. Not even 4 weeks there and she was seeing Morton. He was so nice in the beginning. He took such good care of us. He was there for us and everything. Then mom started back on the drugs and brought him down with her. He started out by just giving me the weird looks. After that I woke up one night and he was in bed with me. He had tape over my mouth a knife in his hand. He said I looked so pretty and I was virgin meat. He loved fucking virgin meat." All of a sudden I startedto get all dizzy and my breathing got labored. I was having ananxiety attack just from talking about this. I am aware of Christian rubbing my back and telling me it's ok. Eventually I calmed down and I got right back to talking.

"That was the night I lost my virginity. I was just 13 and he took it. He slides the knife down my body ripping my clothes as he went. He was saying I was a slut and a bitch. That this was what I deserved and he was just the man for me. He took no pity on me and just slammed into me over and over and over. He then flipped me over and dropped the knife. That was when I kicked him off of me. He was so high that he just fell. He grabbed a gun from like thin air and started waving it. He said I would give him what he wanted or he would just love fucking Rissa in the ass. He had me since he knew I would do anything for Rissa. I started to cry loudly and he started hitting me with the gun. He smashed my face 3 times until I started bleeding badly. Then he moved on to my collarbone. He repeated hit me in the exact same place until it cracked. I could hear the bone shattering. He broke my nose and collarbone because I wouldn't stop crying. He had a friend at the hospital that basically said that I was getting bullied at school. That all I can give you right now Christian because my mind is seriously blown." He just holds me and continues to rub my back.

"Anastasia I understand you because I too have dark past. You just can't shut me out anymore. I know it took a lot for you tell me that today. I'm so proud of you babe. Just know that I am and will always be here for you. Even if it is only as your friend because you did broke up with me. Are we back together or just friends?" He has the saddest puppy dogs ever.

"I just don't know but I do know that I need you in my life. Sowe are back together."

A/N: Thank you guys for reading. Please review. I want to know what you guys are thinking. The reviews fuel me to write more.