Written Rivers
A Home Amongst Rivers
Chapter 17: Before I Leave
Chihiro let out a heavy sigh as she watched the rain come down from the balcony she stood on outside the staff sleeping corridors. Despite staying up until odd hours in the morning working at the Bathhouse, she still couldn't keep her internal clock from waking her up early the next morning. If it weren't for the rain, she would be able to see the sun coming up from behind the clock tower across the receding river. She didn't quite understand why the river receded during the day, but it just reminded her that she would be crossing back over to go home soon.
A sudden gust of wind sprayed her with rain water and she shook her arms and loose hair out to remove the water. She ran her fingers through her hair and pulled it back to put it in a ponytail. As she went to bite her hair tie so she could put at her finger tips, she stopped and stared at the silvery purple hair tie around her wrist. She let out another heavy sigh, looked away, and finished pulling her hair back, placing the purple hair tie in her hair. She couldn't avoid him forever and she knew it. Since she had gotten back from Zeniba's, she hadn't spoken a word to Haku, making it very intentional and clear that she didn't want to see him. She avoided eye contact, she took the long way around, she resisted the urge to look like she was frowning every time she caught him "supervising" up in the balconies of the bath floor. Quite honestly, it was exhausting. And childish. So very childish. She obviously hadn't changed much from her first visit. She was still a coward, running from her problems.
Chihiro leaned over the edge of the balcony, hugging the sleeves of her jacket. She stared out at the waters to her left that led to the train tracks. She was at the back of the Bathhouse and she could see either side of the landscape from where she perched: from the train tracks to the clock tower. She watched the waters below chop with waves, white foaming at the top of each wave. Suddenly, she scratched aggravatedly with both her hands at her head.
Haku wasn't a problem! Yeah, he kept her in the dark on things, but he wasn't a problem. She had far better things to worry about over his longing for her safety. That was literally all he wanted for her. And she up and walked in like he owed her something. A promise. A promise he would have kept. In her heart she knew he would have kept it. She knew deep down that he would have come and found her when he was ready. She just surprised him. He was right the timing was wrong, the dark clouds above was proof enough. She could smell the static in the air. She could feel the bloodlust in the air. The timing was all wrong.
She gripped the railing and leaned away. But Genbu… That was important, wasn't it? That was a reason for her to belong right?
Chihiro grimaced and laxed her arms to stand normally, her chocolate eyes hazed. Reason to belong… "Heh." She huffed wryly. Where did she belong? What was the point? She didn't truly belong in the Human World, she'd come to that conclusion a long time ago. But she didn't particularly belong in the Spirit World, even though there were several occasions now that linked her there. What was her purpose? She was turning twenty-one in two months and she didn't know what she was supposed to really do. Sure, she had her university degree, she had her whole life ahead of her to figure it out but everything around her was moving all too quickly in her head. Her breathing started to quicken and she wasn't sure how much time was passing. Everything was flying through her head: finding the right job, finding her kink, making sure she didn't screw everything up just like they said she would.
Her train of thought stopped just as she heard the train whistle below sound. Tears mixed with the precipitation of the rain ran down her cheeks. She couldn't breathe. Something was keeping her from breathing, her body was burning up even though cold wind was blowing against her. She needed to cool down. She needed to get out, she needed to-
Her arms fell to her sides in an attempt to take off her jacket, but her hand brushed something in her coat pocket. She blinked and looked down, reaching her hand in her pocket to find her small notebook.
She finally caught her breath as she pulled it out and wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeves. She wiped her hands on her jeans and flicked through it. On the first page, six bold letters stood out to her:
"BREATH"
The light slowly came back to her eyes as she let out a light chuckle and did as the first page said: she closed her eyes, inhaled through her nose a long deep breath of rain scented air, and let it all back out through her mouth. With each breath she took, her mind started to clear, and the fog started to ease from her mind. She remembered how the smell of rain calmed her and reminded her cups of tea, warm blankets and pillows by a bay window. Her quiet place. Her focus place.
Chihiro let out one last breath and looked back to the book, flipping to the next page.
"It's okay. We're going to figure this out. This too will pass."
The words were written neatly in Rumi's hand writing. She had come to memorize the strokes of her best friend's penmanship, they'd brought her through some rough times. She did her best to focus on them and breath with each imagined stroke. She flipped the page again, where in bold letters it said "Goals List" as the top.
"1. Graduate University [x]
2. Get job as a journalist or mythologist [ ]
3. Write a book [ ]
4. Serve the environment in three big ways [x] [ ] [ ]
5. Start a family [ ]
6. Leave your mark [ ]"
Chihiro traced her fingers along the words and took another breath. Here it was. Her purpose while finding purpose. She still had to live out her passion in mythology and writing. She still needed to write that book that would serve the environment and the spirits of this realm. She still had her family and a family in the future to prepare for. She still needed to leave her mark on the world.
She took another shaky breath and thumbed over the next several pages of the notebook, through the new recipes Zeniba had given her she would have to try and to the pages that were filled with the notes she'd taken the day before during her interviews with the spirits. She ran the edge of her sleeve over her face and backed up into the wall behind her and skid down to the floor, thumbing through the interview notes.
The reactions she had gotten to her proposal of a book were mixed to say the least. But she expected that. These words, these testimonies, she prayed would make an impact on the hearts of people in the Human World. She had to get through.
She lifted her head to the horizon, where clouds met water and train tracks faded into the distance. She had to go back. She had to go back to the Human World and tell the world of what she knew. She had to tell them that they had to change.
A memory of her shoe in a river flashed before her inner eye. Her face softened in sympathy. She had to tell them for the sake of spirits like Haku. She had to tell them they were killing the lives of the beings that once ruled the lands. There had to be a balance once again.
Though the weather hadn't changed, she felt better. Rumi may have joked about it occasionally, but she would have called that a moment of going into herself. They'd become less as she'd gotten older, but they still plagued her. Last time, she ran away from her friends in her panic. The sky looked gloomy but somehow, Chihiro felt like her inner fire had been ignited again. She still had a lingering shallow feeling in the back of her mind, but she did her best to push it to the side. She pocketed the book and stood, stretching her arms up to the point she was standing on her toes. She settled on her feet and only one face flashed in her head that she needed to interview. With that in mind, she turned back into the sleeping corridors hallway and headed to the inner parts of the Bathhouse.
Chihiro found herself outside the door of Haku's office faster than she hoped. Her heart not completely recovered from her earlier episode, she was suddenly regretting her idea to confront the man inside. She bounced on the balls of her feet as she formulated the questions in her mind. She knew that he stayed up either way too late or, like her, woke up way too early, because she knew he was in his office at that moment. She stilled her body, took a breath and rasped her hand on the door. She didn't quite understand why she was nervous, it was Haku, her friend. She felt like she was a child again, when he found her behind the shops, almost completely transparent.
The door suddenly opened and there stood Haku before her in the doorway. She took the moment to take him in whole since she arrived. He stood at about five foot seven, almost a good head taller than her five foot two stature, already dressed in his work kimono. His shoulders seemed broader than last time she saw him as a child and his features appeared sharper. His dark hair and gem like eyes didn't change, his eyes still pierced through the mind when he looked at her, as if calculating her but seemingly in a caring way. At the moment, he was taking her in with slightly confused emerald eyes, but he also seemed to be pleased to see her.
"Chihiro." He breathed. "I was not expecting you…"
Chihiro tilted her head and smiled at him knowingly, inwardly chuckling at his loss of words. What was she scared for? Even he seemed scared. "Well… I've interviewed a lot of spirits lately, but the one I was hoping to interview was you." She pulled out her notebook for added effect. "Will you have an interview with me over breakfast?" She smiled.
Haku quirked a brow at her, he seemed to have eased up on her, he wasn't making any unnecessary comments. He was just being, what she imagined was, Haku.
"I do not see why not. You will be leaving soon, I would not want to part on a bad note." He smiled warmly, to her surprise, and turned to close the door.
They walked in silence as the made their way to the kitchen and staff dinning area. Despite their recent quarrels, it wasn't an awkward silence at all. There seemed to be a mutual understanding that they wanted to start over, there was a silent "I forgive you" just from the act of showing up at his door. Maybe it was the time apart that let the heat simmer between the two, allowing them to simply act as friends. It was a nice feeling.
When they reached the kitchen area, they got their food and sat in a booth in the dinning area. They thanked for their food and began to eat. After a couple bites, Chihiro pulled out her notebook and placed it on the table next to her plate, with a pen shortly after. Haku's eyes flitted briefly to the book, but was unphased, taking the next moment to finish what he had been chewing, wipe his face with a napkin and then gave her his undivided attention.
"So… ah…" Suddenly, Chihiro didn't know what to say. Her eyes fell on the notebook and she bit her inner cheek.
"I apologize."
Her eyes widened and shifted to Haku's. "I beg your pardon?"
Haku bowed his head. "I apologize for my harsh words these last few days, it was uncalled for."
Chihiro blinked, astonished, before shaking her head and gesturing her hand in a waving motion. "No, no! Raise your head!" But then she stopped herself. What was she doing? He had raised his head and his eyes met hers. She couldn't read anything but sincerity in his eyes, everything else was unreadable. Part of her was still mad, but her mind couldn't justify her anger. Maybe it was because of the episode or sudden urge to empathize since their quiet walk as friends, but she couldn't stay angry. Her hands fell to her lap. She had to be honest because it wasn't 'alright.' "I… I forgive you, Haku, but I'm going to tell you it hurt." Her stern chocolate eyes met his emerald eyes.
Haku pierced his lips. "I know. And I apologize. I should not have reacted or stated things as I did, but I will not change my stance on any of it." His tone was firm but understanding, much different from their previous encounters.
"And I should apologize too, Haku…" Chihiro bowed her head slightly. "I've been rather rude myself, forcing my ideas onto you. It's unfair to you, when you've only been trying to protect me."
When she raised her head, he was just looking at her with an expression she didn't quite understand. He let out a sigh and looked toward the kitchen window where you could see frog spirits busy cooking in the kitchen. His body language was relaxed but guarded at the same time.
"There is a lot going on here in the Spirit World, Chihiro, and much of it is out of my control. Some things are best that I leave you in the dark about." He looked at her from the corner of his eye, as if gauging her reaction. She sat quietly and listened intently. He closed his eyes and let them shift to the window that looked outside. "This storm is just the beginning, Chihiro. I do not know how much longer the river will continue to recede that allows you to cross to the clock tower. This is a war that happens every several centuries, occasionally fewer."
"Who is at war?" Chihiro leaned forward.
Haku turned his head back toward her. "Every several centuries, the god brothers, Raijin and Fujin, challenge each other for the title ruler of the skies. The lesser spirits often choose sides to avoid being part of the cross fire or to challenge other gods. Their challenges could last anywhere from a few months to several years."
Understanding dawned on Chihiro face. She recalled the stories of Raijin and Fujin from her mythology classes and old folk stories her mother told her. Raijin was the god of lightning and thunder, while Fujin was the god of winds, both vied to be ruler of the skies. "They're the reason for the storms. Why there have been so many storms lately, even in the Human World." Her brows knit together. "They're the reason there was that earthquake that resulted in a tsunami in the north?"
Haku grimaced but nodded. "Unfortunately, yes. They already had storms raging in the north, Raijin must have called upon another god to fight some of Fujin followers, resulting in the earthquake. My condolences to your friend, Rumi's, loss."
Chihiro sat back in her seat. "Wow." She knew from experience, that these were two gods that many hadn't forgotten. Many still had a great fear and respect for the two who procured so many storms that took so many lives.
"It is the exact reason I want you to go back." Haku explained. "The war will still go on, but at least you will not have to deal with the spirits themselves, only the after effects."
"I really don't know if the after effects are any better." Chihiro chuckled lightly. She looked up at Haku. "You're right though. I do have to go back. There's still a lot I still have to take care of in the Human World."
Haku's eyes seemed to smile. "That is good to hear. What changed your mind?"
She looked at the small notebook and flipped to the goal page. "There's a book I'm supposed to write and an environment I'm supposed to help. Not to mention the spirits and gods of this world." She looked at Haku. "I don't want to see any spirits to go through what you did."
A smile finally broke past his lips. "Thank you, Chihiro. And I am glad you have goals in mind for your future."
Chihiro tapped her pen on the pages that held her notes from her interviews. "Do you think this will make a difference?"
Haku tilted his head. "What is that human saying you have? 'You never know until you try.' You have already come this far, why not finish what you have started."
She mimicked the way he tilted his head. "If I weren't mistaken, Kohakunushi-Sama, I might actually think you've changed your mind on me leaving with the way you're behaving." Her voice playful.
His eyes narrowed. "Quite contrary, under different circumstances, you may have stayed longer, and I would have enjoyed your company much more, but, fate has made it so we go our separate ways." His eyes relaxed and held a somewhat playful tone like her own.
Chihiro gave him a calculative look, trying to read his impossible expressions. "Hmm… Should I ever expect another visit?" Her head tilted the other way.
Haku's eye brows lifted a bit in sympathy and released a soft sigh. "If fate and the great gods above allow." A gentle smile played at his lips.
His contrasting behavior from the past week still caught Chihiro off guard. She wasn't sure what caused it, but she was thankful for it. She felt like she was seeing the true Haku. Her friend, Haku. This was all she wanted all week.
"I believe we were in an interview for your book though." Haku reminded her with a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips, stealing a bite from his plate.
Her eyes narrowed. He was really showing his real colors now, wasn't he? "Right." She replied, reflecting his tone and opening her notebook. "Now…" Her fingers ran over the words already written. "What do you think can be done to mend the rift between the worlds?"
Haku sat forward in his seat, food forgotten. "Why should we?"
"What do you mean?" Chihiro looked up from her writing.
"Regardless of how human actions have affected the spirits, why should we try to mend the rift? What is our goal? Are we trying to change human habit? Or are we trying to make the worlds one again?"
Chihiro simply stared at him for a moment. She hadn't really thought of that to be honest.
"If it is the latter," Haku continued. "I would be afraid that it could be disastrous."
"What do you mean?" She repeated, placing her pen down.
"Look around you." He gestured around them. "Look at me. Spirits are not to be taken lightly. We are powerful beings, and most are strongly omnipotent by nature. Why do you think the two worlds separated in the first place? Humans and spirits were not able to coexist without fatalities, especially after the rise of humanity. Imagine if the two reunited today, especially after the interviews you have done." He nodded toward her notebook.
She looked down at her book and reread some of her responses. Some were angry and wished nothing to do with humans, others just wanted peace and for humans to show respect once again. She saw his point. "I'm not asking for a reunion, per se…" Chihiro started. "I'm asking for humans to change their ways so that both worlds could prosper once more. The two worlds obviously affect one another, if humans could change their ways, it would bring a balance back. That's all I want."
Haku studied her and a small smile came to his lips. "Then I do think it is possible… But humans are stubborn in nature, just as stubborn as a spirit's. Do you think you can unnerve it?"
Chihiro smiled. "'You never know until you try.'"
A/N:
Something about this chapter… I don't know… But I like it, it's different. It felt raw to me. I thought it'd be good to insert a moment of vulnerability.
Aaaaaaw! And look! They made up!
And hey look! I uploaded it on time! XD And you may get a second chapter this weekend, I ended up splitting this chapter into two, so I will be posting the other soon. ;)
Thanks for reading and don't forget to review! And for those that do review, I thank you a bunches!
Thank you for the reviews from: Amidstsnow, Firetail Finch, Prismae, RSBCS, Sofrick16, Rosettaxfantasy, Spirited-PKMN Ranger, Luin-fanel, Sillica, Picklesisadeadcat and ChristieWind!
God bless! KawaChou
