I don't know which is more harrowing, the worry to close a story properly or the urge to keep writing, but of course, all stories must end.
0o0o0o
Yao had remembered his heart, the whir of his machinery, the soft inhale-exhale of his breath, but it was nothing compared to the overwhelming loudness and yet the gentleness of hearing the reality.
'Ivan.'
'Yao.' Ivan's eyes shone, blue this close and violet if he would lean away. 'How did you get here?'
'Kiku,' he said, because the implications of all Kiku really did was all too much. 'Stay still. We're going to get you out,' he promised.
But for a precious few seconds he was allowed to stand and hear and touch again, and it banished the freezing cold of the STATUS note from his mind. Ivan was here.
'The famous Braginsky,' Lukas interrupted. Yao looked over to where he leaned against the side table. 'Could you be expected to know my lillebror as well?'
'I knew him. He said you two were coming in.' Ivan gestured to where Mathias was talking as he worked. The patients looked happier than Yao had ever seen them. 'Mathias and Lukas.'
'Lukas,' the man said, jabbing a thumb at his own chest. 'You weren't friends?'
'I wouldn't call it that.' Ivan broke their gaze and met Yao's eyes again. His eyes were carefully blanker now, but something heavy and dark had settled at the core.
'Mmm.' For a second, Yao thinks Lukas will argue. He simply inclines his head towards Yao. His violet eyes are exactly like Emil's in the days after the funeral, empty of everything. 'When you're ready, we can sneak you out. For now, keep a low profile.'
Lukas walked away. Mathias brightened when he saw him, talking enthusiastically. Yao could catch a hint of Lukas' smile.
What had he said? That there was no place he'd rather be than by Mathias' side, no matter what. Yao watched them, their easy give-and-take dance. A curious sort of bond for them. But wasn't all his just as strange?
'Ivan,' he said, the warmth of sureness that for once he could do the right thing spreading out from his chest. 'Wait here.'
'Are you going to go talk to Kiku?' Ivan asked. A childish, teasing sort of question. Yao laughed, the sureness buoying him up.
'Yes.'
0o0o0o
Kiku was on Heracles' device. When Yao came, he slid it back into his pocket.
'I don't feel I'm qualified to talk to any of the patients,' he said, twisting a bit of his medical uniform between his fingers. Yao shrugged, feeling another smile curl up from the warmth.
'I want to say thank you.'
'You've said it already,' Kiku pointed out. Yao shook his head.
'Not enough. Really.'
Kiku paused in his worrying. 'It's okay, Yao,' he said softly.
'I…' Yao couldn't name all the things he thought about favours and friends and Kiku, utterly selfless Kiku. Perhaps some people had superpowers that way, in their endless faith. 'Whatever happens soon, take care of yourself.'
'I always do, Yao.' Kiku sounded surprised, and Yao felt another pang over how he hadn't taken care of the boy as much as he should.
'Promise me.' Yao grabbed Kiku's hand. 'Please,' he begged. Kiku seemed as if he would pull away for a second. Their eyes met, and the tension drained from the boy's shoulders.
'I promise,' Kiku said. His grip tightened.
'Thank you.' Yao let go. His palm throbbed sympathetically. Kiku flexed his hand and smiled.
'You've said.'
0o0o0o
'We're ready to go,' Yao whispered. Lukas shrugged his shoulders and sighed.
'I'll stay here to do my job. Mathias will get you out.' He looked up from the sanitary station as Yao motioned to leave. 'Hold on.'
Yao stopped. His stomach felt heavy. 'About Ivan?'
'About Ivan,' Lukas confirmed. 'He's never told you about his past?'
'I've never asked,' Yao said. Lukas tipped his head back and blew out a long breath.
'Well, his past is over now. But I'd tell it if someone told me exactly what happened with my brother.' He opened one eye. Yao shoved back the thoughts that he didn't want to know and tried not to look back at Ivan. Lukas was clever, like Kiku, and he was not so used to having that cleverness turned against him.
'I want to know what his past is.'
'Then tell, nobleman.' He thumbed at Mathias by the door. 'You're going soon. Better talk fast.'
Yao didn't want to tell. He didn't want to think of Emil and the thought of Leon sent cracks throughout him. But he needed-wanted-to know why people jumped in fear at Ivan's name, but Leon, Leon, the sound made him choke and gasp for breath, pulling at his mask-
'You first,' he managed when he turned back back around. Lukas laughed.
'Of course. You noblemen types, don't know the meaning of ignorance being bliss.'
'Tell me,' Yao breathed. The words felt like poison in his tongue.
'He was a technical colonel once. One of the Union of Two Fleets leaders was under him, as well as the coding boy and the small one. But you know that.'
'He was a harsh colonel?'
'Powerful colonel,' Lukas corrected. 'Mathias was harsh once. He's better now.'
'Mathias?' Yao asked.
'Do you want to hear about Braginsky?' Lukas challenged. Yao fell silent.
'Once they ran away, he took over a lot of the Prussian Eagle's fighters after his fleet collapsed. Legend says he also took in the Eagle himself. They had loathed each other for a while since over skirmishes, but it got worse and worse until the Eagle flew the coop and apparently ran away to the Axis.'
Yao wants to say that he met the Prussian Eagle and called him Gilbert, that he was less a warlord than a damaged shell of a nearly nameless soldier.
'He's really never told you?'
'Not once.'
Lukas studied his face. 'And you're going to keep by him?'
'Yes,' Yao whispered, voice nearly cracking. The man sighed.
'To each our own.'
'Lukas!' Mathias yelled. Lukas jerked his head in response, still focused on Yao.
'Listen, nobleman. Emil's word goes as far as getting you in and out. You aren't my leader. You nor your prodigy is worth the fallout of what I'm sure will happen.' He thrust his hands back into the water. 'I don't know how you'll cover this up and I don't want to know.' He spun to face Yao, eyes accusing. 'This is a game of worth, Yao. I will ask you again. Is Ivan worth it?'
'Yes,' he repeated, and this time his voice shattered when it broke.
'Tell me what happened with my brother.'
'His name was Leon.'
'I know that much.' Lukas made a dismissive sound. This man was in the grey, Yao realized too late, neither his ally nor his enemy. He had one ally here, and it had never been Ivan.
Kiku caught his eyes across the room.
'They met in the medical wing. Before the quarantine.' The words spilled out fast. 'He-Emil and Tino were his caretakers. They treated him well. I only saw him once before the-before.'
'Before?' Lukas asked.
'Lukas, do you know how Leon died?' Yao asked, feeling strangely calm. It was as if he was suspended.
'The coughing virus,' he said slowly. 'You said.'
'We tried to cure it.' Yao pointed to Ivan, and then himself. He looked down. His hands were shaking. 'Do you know that Ivan has machinery replacing his lungs and throat? That he had the coughing virus and members of the Baltic states he helped command cured him by taking him apart? That he was born on Earth?'
Lukas froze. His eyes were panicked. 'No.'
'He was.' Yao felt an insane laugh bubbling up from where the warmth had been. 'He's immune, now, but the procedure cured him. And so…'
'You tried it on Leon.' Lukas drops his head to his chest, a mad smile on his face. 'You killed him.'
The words are acid and accusation and hurting and guilt, but Yao closes his eyes and nods.
'Does...does my brother blame Ivan?' Lukas asked, slowly, hesitantly. Yao wanted to ask if he really wanted to know the answer, but it would be a breach of some long-ago honour were he to lie.
'Yes.'
Lukas stared at him. He turned away slowly, staring towards the door, towards Mathias. 'Go.'
Yao did.
0o0o0o
'You're lucky you've got me,' Mathias said, pushing him through. 'You sure he hasn't got the virus?'
'You're asking now?' Yao asked, ducking into the tiny airlock.
'Does he?'
'I don't,' Ivan said. Mathias raised an eyebrow at Yao.
'He doesn't.' He straightened up, feeling that his skin was prickling. 'He's immune.'
'Lucky bastard.' Mathias whistled softly, keying in codes and checking the peephole. 'People would die for that.' Yao hunched over. Kiku's breath stopped, hesitated, started slow. Mathias flipped open keypads, scanning his eye. 'Run on my signal, not yet not yet-we're in the clear, go, go, go!'
They ran blindly, trusting the Dane's judgement, collapsing into the plane. It was blurry seconds before he was watching the quarantine lift away.
Mathias grinned at them from the front seat.
'Congratulations, you've just broken a patient out of quarantine and technically become your own national enemy.'
The fatigue of the last hours washed over him suddenly, and Yao rested his head against the blessedly cool metal of the seat. Lukas' accusing eyes, his knowledge, simply everything, everything.
'Yao.'
Yao jolted. All of Lukas' stories whirled through his head. Once he was a colonel, once he had power, but then it all collapsed, into itself like nebulae do, making this Ivan that he knew. The star to his past of dusty nebulae, so jarringly different but so familiar if you'd never known the before.
Perhaps his love of nebulae was in the past, too, but perhaps he could start loving stars knowing what they'd been.
'Ivan,' he asked sleepily, too tired to try to stop the question he forgot to ask. 'Why did you become an ambassador?'
'To try to heal some of the rifts,' Ivan said, and that was the last Yao heard before he fell asleep.
0o0o0o
Ivan's back slammed into the door as soon as Kiku stepped into the kitchen, Yao's hands hard and bruising.
'Ivan,' he hissed. His mouth was hot and sharp, and the bite of his nails was sharper when he grabbed him. Ivan couldn't tell if they were kissing or fighting.
'Yao-'
'What are we going to do, Ivan?' he demanded. 'Everybody will notice you're gone.'
'You didn't have a plan?' he asked, hands faltering for a second. Yao hesitated.
'No.' His mouth twisted into a sad and shattered smile. 'But what does it matter?' he spat, as angry with himself as with the world, as with Ivan. 'You're supposed to be dead anyways!'
'I know,' Ivan said. Yao did not hear.
'They would know.' He pulled Ivan forward, pushed him back. The wood bit into his back, too sudden without his scarf to protect. 'What are we supposed to do?'
'Do you regret taking me from quarantine, Yao?' Ivan asked. Yao went still, and suddenly he hated and feared and loathed the answer.
'No. No, I don't. I regret my own doings. I regret the past,' Yao said. With every word, his hands loosened, until they were barely pressure on his chest.
'Yao, look at me.' Ivan tipped his head up. Yao's eyes glittered copper with tears.
'I'm sorry.'
'Shh.' Ivan pulled him close and embraced him. Yao leaned against him, wiry and tense, exhaustion written in his every line.
'Thank you.' Yao finally smiled, small and sad. 'Ivan, I have something for you.'
It's his scarf, wound up on the bedside table.
'I believe this is yours.'
'It is.' Ivan took it and wrapped it around his neck and for a second, it was all like before, like quarantine had never happened.
'Come.' Yao smiled and led him out into the main room again. Kiku set the tea down.
'We need to discuss how to hide you.' Kiku nodded at Ivan. 'I will allow you full range of the fleet-not that you seem to need the permission.'
'And I'll go to another meeting,' Yao said. His voice dripped with disdain. 'Perhaps they'll be looking for you.'
'I'd imagine they will be.'
Yao's eyes gleamed, amber and bright. A fiery sort of anger, full of vengeance and something ancient. 'It seems that taking you from quarantine is not the least of this game.'
0o0o0o
The meeting room was silent.
'I hope you are well, Nobleman Yao,' Natalya said. 'Have your injuries from the faint flared up again?'
'Bo, but thank you for your concern.' Yao nodded, trying to keep his worry down. The room went back to crisp, cold nothingness he couldn't stand until he scraped his chair back and stood.
'I apologize for my absence. I had fallen ill with a small flu, but rest assured that I have made a full recovery.' He smiled at the gathered ambassadors, who applauded. 'Has anything urgent happened while I was gone?'
Silence, silence, and then the matronly woman stood, looking worried now that eyes were on her. 'There has been news about the coughing virus.'
'A step towards the cure?' Yao asked, but the knowledge of what she would say sink deep into his bones and lodged.
'A patient escaped,' Natalya said calmly. Yao felt a wave of calmness wash over him.
'How?'
'Accounts say they were able to use their technological abilities to escape through the airlock.'
'Who?' he asked. His mouth was dry.
'Ivan Braginsky.'
The sterile white of the quarantine, harsh answers to harsh questions, the beeping of the machines. Ivan, holding him, hands reassuring.
'Where is he now?'
Her eyes seemed to challenge. 'He is dead.'
Yao saw the STATUS note swimming in front of him, hazy. He shook it away, reminded himself that Ivan was safe. 'I'm sorry to hear that.'
'I am as well. He was my brother,' she said. For a second, pain flashed behind her eyes, true, hopeless pain, and with a jolt, Yao realized that she did think Ivan had died.
Before he could say anything, she had turned away.
'We need better security on the quarantines.'
'I can discuss it later with you.' Yao wanted to call the meeting adjourned right now, tell her that her brother was alive and well even if all his common sense warned him against it. That she could tell someone. That all their work-their crazy, million-to-one flight with the Prussian Eagle and a madman of a doctor-would be for naught.
His head hurt thinking of what if's and he turned his eyes away, back to Kiku, who was frowning. Yao hauled his eyes back to Natalya's and forced himself to look attentive. Breathe in, breathe out.
Natalya lingered after the meeting, waiting in a way that was not quite that.
'Hello,' she greeted when he came closer. Away from the spotlight silence of the meeting, her eyes were dull. Yao flipped through a million possibilities standing there, not sure what he would choose even as he spoke.
'I am sorry for your loss.'
'You loved him,' she said plainly. 'I suppose I should be sorry for yours.'
'You shouldn't,' he said. Natalya's eyes lifted, cold and suspicious.
'Really.'
'He is your brother,' he said. Natalya went still. He inclined his head. 'May the stars come together for you.'
'And for you.' She smiled, just barely, and though he could not explain why, Yao felt safe in that she would not tell.
0o0o0o
'Speeches seem to be unlucky for you,' Ivan mentioned. It was still a strange, almost exhilarating thing to look up from his desk and see Ivan Braginsky examining his rooms. 'A report on my false death to both fleets.'
'Yes.' Yao felt almost amused. 'Well, I suppose I must go. Goodbye.'
'Goodbye.' Ivan held out his hand. 'Yao.'
'Ivan.' Yao brushed fingertips with him, and Ivan's hand grazed his forearm. His violet blue eyes lingered in Yao's mind until the moment he walked onstage.
There would be no deviations this time. No shouting about pride and people, no humming in his chest-though perhaps it was, and it was his heart, fast and faster.
Breathe before you speak, Kiku had reminded him with a small smile. To go. To do his best.
But all Yao could focus on was the way his breaths seemed to stick in his throat, more and more until the words sounded like gasps. But nobody looked worried, so nothing was wrong, he reminded himself, nothing could be wrong with him until he was off stage, out of the public eye. Where only people like Kiku and Ivan could see him, that was where he was allowed to be wrong.
But he was wrong all the time, wrong about things and about faith and about Ivan, even, and breathe, breathe-
'Yao, Yao-'
The cool smoothness of metal against his cheek, and he saw Kiku, head ringed by the light behind him.
'-Yao, are you okay?'
'Just dizzy,' he tried to say, but it came out as a croak. Kiku pressed his lips together, and then he was being carried, gently, carefully, to a place where it was cooler and darker, and all Yao could think was how ridiculous they must be, with the prodigy carrying the king.
0o0o0o
Just as any universe has its singularities at the beginning and end, stories start and end with simple words.
:: Movies about old things, with old pictures and reminders that hurt
