Mouse is the first one awake in the morning, when the sun pokes its first tendrils through the blinds of the bedroom window. Even on his worst days, sleeping in was never an option after he came home, and he knows that usually it's the same for Jay. Even with the pain meds and the exhaustion and the trauma, he's sure Jay will be awake soon enough. Slipping out of the bed carefully, he pads to the bathroom, then ghosts through the living room so as not to wake Erin. She's curled into the cushions of the couch sleeping soundly, and Mouse thinks she probably hasn't gotten a good night's sleep in a while.
In the kitchen he putters about making coffee and checking for anything breakfast-able in the fridge or the pantry. He's pleasantly surprised to find not only eggs in the fridge, but a pack of bacon that's not expired in the freezer, and half a loaf of bread in the cupboard free of mold.
It's not that Jay can't cook – Mouse knows from first-hand experience that he's actually pretty handy in the kitchen. It's that he doesn't cook, never keeps food stocked. It's half because of the soldier, and half because of the cop, and only a little because of the other thing that both of them have always shied away from letting a psychologist name. The soldier half remembers the rations, the not knowing when you'd get your next meal, the long hours without food, the 'don't take more than you can carry,' pack light, always pack light, take only what you need, the things you don't need could be the things that get you killed so only take what you need and sometimes you need food less than you need a gun. The cop half knows the always on the clock, could get the call any time, no time to start complicated recipes, who knows when you'll be home next, no point buying it if it'll go bad before you eat it, who knows if you'll come home at all, no point in buying it just to waste it. And the other part… well.
Mouse knows most of this first-hand too. It's half because of the soldier, half because of the drugsboozehackingbaddecisionswhereamilivingnext, and a little of the other thing. But he's starting to learn how to let food take time again, because he's mostly only fighting the soldier half now – Jay's still fighting the cop half full time. Mouse knows a lot of it first-hand, but mostly he just knows Jay.
He's right about Jay, who comes ambling stiffly into the kitchen just as the coffee finishes brewing.
"Is Erin sleeping on my couch?" he asks, staring Mouse down confusedly. Mouse scratches at the back of his neck.
"I didn't think you'd mind. Seemed like she needed it." Jay lets that sit for a moment before shrugging, wincing at the movement of his aching shoulders. He pulls out one of the kitchen chairs and sinks into it. "Coffee?" Jay gives Mouse a look, and Mouse grins. "I know, stupid question." He pours out two cups, adding two sugars to Jay's and joining him at the table.
"Sleep any better the second half?" Mouse asks. Jay almost shrugs again, stopping just shy of the movement.
"Just the regular nightmares," he tells his coffee, glancing up to catch Mouse's heavy nod. Just the regular nightmares, Mouse thinks. We really are fucked up. Mouse takes another gulp of his coffee before standing again and pulling the carton of eggs out of the fridge and poking at the package of bacon he had stuck in warm water in the sink to defrost. He's crouched down, rifling through Jay's pans when he hears Jay stand behind him. When he emerges triumphant with his pans, Jay has pulled out a bowl and is cracking eggs into it.
"So how long has Will got you benched?" Mouse asks, shaking the water off the pack of bacon. Jay sticks a fork into his bowl of eggs, whisking vigorously.
"I'm on medical leave for a week, then I'll probably be relegated to the desk for another week. Completely unnecessary," he scoffs. Mouse rolls his eyes a little at the familiar refrain.
"Just because we didn't have the time then–"
"Doesn't mean we shouldn't take it now," Jay interrupts, "I know." Mouse snorts a little at Jay's exasperation, shaking his head. Neither of them are very good at listening to that advice in practice. "Old habits, you know?" Mouse sighs.
"Yeah. Old habits."
The eggs are just about cooked and the bacon is sizzling in the pan when Erin emerges to lean on the doorway of the kitchen.
"Morning boys," she says, grinning. Jay gives a little salute with his spatula.
"Morning Erin, you mind putting in the toast?" Mouse asks, gesturing to the bread and the toaster on the counter, and poking at the bacon in the pan. She pushes off the doorway.
"Sure thing." Jay quirks an eyebrow at Mouse – Erin, huh? And bossing her around… - who rolls his eyes in response – Shut up and stir your eggs. Erin sticks two slices of bread in the toaster, then pulls open the fridge. "Where do I find butter?"
"Top of the door," Jay and Mouse call out in tandem. When they check behind them, they see Erin, butter in hand, trying not to laugh. Mouse sticks out his tongue, and that does it, cracking her up. Mouse and Jay exchange a grin, Jay's amusement accompanied by relief; he hasn't heard her laugh like that since Nadia died. Erin's toast pops and she reigns herself in to start buttering, sticking in some more bread. And then the eggs are done, the bacon cooked and the three of them are passing plates and cutlery around, settling at the kitchen table. They chat about silly things, updating Erin on Adam and Kim's engagement, Platt's bizarre obsession with it, and all the other office gossip, skirting around the reason she doesn't already know about it all.
It's a relief for all of them, Mouse thinks, to play at this domesticity, this normality. Jay tries to steal Mouse's last piece of bacon, and Mouse flicks his fingers away, but Jay turns on the puppy dog eyes. Mouse makes a face, but passes over the bacon with an exaggerated sigh, trying not to smile at the gleeful giggling this routine sparks in Erin. It doesn't matter that Jay was tortured yesterday, or that Erin's been gone doing god knows what for almost a month, or that they all probably had nightmares last night. Right now, it's just breakfast and laughter in morning sunshine.
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