Author's Note: Hey readers! We're very excited about this chapter because it marks TWO of many climactic moments that we look forward to in this story. Please let us know what you think so far :)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling. Thanks
CHAPTER 4: SMILES AND TEARS
'Okay'. Dumbledore had said 'okay'. Draco had come to tell him that he was staying, and Dumbledore had simply said 'okay'. What on earth was he playing at? Draco had half expected him to object or lay down the rules or remind Draco of the seriousness of what it was that he was agreeing to do. But no. His one and only answer had been the exhaustively irritating word 'okay'. How brilliant.
And even when Draco told him about how he would need to start giving him some kind of private lessons from then on, Dumbledore had simply smiled and nodded, as though he had been expecting it. Was he watching him or something? There was no way that he could've known Draco would say this to him. The only person that knew was James Potter, and as far as Draco was aware, Potter was not catching up with Dumbledore over lunch. This was so typical of Dumbledore, to know something before he was actually told it.
But he had been very graceful about these 'lessons' that they would begin. He had told Draco that he was to report to his office at 8 o'clock every Saturday night for an hour, starting this upcoming weekend. He had even given Draco homework to do in the meantime—that homework being titled Hogwarts: A History.
"It's important that you know as much about the castle as possible, seeing as how people are meant to believe that I raised you," he'd explained.
Draco wasn't yet sure if he was looking forward to these lessons or not. Though, it'd at least be time away from the boys which would give him the chance to release his thoughts about his double life, so that was definitely something he wouldn't mind.
But he wondered whether Dumbledore was right in insisting that he tell him nothing. Was it really truly that dangerous to tell him about the future? What about divination? Didn't this sort of defeat the whole purpose of the stupid subject? Wasn't he—?
"Oy, Draco!"
Draco jumped.
"I called you five times!" said Potter.
"S-sorry," he mumbled, awkwardly. "Must've dozed off."
"Daydreaming is what you were," said Potter, with a smirk on his face.
Draco faked a smile and returned to his book.
It was Wednesday morning. Draco, Sirius and Potter had a free period while Remus was off in Arithmancy and Wormtail in Herbology. So, the three had decided to sleep in, since Potter had guaranteed he'd be able to get breakfast to them afterwards. Sure enough, once they'd woken to an empty common room, Potter disappeared for a short while and returned with a bundle of food that he claimed he'd nicked from the kitchens. They enjoyed their breakfast in the common room, and then Potter and Sirius began a game of Wizard's Chess while Draco caught up on some homework reading.
"So," said Potter, "Now that I have your attention again, tell me: what Quidditch positions do you like best?"
Draco looked up from his book, startled.
"Um," he said, watching one of Sirius' knights attack Potter's pawn. "I dunno…s-seeker's good."
"Seeker's brilliant," said Potter, grinning. "Too bad that position is already filled, by yours truly. Any others?"
"Uh keeper I suppose," said Draco, looking back down at his book again.
"Excellent thinking," said Sirius. "He's going after our positions, Jamesy!"
Potter laughed.
"I…" said Draco.
"Okay, so we'll see how he flies but we'll most likely put him up for beater," said Potter, turning to Sirius.
"But—"
"Hold on, won't Frank be a little opposed to that?" said Sirius. "You promised him he'd have a say in who else is beater."
"I know I did and I plan on running it by him but I don't see any reason why he would object to at least seeing the kid at trials."
"Oh no, that's okay," said Draco, quickly.
The boys turned their heads to him.
"I-I'm not interested in trials," said Draco.
There was silence. And then…
"Yeah, right!" laughed Sirius, turning his head back to Potter. "Okay so which positions are we seriously in trouble for? I mean, seriously?"
"Well…" said Potter, thoughtfully. "I could see a couple of potential chasers because the team sure could use a change."
Sirius nodded.
"We have to have the very best on the team this year," Potter declared after a moment's silence. "Otherwise, no one will ever let me forget that it was my captaincy that brought Gryffindor out of first place for the Quidditch cup."
"Forget no one, I will never let you forget it," said Sirius.
Potter raised an eyebrow at him, and then attacked his knight with one of his own. Sirius barked a laugh and killed the knight instantly with his queen, resulting in a perfect checkmate.
Soon, the boys were collecting their books and heading out the portrait hole to Charms with Professor Flitwick. As they turned the corridor, Draco felt something swoosh right through him. He started.
"Hello, Nick!" said Sirius, brightly, waving at someone from behind.
Draco spun around and saw the tall ghost twirl on the spot to meet Sirius with a bright smile.
"Hello!" he exclaimed. "Have a nice summer, boys?"
"Swell," said Potter. "Where are you headed?"
"The tower," said Nearly Headless Nick. "Peeves is making a scene down in the Great Hall again and I've seen enough of him for one day, I think."
"Sounds about right," Sirius told Potter.
They waved the ghost away and then proceeded to Charms. Draco followed them silently. When they finally entered the classroom, they found that two Gryffindors were already there—Remus and Lily.
"Hello," said Potter, looking obviously displeased by this.
"Hey James," said Remus, brightly. "Have a good morning?"
"I kicked his ass at chess," Sirius said as he zoomed on by Remus' desk and moved his way to an empty pair just to their left.
Draco followed him.
"H-he didn't!" Potter said, his eyes on Lily (who was completely oblivious). "I'd say it was a fair beating."
"Oh, very good then," said Remus, who thought he was talking to him.
Potter remained standing in front of him for a few more seconds before Wormtail came into the classroom and tapped him on the shoulder, making him jump. Potter looked back at Lily again and then said, "Come on, Wormtail." The two of them sat at the desks just behind Sirius and Draco, who were already getting their books out. Soon, the rest of their classmates filed into the room, including one Draco had looked forward to seeing today. Snape came into the classroom with his head bowed and automatically made for one of the tables at the back. Lily, Draco noticed, did not so much as turn her head upon Snape's entrance. Draco frowned.
"Morning, my children!" squeaked little Professor Flitwick, who levitated himself to stand atop a tall pile of books at the front desk. "Today, we will be working independently on charming these flasks, which are filled with vinegar, into wine."
Draco smirked. He had done this in Flitwick's NEWT class before. It was going to be almost too easy.
"So, take these and pass them down," said Flitwick, handing a box full of glass flasks to a Hufflepuff girl at the front, who took one and passed the box down the row of students.
After ten minutes of attempting this experiment, Sirius had managed to turn the murky brown contents of his flask into a solid green. Draco smirked and shook his head.
"No one is doing it properly!" Sirius hissed at him defensively. "Look!"
Draco looked around. He was right. Many of the students were struggling with this simple task. Lily Evans was of course an exception to this, and Flitwick had made a point of noticing.
"Well done, Ms. Evans!" he exclaimed. "That'll be ten points to Gryffindor, I think!"
"Thanks, professor!" she said, beaming up at him.
Beside her, Remus' flask was slowly turning into a cherry-like colour, which to Draco seemed perfectly acceptable. He took his own wand in his hand, waved it lazily at the flask in front of him, and produced a vile full of deep crimson liquid. Sirius gasped.
"Okay, how the hell did you just do that?!" he cried, causing Flitwick to turn his head towards the boys.
"Boys, are we working hard over here?—oh…well, my oh my, that flask looks perfect!" Flitwick looked from Sirius to Draco and then back. "Who made it?"
"I did, professor," said Draco, raising his hand proudly.
Flitwick beamed at him.
"Very well done, my boy! And on your first try too! That'll be fifteen points for Gryffindor!"
Draco swore he saw Lily turn her head to look at him over Remus' shoulder, but he did not glance in her direction to check, because Sirius had punched him hard on the shoulder and was now violently hissing "HELP ME!" into his ear. So, Draco spent the rest of the hour teaching Sirius the proper wand movement to achieve an acceptable end result.
When the rest of the students had transformed the contents of their flasks into other substances, Flitwick collected their results and stored them away before returning to the front of the room.
"Let us move on now," he announced. "Seeing as how you are all NEWT level students now, it is perfectly acceptable for more to be expected of you, as young witches and wizards. In fact, more is expected of you, an example of which being your ability to perform nonverbal spells. That's right, sixth years should be able to, and are in fact required to, use nonverbal spells henceforth. You will find that Professors McGonagall and Claybrook will be making similar announcements in the near future." He paused to scratch his nose before continuing. "Anyone here want to give me a quick fact about the effectiveness of using nonverbal spells?"
Draco's arm shot up into the air precisely a second after Lily Evans' had. Remus had also raised his hand but rather slowly as he frowned at the two. Flitwick looked conflicted.
"W-why don't we let the new student have a go?" he said, smiling courteously first at Lily and then Remus, before turning brightly to Draco. "Go ahead, Mr. Black."
Draco scanned his memory for that first NEWT defense lesson with Snape. He had asked the same question and Granger had been the one who'd answered it. What did she say again?
"W-well, some spells are just naturally easier to perform nonverbally than others," he began. Lily's hand shot up into the air again, so Draco hastily added, "But also when you use a nonverbal spell, your opponent has no idea what spell you're thinking of, so I suppose you have a slight advantage over them, don't you?"
"Excellent!" squeaked little Flitwick. "Very good, indeed." Lily's hand slowly went back down. "Yes, it is absolutely true, which is why here at Hogwarts, it is essential that you learn how to perform nonverbal spells. So, we shall now partner up and practice on each other, yes? Uh safe spells only, please. I really don't want to levitate any more students to the hospital wing. I've already had enough accidents with the second years this morning."
A few students chuckled as they rose from their seats and moved the desks aside to make room.
"Mr. Black!" Flitwick called. Draco and Sirius both turned to look at him. "Uh, I meant Sirius Black…you are not to partner up with Mr. Potter."
"But sir!" cried Sirius, but Flitwick raised a hand to silence him. "Absolutely not!—not after what happened the last time you two partnered up. I won't accept it! Here, why don't you go with Mr. Potter, Draco? And Sirius, you can partner up with Ms. Evans."
"S-sir?" said Lily, slowly raising her hand. "I've already partnered up with Remus for this project."
"Oh," said Flitwick, frowning for a moment. "Oh well that's alright, Ms. Evans. Mr. Lupin could partner up with Mr. Pettigrew!" He then lowered his voice. "I think Mr. Black could use a little bit of your good influence."
Lily turned to look at Sirius who grinned at her. She nodded at the professor and moved to their side of the classroom, while Draco moved to where Potter was standing.
"What's the matter, Evans? Disappointed?" Draco heard Sirius say. He smirked and went to join Potter.
"Alright, so what's the deal, we have to just stun each other?" Potter asked him.
"Without talking, yeah," Draco answered.
Potter dropped his hands to his sides.
"Okay," he said, sighing. "Go ahead."
Draco did a sort of double-take and then looked up at the professor, who was watching various partners attempting to stun each other without saying the incantations out loud. Draco looked back at Potter, startled.
"Y-you sure?" he said, slowly raising his wand.
It had come as a bit of a shock to him that Potter was so willing to let him openly stun him.
"Yeah," said Potter, shrugging.
What nerve!
Draco raised his eyebrows, and then smiled as a certain spell crossed his mind. One of his biggest lifetime ambitions was now about to be fulfilled—to stun a Potter without getting into trouble. Opportunities like this did not come every day.
Impedimenta, he thought. The familiar turquoise light erupted from Draco's wand before Potter could even react, and he was immediately levitated into the air and turned upside-down. Draco let him hover for a moment before he set him right-side up again.
"Whoa," Potter breathed, looking around him. Some of the students surrounding them had noticed and were now gaping at Draco. Flitwick however, was on the other side of the classroom, and concentrated hard on trying to untangle Wormtail's feet, which were tired together from Remus' jinx.
"Yeah," said Draco, grinning at Potter.
"How did you do that so fast?!" said Potter. "That was amazing!"
Draco shrugged but couldn't suppress that satisfied smile that crossed his face now.
"Do it again!" Potter demanded, rather enthusiastically. "Come on, I think we could score at least thirty house points now. Go on!"
Draco hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and repeated the jinx on Potter, who went into the air laughing this time. Everyone in the class was watching now—including Professor Flitwick, who began to applaud rapidly as Draco set Potter back down to his feet.
"Marvelous!" he squeaked. "That'll be thirty points for Gryffindor house! Did you see, everybody, how he smoothly and delicately waved his wand and kept his lips sealed all the while? Now that is the level I expect from all of you! Come now, off you go!"
Potter turned to Draco and winked. Draco stared at him. It was unbelievable. He had taken that jinx so gracefully and willingly. He had such nerve—such courage, that Draco found himself completely speechless. James Potter was not at all what he'd expected.
"No, no, no, Mr. Pettigrew!" the boys heard Flitwick say. They turned around just in time to see Flitwick jumping off of the stack of books and walking over to where Remus and Wormtail stood. "You can't cheat your way through this—your lips must be sealed together completely."
"I could help him with that, professor," said a voice from the back of the classroom. Draco and Potter spun around together to find a tall Slytherin boy smirking. Draco frowned at him—he did not recognise him at all.
"That's okay, Mr. Mulciber," said Flitwick, who looked to be slightly annoyed with the boy.
Draco gasped. Mulciber—Mulciber! He was here, at Hogwarts, with him! This was not at all good. Draco's breath hitched slightly as he eyed the teenaged Mulciber who shrugged and returned to his partner at the end of the classroom…Severus Snape.
"Here, why don't you watch Ms. Evans do it?" Flitwick suggested to Wormtail.
Potter nudged Draco to watch with him. Lily Evans pointed her wand at Sirius and within seconds, he was tap dancing across the classroom, to the tune of his classmates' howls of laughter. Draco couldn't help but smirk at the sight of Sirius hopping by him, but he soon grew bored with watching and turned his head back to Mulciber, who was standing at the back of the class with Snape and two other boys, all of them with their hands in their pockets. Draco narrowed his eyes at the two other boys, but wasn't able to recognise them. He was sure he knew the adult versions of them all. They had been so kind as to attend his Death Eater initiation ceremony, which now seemed so long ago, as though it had taken place in another lifetime completely.
"Very good, Ms. Evans!" cried Professor Flitwick, and Lily beamed as her classmates applauded her. "You can take ten points for your house!"
Lily's smile faltered slightly, but she remained grateful all the same. Sirius on the other hand, looked redder than the reddest tomato in existence.
"Who's Mulciber?" Draco asked Remus as they parted from the others at the end of Charms and walked to Astronomy together with Wormtail.
"Jeriece Mulciber," said Remus, matter-of-factly, "He's a Slytherin in our year…likes to spend a lot of time with Severus Snape, Evan Rosier, and Atticus Avery."
Draco fought hard to control his facial features. He'd never met Rosier because he'd died back when the war ended—when Draco had only been just a baby. But he did briefly overhear his parents discussing some Avery character, though he'd never met him as well.
"W-what's he like?" Draco asked.
"Wicked," said Remus, turning the corner, "And in the worst way possible."
"H-how do you mean?"
"Last year, he tried to perform some kind of dark magic on Mary Macdonald," Remus explained. "She's a Gryffindor in our year. Word spread around the whole school but there was not enough evidence to expel him, so he just had detention for about two weeks I think."
"What kind of dark magic was it?" Draco asked, all the while trying to keep his tone casual.
"Dark," said Remus, simply.
They walked in silence after that. Draco tried to put his mind off of Mulciber, so that Remus wouldn't suspect him being much too interested in the topic. As they walked, Draco searched his mind quickly for a change of topic—something that would interest Remus.
"So you're gonna tell me why you like Astronomy so much then?" he blurted out, before he could even stop himself.
"What?" said Remus.
He was obviously pretending not to have heard Draco, but Draco knew that he'd heard him exactly.
"I said, do you want to tell me why you like Astronomy so much?" Draco repeated. "I mean the truth."
"It's a fascinating subject and I like learning about the stars and planets," said Remus, simply.
"And the moon?" said Draco.
He regretted it almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Remus seemed to have tensed at the word and did not respond.
"Remus loves the moon!" Wormtail exclaimed, making Draco jump. He'd forgotten that he was walking alongside him as well.
"The moon's divine," Draco muttered, turning away from Wormtail and continuing to follow Remus. "So would you say you know a lot about the moon, then?"
"Uh, yeah I guess," said Remus. "We have a midnight lesson today too, right?"
"Yep," said Wormtail.
They crossed the Entrance Hall and headed for a flight of stairs leading to the north tower.
"So you know all the shapes or stages of the moon or whatever?" Draco pressed.
Remus glanced worriedly up at him.
"Why are you asking me this?" he asked.
Draco stopped walking with him and screwed up a sort of innocent-like face.
"Hey man, I'm just curious," he said, shrugging casually. "I can't tell you how many times I've confused waxing crescent with waning crescent, back in that muggle school they made me do in the orphanage."
"R-Remus knows all about the moon!" said Wormtail. "It's fascinating to him. In fact, he even—"
"Oy!" exclaimed Remus, his eyes glaring viciously at the boy. "You want to shut up maybe, Peter?!"
The silence that followed was indeed one of the most awkward Draco had ever endured in his life. Wormtail looked as though he'd just been slapped across his ugly face. But Remus did not look at all apologetic for his angry outburst. In fact, he looked as though he might have another one any second. In an attempt to neutralise the situation, Draco ushered them into the classroom for their Astronomy theory lesson.
It was a very brutal two hours. Draco spent the entire lesson half-copying the notes that Professor Sinistra was reciting and half-watching Remus attempting to cool off. He looked extremely agitated—like Draco had never seen before—and taken aback by the little information that Wormtail had revealed. At the end of the lesson, Remus practically flew from out of his desk and shoved past the students and out the door. Draco stood staring after him, then slowly collected his books and left as well, with Wormtail at his feet.
"D'you reckon he's mad at me?" he asked, in a shaking voice, as they walked.
"Yep," said Draco.
"Do…do you think he'll forgive me by dinnertime?"
"Nope."
"Oh."
Draco and Wormtail came into the Great Hall for lunch to find that none of the others were seated there. It made perfect sense, of course. Potter and Sirius had a free period during astronomy so they'd probably eaten already. And Remus was undoubtedly not in the mood for food. So Draco grudgingly and unwillingly sat across from Wormtail and busied himself with filling his plate. A few times, Wormtail attempted small talk, but Draco remained as uninterested as ever, so after a while Wormtail seemed to take the hint and pulled out a book to read. Draco finished his food as quickly as he could and excused himself. He would check the common room before the Potions lesson.
Luckily, Draco was now an expert at finding the Gryffindor common room and getting back to the Entrance Hall…and it had only taken him a few days. However, his feeling of accomplishment soon vanished when he climbed through the portrait hole and found that Remus was not in the common room or in their dormitory. And later, when Draco walked into Potions, he saw that Remus was not there either. He seated himself at the table where Sirius and the others were, and they all put their heads together at once.
"Where's Moony?" Potter demanded.
"I dunno," said Draco.
It was the truth, anyway. He didn't bother telling them about what had gone down with Remus and Wormtail. The times for sabotage and getting the boys to see Wormtail for who he really was, would come later. He was sure of it.
The Potions lesson was rather dull that day, and ended in Slughorn's exciting announcement about an essay assignment on Golpalott's Third Law. After the lesson, the boys decided to go back to the common room and crash for a few hours before dinner, but Draco decided to ditch them and get some books for the essay. If he was going to have to write an essay he'd never written before, he'd need to get a head start on it, to ensure that it was an outstanding paper. And so, with Advanced Potion Making tucked under his arm, he said goodbye to the boys and retreated upstairs to the library.
He didn't know what to look for when he got there, and ended up bothering Madame Pince—who was equally as strict as when he'd known her, though visibly younger—with finding the books he would find useful for this assignment. However, it seemed that someone else had had the exact same thought as Draco when the Potions lesson had ended, for as he accepted the pile of books that Madame Pince gave him and moved to one of the aisles in the back to look through them, he came to a halt. Severus Snape was sitting cross-legged on the floor, with his copy of Advanced Potion Making in his lap, and his head bowed.
The sight of Snape sitting there had caused Draco to drop some of the books. They fell with a bang and startled many students who were sitting in their little corners, studying. Snape looked up from his lap, also startled. Draco glanced over his shoulder to where Madame Pince sat at her desk, glaring at him for making the noise. He turned back around and bent down to pick up the books, only to find that someone had already beaten him to it.
Snape stood back up and held out the three books that Draco had dropped. He was not smiling. In fact, his long black hair was covering most of his face and his eyes were barely visible. But Draco accepted the books from him silently and watched him take his seat on the carpet by the window once again. For a moment, he stood there, the heavy books still in his arms, wondering—wondering what to do. But then he looked around and realised that none of the boys were with him now. This was his chance.
He took the few steps to where Snape sat and set the books on the desk beside him. He then knelt down and crossed his legs next to the boy. Snape looked up from his book but said nothing. Draco glanced at it and noticed that Snape had been in the middle of writing something on the inside of the book. He clenched it tighter to him, as though trying to shield it from Draco's range of vision. Draco smirked. He'd forgotten that he would be here witnessing Snape actually creating the product that he used to talk to Draco about so much. If only Draco hadn't been too set on killing Dumbledore at the time and actually listened to what Snape was saying…
"It's awfully brave of you to be doing that in here," Draco told him now, his eyes gesturing at the Half-Blood Prince's book. "Pince will murder you cold-bloodedly if she sees."
Snape gaped at him and then shut the book up and held it closer to him, his black eyes still lingering over Draco's blue ones.
"I take it you're also here because of that essay we have to do," said Draco. When Snape did not answer, he went on, "I mean, I know it's the law for making antidotes, which sounds simple enough. But apparently it has all this stuff to do with alchemy, which is more Dumbledore's territory, so here I am, doing research…"
Snape remained as silent as a fish, his eyes fixed almost permanently on Draco. There was a moment of silence.
"I've heard some bloke say that you're Snape," Draco tried. "Severus Snape, right?" Silence. "I'm—"
"I know who you are," said Snape, in a very low voice.
Draco, feeling sidetracked, forced himself to nod.
"I suppose everyone does," he muttered. "When you're the only sixth-year in existence to receive the sorting with a bunch of first-year munchkins, you can't really expect people not to notice you."
"No," said Snape, looking back down at his closed book, "You can't."
More silence.
"I suppose your family hates you now too, don't they?" said Snape after a few minutes. Draco frowned at him. "With your sorting, I mean," he clarified.
"I don't have a family," Draco said, in a kind of whisper.
"Aren't you a Black?" said Snape, raising an eyebrow at him.
And so Draco recited his cover story to Snape in exactly the same way that he'd done with Sirius, Remus, Potter and Wormtail. Snape listened without interrupting and nodded his head occasionally.
"So I take it you haven't yet met your alleged relative from Slytherin, Regulus?" he said, after Draco had finished.
"Not yet," said Draco. He pulled a book from the pile that Madame Pince had provided him with and opened it.
"He's been talking about you a lot," said Snape.
Draco looked up at him.
"Has he?" he said, in the calmest voice he could muster.
Inside him however, a war had erupted. Over the last day or so, he'd managed not to think about the problems he would soon have with the Blacks, once they investigated him thoroughly.
"Yes," said Snape, simply. "He has."
He glanced around them and then opened his book again and proceeded with what he'd been writing in it before Draco had joined him. Draco watched him for a few seconds, and then continued flipping the pages of Potion-Making in the 20th Century.
"So if you've grown up with Dumbledore at your side," said Snape, suddenly, "Then you probably know all about alchemy and could write this essay easily."
"I don't," Draco muttered into his book. "He raised me, yes, but that doesn't mean that his brain is now mine."
Snape chuckled under his breath and dipped his quill in some more ink.
"A true antidote to a blended poison is more than the sum of its parts," he said, after a while. "That's where your alchemy plays in."
"Sorry?"
"Read page 72," said Snape, gesturing at the book in his lap. Draco dug into his bag for his own copy and flipped to page 72.
The best known goals of the alchemists were the transmutation of common metals into Gold or Silver and the creation of a "panacea", a remedy that supposedly would cure all diseases and prolong life indefinitely, and the discovery of a universal solvent. Although these were not the only uses for the science, they were the ones most documented and well known. Starting with the Middle Ages, European alchemists invested much effort on the search for the philosopher's stone, a legendary substance that was believed to be an essential ingredient for either or both of those goals.
Draco felt his heart skip a beat and closed the book without reading the rest. The words "philosopher's stone" seemed to be bleeding out of the pages and he couldn't stare at them any longer. He took a deep breath and then glanced at the book in Snape's lap again.
"So what are you writing in there now?" he asked.
"Things," Snape answered, without looking at him.
Draco squinted at the tiny words that Snape was scribbling along the margins of some random page. He read the upside-down heading.
Poison Antidote
He watched Snape write the word "bezoar" on the margin and then cross out a bunch of instructions printed in the book. Snape finally noticed Draco watching him and quickly shut the book again and looked up at him expectedly.
"See you later then," said Draco, understanding it as his cue to go. He got up and picked up all the books that Madame Pince had piled for him. He did not wait for Snape to answer, knowing that it was foolish to wait, and left the library at once. Though, even with his back turned, he could feel Snape's eyes boring into it.
He piled all his books on the bedside table up in the dormitory and then joined the boys in the common room by the fire. Remus had still not shown up, and Potter looked mighty worried at this point.
"It's not like him to disappear like this," he kept repeating over the course of the evening.
"But he used to do this all the time when we were in first year, second year, third year…" Sirius offered, when they were on their way to the Great Hall for dinner an hour later.
"He had reasons, Sirius," said Potter, in a quiet tone, as the boys took their seats at the Gryffindor table.
Draco glanced over at the Slytherin table on the other end of the hall and found Snape and Regulus watching him intently. He looked away from them quickly and poured himself a drink.
The boys decided to skip the usual after dinner hangout in the Entrance Hall that night to go and look for Remus. But their time was wasted because he was simply nowhere to be found. If Draco hadn't been forced to read Hogwarts: A History by Dumbledore, he would have sworn that Remus had apparated somewhere out of the school grounds. But now knowing that it was impossible, he agreed with the boys that Remus would turn up eventually, and followed them back to the common room to get started on homework.
The boys found Draco's library books to be extremely useful for that essay that Slughorn had assigned, and Draco didn't really mind sharing them. He was thinking about his meeting with Snape, and how smoothly it had gone. It had been surprisingly easy to talk to him. He never once had to worry about his cover story or anything like that. Talking to Snape in the library had been the closest that Draco had so far gotten to his old life. It was like talking to adult Snape all over again. It felt like he was back at home.
Sick to his stomach, he stretched out on the couch and rested his head on its shoulder. It had been a long day—too long of a day. And tomorrow would perhaps be even longer, what with his first-ever Muggle Studies lesson, which he was seriously dreading. The last thing he wanted to do was sit with a bunch of muggle-lovers and learn about how miserable muggles' lives were. He had way more important things to worry about, like the Black family investigations that had probably already started, depending on how fast Regulus had managed to contact his parents.
Draco suddenly jumped up.
"What is it?" said Potter, looking utterly startled.
"Nothing," lied Draco.
He got to his feet and raced out of the portrait hole, ignoring Potter's yells after him. He dashed through the corridor and down the steps of the tower until he reached one of the main halls. He made a left turn, then a right, and then climbed several flights of stairs until he reached the seventh floor corridor on the left side of the castle. The familiar tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and the trolls was standing there. Draco moved towards it and leaned against it, waiting.
About twenty minutes later, the door materialised on the wall opposite the tapestry, and a lock clicked. Someone came out of the hidden room and the door vanished again.
"Hey there," said Draco, frightening Remus almost half to death.
"What are you doing here?!" he cried, after he'd gotten over his shock.
"Looking for you, of course," said Draco.
"But," said Remus, looking around the deserted corridor several times, "But how did you know—?"
"Oh, I've read Hogwarts: A History loads of times, thanks to Dumbledore," said Draco, dismissively.
Remus narrowed his eyes at him.
"Come on, let's go back to the common room," said Draco, turning to lead the way out. "The Astronomy lesson will start in just a few hours."
"I'm not really up to attending tonight," said Remus.
"You're going to get a detention if you keep this up," Draco warned.
He wasn't sure why he cared at all, but it seemed somehow important—and almost instinctive—to shield Remus.
"I have circumstances that Professor Sinistra will understand," he said.
Draco shook his head. Remus was mad at Wormtail for almost blabbing about his secret when he himself was being so stupidly open about it! How hypocritical…
"Your mates are wondering where you are," Draco informed him as they walked, "Especially Wormtail. He thinks—"
"That I'm mad at him, yes I know," said Remus, tiredly. "I'll talk to him myself."
Draco nodded.
When they returned to the common room, Sirius and Potter got to their feet at once. Remus raised his hand to seat them back down and gave them one small but calming smile. His eyes then fell upon Wormtail, who looked like he would give anything to make himself smaller in that moment. Remus motioned for him to follow him, and the two disappeared up the spiral staircase to the dormitory, where they could talk.
"Let them be," said Sirius, grinning. "They need some alone time together."
Potter let out a laugh and then motioned for Draco to sit with them.
By the time Remus and Wormtail came back downstairs, Draco had gotten through one quarter of his essay—a huge chunk of it was thanks to Snape's tip about the alchemy. Remus assured his friends that he was quite alright, and so they let out sighs of relief and began a small game of Exploding Snap. Other students in the common room occasionally asked them to keep it down, but they were having too much fun to care. They even asked Draco to join in a couple of times, but he was too invested in his essay. Remus also sat out, preferring to watch rather than participate. Every so often though, Draco caught him watching him instead of the game.
By fifteen to midnight, the common room had grown fairly empty. Potter and Sirius said goodbye to Draco, Remus and Wormtail as the three grabbed their Astronomy books and headed out of the portrait hole for their midnight lesson. In the end, the boys had persuaded Remus to just go to the lesson and get it over with. Wormtail yawned loudly as they walked, and Remus joked about how ridiculous it was to have Astronomy at night, when normal people slept.
When they finally reached the Astronomy Tower, they found that the other NEWT students looked exhausted beyond comprehension. Many of them were barely able to stand on their feet, and Professor Sinistra had to shake them awake with her loud voice. Draco, on the other hand, was wide awake. In fact, he was now growing slightly panicked, for the last memories that he had of this place, were not pleasant at all. He could feel his face growing white and pale, and even caught Remus giving him worried glances a few times. But he shook his head to assure him that he was fine, and collected his blank star chart from Professor Sinistra gracefully. The professor gave a short introduction before she waved the students off to begin.
Draco found it extremely difficult to focus on the task at hand, and not at the memories that the place revived. Every time he spotted a star and marked it on his chart, he heard the echoed scream of someone from the stairs below, followed by a Death Eater's triumphant yell. He heard Bellatrix screeching in his ears, "Go on, Draco, NOOOOOOOW!" He saw the pale ghost of Albus Dumbledore looking back at him with sad eyes. Even that seemed so long ago.
By the end of the lesson, Draco felt extremely lightheaded. It took all the energy he could muster to follow Remus and Wormtail back down the stairs and out of the tower that he had now come to detest. His mind was racing like it had never raced before, and he could feel sweat on his forehead and palms. He was walking but he was not sure how he was managing to do it exactly. In fact, he had no idea how the boys had gotten back to Gryffindor Tower in so little time, or so it felt.
"…and that's why she said that they cannot be charted," said Remus, before he gave the Fat Lady the password and she swung forwards and let him pass through.
"Ah, I get it now," said Wormtail, smiling brightly at his friend.
Draco followed them absentmindedly through the portrait hole.
"About time you lot got back," said Sirius, yawning dramatically.
"What are you still doing up?" Remus exclaimed.
"Waiting for you slowpokes," said Sirius. He got to his feet, stretched and then pointed at the staircase and walked towards it. Remus and Wormtail followed, but Draco hung back, and Potter seemed to be the only one who had noticed.
"Something the matter?" he said, concern in his voice.
Draco looked at him.
"You look pale," said Potter.
Draco merely stared. He had no idea where he was or who he was looking at.
"Oy?" said Potter, nervously. "Hey mate, perhaps I should take you to see the nurse."
"I'm fine," croaked Draco. He felt a lump in his throat. "I just remembered that I left my book back in the tower," he said, more convincingly. Though, as he looked down at his arm now, he realised that he had in fact left his Astronomy book back in the tower. Brilliant.
"Oh," said Potter, frowning at him. "Well just go to bed. Get it tomorrow."
"N-no," said Draco, moving backwards to the portrait hole. "No, that's fine. I'll be quick. You go on."
He did not wait for Potter to answer, but fled out of the common room as fast as his legs would let him. He did not stop running until he was well out of Gryffindor Tower and nearing the Entrance Hall. Once there, he ran out into the cool night air and took a few, gracefully deep breaths. His heartrate was finally calming back to normal now. He took in the fresh air as though it had been the best medicine he'd ever received. And soon, he felt better. Loads better.
Feeling determined to do this as quickly as possible, he ran for the tower, all the while dreading returning to the top to retrieve that darn book. But just as he reached the bottom of the stairs leading up to the tower however, he ran into none other than Professor Sinistra.
"Ah, Mr. Black," she said, looking mighty relieved. She handed him the book. "I was hoping you'd return to fetch this."
"Thank you, professor," he breathed.
"Not a problem," she said, smiling. "Now go on before you're caught out of bed after hours. I'm afraid it is too late now for me to administer a note excusing you on the grounds of a midnight Astronomy lesson."
"Right," said Draco, nodding.
He left her, relief seeping into every inch of his body now.
He did not run back to the common room. He felt much too exhausted to care about detention at the moment. His mind had calmed down significantly, as did his heart. He walked along the deserted, moonlit corridors with the book under his arm and his hands in his pockets. Every now and then, a ghost moved near him, but he paid no attention to them. He knew he had overcome something very dark tonight, and was still struggling to understand just how he'd been able to manage that, without bursting into tears right there in front of the whole class. Back in his own timeline, he was sure that he would have.
But as he turned the corner with this thought circulating in his mind, he heard them—voices coming from down the next corridor. He stopped dead in his tracks and strained his ears to listen.
"I'm talking to you nicely. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"
Draco held his breath. It was Snape.
"So?" said a girl's voice.
"So, you could at least look at me when I talk to you!" said Snape, a little outraged.
Draco fell against the wall and slowly moved forwards, his heartrate accelerating all the while.
"What do you want, Severus?" said the girl, and by the time Draco reached the end of the corridor and turned his head ever so slightly to peek at the neighbouring hall, he recognised the voice as belonging to Lily Evans.
"You know what I want," said Snape.
"Well, too bad," said Lily.
Draco's eyes squinted. Snape had Lily cornered at the end of the hall. But despite this obvious display of powerlessness, she stood straight with her arms crossed and her head held high. She was wearing a dressing gown and her dark red hair was flowing down to her shoulders in the dim candlelight of the corridor. Snape was still in his Hogwarts robes.
"Will you please hear me out?" he said, in a desperate voice.
"There is nothing you can say," said Lily. "You can't fix it."
"You've got to let me at least try!" he cried. "Please, Lily, you owe me that!"
"Excuse me?!" she gasped. "And what exactly, in your opinion, do I owe you?!"
"You haven't talked to me in months, Lily, months!"
"I have EVERY REASON not to talk to you, Severus!"
There was silence. Draco heard his heartbeat ringing in his ears and took several deep breaths in an attempt to steady it.
"Face it, Severus, you've chosen your way of life," said Lily, quietly. "And I've chosen mine."
"But I haven't—!"
"Yes, you have!" she snapped, "The very day you called me a 'mudblood'."
Draco watched Snape wipe his face on his sleeve, and couldn't withhold his shock when his book fell from under his arm and hit the stone ground with a loud thud.
The pair swirled around to look at him, standing just behind the wall, staring at them in complete and indescribable shock. Snape, looking utterly frightened, fled the scene at once, leaving Draco standing there with Lily.
"What are you doing here?" she said, accusingly.
Draco picked up his book and placed it under his arm again.
"Nothing," he said.
"Well, you're standing there for a reason," said Lily, crossing her arms again.
Draco took a few steps towards her.
"It's a free country, isn't it?" he finally said.
Lily opened her mouth to say something but then closed it quickly.
"Right answer," said Draco.
He looked down the corridor where Snape had disappeared. He had never seen him look so…so…broken…and vulnerable. It angered him. It made him furious. Where did Snape have the right to come off all damaged when it was he, Draco, who was supposed to be damaged? Seeing Snape like this brought truth to Draco's eyes, and he was not sure he wanted it just yet.
"You know," he said, casually placing his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall opposite where Lily stood, "It's not very nice to cold-bloodedly push a person away, when they so clearly apologise to you many times."
Lily raised an eyebrow at him.
"You know, it's not very nice to eavesdrop on other people's conversations," she said, in a tone mocking Draco's.
Draco let out a small laugh and then looked back at the corridor where Snape had disappeared. He felt sad again. He had never seen Snape cry before, and the sight of it was too unbearable. All his life, if there was one thing that Draco had been sure of, it was that Snape was the one emotionless person he knew. But that had changed completely in the blink of an eye, and the exchange of a few painful words.
"What are you doing here anyway?" said Lily, moving away from the wall on which she had been leaning.
"Wandering," said Draco.
"I mean at Hogwarts," said Lily.
"I don't have to explain that to you," said Draco.
She looked extremely displeased with this direct answer.
"You know, for a boy who is supposed to have been raised by Albus Dumbledore, you're very rude," she said.
Draco moved away from the wall too.
"And how did you know that I'd been raised by him?"
"I hear things," said Lily.
"Or you eavesdrop too," said Draco.
"Oh don't even start," she said. "I am not you."
"Clearly."
There was silence.
"You don't know the first thing about me," said Lily, defensively. "You can't go assuming things, Black. You have no idea what's going on here."
"Maybe," Draco admitted, "But I do know a desperate boy when I see one. And I seriously doubt that you would drop dead if you forgave him and..."
His voice trailed off when something finally caught his eye. Lily was standing close enough for him to finally see it, and once he'd seen it, he couldn't un-see it.
The bright green, almond-shaped eyes that were so incredibly distinctive stared back at him in astonishment. Lily seemed to be trying to read what was in Draco's own eyes as he stared at her with such incredulity as he'd never known before.
"I'm going to bed," she said, finally losing her patience.
She turned on her heel and walked away from him, angrily. Draco was not sure how long he remained in that deserted corridor, and was even surprised that his book had not fallen out from under his arm yet again, as it so often liked to do.
"Where've you been?" Potter demanded once Draco finally walked in through the portrait hole.
"Forgot m'book in the Astronomy Tower," Draco mumbled, his feet dragging him to the couch nearest the fireplace.
Potter had been the only one in the empty common room, and he sat down in the chair next to Draco and narrowed his eyes at him.
"That was forty minutes ago," he pointed out.
Draco gave a slight shrug, his eyes on his hands in his lap.
"You're lucky you didn't get caught out of bed at this hour," said Potter, after a while.
"I'd have just said that I was coming back from Astronomy, that's all," said Draco. "Everyone asleep, then?"
Potter nodded.
"Evans just came back ten minutes ago," he said.
Draco glanced at him. The tone of voice he'd just used was an attempt at casual but was obviously littered with accusation. He avoided Draco's eyes and busied himself with some brown object that someone had left on the coffee table.
Draco understood, of course, why Potter was acting the way he was acting. Now, he understood everything.
"She's never been out after curfew before," Potter said, quietly. "Not that I've ever noticed, that is."
"Yeah..." said Draco, waiting for further explanation.
"Not that I care," he added, hastily. "I…ugh, never mind." He got to his feet. "I'm gonna go to sleep, I'm tired."
He tossed the object onto the couch and walked over to the spiral staircase.
"Night, then," said Draco.
Potter waved without turning back to him and climbed up the steps to the dormitory.
Draco looked back at the crackling flames in the fire. It was amazing, how everything was so clear to him now and, looking back to just an hour ago, how very unclear it had all been. He'd obviously understood that Potter had a crush on this mysterious Lily girl, and it was obvious that Snape did too. But now that Draco realised just who she was, everything—everything—made sense.
And as he got up from the couch and made his way to his bed at around 2 in the morning, and as he climbed into it and stared up at the ceiling until 5, he still could not shake away the image of Snape wiping his face on his sleeve and saying 'please' in that desperate voice; or, for that matter, the realisation that the reason Severus Snape hated Harry Potter so much, was because Harry Potter's mother had chosen the wrong husband.
Thanks.
