Chapter 9

"Ava?" JJ announced herself as she opened the door to the restroom. "Can I come in?"

"It's a public bathroom, you can do whatever you want." A low voice said and JJ turned her head to see Ava hunched over a sink.

"I just wanted to come tell you that I'm sorry if I upset you before." JJ told her softly. Surprisingly, JJ realized that the younger woman hadn't been crying. Had she simply been looking at herself in the mirror for the past fifteen minutes? Not herself, JJ corrected. That cut.

"Is that all you wanted to say?" Ava asked knowingly, aware of the fact that she had, once again, been sent to see what was wrong.

"Well, no." JJ admitted. "I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself all day and I just want to make sure you're alright."

"Yea, well I'm not." Ava concluded. "Happy?"

"You know I'm not." The blonde leaned against the wall as she faced the other woman. They stood in silence for several moments before JJ finally asked, "want to tell me where you got that cut from?"

"I'm sure you've figured it out already." Came Ava's grim response. JJ bit her lip, wanting to help her new friend but also not wanting to talk to her like she would a victim. The blonde winced at the word.

"Want me to shoot her?" JJ asked, only half kidding. The question had the desired effect as a brief chuckle escaped the brunette's lips.

"What happens if I say 'yes'?" JJ wasn't sure if she was joking or not. She shrugged nonetheless.

"She gets shot." Ava shot her an amused look before the seriousness returned to her eyes. JJ could almost see the wheels in her head turning.

"Why?" she asked, leaving the blonde slightly confused. Ava turned and faced her for the first time, taking in her expression. "Why would you do something like for me?"

"I told you why." JJ reminded her. "Because you're my family now." She saw Ava swallow hard and wanted to know what the woman was thinking.

"I've never really had one of those before." She said quietly. "My parents died when I was twenty but even before they did, we never really had a relationship. They were always so busy, constantly traveling and leaving me with nannies and housekeepers. Sometimes, I forget what their voices sounded like- what they looked like, even." Ava looked up, as if alarmed with how much she had let slip out. The calm and focused expression on JJ's face, however, told her that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. She was safe.

"I'm sorry." When the phrase left the blonde's lips, Ava knew that she meant it. "It's hard for parents to realize the effect their actions have on their children but that doesn't make it right. Regardless, I'm sure they loved you." Ava shrugged, genuinely unsure. "They did, Ava. Trust me on that." Sometimes Ava forgot that the blonde had children of her own. She seemed so young, closer to her age than most of the others.

"I guess." She conceded, thinking back to the year before her parents died. She had taken their deaths harder than she thought she would. It was so abrupt and out the blue. They were young, having had her at 22 and 24, and Ava didn't anticipate to be orphaned so soon.

"Do you want to talk about what happened last night?" JJ asked cautiously, skeptical as to whether or not the younger agent was up for it. Ava merely shrugged.

"There's not much to talk about." She said, waving a hand. "We fought…again. She had been drinking. It just got out of hand."

"Does she…does she hit you often?" The question was so foreign, so wrong, that Ava almost laughed.

"God, no." she shook her hand. "This was the first time." She ran a finger across her lip, feeling the jagged edge of the cut. The bitter irony of the fact that it was caused by Kate's engagement ring was not lost on her.

"Do you think she's capable of doing it again?" JJ knew that it didn't matter- that once something like this happened in a relationship, it was best to just walk away rather than risk it. However, she wanted to know what Ava was thinking about her fiancée.

"I don't think so." She admitted after some thought. "You should've seen her face the second after it happened. It was like she had run over a puppy or something."

"That doesn't make it ok, Ava." JJ felt compelled to tell her. Ava nodded, rolling her wrist.

"I know, I know." She told the older woman. "She did apologize though. Rather profusely too. I know that doesn't make it ok either." She added quickly. "It's just…I can't figure out if it would've happened if she was sober, you know?"

"Sober or not," JJ frowned, "if you love someone, you don't hit them." The truth of the statement hit Ava hard. She felt compelled to ask,

"Haven't you ever had the urge to just," Ava thought as she frowned, "strangle Will?" JJ breathed out a laugh.

"I mean, yea," she admitted, "but I would never actually do it. I'm sure there are times when he's wanted to do the same to me."

"What would you do if he did?" The question was personal and sudden but JJ responded immediately.

"I'd probably shoot him." She told the woman. "Somewhere where the sun doesn't shine, if you know what I mean." Ava surprised her once again by letting out a hearty laugh.

"Unfortunately, that's not really an option for me." She said with a smirk. "I still love her." The smirk was gone, replaced by the sadness that had seemed to make residence in her eyes.

"Unfortunately, we can't turn off our feelings that easily." JJ told her. "But sometimes, we fall for people that aren't good for us."

"You think I should call off the wedding. Break up with her." It was half question-half statement but JJ knew it wasn't her place to answer.

"I think you need to focus on what makes you happy in the long run." She said. "I'm not saying that temporarily losing control of her emotions makes her an abusive person but I don't think that's a risk worth taking."

"You think she'd do it again," Ava seemed flustered at the idea, "given the right circumstances?"

"I think that once you cross that line, it's difficult to go back." JJ nodded. "You're what- seven months away from pledging the rest of your life to her? Who's to say that you don't fight again before then? I guarantee you'll fight again after. Alcohol included or not, she's clearly got some anger issues and personally, I don't trust her."

"That's the thing," Ava folded her arms across her chest protectively, "I was so angry when it first happened, that I almost…I almost hit her back." JJ saw the woman swallow at the admission. "Does that make me a bad person?"

"It's completely natural to want to defend yourself, no matter who you're up against." JJ said firmly but Ava shook her head.

"It wasn't about defending myself." She insisted. "She had backed off, she was crying, begging me to forgive her and all I wanted was to make her feel what I was feeling."

"I don't think it makes you a bad person." JJ told her. "You were hurt, angry, and probably feeling a certain amount of betrayal. The important thing is that you, unlike her, were able to control your anger. You knew that hitting her back would not only make it worse but turn you into her so you stopped herself."

"The way she was looking at me…" Ava frowned as she pictured the scene vividly. "She was afraid of me, just like I had been afraid of her."

"She had a reason to be afraid of you, Ava." JJ added. "You're a federal agent. You could, in theory, hurt her if you chose to. Add to that the fact that she had just assaulted you…who wouldn't be a little bit frightened?"

"But she knew I wouldn't." Ava pressed. "Sure, I'm stronger than her but we had agreed a long time ago that I would never use it against her." JJ frowned.

"I thought you said this was the first time things got violent between the two of you." She took in the brunette's slight blush.

"'Violent' in the domestic violence kind of way." She told her. "Not in…other kinds of ways." JJ nodded slowly with understanding.

"That's different." She urged. "If she treated you the way she does in the bedroom at, let's say, a restaurant, that would probably raise a few eyebrows. The same rules don't apply when the situations change, Ava." The brunette nodded, recalling how she had even tried- in vain- to use their safe word in an attempt to get the blonde away from her.

"I suppose." She sighed. "I don't know what to do, JJ." The blonde wanted nothing more than to reach out and embrace the taller woman. She was so clearly hurting. JJ resisted the borderline motherly urge, knowing that any close proximity was probably not a good idea.

"You don't have to make any decisions right now." JJ smiled softly. "You don't even have to go back there if you don't want to."

"Where else am I supposed to go?" Ava scoffed with a shake of the head.

"You're more than welcomed to stay with me for as long as you want." Ava knew the offer was coming but also knew that she couldn't accept. Aside from the fact that JJ's house was crawling with children who, if past experiences were taken into account, couldn't stand her, Ava knew that there would be no salvaging her relationship with Kate if she stayed at the house of the woman she had been accused of cheating with.

"Thank you, really," Ava shook her hands, "but I can't."

"Of course you can." JJ asserted. "We have room and no one wouldn't mind in the slightest. In fact, the boys really want to meet you." Ava raised an eyebrow at the information. "They call you 'Wonder Woman'. I actually think Henry's pretty smitten." Ava chuckled deeply.

"I would love to meet them," it was only partially a lie, "but not like this. Besides, if I'm going to attempt to fix this, I can't be staying at another woman's house, now can I?" It was JJ's turn to laugh.

"Don't be ridiculous." JJ said. "I'm sure she'd understand."

"JJ," Ava bit her lip slightly, "she thinks I'm cheating on her…with you." JJ's cheeks reddened drastically at the thought. "It was kind of the…turning point of our argument."

"What?" An unfounded guilt swept over the blonde. "That's insane."

"That is, word for word, what I told her." Ava shrugged. "It didn't make a difference. That, at least, I'm mostly certain was the wine."

"Well," JJ thought out loud, "I still think you shouldn't go back there."

"Honestly, I'd be surprised if she came back after the way I yelled at her." Ava wasn't lying. "And even if she does, I'm not afraid of her. Not anymore, at least. It's my apartment anyway. I could, legally, kick her out."

"I suppose that's better." The blonde ground her teeth slightly. "But call me if you change your mind. No matter the time. Or if you just want me to come shoot her." Ava laughed.

"I will." She gave the blonde a warm smile. "JJ…thank you. I know I'm not the easiest to be around when I'm upset and the way I reacted when you-"

"Ava, please." JJ dismissed the thought immediately. "You told me yourself, I remind you of her. I wasn't the least bit offended by the way you reacted. Besides, if you think you're difficult, just wait until you see Michael throw one of his fits. It's not for the faint of heart, believe me." JJ didn't add how the thought of being anything like Kate now made her physical ill. Ava chuckled before quickly averting her eyes.

"Would it be ok if I…" Ava fumbled with her words, awkward and almost child-like. "I mean, if we-" JJ took a single, large step forward and immediately wrapped her arms around the woman. She could feel the brunette stiffen slightly at first but eventually melt into the embrace. Ava slowly placed her own arms around JJ and released a shaky breath. JJ was slightly thrown off when she understood what Ava was trying to ask, not pegging her for the physical contact kind of person. However, the nature of their conversation and the simple fact that Ava literally had no one else, heightened the younger woman's need for human to human contact- contact that wasn't violent or sexual in nature. JJ was happy to give it to her, knowing that if she were in her shoes, she would probably want to be carried out of the BAU.

"I can only imagine how hard it's been for you, having only one person you could trust for so long." JJ told her softly. "But now, you have six more who are more than ready to be here for you, whenever you need us. OK?"

"OK." Ava nodded against the blonde, ignoring the prickling tears that threatened to fall. Sniffling once to draw them back in, Ava released the woman.

"Fair warning," JJ added quickly, "they're all pretty worried about you out there. Morgan actually wanted to go over there right away." Ava grimaced. "Don't worry, I convinced them to hold off on rallying the bannermen just yet."

"A bit protective, are they?" Ava asked sarcastically as she grinned. JJ scoffed.

"A bit." She joked. "Just wait if you decide to be single again and the LEOs we visit descend on you. Something about a woman with a gun is alarmingly alluring to them." Ava washed her hands and face quickly as she laughed.

"Have a little experience with that, do you?" she quipped. JJ waved her away.

"Engagement rings are like shields." She pointed out. "But wedding bands…those things are like invisibility cloaks." Ava erupted in laughter. "Honestly, it's like I'm not even there."

"Probably for the best." The women chuckled as they agreed, exiting the bathroom. The moment they did, the men of the BAU hopped out of their chairs and waited for them to approach. When they did, Ava felt her cheek flush with heat at the concerned looks on their faces.

"Everything ok, bella?" Rossi asked, his eyes kind as she looked into them and nodded with a smile.

"It will be." Ava said definitively. "Listen, I appreciate all of your concern but I promise I'll handle it. I don't necessarily know how just yet, but I will." She took in their skeptical looks and worried glances. "But I promise that if I need someone to shoot her, you guys will be the first I ask." The five laughed effortlessly although she knew some- if not all- of them would actually do it.

"No matter what decision you come to," Hotch began, "just know that we'll be here for you." Ava cursed herself as more tears began to appear in her eyes. There were five, whole people standing right in front of her, telling her that cared for and supported her, even if the decision she makes isn't agreeable to them. She never had that many people in her life truly, dare she say it, love her. The importance that this team held for her was unmistakable, irreversible, and perpetual.

"Thanks." Was the only thing she was able to get out without bursting into tears.

Ava had to admit- she was surprised that Kate had the balls to return home so soon. Granted, it had been a little less than 24 hours since their altercation, but she wouldn't have bet on the blonde coming back for at least a night or two. She tried hard to still her pounding heart as she sent a quick text to JJ.

Kate's home. Don't worry though, I can handle it. Better now than never, right?

The response came almost instantaneously.

OK. Call me if you need anything no matter how late.

Ava put the phone away as she slowly walked up the stairs to her third floor apartment. Unlocking the door, she expected to find the kitchen and living room lights on but everything was off. Odd but not unheard of. Kate was probably asleep. That or she was planning some sort of secret, romantic night like last time. Ava hoped it was the former. Trying to be as quiet as possible so she wouldn't wake the woman, Ava removed her shoes and coat before tip-toing into the bedroom. As a dim light shined into the room, Ava could make out the outline of a figure under the covers, but something wasn't right. The figure was moving. Suddenly, the distinct sound of a woman's moan cut through the still air in between Ava and the bed. Immediately flipping the light switch on, the sight that greeted her only added to the archive of things she wished to remove from her memory.