Chapter 11
By the time the two arrived at JJ's home, Ava's eyes had opened completely. She was staring blankly out the car window as she rested her forehead against the cool glass. JJ parked, unbuckled herself, and prepared for the turbulent night ahead. Just as she was about to get out of the car, Ava spoke.
"Am I really that hard to love?" JJ swallowed, the question equally heartbreaking and confusing at the same time. "I mean, do you think she ever loved me?"
"Ava," the blonde sighed, "what happened?" The younger woman shrugged dramatically, her glazed eyes finding JJ's in the dark.
"I wasn't good enough." She informed the blonde nonchalantly.
"That's not true." JJ shook her head. "You're more than good enough."
"Oh yea?" Ava scoffed, the grin on her face humorless. "Then why was she screwing someone else, huh? Why did she invite some random slut into my home and my bed when she knew I'd be coming home?" JJ winced, having considered that as one of the possibilities during their drive home.
"Because she's an idiot, Ava." The blonde concluded. "She's an idiot and you deserve better." At this, Ava let out an exuberant laugh, startling the older woman.
"Everyone always says that to people." She stated. "But it's not true. I don't deserve anything good."
"Of course you do, Ava, you-"
"You don't even know me." Ava said, her tone sad instead of accusatorial. "You don't know me." She repeated. "I'm a murderer, Jennifer. Did you know that?"
"Ava," JJ lowered her head slightly, "it's not murder, per say, in our line of work. I've killed people too."
"Not like that." Ava turned her gaze back to the blonde's, the pain and self-hatred that resided there almost made the older woman want to look away. "Not like that." With that, Ava turned away, resting her head, once more, on the window. JJ inhaled deeply, her anxiety for the woman's well-being increasing by the second. She got out and quickly collected the drunken agent. Not surprisingly, Will was still up, waiting for her to return. The moment she opened the front door, he was there, taking in the sight before him.
"A little help?" JJ groaned as Ava became little more than dead weight. Will rushed forward, sweeping the brunette into his arms and securing her there. "Will, meet Ava. Ava, Will." The joke was lost on the man as he carried the barely conscious woman to their guest bedroom.
"Is everything ok, cher?" Will asked as he deposited the woman onto the bed. JJ had already stripped the woman of the sidearm and badge that remained on her hip. She placed them in the safe alongside her own before beginning to work on the brunette's shoes and coat.
"I don't know." The blonde said honestly as she rubbed her eyes. "She's just…in so much pain and there's nothing I can do to fix it." Will embraced his wife, sensing the fear and worry that poured from her.
"You can be there for her." He said against her hair. "You're already helping, cher." He placed a kiss to the top of her head and JJ sighed against him, feeling revitalized by his scent and affectionate touch. Just as she was about to respond, a muffled 'JJ?' could be heard from the bed. The blonde removed herself from her husband's grasp and, after assuring him that she would fetch him if necessary, sent him back to bed.
"I'm here, Ava." JJ sat at the edge of the bed and pulled the woman into a sitting position. "I'm not going anywhere."
The night had been long but thankfully, it was Sunday. Neither woman had to be at the office today and JJ silently thanked whatever deity there was for that. She had stayed up all night with Ava, mainly because she was afraid the woman would suffocate in her sleep. Thankfully, after she had gotten her a change of clothes and some water, the brunette had been little trouble. She'd awoken several times throughout the night and, knowing that she would be more than alarmed to wake up in a strange bed, JJ decided to stay with her. She read a book, completed several crossword puzzles, and played some ridiculous game on her phone until the early hours of the morning, when sleep finally claimed her. When she awoke, her houseguest had, unsurprisingly, not moved. Checking the time, JJ decided it was finally acceptable to brew herself a pot of coffee. She was quick about it, not wanting Ava to wake up alone, and returned with the steaming beverage in hand. Eventually, she got up to make the boys' breakfast and get them ready for soccer practice. She hoped Ava would stay asleep for the hour or so that it would take. At around 9AM, JJ lost track of one of the boys- Michael- and went in search for him.
Upstairs, Ava was finally beginning to stir. She placed a hand over her pounding head before even opening her eyes. Feeling the sheets beneath her, she frowned. They weren't hers. She cracked an eyelid, thankful for the almost dark room, and looked around. This wasn't her apartment. Groaning as she forced herself into a sitting position, she noticed that the clothes she was wearing weren't hers either. What the hell is going on?
"Hi." The high-pitched voice caused the woman to jump. She turned her head only to be met with big, blue eyes and a dazzling head of yellow hair. The boy in front of her couldn't be more than four and Ava wracked her brain for a name.
"Hi." She replied cautiously, wondering why the boy was so close to her. She watched as he swayed back and forth, suckling his thumb. Ava was quick to grow uncomfortable under his innocent gaze.
"I'm-"
"Michael!" the irritated voice of Jennifer Jareau caused both occupants of the room to jump. The boy giggled loudly as his mother approached, taking him by the hand and leading him out.
"Bye!" he called back to Ava. She could only wave in response. As she heard JJ passing her sons off to her husband, Ava forced herself to think about the events that led her here. She looked down at herself and the Penn State soccer tee she was wearing. Turning her head towards the empty spot in the bed, she could see that it had been occupied at some point during the night. Her mind conjured up the worst possible scenario and by the time JJ returned, Ava's face was as white as she sheets she lay in. JJ frowned at her, concerned, until she finally realized what the woman must be thinking.
"Relax," she told her, "only one of us was drunk enough for that." Ava let out a sigh of relief before the embarrassment overwhelmed her.
"Oh, god." Ava allowed her body to fall back down onto the bed, covering her face with the blankets. JJ couldn't help the remark that followed.
"Yes, I'd assume that it'd sound something like that." The blonde snickered as Ava folded the sheets down just enough so JJ could see her glare. "What do you remember?"
"Well," Ava removed the sheet from her face in order to speak, "I remember my fiancée- or my ex-fiancée, I suppose- cheating on me. After that I can only assume that it didn't go well."
"After that you took yourself on a mini-bar crawl and drank about three bars dry." JJ filled in the blanks for her. Ava groaned, her hand now covering her face.
"Did I happen to get hit by a bus in the process?" She asked. "Because it feels like I got hit by a bus."
"I believe the kids call that a 'hangover'." The blonde informed her sarcastically. "Drink this." A cold glass was placed in her hand and Ava didn't even look at it before chugging the container dry. JJ was more than impressed, seeing as the hangover cure she had concocted in college tasted like motor oil. Ava grimaced as she gagged at the taste.
"If you wanted to kill me," she coughed, "there's definitely a less cruel way to do it." JJ chuckled, taking the empty glass from her hand and placing it on the nightstand.
"Where's the fun in that?" the blonde shrugged.
"JJ," Ava shook her head as it rested in her hands, "I can't even begin to apologize."
"For what?" JJ scoffed. "You didn't do anything."
"I dragged you out of bed at God knows what time, had you come pick me up at a bar in God knows where, only to crash at your house, embarrassingly drunk, with your kids at home." Ava surmised.
"Actually the bartender called me, it was about 4AM, the bar wasn't far at all, and if you think a four and a nine year understand what being drunk is, then we're going to need to teach you a bit about children." JJ told her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm just glad you're ok."
"Am I?" Ava lowered her gaze, the previous night's discovery weighing on her like a ton of bricks once more.
"I'm sorry that happened." JJ said honestly. "But if you ask me, you're better off. I know you love her, and that'll take time to fade, but I really do believe that you'll be happier for it."
"I just can't get that image out of my head." Ava shut her eyes as she recalled the sight of another woman on top of her fiancée. "How could she do that to me, JJ? How can anyone do that to another human being?"
"I don't know." JJ moved a handful of hair out of Ava's eyes. "Some people just aren't good. They're selfish and they're manipulative. It's not your fault that you didn't see it coming." JJ had definitely had a conversation like this before.
"I think I'm gonna be sick." Ava muttered.
"That's a completely natural feeling, I mean what she did is sicken-"
"No, JJ," Ava placed a hand over her mouth as she shook her head, "I'm actually gonna be sick." JJ's 'oh!' came right before the blonde shot out of the room and returned with the bathroom waste basket just in time for Ava to, once again, empty her stomach. Thankfully, the blonde had the foresight to tie the woman's long hair back at some point during the night. JJ merely rubbed soothing circles on Ava's back as she wretched. Ava, on the other hand, felt as if every one of her organs was trying to escape. The bile burned her throat and mouth as she expelled it. She hadn't eaten anything, consumed a ridiculously large amount of alcohol, and now, could already feel the tremors that overtook her. As she lifted her head, Ava had to shut her eyes to keep from swaying. She was paler and a cold sweat had begun to break out on her forehead. JJ noticed the woman's rapidly deteriorating condition immediately.
"When was the last time you ate?" JJ could tell that the thought of food did not help the brunette's uneasy stomach.
"I had a fruit or something at breakfast." Ava waved a hand as she cradled her head, panting from the effort it took to stay upright.
"Breakfast?" JJ shook her head. "As in, yesterday morning, as in over 24 hours ago?"
"Yea, sure." Ava would've probably said anything to get the blonde to stop nagging her. JJ found that she couldn't help it, her natural instincts in overdrive given the brunette's precarious situation.
"Lay down." She all but ordered. "I'm going to make you something to eat."
"No," Ava practically whimpered, "I just need to sleep. Please." JJ frowned, watching the brunette already easing herself back into the relative safety of the bed.
"Alright." She huffed. "But when you wake up, I'm feeding you and you're just going to have to deal with it."
"Yes, Mom." Ava's voice was soft, like that of an exhausted child, as she drifted back to sleep. JJ couldn't help but grin slightly as she shook her head. She refilled Ava's glass of water, replaced the trash bag in the bin besides the bed, and left the door slightly ajar as she made her way to the kitchen. Despite the difficult few months that lay ahead for the younger woman, JJ knew that in the end, it would all work itself out. She also knew that if that woman ever showed her face to Ava again, JJ wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in her leg.
