The days that follow are awkward and stilted and make Mouse's chest ache as he avoids Erin's eyes and she avoids his and they try their best to pretend to Jay that everything is fine even as Mouse stops coming to dinner. He feels Jay's hurt and bewildered eyes on him often, and avoids that too. He does his job, does it well, and makes sure he's never alone with Erin. He goes to Molly's with the team and laughs with Jay and Ruzek and Atwater, and he doesn't trade smiles with Erin.
Eventually, Jay asks him about it. Mouse brushes him off the best he can – "It's nothing, don't worry about it" – and Jay pushes – "Something's up, is it something to do with the Yates thing?" – and Mouse snaps with just a little bit of a sharp edge – "Just leave it, Jay." And because Jay has always been ruthless with enemies and strangers, but far too kind to his friends, he does. He doesn't push. Mouse wonders if he has asked Erin, what she said, if he pushed more or less with her. She hasn't told him, that he knows. He didn't really think she would.
They get used to dancing around each other, he and Erin, two planets orbiting the same sun but never touching. Mouse misses them desperately but knows he brought this on himself. If he had just kept his mouth shut, if he could just stop falling in love with people he could never have…
He's just gotten home after work when his cell rings, and he checks the ID expecting it to be Erin, Jay, or Voight. Instead it's an unknown local number, and he stares at it uncertainly. In all likelihood it's a telemarketer, but unknown numbers always make him nervous. He lets it get to the third ring before he answers.
"Hello?"
"Hi, is this," there's a brief uncertain pause, "um, Mouse?" The voice is feminine and unfamiliar, which in combination with his nickname sets off some alarm bells and puts him on edge.
"Who's asking? And how'd you get my number?
"Oh, um. My name is Brianna Logan, I'm a local business owner. A friend of mine, Andrea Jawelski, gave me your name, said you could help with my security system?"
Well, that was certainly a better answer than he'd feared. Andrea was a nurse he'd met after the overdose incident. While he was in the hospital they'd got to talking about computers, and she'd asked for his help fixing up her online security. Since then, she'd taken to occasionally sending friends his way who needed a hand with tech.
"Yeah, I'm Mouse, and I definitely know my way around security systems."
"Great," Brianna says cheerfully, sounding relieved at having the right number. "What do you say we set up a meeting, talk about the job?"
"Yeah, sure."
Brianna tells him a bit more about the business and they set a meeting for the next day and hang up, and Mouse stares bemusedly at the phone. He has to wonder if Andrea knew that the business she was recommending him to was for marijuana, or if the irony was completely accidental.
The meeting goes well, and the next couple days he spends a few hours after work at the marijuana farm. The whole thing is a little bit like an out of body experience, surrounded by the green leafy plants as he installs the climate resistant cameras in the greenhouse. He notices the familiar posture of the workers, and can't help mentioning it to Brianna at their last meeting.
"You got a thing for military guys?" he jokes, and Brianna looks at him slightly bemused.
"Pardon?"
"You just got a lot of ex-military working here." He sees the way her focus sharpens on him.
"How do you know?"
"Takes one to know one," he smirks. "I was in the Rangers. You get familiar with the way people walk in the army." Brianna leans back, seeming to reassess her impression of him.
"Andrea didn't mention you were military, just said you were a wizard with technology."
"We met after I left the military," Mouse shrugs. Andrea knows he was a Ranger, but he's not surprised she didn't think it was relevant to a tech job. Brianna hums slightly in acknowledgment.
"Well, you're right, I do like hiring ex-military, or ex-cops. I'm actually looking to fill a position in security detail. You interested?"
"Thanks," Mouse says, a bit surprised at the sudden offer, "but no thanks. I'm happier with my tech than a gun these days." He smiles lightly, but thinks he can see a flicker of understanding in her eyes, like she knows that he means more than he's saying.
"Shame, I like you Mouse. Got any friends who might want a job?"
Mouse's memory flickers back to a few weeks ago, before the Yates fiasco. On one of their dinner nights as the three of them made Jay's apartment feel full with their laughter, Jay had joked that he needed a bigger place for these nights, and they had laughed at the implication that it would somehow be a place for the three of them while Mouse's heart ached with a want he hadn't yet let himself think. Later, Jay confessed to him that he really did want to look into getting a bigger place, especially since he was imagining a near future where he asked Erin to move in with him, but he couldn't afford it yet.
"Yeah actually. My friend Jay, he was in my Rangers unit, now he's a Detective with the CPD. He's been looking to make a little extra money."
"Yeah? Give him my number."
Mouse does. Jay resists at first, put off knowing it's a marijuana business – he raises a mildly concerned eyebrow when Mouse mentions he did some tech work there, but Mouse waves him off – but eventually he decides to take it. Mouse goes home that night feeling satisfied that even if things are messed up with him and Erin, he can at least still support Jay, and through that, support Jay and Erin's relationship. It'll be weeks before he adds this moment to the list of things that will haunt him.
