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PS: The angst is finally here. Be warned.
Bad moon rising
Natasha was generally comfortable anywhere. She was trained that way, settling for little, enjoying at large. One of the few things that made her feel most at ease wherever part of the world she was in was sunset. No matter if it was a beach, a forest or the top of the SHIELD building, seeing the sun setting in the horizon calmed her inner voices. All of them.
She was in Clint's nest, the whole city at her feet. The sun was there, tilting the grey city slowly into shades of orange and light yellow. Soon it'll be time to go. She took deep breaths, trying to take in the little sun there was left. The voices weren't quieting down. They were screaming from the top of their lungs, all inside her rib cage.
She felt the tears in the back of her eyes. She wasn't the weeping type.
She wasn't the desperate for affection kind or the one to make scenes. That was for unsecure women and teenagers. She was a grown woman, a spy, a former assassin. She was stronger than this.
So why was she giving a damn about the stupid video circulating everywhere? Clint was just being Clint, taking advantage of a situation to make fun of it. Grabbing her ex-wife's ass when she had just fallen off the stairs was utterly normal to his standards.
It wasn't that. It was everything else.
It was their closeness, their secrecy. It was how they still looked at each other longingly at times. Their divorce papers had been signed years ago, but the feelings were still there. She dried a tear "Chyort voz'mi!"
He had saved her life, saved her from her former employees, from her former training, from herself even. He had given her another shot at life and the chance to share it with him. And for that she was grateful. It was a clean slate for both of them, and she just wasn't sure how much more of his invading past she could cope with.
She didn't even know why she was asking herself these questions. They were very unlike her. She was Natasha Romanoff. She ate marks for breakfast. She divided and conquered. She beat the God of Trickery and Mischief on his own turf for crying out loud. She remembered that interrogation all too well. She was keeping her head straight, the facts, she was acting. It was all an act to get him to talk. She even meant back then that Love is for children.
But now it hurt like a bitch.
She ordered herself to pack those feelings away. They were pointless, unnecessary and out of her character. Whatever was happening to her, had to stop. She had an op in 20 minutes, she had to check in. She had to walk away from the sunset and leave all these feelings on the rooftop. Right, she had to move. Move.
A familiar voice in her ear startled her "We need you at the bay in 20 minutes agent Romanoff." She took a deep breath and kept on staring at the orange sun setting in.
Steve's tone sounded clogged through the ear piece, she probably needed to change it before leaving. "Romanoff, are you there?" She sighed again and cleared her throat "I'll be there in time cap-, Sir"
Why couldn't she just keep it together? She wasn't just upset about the video. She wasn't the jealous type. She wasn't upset about Clint, no. It wasn't even about the obvious feelings he and his ex wife held for one another. No, it was all her. Penelope Morse.
What a ridiculous name.
Her suspicions towards Dr. Morse were based solely on facts, on her tails. She was missing proof, evidence. Anything that she could take upstairs and would help her demonstrate her point. But so far she had nothing, and that drove her mad.
The blond covered her tracks smoothly. She was always one step ahead of her, always predicting what she'd do next, what she'd check next. The little intel she was able to get from her office and the cams there wasn't much. She was smooth, and she had help all over.
Natasha kept on cursing at herself. She was a master in reading people and getting their intentions, so why couldn't she figure out what a 5'8" blond with a fake demure attitude was really doing? And what's worst, why was she letting the blond get to her.
She wasn't the angry type, she was always cool headed. It was necessary in her line of work. Getting mad was not an option in the field. Getting mad gets you killed. She had seen many go that road and she wasn't going to make their same mistakes.
This wasn't a competition either. She was beyond competing. She came in, kicked ass, left an impression, and took off. That was it, that's how Natasha rolled... until Morse came back and got an office on the 10th floor.
Morse slowly started taking a place in Natasha'steam, with her shy act and fake modest tone won Steve and Bruce over in a rather short period of time. The weak links of course. And she had Clint by the balls.
Ok, he was his wife. Ex wife. Still, he was a dick when Morse was around. He lied to her. He didn't fill her in on what was going on. She knew Clint knew something. He had figured something out. And he wouldn't let her into the secret. "We all have secrets Tash" Sure we do. But we don't keep secrets, not after so much time together.
The only that had been proved a roadblock for the blond was Stark. Natasha half smiled. She never thought Stark could be an asset, an ally in her quest for clarity, but he just may.
I should've killed her when I had the chance.
The sun was almost gone; she needed to get to the bay fast. She heard the metal door of the rooftop behind her. Then his aftershave travelled to her nose. She started getting up but her surroundings were suddenly zooming away from her "Shit!" He rushed and grabbed her "You ok Tash?"
Before she could answer the door squeaked again. Fucking great.
The heels rushed to her and grabbed her wrist, checking her pulse "Can you walk?" They measured each other.
"I'm perfectly fine. Gotta go now" Morse stood still, shoulders back, hands on the sides, then on her pockets. She was trying to seem in control of herself.
"You can't go" The hell I can.
Morse looked at Clint and then at her "Clint, you need to get to the bay. You, come with me" Morse started walking to the door and they followed.
"I'm going to the bay Dr. Morse" Natasha wasn't about to argue with her. Not right now. Not when she was so angry and frustrated. She needed to take off and kick someone's ass. It was the only way she had found to control herself lately.
Morse swallowed slowly and stood very still, very tall, 4" taller than herself, probably more with her heels. "Agent Barton, report to Captain Rogers and tell him he'll need a replacement for agent Romanoff. She doesn't have medical clearance to leave."
Natasha looked at him with a don't you dare look, but Morse was too serious to be joking. There she was, making up some cooked up story about Natasha being sick and he was buying right in on it. Morse had a tail when she was lying; she just needed to look at her long enough to pick on it. Her eyes were reddened. Had she been crying?
Clint looked away from Natasha and into Morse's eyes. "Does it look like I'm joking Barton? Go" He nodded and let go off Romanoff, leaving them alone in the rooftop. He was definitely going to sleep in his bunk tonight. Alone.
There was a lot of anger coming from Natasha, and Penny wasn't at her finest moment either. This was bound to escalate quickly…
But Penny had to be the adult. Whether they wanted to or not, she was Natasha's doctor now, and there was a health issue.
Natasha started to take off towards the stairs when Penny started talking "Have you been getting dizzy often?" Natasha slowed down "Feeling more emotional than usual? Throwing up and then tasting metal in your mouth?" Natasha could feel Penny right behind her. She turned around "What are you talking about?"
Penny stared "You know"
Natasha was puzzled, let herself go for a second "It can't be" It didn't make sense, it couldn't be.
Penny took a deep breath, but her posture made it clear she wasn't letting it go "Ok, when was the last time you got your period agent Romanoff?"
"This morning" Her answer was automatic, was it a lie? Her pupils were normal.
"And before that?"
Natasha shook her head denying what Penny was trying to imply "In time. I take pills. You should be aware of that. It's-"
"It's on your file. I've read it. I also read that you had severe stomach flu and that Dr. Wyatt changed your prescription pills over 2 months ago. Did you have unsafe sex during that period Agent Romanoff? Didn't Dr. Wyatt warn you about the hormonal change and the unsafely window it brought up?" Natasha couldn't believe this woman. She couldn't believe her detached tone either. Her tone didn't add up to her eyes. "God, how the hell did that guy got his MD?"
Why was Morse trying to get her off the op? Was something going to happen and the blond wanted to keep her grounded? She needed to run, she wasn't going to be late to take off due to her lunacies "I got. My. Period. This morning."
"Yet your tests results show positive for the HCG hormone. And you're anemic, it's very common in your condition." Penny paused and looked straight into Natasha's eyes "You're 7 weeks pregnant, there is NO way I'm letting you go on that op."
Penny's com clicked "Dr. Morse, get agent Romanoff to the bay"
"Sir, you'll have to make do without her. She doesn't have medical clearance." Natasha knew that Penny only called "Sir" to one person. She was off the hook. Fury would take care of Morse.
"Both of you in the bay in 10 minutes" the com went off.
Natasha half smiled and started walking away. "Wait Natasha! If you're so sure you got your period this morning, then something else could be happening. You could be having a miscarriage, or have a rupture. I can't guarantee your safety unless I run more tests on you! You need to rest."
She was getting on her nerves. She was calling her by her name now? Not A. Chance. "Don't call me that"
Natasha started rushing through the stairs, with Penny on her tail "You think I like this Romanoff? Giving you of all people, this piece of news? I don't. But I'm your doctor. And I can't let you go on this mission. It's not safe."
They reached the bay floor when Natasha decided to look at her. Penny kept on babbling at her "I'm talking about a major safety risk. What if you faint? What if you get dizzy? If you start throwing up? What if you start bleeding internally due to 1 on 1 combat when you're supposed to be watching their backs? You'll be risking them as well; it's not just about you. It's not ok for you to go and you know I'm right on this one"
Natasha stared at her. Pupils, pulse. She was agitated for the run on the stairs. But Morse's tail wasn't there. She wasn't lying. This was real. This couldn't be real, she did get her period this morning. And she had been training with Steve as well, she would've… she would've noticed if something was wrong "I'm fine. I'm going. Period."
Before she could open the floor door, Penny pushed the door closed and talked inches from her "Cameras. Here." She handed a little stick while shaking her hand. "If you're so sure, pee on that stick"
Natasha took a deep look at Penny's eyes, trying to read her reasons behind this one more time. Trying to pick up on anything the doctor was concealing.
Nothing.
She seemed genuinely concerned.
Natasha had been more emotional lately, she was very aware of that. She looked at the concealed stick and then shook her head.
No, this is exactly what Morse wanted; she wanted to confuse Natasha in order to get her off her trail.
They looked at each other one last time "If I do this, I get you off my back?" Penny nodded and opened the door for her "After you"
They didn't make it to the bathroom. Fury was standing in the middle of the corridor. "Follow me"
"Sir, we c-"
"Dr. Morse, just walk"
Romanoff hid the little stick up her sleeve and looked at her. They reached the Quinjet and most of her patients were there, suited up. Even Stark was in the crowd, plus Mark in a SWAT suit. He nodded at her and gave him a cheering smile. Clint moved closer to the door "Are you coming? But-"
Natasha disregarded Clint and grabbed Steve's hand to climb to the aircraft, which caused a little twitch on Dr. Morse's countenance.
Penny started talking to Steve and Fury "She can't go, she doesn't have med clearance"
Fury sighed heavily. Steve's eyes looked glassy and she was sure he was restraining from speaking due to a sore throat. "What does agent Romanoff have Dr Morse?"
The ladies looked at each other "There's something called doctor-patient confidentiality Director. Even in SHIELD"
Fury cleared his throat and looked at Natasha, who had sat between Mark and Stark of all people "How are you feeling agent Romanoff?"
"Ready to kick some wacko's ass Sir" she adjusted her seat belt tight and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"That's my girl, high five. Oh, repulsor beams, better not" Despite Stark's attempts to lighten the mood, everyone was dead serious.
Clint kept looking back and forth at his girl's stares. And so did Steve. Penny kept on insisting she shouldn't go, to no avail.
Natasha spoke again, with mild contempt on her voice. She wasn't sure if she was setting a trap or if she was falling right into one, but she was too pissed to care "You'd sure like to be sitting on this aircraft, wouldn't you?" Tony restrained the Oh dear comment.
"No, I'm trying to save your life Natasha. That's what I do." Clint picked on the first name basis; Penny would never call her Natasha. Not unless she was leveling with her, not unless this was dead serious.
Fury intervened, since no one else dared "If you don't give us details and if agent Romanoff feels up to the task, I'm overruling your decision"
"You can't do that"
"He just did" Penny gave Stark a furious look. He decided to keep quiet afterwards.
"I need to run further tests on her! She's anemic; she's been feeling sick for weeks now. She is not ok! She can't go; it's not safe for her out there! She can faint, or start bleeding, she may get confused or panicky. Fury don't-" she quieted down.
"And unless you tell me why, she's going."
She looked at Natasha and thought of telling them. But there was the doctor-patient confidentiality. And there was also the big chance that Natasha had a natural miscarriage earlier in the day. Saying she was pregnant out loud would bring more complications than solutions. She could finally level up with Romanoff, if Natasha could only see that she was trying to help her.
Steve was the one that brought her back from her thoughts "Dr. Morse? We need to take off. Is there anything you want to share?"
She looked away from Natasha, brushed over the entire team and set her eyes on Fury, ignoring it was Steve the one who asked. Her posture changed. They wouldn't get anything from her.
"I don't know what she has. It could be one of several things. I need to run further tests. She needs to be grounded and rest."
Fury looked at her disappointed. "She's going then. Save flight team." He started moving away from the Quinjet as the engines started purring.
"You're frakking unbelievable Fury… Overrule a medical call. Get them all killed. Hey, what do I know? I'm just their doctor, right?" She got her earpiece off and threw it to Fury's chest, storming out of the bay as they took off.
Clint and Steve looked at each other. They were on their way to a major security threat, but what would be waiting for them when they came back could be much, much worse.
