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Chapter 19: Surgery
"Dr. Morse?" Hoban's tone in the OR made her snap out of it. "Container", the attendant brought a small box of adamantium, wired inside.
The small rounded stone was glowing, lighting the entire room, directly from the Phil Coulson's open chest. Penny took a deep breath and started clipping the pericardium tissue that had grown around the stone. Once it was released from it, the stone's light went dimmer. She dropped it in the box, the attendant closed it and took it outside, where Fury was watching the procedure and waiting.
Hoban continued monitoring the formula intake and how Phil's system reacted to it. Even though he nearly flatlined when the stone was removed, a combination of atropine, Steve's blood transfusion and Penny's skills brought him back to normal. They went on with the rest of the surgery as if it were a normal Pericardiectomy, removing the fibrous covering of the heart and then re-covered it. She took all the time they were able to spare to see how his lungs and arteries were reacting. Everything seemed to be healing inside out, maintaining a constant flow.
After 8 hours, she turned the surgery to Hoban so he'd wire back together Phil's breastbone and close him up. Penny decided to slow down the formula intake to avoid post-op complications. Hoban agreed and she went outside to talk to Fury, who hadn't left the spot during the entire procedure.
"Did it work?"
"Too soon to tell, Hobs will wrap it up and then we'll move him to post-op."
"Both of you get some rest. I'll need to see you tomorrow at 1000 hours for debriefing."
"On what Sir?" He looked at her and then walked away. She stayed on Fury's spot, unable to walk away. This didn't feel right, this just didn't feel right.
Hoban and Penny were going up the elevator. He was starting to get worried about her. He recognized all the signs: the slow shaking, the dark shadows under her eyes, the lack of response because she was lost in thought. He couldn't let her fall in that dark place again, not because it was his primary duty as her ghost handler, but because he feared she couldn't take one more heartbreak.
He came closer to her brushing her arm slowly, "You've done everything you remotely could to save him Birdie. It's up to him now. You need to let it go." She sighed slowly trying to calm herself down but she was way pass that. She broke in tears and he held her close to him, "It's okay, it's okay" he kept her close brushing her back when the elevator's doors opened and Steve and Natasha were giggling carrying several parcels. She took a step back from Hoban and cleared her throat, leaving her arms crossed over her chest and her hand half concealing her face.
"Are you... okay Dr. Morse?" Penny cleared her throat and looked at Natasha. Whatever she was playing, Penny wasn't interested. "I'm okay."
Steve pushed the 3rd and talked, "Surgery didn't go well?" Penny clenched her teeth and made a mental note to rant both to Hoban and Bruce so they'd keep their mouth shut. "It went okay. Long week, that's all." She sighed and looked at Natasha.
"How are you feeling Romanoff?" they looked at each other "Just peachy, doctor." Steve and Hoban shared concerned glances at the female's exchange. They couldn't reach the 3rd floor soon enough... Natasha and Steve came out of the elevator whereas the doctors went to their own floor.
Penny went to her office and Hoban hovered around her "I'll be fine Hob, I got the night shift, you go spend time on the 8th, really" He brushed her arm "I can stay you know" she half smiled sadly to her friend "I know, but it's okay, I'd like to be alone for a little while"
"Let's compromise: I'll get you some food, okay?" She waved the bag of homemade cookies to him making a statement of I don't need food and headed to the back of her office where the sofa was, reaching for something concealed behind it.
"Wow, I hadn't seen that guitar case in ages". A smile flickered across her lips while she started walking towards the terrace carrying the battered guitar case. "Get a coat Birdie" she nodded, "Thanks for everything Hob" He half smiled and took the elevator.
It was a cold night, but the sky was clear and she just needed to feel the fresh air. She was playing slowly, tuning the guitar she hadn't played in ages. She was lost in thought chewing one of aunt May's cookies and staring at the pictures inside the guitar case.
She didn't realize she had started singing to herself,
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart
There she was, being held closely by Clint with Phil hovering next to her with a half smile. It was Vegas, back when she had just become Mrs. Barton,
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
Phil's half smile looking at the camera was staring at her, and she couldn't help feeling she missed something, that she didn't do everything she could, that she took one minute too long to bring him back that awful day,
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
And now she'd have to tell Tricia that his chances of coming back were slim, slim to none. She'd have to see Zoe grow up without his dad, just like she did. She'd had to accept that she couldn't bring him back, that she really couldn't save him,
But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
But he could make it... People survived pericardiectomies every day. But no, it wasn't just that, there was also the growing Tesseract on his chest for over a year now…
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
She was startled by someone talking by the door "I didn't know you could sing doc"
"There're a lot of things you don't know about me Rogers" He came closer to her carrying a bag with something that smelled like Chinese food.
"Dr. Hoban sent me with food. And I'm supposed to force it through your throat if you don't eat it"
"He said that?"
"Your friend Mark Reagan said that" She left the guitar over her legs, decided to ignore his tone and reached for one of the little boxes and chopsticks. He squatted next to her "You know, I think I could adjust to pretty much everything that this time has to offer, except eating with those things" She half smiled and patted the spot next to her. While he was sitting and grabbing the other pair of chopsticks, she started showing him how to use them,
"You need to grab them like this-"
"Like this?"
"Yeah, and then you just move'em together and grab food and, yum!" She started chewing comically.
"You're funny"
"I have my moments. Now you try" He tried following her lead but failed miserably, dropping most of it back in the package, causing a shared giggle,
"It's not so hard, here" She had grabbed a little piece of chicken from his box with her own chopsticks and was offering it to him. They looked deeply at each other's eyes when he ate it. "It's good, but I guess I'll settle for a fork next time"
"Fair enough" She kept on eating and laughing at him while he tried mastering the art of eating with chopsticks. It was getting colder and she unconsciously got closer to him.
Steve wasn't precisely good at small talk with women, but he felt relaxed around her, "So"
"So?"
"How are you feeling? That song wasn't very… upbeat"
"I'm not feeling very upbeat lately"
"Anything I can do?" She smiled sadly and kissed him in his cheek,
"You already are"
When they were done with the food, neither of them felt like moving. Yes, it was colder than before, and it was late and she wasn't on her post… But if someone unlikely showed up, the AIs would let her know. She was partially leaning on his shoulder and had started plucking the guitar when Steve finally asked about the pictures in the case.
"Is that really you?" she moved forward and grabbed the picture and gave it to him, then she resumed playing leaning on his side. His arm was around her shoulders now and her head was lying close to the curve of his neck,
"That was newlywed me yes. Shocking to see me so young huh?"
"Shocking to see you so brunette"
"It was a phase; I had to prove I was an adult when I turned 16 so, naturally cut my hair and dyed it black"
"You married Barton at 16?!" she chuckled,
"Lords no, we married when I was 20ish. Phil was furious but he came anyway. Do you remember Phil Coulson?"
Steve saw him half smiling in the picture hovering around a young Penny. Protecting her; clenching his teeth; unhappy with that decision; but half smiling as to not to hurt her feelings.
"I remember Coulson, he seemed like a good man"
"He was" He gave her back the picture and she put it back in the case. Then she got back to the curve of his neck and started humming a tune while playing slowly.
There was another picture in the case: a dark looking guy with a t-shirt he'd seen on the geeks from the 9th floor, something about an arcade game, whatever that meant. He had dark hair and was playing the guitar and smiling to her in the picture. She was sitting next to him with a mic.
He thought of asking who that was since he seemed to be exactly what Steve had heard her describe to Clint not that long ago. But he was enjoying this so much; he didn't want to think about her being with someone else. He didn't want to know who she was aching about, not right now anyway.
He was happy holding her and making her smile. He was glad to have her near his chest, leaning on him, being so close and opened to share things with him… He started stroking her arm slowly and he felt her head moving closer to the curve of his neck. And then, "I just remembered something."
"Hmm?" She sounded sleepy and the guitar was slightly slipping, so he grabbed it and placed it beside him, trying not to move much,
"Aren't there cameras out here?"
"Two, but we're in a blind spot. I'm so tired" she said that last line almost whispering on his neck. He could feel her lips near his collarbone. It was driving him mad.
"Don't you want to go inside? It'll be freezing here soon"
"But you're here" She sounded more sleepy than before and she was moving closer to him, in the middle of her sleepiness. He stayed there brushing her face and arm slowly when he noticed that a vintage trading card was popping out behind one of the photos.
Penny woke up startled by Elinor's voice through the Bluetooth. "Dr. Morse, there's a patient in the area". It took her a moment to realize she was still outside sleeping on the curve of Steve's neck, with Steve's arm around her waist and her own over his chest. He was barely awake too, he looked so… charming all sleepy.
Charming and embarrassed about his hand on the curve of her waist… She got up quickly,
"Got a patient. Could you get t-"
"Sure, you go ahead" She smiled at him and started walking to the office. What would she do now? Hoban had clearly sent Steve for a reason. And it had worked. She was getting too close to Rogers , everyone was noticing it and soon enough she would have to face it. Or end it.
But there was nothing to end… Nothing was really happening. Nothing actionable anyway. They just hanged out a lot, and laughed, and talked, and fought, and trained… Oh Lords. "Bran, could you change the feeds so that it shows the cap leaving short after he brought the food?"
"Surely Dr. P"
"You're the best Bran, thanks" she walked into the offices lounge and saw a petite red haired looking pale and cuddling in the sofa waiting for a doctor.
Uh oh.
