The next day was the start of our training as soldiers. They started us off on an aptitude test. They put us in 3D maneuvering gear and had us hang from poles to test how well we could balance. We were told if we couldn't do this then we couldn't continue our training, and had to go work in the fields.
It seemed that everyone I meet yesterday did fine. I stood a little shakily in the air at first but after a few seconds I could stand perfectly still and upright. Eren was one of the only ones who couldn't do it. He ended upside down every time he tried.
Commander Shadis knelt down to yell in his face, "Eren Yeager, what are you doing? Stand up straight!"
Everyone watching was giggling at the scene and the look of horror on Eren's face was too much. His cocky attitude the night before only made it that much worse. That evening before dinner Mikasa, Armin and I tried to help him with the gear. Armin and I hooked Eren up to the wires and stepped back while Mikasa went through the basic explanations of how to balance again. I leaned into Armin's ear and whispered, "I don't get it. Based off of the skill sets required for this, Eren should be more than capable."
Armin shrugged, "It's probably something little he's doing wrong. He just needs practice, he'll get it eventually." After Mikasa finished, Armin spoke up and said, "You can do it if you stay calm. Even I did it after all."
Eren nodded, "I think I'm ready. Lift me up, Armin."
Armin cranked the lever that lifted the user up into the air. After only getting about a foot off the ground, Eren lost his balance and fell forward. He hit his head hard on the ground.
"Eren!" I yelled, and we all immediately started to undo the harness. The fall was so bad it knocked Eren out and he was would need a bandage later.
The four of us sat alone at dinner that night. At the table behind me and Armin, I could hear some boys mocking Eren.
"Hey, isn't that the guy who said he was going to wipe out all the titans yesterday?"
"Yeah, he'll be off to the fields tomorrow for sure."
I tried to reassure him, saying, "You'll just learn how to do it tomorrow, Eren."
Eren still had the same horrified look on his face. "I'll never be able to wipe them all out this way."
I looked at him with pity, and thought, this is karma for running your mouth yesterday.
"You should forget about that," said Mikasa, staring at the table.
"What?" said Eren. I was thinking the same thing, there was no way Eren was going to give up that easy.
"I'm saying you should stop trying to be a soldier. Fighting isn't about just throwing your life away."
This obviously upset Eren, and me too. If Eren did have to give up and leave, I wasn't sure if I would go with him or not. I didn't want the four of us to be separated, but I wanted to do this too.
"How can you say that? I saw what happened two years ago! I'm not going to give up that easy!"
"It doesn't matter how determined you are."
"Huh? Why not?"
"You don't get to decide if you're fit to be a soldier or not."
Those words shook me, because they were true. Eren would've given anything to have the talent Mikasa was born with, so would I. But Mikasa didn't particularly care. If it weren't for us, I'm sure she would've never have thought about joining the military.
Just then the bell rang, and everyone around started to get up. Mikasa kept talking though, "I'm not saying you should go to back to the fields by yourself…"
While she was speaking, Eren stood up and said, "Let's go."
Armin stood up with him but I shook my head and mouthed, I'll wait on her.
Mikasa continued without noticing the boys leaving, "You don't need to worry. Because when you go, I'll go with you."
At the end of her speech, she turned to look at Eren, but found Sasha staring back at her instead, who looked as surprised at Mikasa's statement as Mikasa was at her presence. I put a hand over my mouth to keep myself from laughing out loud. At this point we were the only three still sitting.
"So," said Sasha, pointing at Mikasa's untouched piece of bread, "what you're saying is, that I can have that?"
Mikasa stared at her for a second longer, then picked up the bread as if she was going to give it to Sasha, but instead took a huge bit out of it before standing up with her dishes and walking away.
I laughed so hard I almost fell off the bench, "Come on, Sasha, let's go to bed."
"Hey, you're one of those angels that gave me food and water last night!"
"That's right."
"I like you!"
Sasha and I walked back to the barrack's together, but I couldn't bring myself to join in on the talk and fun the girls had before going to bed tonight. Instead and went and sat on the front porch and tried to collect my thoughts on what Mikasa had said. If Mikasa and Eren left to return to the fields, would Armin want to go with them? Would I be left here alone? Could I stand to be parted from my twin and my two best friends like that? And if I did go with them, could I stand Eren? If he had to go back to the fields, he wouldn't be happy. He'd be caught between being angry and wallowing in self-pity. But if the three of them did leave and I didn't, would they be mad at me? The four of us agreed to do this together, so if one of us couldn't do it, were the rest of us obligated to leave?
"Psst, Alex!" I looked up to see my brother calling to me from across the courtyard. He, Eren, and Reiner, and a freakishly tall brunette boy were standing in front of the boys' barracks carrying lanterns and wearing their cloaks.
"What are you all doing?" I asked.
"We're going for a walk," said Eren. "Come with us?"
I nodded and walked towards them.
The tall boy nodded at me, "You're Armin's twin, right? The one who was talking about the Armored and Colossal Titans yesterday?"
"Yeah… Please don't remember me by that, though. I got carried away. The crowd made me angry. My name in Alex." I reached out to shake his hand.
He took it and nodded, "I'm Bertholdt Hoover."
As we left the training grounds, Armin told me what they were talking about before they left their barracks. "Bertholdt was telling us that they were from a small mountain village on the southeast side of Wall Maria. The titans reached their village before the news did."
"Oh my god," I said. "So you've seen the titans up close?"
"Yes," said Reiner.
"Bertholdt was talking about how the other recruits don't know anything about the titans or what they're signing up for," said Eren.
"That's right. They're mostly here for show. It's considered cowardly to choose production work when you turn twelve. Society has pushed them into being Cadets. That being said, I'm not different. I joined hoping to join the military police and live in the interior. If that doesn't work, I may stop entirely. I have no will of my own, you see," Bertholdt's last sentence struck me as terribly sad.
"There's nothing wrong with cherishing your own life," said Armin. I made a noise of agreement.
"As for me," started Reiner, "I'm going to return to the hometown we lost. That's all I care about right now. I will do it, no matter what."
I could sympathize. Returning to Shiganshina is something I wanted to eventually do, too.
"What about you," asked Bertholdt, looking at Eren. "Why did you choose to become a soldier?"
"I decided I have to kill every last one of them. I'm going to kill them all with my own two hands. But now, it's a question of whether I'm cut out to be a soldier or not."
We reached the end of the path just as the moon come out from the clouds. The path ended on a cloud overlooking the forest and a beautiful lake. The moonlight sparkled on top of the water, and my breath hitched at the beauty of it.
"Starting over from scratch with your belt adjustment, you'll do just fine tomorrow. I'm certain of it," said Reiner. "Eren Jeager, was it?"
"Yeah. Thanks. Reiner Braun, right?"
Reiner smiled and nodded. We all stood there overlooking the lake for a while before turning back to the training camp.
While we walked, Reiner turned to me and said, "Did you choose to become a soldier because of the retrieval mission a year ago, like your brother?"
"Yes, and no," I answered. "That motivated me further, but I had been wanting to join the military to fight titans before that."
"Why?" asked Bertholdt. "Aren't you scared of them?"
"Oh, of course," I said. "But back at Shiganshina, while Armin and I were running away from the titans, we passed a bunch of soldiers that ran towards the titans. Doesn't sound that weird, right? That was their job, to protect us from the titans. But at the time, I was so terrified, that I was amazed that anyone could have the courage to run at those things and face them head on. I even yelled at them not to go, but they went anyway. One stopped and told me, that if his death would save others, then he would do it because he would know he didn't die in vain. Those brave soldiers, who probably joined the Cadets because of pressures from society like Bertholdt said, had enough courage and love to lay down their lives on the off chance it could help people escape. I was amazed."
Reiner and Bertholdt stared at me, before Reiner said, "Are you saying… you joined the Cadets so you could die an honorable death like them?"
I laughed, "No, god no. I don't particularly want to die. But those soldiers gave their lives for me and my people. I feel obligated, no… I want to honor their sacrifice by being as brave as them and doing what I can to help avoid another tragedy like that. I'd like to live through it, though."
"That's… extremely noble of you," said Bertholdt.
"Not really. I'm just taking the place of the people that died for me."
Reiner turned around to look at me and I caught his eyes. I just met Reiner the day before, so I couldn't read him as well as Armin, Eren, or Mikasa, but I had a feeling with he could relate to what I said just as I related to what he said about returning home.
The next day, we were all standing in front of one of the devices meant to test aptitude on 3DMG. It was Eren's last chance to succeed, and he had a big audience.
"Eren Yeager, are you ready?"
"Yes sir!"
Thomas started turning the gear to lift Eren up. I clenched my fists hoping Eren could pull it off. The look of determination on Eren's face was unbelievable. He kept his balance and people actually cheered for him. The next second, though, he fell back upside down again. Shadis told Wagner to let down.
"I- I'm…" Eren was too upset to finish his sentence, but Shadis didn't let him finish anyway.
"Wagner, switch belts with Yeager."
After putting on a different belt, Eren could balance just as well as everyone else did yesterday.
"Your belt was defective," announced Shadis, "It had a broken clasp. I didn't know that could happen. We'll have to add to the maintenance checklist."
I beamed at Eren from where I stood at the front of the crowd between Armin and Bertholdt. Around us, I could hear people saying, "That's amazing!" and "Even with a broken belt, he was able to stand up right!"
"That's my boy," I said with a smile.
"Look at his eyes! It's like he's saying, what do you think of that?" exclaimed Armin.
"No," said Mikasa. "He's relieved because he doesn't have to leave me now."
Armin, Bertholdt, Reiner and I all turned to look at her with dumbstruck faces. Then I stifled a giggle and turned to Bertholdt and Reiner to whisper, "She's been crazy about him since we were kids. It's adorable, but a little weird. You got to admire her commitment, though."
After that, my life in the Cadet Corps fell into routine. Early in the morning before everyone else, Mikasa and I would wake up to spare or train our bodies, then shower and head to breakfast with everyone else. I tried to route what group of people I sat with at meals to get to know everyone better. After breakfast, we would train outside, doing different exercises to improve strength, agility, and endurance, and different drills to improve our hand to hand combat skills. We would eat lunch at dinner, and spend the early afternoon in the classroom learning about the titans, first aid, and whatever else they decided we needed to know to be adequate soldiers. The evenings were set aside for 3DMG training, which usually took place in the nearby forest. After that, we had dinner and free time until lights out.
The best part of the day was always when we weren't working or training. Although I was here for a purpose, I still enjoyed socializing and goofing around with my new friends. Growing up, Eren, Armin and I were the neighborhood misfits, but we got along fine here. Every night I would sit and talk to the other girls in the barracks. It was a refreshing pace from talking to Eren and Armin about the prospects of the future and titans. At night, the girls didn't talk about who messed up what during training, who had the worst accidents during 3DMG practice, or about what was waiting for us when we finished our three years of training. Instead, they talked about whatever stupid, funny thing Connie and Sasha did that day, the best way to make your hair look good while flying through the air at ungodly speeds, which boys looked the best in uniform, and other trivial things that had no importance. Even Mikasa joined in. The only girl that didn't was Annie, which bothered me. Annie always stood off to the side of the group, looking bored.
Walking back to the barracks from the mess hall one night with Krista, Sasha, Mina, and Ymir I brought this up.
"Do any of you ever feel bad for Annie?"
"No?" said Mina while Sasha cocked her head to the side, "Huh?"
"It's just that she hardly ever talks to anyone unless it's necessary. She stands to the side and watches everyone else talk and have fun," I explained.
Ymir laughed at me, "I think that's because that's what she wants to do. She isolates herself, don't feel bad about it."
"But who wants to be isolated from everyone? What does it hurt to try to bring her out of shell?" I gave them pleading eyes. This was something I planned to do anyway, but I'd rather not do it alone.
"I don't know," said Krista. "I hate that she gets left out of everything, too, but she does do it to herself."
"But what if, you know, she had a bad childhood or something? What if she has trouble talking to people? What if she wants to be friends with all of us but doesn't know how?"
This made Sasha, Mina, and Krista look like they'd consider talking to Annie with me, but Ymir still laughed at me.
"What if you're looking too far into it and sticking your nose where it doesn't belong?" she asked me.
I shrugged back, "In that case, the worst she can do is tell us to go away."
When we got back to the barracks and put away our dirty clothes, and I looked at the other girls and said, "You ready?"
They nodded back and we all walked over to Annie's bed where she was already laying down. I took the initiative to talk first since it was my idea.
"Hey Annie! How was your day?" I said in the bubbliest, most Krista-like voice I could manage.
Annie turned and took the five of us in. I couldn't see the faces of the other girls, but Krista and I stood at the front and gave our best smiles.
"Fuck off," she said, and pulled an angry face scary enough to cause Mina and Sasha to turn tail and run away back to their own beds. I grabbed Krista's hand to make sure she didn't leave to. If she left so would Ymir and then I'd be stuck talking to Annie alone.
"Come on Annie, we just want to talk to you," I said, keeping the same smile.
"Why?"
I faltered, "Uh, well…"
Krista picked it up for me, "Because we haven't yet. You're by yourself all the time, so we wanted to come talk to you and see how you were doing."
"I'm not interested in small talk," said Annie, "and you haven't talked to me yet because I don't want to."
"Alright," caught in Ymir, "give it up short-stuffs. The girl doesn't want to be bothered."
I decided to obey and Ymir and give it up for now, but I was determined to try again later. "Just you wait, Annie, you and I are going to be friends before this is over."
She rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever," before rolling so her back faced us.
As we walked to the other side of the room to where the rest of our friends were sitting I said, "Well, that could've gone worse."
Ymir looked at me bewildered and said, "How?"
"She could've used more curse words."
