Chapter 6 – Too Long Captured In Darkness


As he hears the door opening and the scholar coming inside, Erik realizes that he has not moved a muscle in the past 20 minutes he had to wait. Kathrine is moaning and screaming, tossing and turning. In the next moment she's not moving at all, her eyes are wide and staring at the wall without any life in them. She actually scares him. He is glad the Scholar is here. But on his face are many emotions, most of them Erik abruptly realizes are directed at him.

'' Thank you for your quick- ''

'' I'm not doing this for you. '' The Scholar's voice is sharp, his eyes narrowed at him. Erik nods his head, no matter how much he despises the man, he has to cooperate with him now. For Kathrine.

'' Of course not. ''

'' So what happened? '' The older man asks while he examines Kathrine from his position. There's something in the man's eyes that soothes Erik's discomfort. There are no signs of the feeling's Erik at first believed would be there. There is love and worry in the Scholar's eyes, but only parental love. The same love Erik saw in Madam Giry's eyes so many times as she looked at Meg.

'' She broke down. Her friend, Tony, said she had a mental break-down. He assured me that Kathrine would only need some rest and then she'd be fine. But after she woke and I attempted to speak with her, she started yelling. ''

'' What caused the break-down. What happened between you two. '' It is more a demand than a polite question, which partly causes anger to return to Erik's surface but he tries to force it down.

'' I do not think that this is any of your- ''

'' Okay you listen to me now! Kat was a mess those past months. More than usual. If she was triggered into an episode I need to know what it was! '' Erik almost flinches at the Scholar's sudden outburst, feeling like a child that was caught stealing candy. Of course he needs to know. The Scholar is the only one who truly understands his beloved's state. Even though Erik would rather not speak about it, it is necessary,

'' As you probably know… our relationship is not especially healthy- ''

'' You don't say. ''

'' But we decided to change that, to work on it. So that we won't be hurting each other any longer. Kathrine offered me that she will talk to her Psychiatrist and get me professional help as well. Of course I agreed. The atmosphere was tensed but a little less painful- until she suddenly told me she'd leave… She wanted to meet someone and I was….'' He trails off for a moment, his eyes averting to the ground in shame,

'' I was certain she's seek out a sexual encounter. I accused her of continuing her whoring now that I am no longer at the threat of death. She slapped me and left. I wanted to wait but couldn't. I followed her, saw her meeting a man who suddenly kissed her.. and I attacked him. Kathrine then told me he was homosexual and yelled at me. Until she broke down. I called Tony for help and we brought her back here. After she briefly woke, I attempted to apologize. That was the moment she entered this state. '' Erik still refuses to look up at the man, his hands curling to fists,

'' She didn't stop until I went into the kitchen out of her sight. I heard her screaming changing into crying but I did not dare to approach. I waited. Made dinner and tea. But as I walked back into the room she was not in the bed. Instead I found her beside it. She was curled into a fetal position, whispering words in both Spanish as well as English but I barely understood anything. I tried to talk to her but… '' Erik begins to shake,

'' As I placed my hand on her shoulder, she attacked me. Her eyes were… different… I have not seen her in this state before. It was… unsettling. I am… aware of the fact that this is my fault. That is why I gave her space. But it did not get better. You were the only one I knew that might be able to help. '' For while there is no answer coming from the man in front of him. Erik is waiting without looking up, waiting for the Scholar to yell at him, to insult him, to tell him how much he ruined Kathrine. And he knows he deserves it all.

'' We might have to restrain her…'' The scholar mutters then and takes a step towards Kathrine. Erik almost as they watch Kathrine apathetically swaying forwards and backwards. She is sitting by now but she looks even worse than she did as she laid. Her legs are crossed, her hands folded in her lap and her eyes blank. She's starring into the empty space, her lips moving as if she is talking to someone. But there are no words leaving her lips. Not even a whisper. Erik narrows his eyes as the sudden urge to scream and cry and destroy everything around him grows in him. How could he do this to her.

'' I am not comfortable with that. ''

'' Yeah, well neither am I but she could hurt herself, or one of us. She could easily kill us if we come close to her. ''

'' I will hold her- ''

'' No. Body contact's just making it worse. You don't touch her when she's in an episode. '' As the scholar sees the clearly displeased look on Erik's face he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair,

'' Did she take her pills? '' The question has him freezing.

'' I… am not sure. '' Erik can almost hear the scholar's thoughts as he looks at him like he would be the most idiotic being on the world. 'What kind of partner are you? How can you not know of something so important'. He might be right… The medication is extremely important for Kathrine and he never even asked about it. Not even as she spent days by his side to make sure he is resting and healing properly. She learned to cook just to prepare him meals that would help his recovery.

And even though he never mentioned it, he heard how often she had to start from new. He pretended to be asleep each time he heard her cursing because he knew she would be checking if he's awake before sneaking out of the apartment to buy new groceries. She sacrificed her life to him and he betrayed her. Again.

'' Kat… where are your pills? '' The Scholar is next to Kathrine as Erik breaks out of his thoughts. His angel does not even flinch at the question. She just continues her swaying and soundless muttering. Slowly, almost as if Kathrine would be a wild animal that could tear him apart at any moment, the scholar sits down on the bed close to her, his voice growing softer, slower,

'' Kat… your pills. Where are your pills? '' The swaying stops. Kathrine froze in her position, her eyes growing a tad wider and a single sound leaves her lips. The scholar scoots closer,

'' Your pills Kat, tell me where your pills are. I need your pills to help you…. Please tell me where your pills are. You know you will feel better if you take them…'' Slowly, as if her head was attached to gears instead of flexible muscles, she turns her head to stare at the scholar.

'' Don't bring me back…'' Erik steps closer slowly, not sure if he should really approach Kathrine now or if he better keeps his distance. After all he is the reason for her current misery. He hurt her, he didn't trust her, he made her become this. How could he let that happen? As they met he was more afraid that she will hurt him, he always feared she was merely toying with him, leaving him when he is most vulnerable. But in the end it was the exact other way around. He hurt her. He left her as she most needed him, as she was most vulnerable. And now he accused her of cheating on him and Erik knows that this probably is what hurt her the most. She gave up her life here in this world to stay beneath the opera with him, down in his dungeons. She allowed him to hurt her just so that he could feel in control and he thought that leaving her would be what's best. All of what has happened was not her fault, never was. And he couldn't see it. But he does now. And yet he is not sure if it is still of any use. Could she really take him back another time? Could he really demand forgiveness, could he plead for it after what he has done to her so many times he can't even count it off on one hand?

'' I won't bring you back, don't worry. But you need to tell me where your pills are. '' The scholar's voice grows a tad softer, as if he's speaking to a child plagued by nightmares. Kathrine's eyes are open but they're dull, the fire and the life that they usually hold has completely vanished. Erik grimaces as his heart begins to hurt in his chest. Suddenly her eyes stop on him and finally there is a flicker of emotion in them. But as he recognizes the emotions, Erik's heart abruptly stops beating in his chest. Fear.

'' Please… please don't hurt me… please… please…'' Everything in him becomes numb. The tense in his muscles disappears and his shoulders slump in defeat. He barely notices how the scholar quickly stands and halfway drags him out of the room. Erik faintly realizes that he is suddenly in the kitchen where he is pushed down on a chair. But before the older man can leave, Erik stand up so quickly that he fears his knees will give out. He curls his fingers into the scholar's shirt and shakes him, his eyes wide,

'' I-I did not,,, I have never- ...Please, you have to believe me! I did not beat her! We fought on occasions- but she won! I-I never- '' He breaks off many times, too numb and in panic to form a proper sentence. The scholar quickly wriggles free from his grip and forces Erik back into the chair,

'' I don't have the time to take care of you too, so get a grip. You wait here, stay right on that chair, don't move. I'll give Kat her pills and come back after that. Just stay put. ''


'' I'm getting too old for that…'' The Scholar sighs as he drops into the chair across from Erik. Erik can not say how long he was alone, most of the time he was staring at his hands in trance. But now that he is slowly getting back to his senses he notices the glass in front of him. The Scholar is taking a sip of what Erik believes to be whiskey. His hand slowly moves to grab the cup. He downs most of it in one go, the Scholar is not commenting on that. They sit in silence for a while before the older man sighs,

'' Erik I know I can't force Kat to send you away. God knows I want to… but she's a grown woman and that's her job. But if you stay around for longer, even if it's just for a few days, you better finally get your shit together. Because if you pull another stunt like this she'll not be able to take it. I didn't see her before she started her therapy but I know that it must have been as bad as it is now. If she doesn't get better I don't have another choice but to put her back into the clinic. '' Erik takes a moment to process what the other man said before he nods slowly,

'' I understand. ''

'' Do you? Do you really understand what she is going through right now? Because I'm pretty sure you have no bloody clue what this is doing to her. She's always living on edge, she always has to walk on eggshells. The drugs, the alcohol, the sex with strangers, the fighting, she's not just doing that for fun. She's doing it to- ''

'' Stay in control of herself. I know. We talked about it. ''

'' Did she tell you that there is the possibility she could receive brain damage or even die from these episodes? '' Erik becomes pale, his heart stops beating, his hand cramps around the empty glass. The Scholar rises to grab the bottle and refill Erik's glass before sinking back into his chair. There's a serious expression on his face as he focuses on Erik,

'' I take that as a no. How do I explain that… Do you know that a person that stays in coma for too long can be brain dead? ''

'' Yes. ''

'' It's the same with her episodes. Her conscious is pushed aside and emotions that should always be displayed to her in only little potions are ramping through her body. Anxiety is riling up her adrenaline, pain is forcing her heart to beat slower. It's always again a 50% chance she might never get out of that episode again. The more Episodes she has, the higher the risk that she might not survive it. '' The Scholar leans back and Erik notices how tired the man looks.

'' She could have a heart-attack, her brain could just stop to function… Or she just might never come back. Those episodes never last long, two days, maybe 3 at the most. But if she can't come back she might loose herself. That's why I don't want her close to you. It doesn't matter if you love her or if she loves you. Because you're sick too and she's not capable to take care of someone else like that. '' Erik's eyes close as a stab of pain runs through him. The Scholar's words tear through his mind like a hunting knife, ripping open all kinds of wounds, tearing apart his hopes that perhaps they can make this work.

'' You might be right. '' He trails off and finally meets the Scholar's eyes,

'' But I will not leave before I know for sure that she is well. ''

'' Fair enough. I'll get her new pills and some more tea. Keep your hands with yourself. '' The Scholar's eyes sharpen at the last words and Erik's eyes narrow,

'' Are you implying I would touch her without her clear consent? ''

'' You beat her up more than once in the past. Right now she easily says things to hurt you and I'm not sure if I trust that you wouldn't rape her should she reject you. Right now she's not in the condition to defend herself but I will defend her and I don't hesitate to shoot you. '' In a surge of raw anger, Erik slams his palms down on the table as he rises to his feet so quickly the chair almost falls back,

'' I would never do something like this to her! '' Despite the Scholar's previous fear of Erik, right now the man appears rather calm.

'' Yeah? Take a quick look at the bed and say that again. Because this situation is your fault. And somebody who's capable of that, is capable of other things. You know what effect her anxiety has on her and still you threatened to hurt her family! What do you think that did to her!? She forgives you time and time again and all you do is mess up! '' The Scholar's voice started off calm but by the end he is almost as loud as Erik was before. The man stands up and stabs Erik with a glare,

'' You might be different than most guys but you're taking rejection like every other man out there! So just keep your bloody hands with yourself! ''


Nathan stops dead in his tracks the moment he has the door open a gap. He's singing. The guy's singing to her. Nathan knows what that means, he saw what it did to her the last time. Nathan can't say how he does it but somehow that guy manages to put her under some kind of mind-control if he sings to her in a certain way. He vaguely noticed before but after watching the DVD he really payed attention to it. The way she didn't respond even though she should have heard him trying to break down the door to her room the first time. Or that time on the graveyard, or any other time in that matter.

'' Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation. Darkness turns… and wakes imagination… silently the senses, abandon the defenses…''

'' Fuckin' idiot. '' He growls to himself as he silently looks around the corner. He told the bastard to stay away from her, to not come close to her. And now he's putting her back under that fucking mind-control shit. Who knows what it does to her now?!

The anger abruptly leaves his mind as he sees the scene in front of him.

Erik kneels on the ground next to the bed, one hand gently touching her wrist where Nathan barely sees his fingers making circles on her skin as his other hand lovingly pets her head. Kat's eyes are closed but there's no terror on her face, her body isn't tensed or shaking. Kat seems surprisingly calm on the body contact, not even her breathing is ragged in any way.

Erik's devoted to her, Nathan gives him that. He keeps a distance to her but also manages to build up just enough contact to calm her. And he actually manages to calm her.

Nathan sighs, if only that lad would get some bloody help already. Because he can't deny that they would make a great couple if he'd just get over this. From what Kat told him, Erik is a good candidate for therapy. Perhaps they can arrange something while Kat is out. The best would be they don't see each other before Erik makes some progress in his therapy.


'' You can take that thing off, you know. '' Nathan mentions while he calls up Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron for her. Erik flinches barely visible, his voice tight,

'' I rather not. ''

'' Suit yourself. But I've seen it and it ain't that bad. You're a gigantic man-child. '' After putting away the controller, Nathan moves back to the kitchen. He gives Erik a look as he walks past him. The man has his arms at his sides, he looks a bit as if he's pouting- which of course helps his case immensely.

'' I am not! ''

'' Yeah, I rest my case. '' Nathan almost cracks a laugh as Erik throws him a dirty glare. That bastard can frighten him to the bone. In that hideout of his Nathan could almost feel his heart stopping in fear or beating so fast that it might burst any moment. Erik is dangerous and he is capable to look at you in a way that has your knees shaking. He is powerful and proud and sometimes Nathan can easily mistake him for an old man. Right now though, where he is too busy with Kat's condition to keep up that mask, Nathan realizes how much younger he actually is. Just a man in his mid 30s that has never socialized or interacted with relationships much. Someone so afraid of what others might say about that face of his that he will do anything to keep that part hidden.

After a moment he nods towards Kat,

'' Might help 'er though. Seeing something she loves, something she can orientate on. As soon as the hallucinations get better I'll put on Disney for her. ''

'' Yes of course, she clearly stated her love for these movies. They certainly do possess a certain charm that can cast the darkness away and bring light. And yet some… things… seem a bit odd, considering these movies are for children. ''

'' Yeah… the Disney mystery that nobody really can explain. Well one way or the other, Kat adores 'em. I play Lilo and Stitch most of the time. In a loop actually, I just keep playing them. By the time she comes back she can choose on her own. She needs something she loves to hold on to that can pull her back. '' Nathan can see the insecurity flashing through his eyes as his fingers brush his mask faintly. Kat mentioned he has had a really tough life but this is the first time Nathan really allows himself to consider this. He was taken aback as he first saw the deformation. Because personal feelings aside, it just looks nasty. And the rage made it into a fucking horror show. People react to this shit bad in their world, he can only imagine what the reaction in Erik's world looks like. Honestly, the scars on Erik's body Nathan could see in that layer back then shocked him more. Because those scars are nothing to joke about. That weren't poorly treated scratches, that was torture. He saw more than enough injuries on Kat within the years and he can tell if a scar was inflicted on purpose.

It depends on how early the abuse hit Erik and how long it lasted. Kat said it followed him most of his life and Nathan has to admit that he feels a little sympathy for Erik.

'' Erik. '' The man's hand abruptly drops back to his side as if the mask burned him. As he faces Nathan, the older man can't help but feel the teacher in him just take control. Call it old school, but he's still one of those that actually give a shit. He never understood how some of his colleagues can sit there and watch their students suffer right in front of them.

'' Yes? '' He taps his cheek on the same side Erik's mask sits,

'' No worries. It's okay. ''

'' I am in no means in any need of your comfort or your pity. '' The arrogant facade that Erik wears most of the time abruptly returns and it has Nathan groaning in annoyance,

'' Jesus Christ, stop being a bloody pain in the arse. You're, what, 35? 36? Act like a responsible adult that actually gives a damn about the love of his life and drop the victim-attitude. Man up and take the thing off already. And if someone really tries to bully you, beat him to a bloody pulp. We all know you're more than capable of that, and in front of a court that's self defense. '' Erik's defensive stance lessens slightly and Nathan takes a step closer,

'' Somewhere in London there's a guy who has a woman tattooed all over his back and another one sits in jail because he literally killed for her. And you managed to put a ring on her finger, put her in a dress and make her sing in front of a whole auditorium. So cut the bullshit. It's not pretty, so what? People aren't going to pay any attention to your face anyway. '' The teacher meaningfully looks him up and down and Erik abruptly realizes what he means. Kathrine said almost the same to him not long ago.

'' This world is very…''

'' Horny. ''

'' Indeed. I was wondering if it was not only Kathrine who has this type of… appetite. ''

'' I don't want the gory details about you fucking my favorite student, thank you. What I want is that you do everything you have to to help her come back as soon and safe as possible. I've seen it and I don't fucking care so take the bloody thing off already and stop makin' a fuss. '' Erik stares at Nathan for quite some time before he begins to speak with a low voice,

'' Kathrine has voiced her admiration for you several times now. I have not been able to accept her words for what they are until only recently though. But I can understand why she is grateful for your presence. '' Nathan musters the man a moment but Erik already turns and walks back to the bedroom, probably to take his place beside her again. Nathan growls after a moment,

'' You're welcome, you bloody wanker. ''


Two days have passed since Nathan came to Kathrine's flat to aid Erik. It is a bit of a surprise how well both men get along. They don't fight, only bicker a bit. They manage normal conversations that mostly concern Kat and Erik even made an appointment with a colleague of Kat's doctor. They spoke about it again and Erik agreed it will be for the best. The appointment is in a few days thanks to Doctor Bloomfield's help who pushed the whole thing a bit after Nathan explained the situation to him.

Erik rarely leaves Kathrine's side though. Every time Nathan decides to take a nap- with a gun in his hand, just in case- Erik appears to stay awake. The younger man is not sleeping well but part of Nathan believes he hasn't has any sleep in the last days.

Right now both men settled in the kitchen to eat some takeout Nathan ordered. There's a drink in front of them, to help ease the atmosphere perhaps.

'' I'll be open with you now and I won't repeat myself so listen. '' Nathan begins, abruptly getting Erik's attention.

'' Kat's a mess. She's acting all tough and confident but most of the time she's a broken woman who needs something that takes her mind off the things going on in her head. Her doctor knows about the drugs and he's accepting it to a certain level. She openly tells him how much of what she consumes and if it gets bad he sends her to rehab. '' Erik nods understanding. Part of him wants to interrupt and ask various questions that burn on his tongue but he restrains himself.

'' As much as I hate to say it… but she's one of the people that's just not going to be okay at some point. The therapy and the meds keep it somewhat in control but she's never going to be healthy. If you decide to stick around, you have to realize that. She's not going to have children or turn into a perfect little housewife. If you take her back to the Opera it has to be completely structured. Kat needs access to a boat 24/7, she needs a way to contact her doctor in an emergency and she needs somewhere safe and quiet she can be while an episode. Because they will come up every few months. The one you see right now is a rather calm one. She can become violent to a level that she will attack people she usually holds dear. '' Nathan takes a sip of his drink, allowing Erik to properly take all the information in.

'' You need proper training how to deal with her in that time. Best is you arrange a meeting with her doc and let him smooth you in. You need to be prepared for every possible situation and you have to realize that certain measurements have to be taken. It's not pretty but it's necessary. '' Erik narrows his eyes, an uncomfortable feeling runs through him.

'' Which are? ''

'' Well it depends on how long it's going to last and in what state she is. The restraining is always good. You might have to force feed her or actually slap her out of her mania- which shouldn't be a problem for you considering that you have your fair share of experience in slapping her. '' Nathan is not trying to hide how he feels about Erik and this time there is nothing Erik could do or say to defend his actions. He has hurt her several times and every time he swore that it was the last time. It never was. He hates himself for it, he hates how he's not able to control himself. He wishes he could do anything about it but he can't. Kathrine was right, his apologies are meaningless if he only ends up doing it again. The older man's actions in the Opera have quickly changed from protecting Kathrine to personal hate and Erik cannot take it bad on him. If Erik was in his position, he'd react the same way.

As he can no longer stand the teacher's eyes, Erik looks down at his hands. He expects the man to react to it but to Erik's surprise nothing of that comes.

'' She wasn't in love before, she was never in a relationship. She carelessly told me that she lost her virginity to some stranger in the back of his car and that she can't even remember it properly because of how pissed she was. Trust me if I tell you that it's not sexist if I say that women always dream about the perfect first time. I know you haven't been in that situation before either. And that is what makes this thing even more complicated. '' After the Scholar has finished, Erik nods grimly,

'' You are right, I have never been in any kind of relationship before. Whether friendly nor romantic. My life has been isolated from the world, as you certainly know. Interpersonal contact is extremely difficult for me. I lack experience in how to handle or how to react to certain situations but I am learning. This world offers a lot of assistance, opposite to my own one. But you can trust me if I tell you that I am trying my best to learn these things. Kathrine is teaching me a lot about this but of course Kathrine's way to handle life is not the common way either. I am closely watching what substances she uses and I try to reduce them. I tried to talk her out of the illegal fights as well once but I realized that she is in desperate need of this. I am accompanying her to every fight and I am always close enough to help her in case she needs it. Furthermore am I telling her when to stop. She is… not especially interested in listening to the signs her body gives her. If I see that her body is too tired, I tell her to stop. '' Nathan was listening patiently. The sudden change of his entire posture has Erik tensing a bit. There's sympathy in the older man's eyes. As if Erik is missing a big point, as if there is something he simply does not understand.

'' You really don't realize that you won't be able to control yourself just because you learn interpersonal relationships, do you? The only way for you to learn to control all that is to get professional help. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for her. That appointment is a good start, but it'll take time before something changes. The feelings for you put her off enough already. She's capable to handle herself but she's not capable to handle herself healthily. The self-destructive impulses are out of her control. She knows they're wrong, she cries and screams at herself sometimes but she can't stop it. That can be drugs or alcohol or picking a fight with some stranger on the street. There's a lot of rage in her and she's not going to be a nice person if you take the street fights from her. Trust me, I've tried. Her Doc tried. She was off the streets for a few weeks but she really needs those. She hurts herself faster if she is not fighting. It helps her to release the steam and if that option is no longer available, she'll let it out on herself. She might cut herself or burn her skin. Or increase the substances. There's a lot of things she could do to herself and you have to be prepared for it all. Because even with the fights it's going to happen. But your solution for this is actually a good one. '' It feels odd to have the Scholar praise Erik for something. The older man takes a sip from his drink and scratches his neck uncomfortably. This time he is the one to avoid eye-contact with Erik,

'' The episodes are the biggest problem. Hell, the first time I've seen her in one… I just broke down crying like a baby the moment I was sure she's safely tucked away in the clinic. Sometimes I think that it becomes too much for me to take care of her and I want to leave. '' He meets Erik's eyes again and leans in a bit,

'' This probably sounds really harsh but you just have to realize that the woman you love is a ticking time bomb that explodes over and over and over. Most of the time she's stable and you might forget she's sick at all. But as soon as the episode comes up, all you want to do is get out. Fast. ''

'' No. '' Erik responds smoothly. Confident. The Scholar gives him a sympathetic look,

'' It's okay to admit it. Kat knows- ''

'' No. I do not have to admit to anything. Kathrine's state is horrible, more so than I imagined. It scares me and it pains me to see her like this. But there is nothing she could become that drains me enough to think about abandoning her. Nothing. Even if her condition becomes worse and she will spend more time in this state than in her healthy one I will never leave her. I will learn how to care for her and I will do so for the rest of my life. ''

'' Even if she cheats? '' Suddenly Erik's stance falters and Nathan sighs, he really doesn't wanna do this.

'' Don't get me wrong, okay? She's absolutely against it. She would never do so… intentionally. But just like you get lost in your head, she gets lost in hers. And if all the things she usually uses to tick people off doesn't work with you, she might use something that would. There are a lot of self-destructive instincts in her and she tries to fight them, but they're always stronger. If you stay for longer in France she is not putting off her stress in fights anymore and if she has the feeling she has to test you yet again, you have to expect that her behavior becomes more nasty if you don't react to her tricks like she expects it. '' The thought that Kathrine might cheat on him just to test how loyal and devoted he is to her tastes bitter on his tongue. He would loathe her for a while, of course, but he would forgive her. Should he ever find out who she betrayed him with though, he will make sure that person will not have the chance to touch his beloved again.

His grip on the glass tightens as a burning rage surges through him. Slowly he meets Nathan's eye again,

'' I will not lie. I would kill the man she uses for that… test. But I will be able to forgive her. '' Nathan's eyes narrow,

'' My feelings about you are mixed, Erik. I can see how much she means to you and I believe everything you said. But beside that you also hurt her. And you are very creative at that. If you really want to help her, you have to move on. Get help and learn to accept what happened to you. I don't know what it was, but I can see evidence that tells me it was nothing pretty. '' Nathan sees Erik's fingers twitch. He has become pretty damn good at spotting these small things in the time he was caring for Kat. And that Erik feels the need to touch his mask is a proof how shitty he feels about it.

'' You're a nutter. Fact. And without professional help you will never recover. But opposite to Kat you can recover. PTSD is a bitch but it's treatable. That's gonna take time, sure. It's gonna be hard too. But you can wake up at some point and live your life without feeling like you have to keep your guard up all the time. ''

Before any of them can say another word, they notice the figure standing by the door. Kat's eyes are empty, blank like a soulless shell. Erik makes a move to say something but Nathan quickly raises his hand, gesturing him to stay silent. For a while Kat only stands at the door, her eyes flickering through the room, her lips moving but no sound leaving them. Like a machine she suddenly staggers to the table and grabs the bottle of whiskey that the men were sharing. She raises the bottle to her lips without removing the cup. Upon realizing there is no alcohol reaching her mouth, she lets the bottle slip from her grasp. It shatters on the ground with a loud noise but she is not reacting other than staring at it.

'' Kat…'' Nathan begins as Kat drops to the ground and picks up the biggest shard. She stares at it and closes her hand around it. Her grip tightens. With her head titling to the side she opens her hand to find that the glass cut into her skin. Before Nathan can stop him, Erik slides from his chair to the ground and kneels down in front of her and holds out his hand,

'' Kathrine, give me that. '' Her hand closes around the shard again. Nathan watches how Erik's eyes narrow,

'' Kathrine. '' His usually smooth voice changes into a commanding sound and it actually causes Kat to look at him.

'' I told you to give me that. '' It takes a while but slowly Kat is cooperating. She places the shard in his hand but Erik's eyes remain locked with her,

'' Now go back to bed. '' As Kat complies once again, Nathan whistles as soon as she left the kitchen to make her way back to bed,

'' Okay. That was pretty impressive. ''


Kat regains some of herself after Erik decided to not listen to Nathan's advice any longer and use his Phantom-commanding-self instead. At first the older man wanted to stop him but whenever Kathrine started struggling or screaming, Erik's new course seemed to work wonders. Kat's more violent side was triggered only a few hours before she got better. It all happened very fast. One moment she was pouncing at Nathan, her hands wrapping around his throat, the next Erik suddenly sat beside her and told her to release him. Just like Kat once protected Nathan from the Phantom's wrath, Erik now protects him from Kat.

'' Kathrine! Release him! '' His voice is a low shout, sharp and dominant. Kat's hands remain solid for a moment. Then, very slowly, her grip loosens and she slides off him. It's the moment she seems to regain some sense because she sits on her knees, shaking, tears in her eyes as she stares at her hands.

'' I'm sorry...'' Her voice is hoarse from the screaming, breaking all the way through her words. While Nathan sits up slowly and shifts a bit away from her -just in case- Erik scoots closer and kneels right in front of her. He holds out his hand,

'' Do not worry my love, everything is alright. '' Kat finally looks up at Erik, the emptiness almost completely faded from her eyes but tears blurry them. As her focus shifts to Nathan, the tears fall down her cheeks.

'' I'm so sorry…! '' The first violent sob shakes her whole body. Kat buries her face in her hands, sobbing violently. Erik seems to take that as his cue because he moves closer, clearly stepping into a dangerous zone. The younger man looks at him briefly before focusing on Kat again,

'' Wandering child, so lost, so helpless… Yearning for my guidance...'' Nathan remembers the song, it's the one he sang to her on the cemetery just before they fought and Kat had to stop the Phantom from slicing him apart. Back then he did everything he could to stop him. Now he is taking some distance, allowing Erik to try his luck. Because Kat's shaking ceases a bit.

'' Too long you've wandered in darkness… far from my protective gaze...'' Erik's voice is soft now, actually really bloody good, too. Even if Nathan probably won't ever say that out loud. Kat on the other hand stops shaking entirely and rises her head just enough to glance at Erik.

'' Your mind resists yet your soul obeys...''

'' Angel of music, don't deny me. Turn from that brutal darkness… Angel of Music do not shed me, return to me now my sweet angel...''

'' I am your master of Music, come to me angel of music..." Kat's hand moves slightly, hesitant.

'' I am your master of Music, come to me angel of music…! '' As Kat's hand finally rests on Erik's, the younger man slowly places his other hand on top of hers, squeezing comforting. Kat looks from their hands up into Erik's eyes,

'' Erik...''

'' Si… Estás a salvo, mi amor… Puedes calmarte ahora…'' (You are safe, my love. You can calm down now.) Nathan's Spanish is is horrible but whatever it is Erik just said, seems to soothen her. Her lips are twitching for a moment,

'' Erik…'' Kat's eyes close for a brief moment, she must be exhausted now. Erik patiently waits for her to find the strength to continue. Slowly, Kat looks at him again but her own eyes present coldness beside the clear exhaustion,

'' I hate you...'' Erik freezes. To Nathan this comes as a shock as well but Erik looks as if his entire world just broke apart and took everything from him he ever loved. Every muscle in the younger man's body loosens but his hands remain clasped around Kat's, as if holding on would change what she just said. Kat's eyes aren't fully focused, not entirely open. She's drained, the past months took too much out of her and her body is at a point where she needs some proper rest.

'' Kathrine- ''

'' No… just… just...'' She closes her eyes again and frowns, tries to find the right words for whatever she wants to say. She swallows hard, bites her lip but for a while there's not a word coming from her trembling lips. As Erik tries to release her though, Kat's eyes open and she holds on just enough to stop him,

'' No! I just… I-I need to take a shower now...'' Her head drops. Nathan has never gone that far in caring for her that he helped her with that. And right now she is clearly not fit enough to do this on her own. Just as Nathan opens his mouth to deny her that, Erik cuts him off,

'' Please allow me to help. ''

'' Kathrine… hate me as you like, I know I deserve it. But allow me to help you for now. You are clearly not in the right state to do this on your own. ''

'' Por favor mi amour...'' It takes a while but finally Kat nods and allows Erik to pick her up in his arms. He's gentle, loving. Exactly as he's supposed to be and Nathan has to admit that he really is devoted to her. Once Erik got some proper help, there might be a chance for them to really be together. As Erik walks past him in the attempt to reach the bathroom, their eyes meet. Kat has her head buried in his neck, breathing softly. Both men nod at each other and while Erik moves to the bathroom, Nathan gets comfortable in the kitchen again.


With the door closed behind them, Erik breathes out but won't let his thoughts begin to wander. He has an important task at hand, everything else has to wait for now. Kathrine's confession still echo through his head and make his entire self hurt but even that has to wait. This is his chance to prove he will be helpful. It's the least he can do, after all this whole mess is entirely his fault.

'' Kathrine, I will let you down now so that I can fill the tub…'' He keeps his voice low and gentle but Kathrine is not answering. She turned into a lifeless shell again. Hopefully the water will help her a bit. Erik lowers her onto the closed toilet seat. At first he fears she might fall if he is not holding her but Kathrine sits still, her eyes dancing around but never meeting his gaze.

With a sigh he begins to quickly fill the tub, adding all kinds of substances that Kathrine once used. The scent of herbs abruptly calms his nerves, even if it's just a bit. Kathrine seems to be affected as well because her eyes have stopped moving around, she's solely focused on him now even if she's still not meeting his eyes.

'' May I help you out of your cloths? '' Erik asks as he kneels down before her. A short nod is all he needs. Carefully Erik helps Kathrine out of her clothing, always ensuring to work slowly and gently. His fingers never brushing her skin longer than they absolutely need to. His eyes don't drink in her perfect skin as she is bare, no impure thought is crossing his mind as he carefully helps her sit in the tub. With the same cloth he saw her washing herself before he gently scrubs the sweat and the bit of dirt off her body. His heart is breaking in his chest as Kathrine moves no millimeter while that. Not even as water runs just past her eyes or as he lifts her arm or changes her position. She is like a doll. Erik lifts her arm and it remains in that position until her muscles give out or he moves it back to her side. She is not lowering her arm on own account. It lowers like it has no joints but gears that lock in hardly.

'' I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a few days… I thought you deserve to know. '' Erik mutters while gently smoothing the shampoo along her skin with his hands now. The dirt came off, now he will try to relax her muscles a bit. Her skin is still smooth as always but Erik notices the tensed muscles, especially in her shoulders and back. The tossing and tensing sure left marks on her. He finds bruises and scratches that she inflicted upon herself. Especially with the scratches Erik is very careful to only wash them with water.

'' Erik...'' Just as he tries to start on her hair, Kathrine's voice has him once more halting. Part of him fears she will repeat herself or tell him to leave her alone. But as her eyes meet his, he sees no hate in them, no coldness. Just exhaustion.

'' I'm proud of you. ''