Chapter 7 – Love Never Dies


Kat fell asleep shortly after the bath and on the next morning she feels more like herself again, more in control. The voices faded out and the shadows no longer try to swallow her. Her body aches, her muscles are tense and bruised. After testing her footing to check whether or not her body is ready to be put under a certain pressure again, she stretches. Does a bit of workout. Due to the days she abandoned her training, it becomes a bit harder to do the usual procedure but that'll quickly change.

Erik isn't next to her while that but the scent coming from the kitchen and the rustling inform her that he's working on breakfast. Kat faintly remembers that he told her about that appointment he made, she'll have to ask him about that. After the part in her that is tired of getting hurt over and over told Erik that she hates him, she felt sick and disgusted by herself. She saw his reaction and it made things worse. After that most things barely reached her. He asked her if he may help her, he bathed her, he spoke to her gently and carefully.

Nathan sits on the couch in the living room the whole time, watching her discreetly but not speaking up. The memory of her attacking him leaves a sting in her heart, it was over quickly and there are no visible marks on him but that doesn't change anything about the fact that it happened. If it hadn't been for Erik's strange power over her, she might have hurt him.

Honestly, Kat has no idea why he's going through this over and over again. Why he hasn't left her already. But despite her being unable to understand it, Nathan has never made any comment about going.

For a moment Kat doesn't know what to do, who to approach first. She always feels so embarrassed after her Episodes that, right now, she'd love to just drop dead so she won't have to confront anyone who saw it. She's a grown woman who can't be left unsupervised because she's incapable to handle herself, how fucked up is that.

Sinking down on the couch next to Nathan has her muscles tensing up a bit more. At first Nathan isn't even looking at her, just staring at the space in front of him. Then, with a sigh, he takes the pack of cigarettes from her table and offers her one. Once she accepted one, Nathan takes one as well and lights both of them.

'' Better? '' His voice breaks the silence after they both take the first pull. She nods a bit grimly before taking another pull,

'' Yeah… Sorry for… y'know… attackin' ya….'' Speaking isn't easy either. Her throat hurts, her tongue refuses to work like she wants.

'' Don't worry bout that. 'm fine. Erik has a… very strange control over you. '' Nathan's voice is so calm it almost ticks her off. There's no anger, no pain or disgust and she can't understand it. After everything she put him through he's still taking her side. And once again Kat is face to face with how much this idiot loves her, how much she loves him. Without him she wouldn't be who she is now. He helped her through school, he cares for her whenever he knows she needs it and he never once complained. Not even now, after she attacked him. The sudden sting in her eyes calls her out of her thoughts and she realizes that she has tears in her eyes. Kat titles her face towards the ceiling, trying to get her mind off all these feelings as she suddenly realizes something that has her smiling softly,

'' I never heard ya usin' his name. '' Nathan huffs as he leans back,

'' Well I gotta admit that the bloke's really trying. Even made an appointment with that friend of your Doctor. ''

'' He told me. ''

'' And what's your plan now? '' Kat shrugs, her leg twitches as she looks at the cigarette in her hand,

'' I'm not sure...'' Nathan shifts beside her and Kat abruptly knows how soft his voice will be now,

'' Well… Maybe you should take some distance for a while. I think he's sensible enough to accept that it might be for the best to go into the psyche-ward for a couple of weeks. Find his footing in reality, come to his senses and learn some control. Perhaps receiving proper medication. '' A painful smile comes to her lips because everything in her screams. Two sides fighting a war as it always has been. Just that right now the situation might actually change. She can't let him go, not now, not ever. But something has to change before another situation like this comes up.

'' That might be for the best, yeah… I mean… I can still visit him and it's probably only going to be a few weeks. Enough for both of us to heal a bit and… maybe realize what we need. '' She pauses for a moment, takes a calming breathe,

'' I'm not sure I can still trust him right now… I know he loves me and he wants to change but...'' She noticed Erik standing at the door-frame for a while now but only now she's looking up to meet his eye. There's not much emotion in them but the pain is clearly visible. This would upset her more if she wouldn't see how calm he is, he understands without making a fuss. Perhaps seeing her the past days has kicked some sense into him. The problem is: It won't last long. And she will always take him back, no matter what he does.

'' The will to change alone won't help. Something needs to be done, things can't go on the way they do. Even if there's gonna be nice days, the bad will always outweigh that and I'm not sure if I can take much more at this point. ''

'' If you think this is the only way, Kathrine… I will do whatever needs to be done. '' His voice is firm, he's actually being honest right now. He agrees that leaving her for a while might be for the best. Part of Kat wants to vomit, to cry and shout and cling to him. If she allows that part to win, their relationship will soon be past saving. Nathan flinches a bit as Erik speaks up, he obviously didn't notice the other man entering the room. While Kat is incapable to move or say anything because she fears her words might betray her, Nathan quickly picks up the responsibility to answer Erik,

'' You can bring this up at your appointment. '' Erik nods, his body tense. For a few seconds they remain silent.

'' I… have prepared breakfast. '' Erik mutters before returning to the kitchen. Kat's heart feels heavy in her chest. Saying goodbye to Erik, even if only for a little while, will be much to bear, maybe too much. If she won't go through with this though, things will never change -and things need to change. Quickly and profoundly. It's not like she will be cut off of him or never see him again, just for a little while. The first couple of days so that he can settle in and get used to the new environment. Sounds a bit like she's talking about a puppy that switches homes to her but honestly, it's a little bit like that. Then again, Erik never left France before, or the Opera for that matter. Dropping him off at the clinic might not be the best course, personal feelings aside, it could cause even more damage. Ultimately Erik is doing this for her sake, not his. Which is the wrong way to go at this to begin with. But all that are only speculations. In the end it's Erik's new Doc who will say what's the next step, not Kat, not Erik and not Nathan.

With a sigh, Kat gets to her feet and waits for Nathan to follow before making her way to the kitchen.


Breakfast is mostly silent. Kat is still too drained to talk much, she's exhausted and captured in a constant battle. Part of her wants- no, needs- Erik to do this no matter what. It's definitely the best option they have right now. But at the same time there is this small part nagging about it not being the right time. Therapy is something very private, if the patient has no motivation to do it for himself, how can there be any lasting effects? Honestly, she can't get herself to let this go. She's truly glad he does it for her and for their relationship, but if he doesn't think he needs it simply because he wants to get better to enjoy his life more profoundly, Kat isn't sure if it's gonna be very effective. Or if he's going to be honest. She told him a few things about Therapy, yeah, but all in all he has no idea what is going to happen there.


Nathan finds himself observing both Kat and Erik stealthily over breakfast. After seeing Erik's devotion over the past days, he notices that his feelings for the man changed a great deal. Kat told him all about the way he is before, sure, but he couldn't truly make himself a mental picture of the situation. Not after everything that he did see at the Opera. After her disappearance after the show, he was worried sick and angry but it wasn't until she returned injured that he truly began to direct his hate and his desire for revenge at the Phantom. And from that point, Kat's attempt to make him see this devotion was a lost cause anyway. Now that he's seen it this closely, he can say that he understands Kat a bit better.

Their relationship is still toxic and something needs to be done but Nathan sees Kat less as a victim now. And he realized that he won't reach anything by pushing Kat like this. It is her life, she is a grown up, he is not her father- at least not really. He will help her and gently let her know that she will have to make sure to not slip back into this again.


Erik is not looking up from his own plate much, only if he has to grab something. While he was aware of their situation, hearing Kathrine just now made it even clearer that he can't let this continue, not any longer. He has to realize that there was a line he crossed too many times, he has to do so for longer than a few moments. He was, at first, not very fond of the idea to seek help but by now he is more than glad about the appointment. Not only for Kathrine's sake, for his own as well. He wants to enjoy what life has given him without the constant doubt and anger tormenting his mind. Kathrine has stood through enough but he could never leave her. So he will make sure that he can be safe to be around. Kathrine is a beautiful, fragile, dangerous woman who pretends to be all tough and cold sometimes but her heart is pure. Life has given him a chance to be happy, to enjoy his life even with that abhorrent face of his.

Erik likes to imagine what it will be like once they have everything worked out. Kathrine has a lot of people who care for her, she has many people who know her and she likes to go to certain pubs or bars. Will she take him along if she leaves for these destinations? Will she permit him to bathe in the jealous glares that will be directed at him for having a woman like Kathrine at his side? Should he be granted to touch and kiss her in public, where everyone can see and gloat that Kathrine belongs to him, he'd be the happiest man alive.

Will Kathrine introduce him as her Partner to her friends? Hopefully he will be able to gain their favors, hopefully he won't ruin things. Again.


'' What now? '' Kat sighs as she rolls her head in her neck, her body is still stiff despite the small exercise she did after waking up but that was to be expected.

'' I'll make sure he's goin' to this appointment but unless the Doc tells us otherwise, I won't find him another place to live. I think that might lash back in the end, he has barely been outa his dungeons and now I'm supposed to strand him in another world? I don' think so. ''

'' True. For most people a Psyche ward is the best option but I can't say that the same goes for him… As long as he can behave himself it might be for the best to let him stay. And… I will admit that I see what you were talking about back then. The devotion. It needs work but there's- ''

'' Something there? '' She offers with a smirk and he has spent enough time with her and in his job to abruptly realize she's hinting at Beauty and the Beast. And judging by the shift in his expression, she'd say he's also getting the irony behind that.

'' Just shut up. -Do you still remember the week after Emma Tyler? ''

'' The suicide in my 12th grade? Sure, what about it? '' Kat abruptly notices how he flinches as she mentions 'suicide'. Emma was a nice girl but she was different and opposite to Kat completely helpless. The typical victim for bullying, at least for the sake of personality. She wasn't ugly or anything, she was quite beautiful in fact. She was thin, perfect skin and teeth, amazing blue eyes, blond curly hair. But it was a bit like Hannah Baker in 13 Reasons why: It all started with one rumor and got out of control too quickly. The Teachers barely cared and those who did, noticed too late. Kat barely knew her, in fact, they only spoke twice before Emma killed herself- but she was a nice girl who didn't deserve it.

Kat stretches but stops mid-way to wince. The broken ribs healed nicely but they still ache in certain movements, especially since the fight two days ago that she accepted to too eagerly. The hospital told her two weeks strict bed rest but it would have been dumb to say no to this one. Easy opponent with limited kick boxing skills who used to be an old fan-favorite so the bets were up in the air. If it wasn't for her circulation being a cunt all of the sudden, she had never received that kick to the stomach and her ribs would be dandy. Dumb luck, dumber decision, worth it anyway.

What she really could have done without was the detention she got from Mr. Williams for falling asleep in the middle of his lesson and the way he used that opportunity to try to appeal to her common sense. Yes, taking a bit too many Morphine pills was reckless considering that he's on her tail about the drugs anyway but honestly, she couldn't care less. So she leaves school an hour later than everyone else and decides to have a drink before she goes home. However, just as Kat lightened a cigarette, she notices the 4 girls standing in front of another one. Kat allows herself to observe the situation from her position and watches the ginger girl in focus of everyone attempt to walk away but one of the 4 grabs her on her hair and rips on it so that the ginger stumbles back with a scream of pain. The furious four laugh at her pain and another one walks closer to spit into her face. The ginger is shaking so bad that even Kat sees it. One side of Kat wants to walk away and stick to her plan to have a drink somewhere, another part wants to step in. The 5 girls go to her school if she's not mistaken and if no one helps little red riding hood, she's probably about to have a really unpleasant evening.

With a sigh Kat pulls on her cigarette again and approaches the group,

'' 4 against one. Not very fair, is it. '' The 5 heads abruptly turn to Kat and two of them shrink back almost instantly. After she beat up that guy in the bus, people keep doing that as if they expect the same treatment any moment. Unless they touch her ass without her consent too, that reaction is a bit dumb but hey, she won't bite the hand that feeds her and the more people keep out of her sight the better. The leading-bitch seems unfazed as she takes a threatening step towards her,

'' Stay out of this and get lost bitch. ''

'' I'd love to honey but what can I say, playing knight in shining armor for pretty girls always makes me tingly. '' Kat's smirk only seems to irritate her further. There's a bell ringing in her head that tells her she's seen this group before but she honestly can't remember if she ever noticed them for anything else than just being in the same school.

'' The fuck do you want! ''

'' Depends on whether or not you keep pissing me off. Don't you have any beauty contests to loose or is bullying classmates a new form of exercise these days? Bloggers really ran out of their ideas. '' Despite Kat's lacking aggressive stance, the two girls who flinched back do not move a muscle in terror and the girl right behind the leader is trying to stand her ground with shaking hands and dilated pupils. Kat learned to spot certain characteristics of the human body in different situations. During her time in the psyche wards she likes to read rather than watch. It helps her to stay in control of her mind, to stay fit. The exercise keeps her body fit, reading or playing games allow her to use her brain. Kat can't say for sure how many times she read all Sherlock Holmes books but it's pretty safe to say that it's been more than 3 times. Same goes for Agatha Christie and Stephen King. For her next stay she's just bought herself everything of Cody McFadyen for her next stay.

Sherlock's deduction skills always fascinated her the most though, the way he can read someone like a book by noticing tiny things. No matter how much Kat tried, she never managed to do it like him. But that doesn't mean she didn't learn anything at all and in certain situations it comes in handy to spot a few things right away- especially if she's fighting someone. Verbally or Physically, if you're capable to read your opponent's body language correctly, winning becomes very easy.

'' You don't scare me, my brother got the black belt in Karate, he'll kill you if you touch me. '' This girl has faith in her brother's strength and brutality- she has every reason for that. Even Kat heard about the guy. He didn't last long in any school, spent two years in jail for mayhem and drugs, even shot his own mate for staring at his sister's ass. If Kat was in this girl's place, she'd probably feel the same. Just that Kat isn't in her place and even with her ribs bruised she can easily take her brother-dearest out.

'' Ah yes, Robert, right? ''

'' Tom. ''

'' Whatever. You can try again with your brother if it makes you feel better but unless you want me to give you a reason for plastic surgery sooner than planned, I'd advice you to get tap tap moving into the other direction. And the next time I see any of you harassing my cute friend here, you better have your brother around, Betty. '' One of the girls that flinched back before and refused to move, finally seems to come out of her rigidness. She closes the gap to Beth without taking her eyes from Kat for longer than a second and puts her hand on Beth's shoulder,

'' She ain't joking, we should go...'' Kat points at the girl and wiggles then her fingers in a dismissive gesture. The plastic blond at the front is spitting fire by now. Neither of the four make any move to respond, though so Kat sighs after allowing them a little longer to pack up some courage. She pulls on her cigarette again and places her hand on her hip,

'' Of course, if you'd prefer that, you can call your brother here now and we settle this right here. '' Kat allows the bad shape her hands are in to fluidly become part of her impression on the girls so as she cracks her knuckles and the noise is a bit louder than normal. Beth grits her teeth in the attempt to hide the way she moves into a position that allows her to run more easily behind anger. To Kat if feels like an eternity passes before Beth makes another attempt at threatening her,

'' We're not done yet! Next time my brother will- '' As Kat pretends to charge at her, all 4 of them jump back and a few moments later, they're gone. The girl who is now left still refuses to speak up, which is perfectly okay for Kat. She did her job and protected someone younger who goes to her school from bullies, no need to have a heart to heart.

'' Oh of course, Mean Girls! Knew I saw 'em before. '' The girl flinches as Kat face-palms. She takes the last pull of her cigarette then and stomps it out on the ground.

'' Why did you help me? ''

'' Last time I checked, bullying was still wrong and we're supposed to step in if we see it happening. Especially if we're older than the victim and/or the bully and we go to the same school. ''

'' Thank you… They follow me home all the time, I tried to defend myself but…'' Despite Kat's quite persistent urge to turn around and leave to avoid hearing her whole life story, she can't help but feel a bit of sympathy. The girl's eyes are dull with sadness and exhaustion, whatever the plastics wanted from her, they're probably not the only ones making her life hard. So Kat sighs and lightens another cigarette,

'' What's their problem? '' A painful smile comes to her lips as she gives a single, hollow laugh,

'' You mean you haven't heard what people say about me? ''

'' Not really, I rather stay away from all the gossip girl bullshit. I have a hard enough time bringing myself to come to school and pay attention without having to engaging in social activities as well. ''

'' I was going out with this boy… I thought he liked me but… he didn't… After that it just got worse and worse. At first people just spoke behind my back but now they come after me. They terrorize me online, I deleted my Facebook page and changed my number but they don't stop. '' Kat exhales slowly,

'' Ever considered to take self-defense lessons? You know, boost the confidence and knock a couple of heads together so that people leave you alone. ''

'' I just hope they'll leave me alone at some point. That's how it works, right? People grow older and they'll leave you alone...''

'' Do you actually believe that? ''

'' I don't know…'' There's something about the way this girl suddenly smiles at her that causes an odd stabbing in her temple. The girl's smile isn't reaching her eyes, they're still dull and her eyelids are twitching. This is defeat, this is depression, Kat has seen this exact expression before but she can't say on who.

'' I-I'm Emma, by the way. You're in 12th grade, right? Teachers talk about you a lot...'' Emma mentions the last part in a quieter tone. Kat smirks proudly at the info and shrugs,

'' Next time someone harasses you, come find me. I'm in the smoking area most of the time. ''

Emma never came to her but Kat honestly didn't waste too many thoughts about it. In fact, she was quite grateful for it because the look was making her uncomfortable and she'd really like to avoid this feeling.


- 2 weeks later -


The next and last time Kat spoke to Emma was just before the first break started. Kat slept in and her interest in math is not intense enough for her to hurry so she chose to skip that and arrive there after the first two hours. However, just as she was about to enter school grounds, she hears someone whimpering behind one of the dumpsters. Out of curiosity she sneaks closer to see who it is.

Kat didn't expect to find Emma sitting there with her knees pressed to her chest and her arms tightly wrapped around them. No, Kat did not expect the girl to have this emptiness in her eyes that would almost make her look like she's dead already if it wasn't for the shadow of pain. She's rocking forwards and backwards a bit but Kat doubts that Emma even notices this. This is what it looks like if someone is drowning in their depression, this is what it looks like at the bottom of this ocean.

'' What's up buttercup? '' Emma flinches as Kat sits down across from her and breaks out of her trance but her eyes barely change. The last time Kat saw Emma, her blue eyes were sad but still sparkling. Now there are dark rings under her eyes and her face has become paler. She lost weight too, if Kat is correct. The jeans she wears are the same she wore as they met but now she has to use a belt for it.

'' Kat...'' Emma's voice breaks as she whispers Kat's name, she sounds hoarse, as if she was screaming a lot lately.

'' What happened? ''

'' They...'' She stops and Kat watches thick tears streaming down her cheeks before moments later her body begins to shake violently while she sobs. As if she held everything in and allows to let go now. Kat's not a hundred percent cool with it but in the end she shifts to sit next to Emma so that the younger girl can hide her face in Kat's neck while holding on to her for her dear life,

'' Shh, calm down honey… You're safe… I won't let them touch you… just calm down… everything's going to be okay...'' The biggest lie to have ever been told is to say that one day everything is going to be fine. But Emma held on to hope the last time and Kat hopes that this positive energy is still somewhere inside her.

'' What did they do to you, Emma? It's okay, you can tell me...'' Kat rubs her back soothingly, waits patiently for Emma to decide whether or not she wants to trust Kat or if she's too afraid Kat might mess with her as well. Honestly, Kat wouldn't say anything if she was Emma. Trusting others is not part of her DNA, not anymore. Hopefully Emma isn't like Kat, hopefully she has this usually typical sort of positive nature in her that allows her to speak up.

'' They tried to… to force me to... kill myself… They said someone like me doesn't deserve to be alive. Two of them held me and- '' A violent sob cuts her off and the crying becomes worse. But Kat already noticed what they did to her, she can see the red stains on her shirt.

'' Can I take a look? '' Kat keeps her voice as gentle as she can while threading her fingers through Emma's hair gently. Something has taken a hold of Kat, something that feels familiar as if she is re-living a memory of hers. But it's not a memory and Kat has no idea what memory causes this. One way or the other, this feeling influences her urge to protect Emma to a dangerous level. She can already feel the anger broiling through her veins while she sees a handful of things she could do to these 4 sluts.

They carved the word 'whore' into her back. It's not very deep, if she takes proper care of it she might be lucky and it'll heal without leaving a scar. There's a white stain on the collar of her shirt Kat didn't notice before. If she's correct and the stain is what she thinks it is, this is no longer bullying, it's a crime.

'' Was Betty's brother with them? '' Emma winces and that's all the answer Kat needs. As much as she wants to leave the topic alone, she has to find out what happened exactly.

'' What did he do...''

'' He said… if I'm the school slut anyway… I can..- H-He made me… -I tried to get away or bite him but he hit me as I bit him and I was so afraid that I couldn't move and I-I I just- I just let it happen. I can still… taste it…- '' Suddenly Emma leans the other way to throw up. Kat's ready to murder them. This is no longer simple bullying, this is torture. Seriously, what the hell happened to spitting at people or hitting them? Since when did bullying turn into this fucked up sadistic-psycho-torture shit? Kat saw the videos of girls beating up other girls and filming it while laughing but Emma was cut, she was beaten and she was sexually assaulted.

'' You were right…! You were right I-I should have… I should have come to you… I…'' Ellie is no longer in control of herself-

Ellie? Emma. I need to be better at names...

Kat's teeth grit as raw anger flares through her veins. She warned them, she fucking warned them to stay the fuck away from Emma. Who the hell do these pathetic cunts even think they are messing with here?! Did they honestly think she wouldn't find out about this sooner or later? Or did they think she was bluffing? Is she this sure of her brother that Betty boo thinks they're safe from Kat? They'll be surprised to find out how little this wannabe Bruce Lee can impress her.

'' Okay that's it. '' Kat abruptly stands up and offers Emma her hand,

'' Come on. ''

'' N-no I… what do you- '' Kat leans down to take Emma's hands and pull her to her feet. Kat takes a tissue to clean Emma a little before using her powder to hide how defeated this girl is.

'' You don't have to do this...'' Emma mutters while Kat hands Emma her jacket to hide the blood stains,

'' I know. But I want to. And I will end this once and for all. '' She cracks her knuckles and breathes in deeply. Her ribs will be fine.

They find the group in between the people enjoying their cigarettes, smoking and laughing with a malicious grin plastered on their faces. They're bragging about it, they enjoy this victory because they think there won't be any backlash at them. If Kat wasn't who she is, they were right, Emma would never try to go to the cops, she's too scared. But Kat is Kat and she's sick of watching people oppressing others without ever facing consequences. She's so fucking sick of this dumb childish shit and she's sick of people turning into monsters right before her eyes. And if there is one thing that really has her running amok, it's sexual assault.

Robert is next to Brittney, smoking a cigarette calmly in sick satisfaction. They think they won. How wrong they are.

'' Hey, remember me? '' Before Betty can react to Kat's faked friendly question, Kat already punches her in the nose hard enough for people around them to hear it cracking. The group that gathered around them abruptly backs away in caution while Batty crashes to the ground with a screech in pain. On closer observation, she notices that Betty lost a tooth as well. Ronny charges at her with a scream of rage, rushing at her like a bull chasing a red flag, but Kat is faster. She catches the fist coming her way easily by stepping aside in time. Within a heartbeat she turned his entire arm and forces it into a painful angle to his back so that a simple kick is enough to break his shoulder. The group around them is screaming as they hear the next loud crack. Talking, starring, screaming. Kat doesn't care.

From that moment on, she's caught in a rush. She knocks the three followers down with each a knee in the stomach, a kick against the kneecap and last but not least by breaking that cunt's ankle. But the pathetic trio running after Britney don't really interest her, she just wanted them to pay. No, her main focus, her rage, lies on the bastard that dared to fucking rape someone. She beats and kicks him and his sister until someone grabs her and tears her off the siblings.

End of the story is that Kat spends two weeks in a cell before the judge releases her. Luckily Kat got a judge with a good heart. After explaining the story, he counts it as self-defense rather than serious mayhem and sentences her to visit therapy more often and help out voluntarily in an animal shelter. Really, this judge is an angel. Especially because he sentences Robbie to 20 years because of his previous offenses and his sister got a nice fine of a couple thousand for helping her brother with raping Emma and for- hold your horses- serious mayhem.

Kat couldn't stop grinning for a couple of days.

Until she heard that Emma killed herself - just a day before everyone got their sentence. She was scared Rob might get away and come back for her. She was done with life and even if it might sound cold… Kat saw it coming.

That doesn't stop her from crying in her room alone at night with a bottle of vodka in her hand.

It was stupid of her to think Kat might be able to help Emma. Because Emma made her decision way before Kat found her in the alley.

Kat stepped in a couple more times if she saw someone being bullied but she never stayed for a chat again.

'' There was this program each teacher had to put their classes through, I think that'd be something the two of you could try. Writing down a list of subjects that hurt you and putting them on the wall where you see them easily. ''

'' Nobody was paying attention to that. ''

'' Yes because students are assholes. No matter how good the idea is that you come up with, it'll never work as long as you have group pressure influencing everyone. Be cool, be witty, be an asshole. Bullying others to feel cool is how things work and it keeps getting worse. But… With you two, there are two adults who want to change things. You know about each others weaknesses and that allows you to actually work something out that might be helpful. ''

'' Besides, if you take a moment to think back to that day you might realize that it was you, Miss Jones, who was giving the most inappropriate comments. ''

'' True that, I was bored. ''

'' And a pain in the ass. I never wanted to hit a student that bad in my entire life. ''

'' You threw an apple at me you asshole. ''

'' You deserved it you sarcastic asshole. ''

'' Yeah I did. And I enjoyed every minute of it. The more irritated you get, the more this vein pops out of your head right here- '' Kat taps his left temple mockingly before Nathan slaps her hand away.

'' Honestly though, try it. Considering how things are right now, there's not much you two can still fuck up. This Episode was one of the most dangerous I've yet seen and the last one wasn't that long ago. You have to make sure there won't be another one any time soon, got it? ''

'' I know. I'll stay in control of things and watch out for any possible triggers. We work out this stupid poster and I'll accompany him to his appointments. We can do this, Nathan. ''

'' Don't get me wrong now, okay? The past days we got a bit closer and I know there is a chance for you two. But if this toxic shit keeps coming up, you have to find another solution. Find him a flat close by or arrange appropriate conditions for him and send Erik into a psyche-ward. Just stay objective for a while. This is destroying both of you. The Episodes are killing you and he's killing himself with sleep deprivation, starvation… and by now I'm fully convinced this is the sort of bloke to die of a broken heart. '' Kat crosses her arms, her voice a bit louder from release,

'' Oh you think that too? Good I thought I'd be overreacting about that. '' Honestly, the first time she thought Erik's the sort of bloke to die from a broken heart she thought she'd have to quite drinking and get a grip on reality so to hear that Nathan sees it that way too, is quite comforting.

'' You can do this, okay? You're strong, Kat, stronger than any of us, so you will get this sorted out. I'm still not a 100% comfortable with Erik being around but that's me caring for you and wanting to protect you. However, putting that daddy-shit aside, I know you well enough to know that this creep is the only chance at love you will ever have so don't mess it up. ''

'' Wow thanks. ''

'' I'm being honest. My last girlfriend broke up with me because her Ex was cheating on her with you. And that's not the first time a relationship of mine broke because of you. Do you know how large London is? This reputation of yours shouldn't even be possible and yet I can't remember the last time the two of us had a drink somewhere without running into someone you shagged or someone who's mad at you for shagging their partner. ''

'' Remember that lass whose husband was cheating on her and then her new bloke was one of my one-night-stands? '' Kat laughs as she allows the memory to play in her mind. The look on the woman's face was honestly priceless as she spotted Kat and Nathan, grabbed her new one to pull him up to them, tried to belittle her and Kat greeted her lover, asking if he still has her lighter somewhere. Kat's still convinced the lass had a stroke that night but after she came out of her shock state, she grabbed her lover and fled the bar in a speed that could have made the Road Runner jealous.

'' That's actually not funny Kat. You don't even care if the people you select are in a relationship, if you wouldn't know it's one thing but knowing and still shagging them is nothing to be proud of. '' Nathan's playfulness reduced a lot and changed into serious disappointment. He never liked to hear about all these stories, not only because he thinks of Kat as a sort of daughter or younger sister, also because he has been cheated on as well and it broke his heart. Kat picked up the pieces back then, it was briefly after the two of them got close.

'' I'm not proud of it, Nathan, but I'm not ashamed either. They are the ones who have to be faithful to their partners, it's their relationship, not mine. It's not my obligation to say no to people I find attractive if they flirt with me, it's not my responsibility to save their relationship. Yeah, if I was intentionally trying to seduce people who are not single, I'd be a shitty person. But that's not what I do. I don't care for their relationship status because I don't care about most of them. If I think they're hot, I go for it. Simple. '' Nathan's expression doesn't change much but at some point he sighs in defeat, rubbing his temples,

'' Oh dear lord, please work this out properly. '' He shakes his head and walks into the kitchen. Kat follows just enough to see Erik sitting by the table with a book in his hand and a coffee beside him. As he notices Nathan, he looks up at Kat's former teacher and waits for him to speak up,

'' Erik, do me a favor. '' Erik places the book on the table and makes a gesture with his hand for Nathan to go on,

'' Don't fuck this up again, you have to make things work between you two, got it? '' The mix of surprise and suspicion that leave him speechless for a few second. Carefully Erik clears his throat and straighten in his chair,

'' Nathan, please do not mistake this for an insult, but certainly you understand that your sudden request feels a bit odd to me after all the previous attempts to have me as far away from Kathrine as possible? I understand that you are willing to accept our relationship but… this is quite abrupt. ''

'' Honestly, I'm not a 100% sure about this either but considering what Kat was previously doing and keeping in mind what a stubborn bitch she is, I feel like you're the only chance at domestic life that she will ever have. And I am sick of getting into trouble with my own girlfriends because Kat was the reason they were no longer with their exes. She's rude, she's sarcastic, she's childish and she's a pain in the ass. Short form: She's a bunch of work and most of the time it's not easy. You're bonkers but you got manners and if you got yourself in check you're someone raised in a culture that still forms gentlemen and ladies. '' He pauses to title his head,

'' Not to mention this kinda creepy ability of yours to actually have some sort of control over her. Do all of us favor and use that to teach her some proper manners. God knows everyone who tried so far, clearly failed. '' Kat opens her arms in a silent 'what the fuck' as Nathan and Erik both eye her at the 'clearly'. She's a bit of a troublemaker but she's not that bad.

.Right...?

Erik nods calmly,

'' Of course. I will do my best to have some positive influence on Kathrine and teach her a few manners. ''

'' Alrighty. I'll be off then. Don't… -Just behave like adults, you two and don't mess this up. '' Nathan points his finger at both of them in what probably was supposed to be a threatening manner but he's so done with this situation that he doesn't really put much effort into it so he just throws his arms up, turns on his heels and leaves the apartment. Kat glares after him with her arms still crossed and a pout by now on her lips. Slowly she moves her expression to Erik who is still leaning back in his chair,

'' I'm not that bad. ''

'' Kathrine, I do love you dearly, but you are that bad. ''

'' Shut up. I'll kick you out…''

'' A very hollow threat mon ange. This flat is quite exquisite but the kitchen and the floor are not separated by a door, not taking part in your conversation with Nathan does not mean I was unable to hear you. '' Kat really wants to be bitchy a bit longer but she can't hold back the smile that slowly comes to her lips,

'' You call him Nathan now. ''

'' We both agreed it might be appropriate at this point. Caring for you during your… Episode… forced us to act as a team rather than enemies. It surprises me a bit but I have to admit that I feel rather comfortable around him. He is… not who I previously made him out to be. ''

'' So… you two are, like, friendly now? You like him? ''

'' I would not go as far to say I desire a friendship with him… but he is pleasant company. He is intelligent, well educated in history I am familiar with as well and we share certain interests that, amongst other things, includes a similar sense of humor. Oddly enough. ''

'' You honestly have no idea how glad I am to hear that… Not in a million years would I have expected you to ask Nathan for help willingly… I'm so glad you get along…'' Kat mutters with a smile, her voice soft from the release that warms her entire body right now. Erik leans forwards to place his folded hands on the table,

'' While I certainly cannot say that the situation was ideal, it did open my eyes. I called Nathan because your state put me into a panic that I knew demanded instant help. Because, while you briefly informed me about these Episodes, I was in no way fit to help you. The Scholar- … Nathan, was the first person to come to my mind, so I called him for help. Upon finally regaining my composure, I felt that familiar rage in me as I closely observed his every move. To then listen to him blaming me for this situation that I already knew was entirely my fault, did not help. Neither did his accusation I might rape you in blind rage should you reject me in any way. '' Kat frowns,

'' Wait, what? He thought you'd rape me? ''

'' He had to leave the apartment to purchase your medication and was uncomfortable with the thought to leave you alone with me. Nathan was quite worried I'd try to speak to you and your rejection would have me losing control so badly that I attempt to forcefully bed you. I tried to assure him that I'd never do such a thing but… well. With things as they were, he had very little reason to trust me but in the end he left anyway. ''

'' You are a lot of things… but you're not a rapist. Besides… I fear that, if you really would have tried to rape- or just touch me in this condition, you'd either be badly hurt now or… in worst case, dead. ''

'' I have made many mistakes but I was very eager to follow the rules Nathan previously told me about. However…'' Erik pauses briefly to look at his hands before meeting her eyes again, a soft smile coming to his lips,

'' Even though everything inside me warned me not to, I sat down right beside you on the ground as you rolled to the edge of the bed and sang to you for a while. Upon realizing it has a calming effect on you, I could not help to think back to the time you attempted to edge me closer to intimacy by drawing circles on my wrist and wondered if you might enjoy this as well. At first tenderly, then a bit more secure I placed my hand next to yours and allowed my finger to draw patterns on your wrist. Thankfully you enjoyed the touch and as your shaking and muttering ceased, I began to run my fingers through your hair as well and caressed your scalp. It was the first time Nathan told me that out of some unknown reason, I had a certain control over you. Not the way you allow my voice to lure you into my world. This sort of control was helping you, I could cast away nightmares and stop you if you were about to hurt yourself or others. ''

'' Did I… did I hurt one of you? Even if it's only a scratch… Did I hurt anyone? ''

'' Well, let us just say it like this: My attempt to touch you after you entered your Episode and began attacking whatever you came in contact with… was not one of my brightest moments. But the scratches are already healing, there is nothing that you have to worry about or feel guilty for. '' Erik pulls the collar of his shirt down a bit to reveal the 4 scratches over his collarbone. They're not deep but they broke the skin, which means they were bleeding and Kat is the reason for that. Erik was lucky he wasn't seriously injured, it wouldn't be the first time Kat fatally hurt someone in her mania. Usually her meds make her less aggressive during her Episodes but with all the trouble she forgot to take them and the symptoms of withdrawal completely went past her because she was feeling nauseous and exhausted before. It didn't occur to her that this was her body reminding her to take her pills.

'' Kathrine… Nathan and I spoke about our relationship many times. Both you and him have mentioned that we are having a toxic relationship. '' Her body abruptly tenses and Kat almost flinches as several of her exhausted muscles sting in protest about the sudden use of them. Until now she barely felt any sort of pain, she remained in that position because moving to a chair would only cost her energy and trigger her body to let her know it's done and needs some rest. So she leaned as much as possible against the door-frame with her arms crossed over her chest loosely and allowed her body to get used to its state and relax slowly.

But Erik's words send a hurricane of emotions through her and the peaceful state of her body disappears. She's still afraid he might hurt her again. Kat thought Erik would change many times before and she was proven wrong over and over again. So even though she has never been this confident that watching her lose it this extremely finally flipped the switch, Kat can't stop the fear from sneaking into her mind and putting itself in her focus. Kat is a 100% sure Erik and her will work this out but right now there are three days left until his first appointment, Kat realizes through the tensing that she's so exhausted that she's probably going to pass out soon and Erik is picking this moment to speak about a sensitive topic like this that should be discussed calmly in a comfortable atmosphere.

It's not only fear that's raging in her though. Erik is trembling, Kat notices it as he reached for his cup a couple of minutes ago. Now the tremor is strong enough that she sees it in his shoulders. Nathan said that Erik didn't sleep, or at least he didn't see him do so. Which means he is exhausted as well and in serious danger of his organs to giving up. He's probably not even noticing that he's tired anymore, Kat has more than one memory about being unable to sleep. At first you work on adrenaline, then you're tired and at the third or fourth day your body is so fucked up that you no longer feel tired. The sleep deprivation mixed with the guilt and the hatred for himself are eating him up and she hates it to see him this heartsick.

However, at the same time Kat can't deny that a part of her feels satisfied and spiteful to see him that way. Kat is still embarrassingly extreme in love with him but there's just no way she can deny that this entire fucked up situation is Erik's fault. He left her, he threatened her family, he stalked her, he tried to control her, he accused her of whoring around even though she told him she still loves him, he attacked her most obvious gay friend because he touched her and told her he will never let her go. Erik is the reason for this Episode. If he hadn't hurt her over and over again while steadily promising her that he'll change, if he hadn't made her feel so miserable and heartbroken all the time, her Episode would not have been this extreme. She's probably just had stayed in bed for two days while staring at the space with dead eyes and only stood up to use the bathroom or perhaps have a drink. She'd have entered a depressed sort of Episode, not this chaotic mess of violence, hallucinations, dissociation, depression and paranoia that caused one panic-attack after the other while Kat is so lost in her own madness that she had no chance to react to any of this properly.

Kat loves him more than she ever loved anybody. She'd die for him, she'd kill for him, she'd obey him if he wants her to. But at the same time she hates him for everything he's done to her. Part of her wishes Erik had never revealed himself to her. If she'd never met him, she wouldn't have fallen in love with him and would not be in this situation right now where her mind is fighting whether or not she wants to touch Erik. Hug him, cling to him, breathe in his scent and feel his breath tickle her skin while he whispers in between showering her with loving, gentle kisses. Another part wants to grab a knife and end this. As long as Erik is alive, she'll always want to be with him and Kat knows that it'll only bring her back into this endless circle of promises and a love that makes her feel both embarrassed for allowing Erik to have this sort of effect on her, as well as peaceful and so full of love that her body feels warmer than usual because just the thought of waking up next to Erik rather than an empty bed is ecstatic. And the moment Kat got used to this perfection, something will trigger Erik and he'll hurt her yet another time. And like the dumb little girl in love she is, she'll take him back at some point no matter what he did.

This lack of control is driving her crazy, it's not supposed to be like that. She is the one in control, she makes the rules, she is the only master of mind. But once she's facing this cunt, Kat is his. And she loves it until she hates it. She could grab the kitchen knife and slit his throat before he knows what's happening. She knows enough people who can take care of the body. But just the thought hurts her.

They can work this out, they have to. Kat can feel it, this time things are going to change to the better. Things will be alright. But right now, with all that rushing through her head and making her already weakened state worse and adds to the physical symptoms she already experiences. Confronting her with something like this in her current state is the last dagger in her heart and before Erik can continue, she feels tears stinging in her eyes,

'' Please, be honest with me. Am I abusing you? Is our relationship toxic? '' His voice is rough. She can see how badly he wishes for her to say no, to assure him that they are not a couple that suffers under domestic violence. Swallowing feels painful, licking her dry lips only causes small stings whenever she brushes one of the gaps that she probably bit into them.

Erik is waiting for her answer patiently but his knuckles turn white every few seconds because he keeps clenching and un-clenching his fist nervously.

The smile she forces to her lips is painful. As the first tear rolls down her cheek, Erik's posture changes into defeat barely enough for her to notice. Kat titles her head as the tears begin to fall freely,

'' Yes. ''


A/N: I am really sorry I didn't upload sooner. There is a lot going on in my life right now and it's leaving me little time to actually sit down and write.

I won't be uploading for 4 weeks at least because I'm on a trip. Wasn't my decision to go but hey, I'm an adult, what do I know. Right. Ha.

I'll do my best to upload as soon as possible.

Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter even though it was a bit darker. But on rain there will be sun shine :)

AND AS ALWAYS: REVIEWS ARE MY LIFE BLOOD - MY ONE TRUE LOVE - MY... eh... I just like them, okay?