Chapter 8 - No One But Her


Erik shut his eyes as if he's in pain and Kat watches him lowering his head. As much as she'd like to say something that will make him feel better, she couldn't take her answer back, not even if she wanted to. The muscles in her legs are stabbing now from being put under too much pressure for too long and right now her first priority is to make it to bed and find a comfortable position that allows her to sleep a little. She'll take a strong painkiller and a Valium but sometimes even those can't allow her to ignore her state enough to fall asleep. A comfortable position is necessary but try to find one if your entire body is fucked up.

'' I'm gonna lie down… You should do the same. Nathan said you didn't sleep the past days. '' Erik needs a moment to gather himself enough to answer. He rubs his face and sighs before clearing his throat but his voice is a murmur, barely loud enough for her to hear it,

'' I did not dare to… I was too worried about you… What if you need me and I am not there to help because of my selfish need to rest? Your condition… frightened me… I needed to watch over you at all times. Yet I cannot say that I feel especially tired…''

'' Yeah I know that feeling. First you run on adrenaline, then you have blackouts and at some point you can't feel tired any longer, even if you try to sleep now you couldn't. I'll give you a Valium too, c'mon. '' She nods her head so faintly that she's not sure he even saw it, especially because he refuses to look at her. The pain and the guilt made his voice a heavy grumble. Kat pushes herself off the frame gently and carefully walks to her bed where she drops into her mattress by her night table. The moment she swallows the Valium and the painkiller, Erik follows and stops with a little distance to her. He silently accepts the Valium and the water she hands him.

'' You're probably considering the couch. Do me the favor and sleep next to me in the bed. It's big enough and in case I wake up with a panic attack, I rather have you next to me. '' Her voice is monotone as she lies down, too exhausted to pull the blanket over herself.

'' Why…'' The frown coming to her face is both because of her body aching because of her position, as well as Erik's question. Slowly she turns to her other side and pulls the pillow a bit lower so that she can swing her leg over it and snuggle into it like she did while she slept with Erik by her side. Sweetheart craddle it's called, she thinks but her head is fuzzy. She can't focus.

'' Because you're the first and only person that can calm me down...'' She whispers back before closing her eyes. The painkiller will kick in soon enough, the Valium will too. She needs to sleep, she's so tired.

'' I will sleep next to the bed- ''

'' Erik. '' Her voice isn't especially loud but it's enough to cut him off. Despite her urge to just remain in this more or less comfortable position, she forces herself to sit up,

'' Just lie next to me. We can discuss everything later but right now I'm really exhausted, okay? I'm in a lot of pain right now and I can barely focus on anything anymore. So please just get a grip and lie down so I can cuddle into you and sleep. We're in a situation right now that needs work but I can't take anything else right now. If you really love me, Erik, lie down. '' That last sentence does the trick because Erik finally moves. Even if he does so carefully, he finally slips into the bed next to her and makes no move to protest as she warps one leg and arm over him while putting her head on his chest.

'' Thank you...'' She whispers as she realizes he somehow managed to cover them both with her blanket. With the warmth of the bed and his body, with Erik's scent and the sound of his heart beating under her ear, she quickly falls asleep.


Three day pass before Kathrine fully recovered. She told him her Episodes are bad but he never thought it'd be this bad. He knows that one's psyche can completely overwhelm a person but never once in his life has he experienced something as fatal as this Psychotic Episode. And knowing that he is to blame for the extreme level of it, is killing him from the inside. Part of him wanted to leave, to finally set her free so that Kathrine will find someone who truly makes her happy. But this part is small and it finally lost it's ability to control him. Because he finally understands that running is not the right thing to do. True, Kathrine is beautiful and intelligent and strong and caring, if she wanted someone else, she'd find someone. But she doesn't. Kathrine's whoring through the entire population of London never meant anything more to her than simple pleasure for a night. This Omar may be someone she is seeing more than once, yet she is not interested in a romantic relationship with him. They share an odd bond that Erik can't understand, even less can he push it into the back of his mind. They need to talk about this but he is not willing to do so before she is fully back to her feet.

Seeing this Episode finally knocked some sense into him. He had a lot of time to think about their relationship, Nathan and him were discussing it several times very profoundly. As sick and wrong as it is, this Episode was what he needed to realize that Kathrine in fact does love him exactly the same as Erik loves her. All the pain he caused her was entirely for nothing, all the broken promises and the wrong decisions that he made slowly but steadily caused more cracks in her already fragile broken heart. Knowing that none of it was truly justified only makes him hate himself more. How could he never realize how many times she proved herself to him? How could he allow his sick mind to blind him in this way?

Kathrine loves him. Everything that he has done to her and she still loves him, how could he be so blind while being so lucky? This goddess devoted herself to him and she is willing to stay with him despite his mistakes, she allows him to stay after all he has done. Their relationship changed greatly though, the trust between them is broken and this time it is his duty to prove himself. And he will. He will visit this therapy, he will work on himself and learn to restrain himself. He will trust her, he will put his broken soul into her caring hands because Kathrine will never mistreat him. This abuse has to stop. No longer will Erik allow himself to be anything else but the perfect partner.

So each morning, he prepares breakfast that they have in bed. The first morning, the one where Kathrine gave both of them a pill to sleep, Erik woke later than usual. They went to bed around 7pm and he woke to the clock telling him it is 2pm. While he felt a bit as if someone filled his head with fog, he realized that his body is no longer trembling from exhaustion, his sight was less blurry, he felt no longer sick. The 12 hours of sleep were a miracle that his body was in desperate need of. While the after-effects of the fever left him a while ago, his body still was far from ready to face yet another extreme like this. Erik never swallowed Valium before and he is not sure if he will again because his body is displaying rather uncomfortable symptoms long after he woke up. He would rather have it to not be affected like this for so long. However, it truly was necessary because he would never have fallen asleep without it in the state he was in.

There is no regret in him though. With Kathrine in this state and Erik being the one to blame for it, he did not deserve to rest. Not even if he was able to. He was unwilling to leave his angel out of his sight before but upon realizing that he was truly able to help Kathrine and soothe her raging mind by singing to her or touching her gently even though she will attack anyone else attempting the same, he refused to let his tired body control him. Kathrine suffered from a panic-attack suddenly, if Erik had given in and slept to that time, Kathrine may have hurt herself. Being awake and right beside her quickly alerted him of the situation and he began to sing to her. Quietly at first, unsure whether or not it would calm her or anger her. Half through Music of the Night, he noticed the changes. The alarmingly quick and short breathes slowly eased a bit into longer, calmer ones. Her wide eyes that were dancing through the room halted on him and the tense lessened somewhat. He had to sing the same song to her three times before she fell asleep again. By the third time he slowly began to caress her trembling, tight fist that was clenching the sheets.

While it surely was a terrible situation, he could not help but feel proud. Not even Nathan may touch her during those Episodes without having to fear for an attack, the very man that is caring for her wholeheartedly for years. She'd tear strangers to shreds in fear or rage, Holly and Jessie had to fear the same. Kathrine's most dearest friends and family are unable to touch her for she would lash out at them in the blink of an eye and hurt them. Erik however is not only allowed to touch her, furthermore is Kathrine still trusting him and loving him so deeply that he can stop her, send her back to bed, order her to eat.

He'd never ask Nathan this very question due to the man's fatherly feelings for his young Diva but Erik wonders if this submission of her is somewhat connected to the sexual submission she previously displayed. Of course Kathrine would never truly submit her entire self, he would not want her to either. Yet he noticed how he merely has to speak in a specific tone and Kathrine obeys. He itches to further investigate this matter once she is recovered. Order her to do things in this specific tone and watch her reaction, whether or not she will do as she is told or rebel.

Whatever reason there is that has Kathrine obeying even thought she is in this state, he is truly grateful for it. If Kathrine would not have obeyed him during this time, his beloved hurricane would have injured herself intentionally several times. The incident with the whiskey bottle was not the only time Kathrine was about to hurt herself. Erik watched her pull her hair, bite her lip until she bit off several spots of skin and licked the blood off them, walk into the kitchen and grasp a knife with the intention to cut herself on her arm -which quickly had Nathan and him hide anything that she could use to hurt herself-. However, the worst of them all, was the moment Kathrine found the gun they had hidden in her kitchen right between the healthy food because they thought she'd never touch that cabinet. Erik had to use the bathroom, he was finishing as fast as he could because Nathan was asleep on the couch and he felt uncomfortable leaving Kathrine unsupervised even though she was sleeping. The moment he was washing his hands, he heard Nathan yelling his beloved's name with such panic that Erik stormed out of the bathroom with the water still running and his hands covered in soap and water. Spotting Kathrine with the gun in her hand and aiming at her own head with her finger on the trigger, abruptly had his heart stopping in his chest. He couldn't see himself but Erik is rather sure that he has never paled this quick and this extremely before while feeling such overpowering panic.

Nathan spoke to Kathrine in a low tone, carefully asking her to hand him the gun. To not kill herself, whether intentional or accidentally because of the way her body was furiously shaking and her finger not spared from that. The twitches that run through her body every now and then have her whole body jolting so extreme that she'd surely pull the trigger in that motion. A thousand of pictures ran through his mind, all of them showing Kathrine shooting herself. The bullet forces its way through her head, her brain and blood sticking to the ground, perhaps even the wall. With all the times Erik felt sick from fear, this time he was sure he'd throw up right then and there. The only thing that stopped him from doing so, was the sudden fire of dominance surging through him. His body and mind have betrayed him several times but in that moment, he could not have been more thankful for his extreme mood-swings. Because once the emotion took him over, his eyes narrowed and he barked her name.

It surely was foolish to do so, the jerking of her body that the shock of being barked at caused could have led to her pulling the trigger but that does not matter right now, for it was functioning exactly as it was supposed to. Kathrine stared at him with wide yet hollow eyes and lowered the gun a bit, still in a position that would be fatal for her should she shoot now but lower nevertheless. He took his time to close the gap, every step carefully calculated and so full with dominance and power that Kathrine did not dare or desire to move. Only one step away from her, she is already in his reach but the distance between them ensures she will not feel threatened.

As he held out his hand, she was just staring at it for a while. Erik demanded her to hand him the gun on this instant or he will punish her. It both released and surprised him that Kathrine put the gun in his hand with a lot of hesitation. He locked it then, remembering that Nathan showed him how to do so while explaining it'll make sure the gun won't accidentally shoot and held it in his hand tightly while showing it to Kathrine. As Erik began to scold her, Kathrine quickly took on the appearance of a little girl who was caught stealing candy. Her cheeks flushed a little in shame, her eyes averted to the ground and her fingers began playing with the hem of her shirt or each other. She muttered a raspy apology that Erik barely understood because the only thing Kathrine was capable to speak in between the breaking of her voice, was 'm so..r.'. To both his and Nathan's great surprise did Kathrine not go to bed before she wrapped her arms around Erik's torso and made him promise in Spanish that he's not cross with her. Erik led her to bed and swore he is not mad, he was merely worried. It was adorable to watch Kathrine fall asleep while he gently ran his fingers through her hair and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

That night Nathan no longer tried to tell Erik gently that he is no good for Kathrine, instead he began to convince him of proper therapy so they could 'work things out'. It surprised him to have Nathan suddenly interested in helping their relationship to heal rather than 'subconsciously' trying to convince Erik that leaving her and moving into a psyche-ward was the only solution for them. Along with the surprise, came joy and hope. Their relationship changed into a more comfortable, friendly one. They began to speak of other things than Kathrine and quickly realized they share many similarities. Nathan's knowledge about history and him speaking french fluently showed that they have the same sort of humor, they are interested in the same things in history, they both share a passion about the Spartan civilization and Egypt's leaders, gods and culture. Both of them are extremely interested in Anubis -God of death, embalming, funerals, and mourning ceremonies- , Khepri -the god of scarab beetles, sun, rebirth and creation- and Serquet -goddess of scorpions, magic, medicine, and healing venomous stings and bites-. They, too, agree that Kathrine surely must be the unlawful daughter of Sekhmet and Wadjet because she just resembles both of them too much. Perhaps granddaughter of Qetesh and Bast.

The conversation had them both laughing, comparing Kathrine and her very odd characteristic differences, was a lot of fun and Erik enjoyed Nathan's knowledge greatly. Even though both of them are highly educated about the Egypt gods, Nathan still began to 'Goggel' or 'Google' the gods to have their characters right in front of them. That made it very easy to quickly find the four gods that mirror Kathrine's character. Sekhmet is the goddess of lions, fire and vengeance, which honestly is 1 to 1 Kathrine sometimes. Erik is well aware of the way Kathrine refuses to let go of a grudge unless she somehow had her payback that seems fair to her. Of course her revenge is always a little worse than the original deed of the other but he is not surprised by it. Whenever she is losing her temper, she is a wild fire burning everything that stands in her way and her love for cats whatever height they have is one of the things about her he noticed first.

As he was watching her wandering through the town with her friends back where he did not reveal himself to her yet, she was in the middle of a conversation while smoking. The moment she noticed the cat rather far away from them, she handed Jessie the cigarette and quickly followed the cat without saying a word. If Erik hadn't followed her line of sight as he noticed the way her eyes suddenly widened in pure, adorable fascination, he would have missed the cat disappearing in the alley. The most amusing part about this, was the lack of confusion on Holly's and Jessie's faces as Kathrine suddenly walked away swiftly. Instead they exchanged a glance and sighed after Holly mentioned that going after Kathrine's expression, she must have spotted a cat. Jessie's replay that they probably won't have her returning before the cat grew tired of Kathrine's petting, had Erik switching his position so that he could see Kathrine who was happily petting the cat. Holly and Jessie joined after a few minutes passed and Kathrine only moved so that the cat could climb into her lap and curl up there to sleep while enjoying the petting. The loving smile on Kathrine's lips and the way her eyes shined with adoration as she stared down at the sleeping bag of flees, was what first had Erik realizing that he is developing feelings for her.

The warning of Jessie and Holly about the high possibility that the cat could be full with flees and other parasites, was brushed off by his lovely angel who informed them that she practically bathed in a sort of spray that kills any parasite trying to settle down on her and suck her blood. The fact that this certain medication was not at all meant for humans but for dogs and cats, had Holly almost losing her temper because this medication can harm a human if too much of it comes into contact with the skin. Kathrine replaying with a calm explanation that she bathed in the whole bottle, really was anything but helpful and in that moment, Holly and Jessie were not the only ones with the desire to hit the back of her head hard, hoping it'll knock some sense into this foolish woman.

Kathrine was actually planning to take the cat along into the Opera with the intention to adopt it but Jessie and Holly forbid it until she made sure the animal was completely clean of parasites. Remembering this memory had Erik wondering if Kathrine remembers the cat and plans to actually search for it should she ever return to the Opera. He can't say he'd be overjoyed should Kathrine return with a cat in her arm one day but Nathan quickly pointed out that Erik could never refuse if she was looking at him with wide, pleading eyes and her lips in a pout. If she then asked him with a sweet, pleading voice, he'd probably say 'yes' in a heartbeat without doing so intentionally and he could never take it back because Kathrine would hug and kiss him in joy and gratitude. Partly because she truly feels that way, partly because she would know it is a clever manipulation that destroys his chances to get rid of the animal in the blink of an eye. Even if he wanted to, Erik would have felt his nose visibly growing all around the world had he denied that Kathrine has him wrapped around her finger that way. So instead of denying, they both shared a laugh at the image of the cat sleeping on Erik's organ and Kathrine forbidding him to wake the cat by moving it or playing. Or the cat destroying his cloths, his painting, his belongings in general while never once harming Kathrine's belongings in any way. Animalistic instinct for noting Erik's dislike of the new member of their family and jealousy about Erik being way too close to Kathrine way too many times. The picture that had Erik fearing for the future the most, was the one of the cat sleeping in their bed and either entirely claiming Kathrine or always sleeping between them.

Wadjet is the goddess of protection, which is the entire opposite of Sekhmet and yet it resembles Kathrine as well. If her extreme urge went by unnoticed by him as she constantly threw herself in front of Nathan even though the Phantom was ready to hurt her and already did so, or the time she took the risk to feel his blade as he attempted to slash the man with his sword, it became honestly impossible to ignore as she stood up for Erik and risked her life while taking out the policemen that had every intention to shoot them both if they had to as long as Erik would be dead as well. This loyalty that is driving Kathrine to do the most illogical, dangerous things for the people she loves is something she needs to learn to control, that's something both Nathan and Erik agreed to. But it is a rare, admirable trait as well. Neither Erik nor Nathan ever met a person who is as loyal as Kathrine, who will stand up for strangers if she notices them being bullied.

Nathan told Erik about the young girl that killed herself. Kathrine protected her once, then she completely lost control and brutally injured the 5 people that were responsible for the girl's pain. Nathan said that the girl was sexually assaulted and tortured by the siblings, that the brother was well experienced in dirty fights and already spent some time in jail for several offenses. The sister was a typical mean girl, entirely focusing on her appearance while humiliating whoever she could. The sister held the girl while the brother assaulted her and the brother held her while the sister carved 'whore' into her stomach. Erik and Nathan both feel absolutely no pity for either of them. Kathrine should not have attacked them in public, perhaps she could have kept it off her record that way but in the end it was declared self-defense. Her record may still mention this incident but at least it does not say brutal, merciless torture.

Qetesh is the goddess of nature, beauty and sexual pleasure which is rather self-explaining. Kathrine is a passionate defender of nature, along many other things. Her beauty is undeniable and it is causing too many people to try and claim her for themselves. He heard what people where whispering about her, how many planned to ask her out, the way men were constantly drooling as they watched her. Allegedly there even have been some who tried to court her but Kathrine turned each of them down. Those who were gossiping about these things also mentioned that Kathrine probably did so because of the Phantom. The admirers came right after he began to teach her waltz. Back as Erik heard these gossips, he was convinced Kathrine turned the offers down because she was not attracted to them, not because she was interested in him. Erik was convinced that Kathrine did not truly begin to feel anything for him until they spent those days in his layer. Now that he is really allowing himself to remember those memories without his insecurity clouding his vision, he realizes how quickly Kathrine's behavior changed during their lessons. At the beginning she had little to no motivation to cooperate. She often wanted breaks, refused to follow his instructions and halfheartedly sang her notes. She solely came because she was curious about the infamous Phantom of the Opera. But her motivation quickly grew the more they talked in between the lesson and since the third night, Kathrine would stay in the chapel and speak to him for hours on end. At some point she truly put her whole heart and focus into the lessons but until now Erik never realized that the reason for this change of heart was her desire to please him, to make him proud. Erik noticed the way she began to smile every time he complimented her but he never realized that she never reacted this way if anyone else complimented her. She smiles, of course, she likes the attention of others and the way they boost her ego but the smile others received was never as soft, never as bright, never as happy.

It is so obvious to him right now that he slams his hand on his forehead with a groan. He spent so many hours watching her and never once did he realize that Kathrine reacted differently around him. Honestly, at least the kiss to the cheek and the tenderness in her touch as she tried to find out what he looks like as she traced her hands along his body should have been some sign to him. The way she seemed scared as he suddenly caught her hand right before she could touch the mask, scared that she hurt him. The way she feared that her kiss of gratitude somehow ruined their friendly relationship. Kathrine touched and kissed many people but never as hesitant and if she was pushed away, she shrugged it off. How could he have been so blind? Everything she said, not the flirting but the gentle comments in between, those that one only offers if they trust the other, feel something deeper for the other.

She sat in the same position in the chapel for hours, almost fell asleep doing so but not allowing herself that simply because I refused to speak to her after the kiss. And despite her anger, she never once opened her eyes to look at me. And I called it stubbornness… Of course it is that as well but not even Kathrine would wait for a stranger she has no emotions for this persistently… Can there honestly be a greater fool than I?

The sexual pleasure that Qetesh represents is what had Nathan and Erik choosing Qetesh in the end. Hearing about the many relationships Kathrine's reputation already ruined the Scholar, had Erik laughing at first before realizing that there is very little to laugh about there. He knew about Kathrine's reputation, she told him about it herself, but he did not imagine that being her friend would cause this sort of trouble. On one side both Nathan and Erik can somewhat understand why his previous partners were furious about Nathan remaining loyal to Kathrine who slept with their previous boyfriends what mostly led to the men leaving the women in hope they might have a chance to win Kathrine for themselves. And while Erik honestly is not trying to mistrust Kathrine, he cannot truly bring himself to believe that Kathrine told him the truth as she told him the number of people she slept with. London is gigantic, it is impossible that there are so many people constantly recognizing her if the number she offered was the truth. Nathan was the one then confirming his suspicion because Erik just couldn't restrain himself and asked about it. Nathan told him that Kathrine no longer bothered to count as she reached these numbers and that it was only a few months after her first time that she reached these numbers. Nathan was convinced Kathrine was afraid that Erik may feel repulsed if she tells him the truth, that she may not be ashamed of it but is fully aware what other people think about it. Erik cannot say how he had reacted if she had told him the truth back then, not repulsed perhaps but definitely a lot more insecure and probably much more jealous. Which in the end only had brought them even more trouble so Erik was rather glad Kathrine lied to him.

The last goddess they picked is Bast, a cat goddess known to protect pregnant women and children. Furthermore is she the protector of Ra, the god of the sun and creation. Which makes Bast a kind and caring guardian ready to defend those who cannot do so themselves. At the same time it makes her a dangerous threat one should not underestimate for her kindness. Being the protector of such an important god means she is more than capable to take down opponents that seem much more powerful than her at first. It reminded them of the way Kathrine is constantly underestimated by challengers for her elegant, feminine body. Of course they quickly realize that they are exceptionally wrong while Kathrine beats them senseless if she feels insulted, or she humiliates them and plays with them like a cat with a mouse before finally releasing them from their abasement by knocking them out with a single, well chosen technique.

Erik sighs as he glances at his sleeping angel, Kathrine may have regained most of her energy but her body is still attempting to recover from the countless damage that was done to it. The beating she received from Rick caused most of the damage, it was a miracle that her ribs did not break after being targeted so many times. The technique Kathrine used to suppress the pain after Rick repeatedly attacking the spot right below her ribs with such brutality that he at first feared he killed her. Punching someone there just a bit too hard can already cause severe damage and have the victim vomiting. The extreme cruelty that Rick displayed that night as he used his entire strength while beating this spot, abruptly revealed his intention to Erik. Like Kathrine he was furious that she hurt him but opposite to Kathrine, he was no longer just trying to win, he wanted to kill her. And if it is even possible for another miracles to happen this quick after the first, Erik just cannot find another word to describe the immense luck Kathrine had. Naturally Erik is grateful for this unusual luck but he can't push aside the thought that it is just not possible to survive such an attack, let alone stand up and keep fighting right after it with only half a minute of a break. No matter how Erik turns and twists it, Kathrine had no chance of surviving this, she should be dead.

'' You truly are a mystery, mon bel ange…'' He mutters while running his fingers through her hair. It grew quite a bit since she came to the Opera, he can see a good few centimeters of her real hair colour, a chocolate brown with a few naturally lighter strands, almost caramel colour. He wonders if he will ever get to see her with her hair long and in its original colour. Erik is certain that she will look beautiful with her hair long enough to reach below her breasts. The things she could do if she allows her hair to grow, the countless ways she could style it. Not that Erik doesn't like her current style, he just wonders if she'd allow her rebellious attire to change into something elegant at some point. Part of Erik can well imagine that Kathrine will dress this way until she dies but he can also imagine that she'll begin to dress more elegant once she reaches a certain age. Perhaps she will allow her hair to grow if she begins to change her choice of clothing, hopefully Erik will still be by her side then.

Right now Erik is fighting an internal war. He has promised her to change so many times that he lost count and every time he fell back into old habits. This is the first time Erik is convinced he will actually stay true to his promise, because seeing Kathrine this way terrified and pained him. Even now, that the psychotic episode has passed, Kathrine still suffers from the after-effects of it. And to be brutally honest, Erik is terrified still. Since Nathan told him that these Episodes could lead to Kathrine permanently losing herself without any chance of ever returning to him, or in worst case even kill her, Erik is unable to shake this nagging fear. The chances that something fatal happens to his beloved during these episodes becomes higher if it lasts unusually long, which it did. According to Nathan, her aggressive-psychotic episodes usually begin slowly with little warning signals on the first day, reach their high on the second day in which Kathrine then acts the way she did during those days but on the third day the symptoms should already begin to fade. Kathrine's episode began abruptly and her symptoms did not cling down slowly, she was on this high for 3 days straight. That means the possibility for her to receive permanent damage this time was dangerously high.

And if that wasn't enough, the danger the rose even more because of the unusual intensity of the episode. Nathan said that Kathrine rarely loses herself this extremely. She was suffering from such intense episodes in her childhood more often if she was under a lot of stress but about half a year into her therapy with Doctor Bloomfield they found the right medication for her and the extreme episodes began to last shorter and loose some of their intensity. Nathan told him brutally honest that Erik is to blame for this and while Erik already knew that, it still made him flinch to hear it spoken out loud. With Kathrine still recovering, there is no way to say for sure whether she received any damage or not and it has Erik on edge. If Kathrine received any damage, Erik is the one to blame for it. What if her reflexes suffered and she will no longer be able to fight? As much as Erik disapproves of it, it is Kathrine's passion, a way for her to let out that anger in her, to feel superior and easily earn a good lot money. Not only that though, Kathrine's motivation to fight is not fully evil, the fun is not purely based on hurting others or humiliating them, she enjoys it so much because she loves fighting. Whether it be in these street fights or with that friend of hers, she has fun doing it. If this passion was taken away from her, Kathrine would never be able to accept it, it would destroy her.

How could Erik ever meet her eye again if he was the reason for her to loose something she loves so dearly? Knowing that he will have to wait for his angel to fully recover before he can find out if something fatal happened, makes him mad. The arm he has around her waist pulls her a bit closer to him as he nuzzles the top of her head fondly, his hand never ceasing the gently petting of her hair.

'' I love you, Kathrine...'' There's no reaction coming from the sleeping woman in his arms so he presses another kiss to her head before carefully freeing himself from her grasp to get out of bed. He takes his time to prepare breakfast, knowing that his little hurricane won't wake any time soon anyway. By now Erik knows his way around the kitchen, where to find actual food between all the sugar and junk food, how to use the kitchenware properly, where the tray is located and where she keeps her dishes. Her kitchen is a bit chaotic and Erik's attempt to store her alcohol in a single cabinet, upon noticing that no matter what cabinet he opens, he is always met with alcohol, miserably failed. He managed to put 43 into the cabinet, the remaining 7 had to find a place elsewhere. Oddly enough, he found a bottle of vodka next to her cleaning supplies and part of him is convinced that this vodka is not for drinking because even for Kathrine's taste, this one was oddly strong. It might be for occasions like the one where an injured man was brought to her for medical attention.


A noise behind him has Erik turning to the door to find his angel standing more or less steady in the frame. The lack of swaying is a good sign and Erik quickly notices that a bit of life returned to her eyes, even though they are a little dark. A small improvement but an improvement nevertheless. As his lovely angel makes no attempt to speak, Erik offers a gentle smile,

'' Good morning mon ange, I hope you are feeling a little better. You woke up earlier than I expected, breakfast is almost ready. You can go back to bed, I will be done in- '' While Erik was talking, Kathrine began to move towards him until she is close enough to grab him on his collar and pull him into a kiss, abruptly cutting him off. Erik returns the kiss but part of him wonders what suddenly drove her to this action. The past days she never attempted to kiss him, she would cuddle into him because it is a comfortable position and she relaxes in it but that was about all. Considering Kathrine's usual sexual appetite, the lack of initiated physical contact was another thing letting him know how terrible she feels. So usually he'd say that it's a good thing Kathrine's sexual desire returns and yet Erik finds himself unable to decide whether this sudden assault truly is a proof that she is recovering. Kathrine was still in a lot of pain yesterday, there is just no way for that to disappear over night.

Kathrine wraps one arm around his neck to pull him closer and in that moment he feels that her other hand is grasping him through the thin fabric of the boxer shorts Kathrine bought him. The loose fit of the undergarment makes it easy for her close her hand around his semi-hard member and it does not take many strokes before he feels that he is now fully erect in her hand. He breaks the kiss by cupping her cheeks and looks into her eyes. They're only halfway open, her skin is warm and her cheeks flushed from lust. Her pupils are dilated a bit. Kathrine looks extremely aroused but other than that Erik can't spot anything bad.

'' What has gotten into you my little hurricane? '' He smiles, tries his very best not to react to the hand that is still very much wrapped around his member. If something is the matter with her, he has to stay in control no matter how tempting she may be.

'' I want you. '' The way her voice always becomes a low, bewitching hum when she is aroused, right now is working like an aphrodisiac on him with the rasp that is still in her voice. Her simple yet clear answer and the sound of her voice make him shudder and he can very clearly feel his hardness twitching in her hand.

Dear god, give me the strength to withstand this seductive goddess, for I fear I will not be able to do so on my own for long…

'' Only yesterday you were still experiencing a lot of pain, I hardly believe that it has ceased yet. We will have all the time for these activities once you have healed, right now you need to rest. '' Kathrine releases him and for a moment he thinks she will actually listen to him. Until she suddenly pulls her shirt over her head and drops it on the ground, her eyes never leaving his. Erik does his best to focus on her eyes but as she suddenly lowers a bit and suddenly holds the black panties in his hand that leave very little to ones imagination, his throat becomes dry. The only thing holding him back right now, was the twitching and the slight pain he saw during certain movements,

'' You are still in pain, please be reasonable and go back to bed, my love. '' Her eyes narrow a bit before suddenly she once again grabs him on his collar, this time with one hand. She leads him along until Kathrine finds herself in the corner of her counter and without giving him any time to react, Kathrine jumps onto the counter and spreads her legs for him. With the new angle, Erik couldn't not see her perfect body even if he tried,

'' I'll be a good girl and go back to bed… if you turn into your dominant, aggressive sex-nature for 5 minutes and fuck me until I scream. '' He frowns at her request,

'' I am not going to do that in your state- '' She grits her teeth while hissing in a mix of anger and frustration before wrapping her legs around his hips to pull his still hard cock right against her warm, naked sex and the thin fabric that is currently the only thing stopping him from entering her, is quickly damp from how wet his temptress is. As she begins to move her hips up and down, the friction has him moaning and Kathrine uses that to grab his hands and put one of them on her breast, the other finds a much more delicate position, her mouth. He feels every bit of self-control fading away as he watches his irresistible angel wrapping her full lips around his pointing and middle finger. He feels her tongue licking slowly along his fingers, her eyes never breaking contact with his. Teasingly slow she releases his fingers with a wet pop. As much as he'd like to move away and put her into bed, he can't move. The feeling of her rubbing herself against him, his hand cupping her soft perfect breast and his wet fingers now slowly being led to her lap. While his eyes follow his hand, he misses Kathrine's other hand once again gripping his collar to pull him so close that their noses are almost touching. As her tongue suddenly moves along his deformed face, he can't stop the groan. She is well aware that it drives him crazy is she kisses of licks him there.

Why…! Why does she have to be hurt…!

Suddenly her lips stop next to his ear, her voice a needy purr,

'' Please Sir, please fuck me… I need you to slam your big cock into me hard and fast, Master, please...'' Kathrine never spoke like this before. Then again, they did not have sex that many times yet. All the times he scolded her for her dirty vocabulary and now his eyes close as a wave of pleasure runs through him, another moan rumbling from his chest. She snaps her hips suddenly and the lustful moan escaping her perfect lips makes Erik want to hear more, he wants her to scream his name and devote herself to him. He has to stop this,

'' Kathrine- …I don't want to hurt you.'' It takes all of his strength to focus enough to speak these words but Kathrine makes no move to stop, in fact, she only seems to become even more aroused from the little friction she is causing them both with the constant rubbing. Kathrine is tugging at his shirt, oddly enough she is not removing the fabric separating them. Looking at the way Kathrine is panting, he'd have imagined she would go for his boxers first. What is she waiting for?

'' I want you to hurt me…! I want you to cover my body with teeth mark and fingerprints so I won't be able to look into a mirror and not remember that you own me. I desperately need you to fuck me with so much brutal force that I'll feel sore for weeks. I won't break, you can go rough on me. You'd like that, I know it. '' The logical part in him, which admittedly is rather small now, wants to ask her what has suddenly gotten into her. First she is barely able to accept him in her life again because he has abused her so many times that she can no longer trust him, and now she's begging him to claim her? Is this the mere arousal speaking out of her or is his beloved actually being serious with that request?

'' You love biting me, how would you like to bite me while you take me from behind? I'll spread my legs for you good, Master, I'll let you choose if you rather fuck my pussy, or slam your prick up my arse. I never had one that big in there, I bet you'll feel amazing stretching me open. '' There's a slight flush of embarrassment coming to his cheeks at her offer,

'' In...-to… into… your...'' She smiles at his stuttering,

'' You're going to love the tight fit, everyone does… Don't you want to try it? Make me scream your name, I'll let every neighbor hear how good you make me feel and how hard you're fucking me, Sir. If you smack my ass hard enough, I'll think about how good you fucked me every time I sit, don't you want that? ''

'' Your body is still recovering- ''

'' My body is yearning for you, Erik… I'm burning up, I need your cock in me so bad, I can't take it anymore. I want you to fuck me in every room of this house until you made me cum so many times that I'm no longer capable to think about anything else than how good you make me feel. ''

'' Kathrine what has gotten into you? Are you still with me? '' Finally Erik receives a reasonable response. Kathrine finally drops her hands and sighs, her eyes halfway closing and gaining a sad shadow. It almost appears as if she was afraid or unsure of something.

'' I'm fine... I just… really need you. What's wrong with you, why won't you just fuck me? I saw the way you were looking at me all the time, you thought about it all the time. '' The questions are coming off very differently than they were probably meant to sound like. Right now it more seems like a tired, weak attempt to hide whatever is leaking through right now.

'' You are right, I did imagine it so many times that I lost count and right now it takes me every bit of self-control to not give in and take you the way you ask me to. If we were in another situation, I would never find the strength to resist you and the only thing allowing me to do so now, is your condition. Your body is very fragile right now and whether you ignore the pain or hide it, you cannot make me believe that it is not there. You were hardly able to move only a few hours ago, there is simply no way this disappeared so suddenly. The pain I enjoy inflicting you is nothing like the pain I would cause you if I were to do as you ask. '' Her eyes refuse to meet his even though he gently puts two fingers under her chin to encourage her to look at him. The shadow on her eyes deepens and her body begins to shake, her hands curl to fists as she ducks her head between her shoulders. Erik watches the whole thing quietly to offer her the chance to speak up after gathering her thoughts a bit but the more time passes, the less patient he becomes until he cups her cheeks gently and speaks in a hushed, loving tone,

'' Kathrine, please tell me what is going on...''

'' Are you real? '' The question comes a bit quicker than he expected and at first it surprises him. But of course with everything that happened in the past days, it is not that hard to realize what is troubling her. Carefully and slowly Erik takes Kathrine's hands in his and leads one to his birth defect and the other to his chest so she will feel his heart beating beneath her palm,

'' Of course I am. You can touch me, can you not? You can see, smell and hear me, can you not? '' Still Kathrine refuses to look at him but at least her eyes shift to each of her hands. Eventually she retreats her hands so she can stare at them as if she couldn't choose whether or not to trust what is happening. Who could possibly blame her? So much time in constant hallucinations, so many times in which she was wandering these walls fully believing she wasn't in her own home and skin, who knows what was really going on in her head, who knows how many things they were unable to see. Perhaps she has been going through situations like this before, how could he possibly help her believe that this time they are not simply playing out yet another hallucination?

'' That means nothing… I was so sure to be back but I wasn't in control of myself for so long this time… As I woke up… and noticed you're not there… I was sure I dreamed it up… everything. That you're here, that we're giving it another chance, that you finally realized you can't keep this up…''

'' But then I woke up and I didn't… -I just need a sort of proof that I can't misinterpret. I need visible things, things I can feel, things I can't do on my own. I'm sorry I was being pushy but I…. I don't wanna forget… I can't wake up like this again… I couldn't call out to you, I couldn't move, I was too scared of what would happen if I did…''

'' These are only the last effects of your attack, Nathan informed me about several possibilities and I read up about anything I could find. Your collection of Psychological books was helpful in my studies as well. I have read about this phenomenon as well, it is rare but not uncommon. Kathrine...'' He waits for her to finally meet his eyes,

'' I understand that you fear for fading memories, I understand you fear to realize all of this is merely another hallucination… but we have to find another way to ease these fears. I can't risk injuring you and I do not want to either. Do you understand? We could position pictures around you and I can place a letter next to you each time I have to leave your side until you have recovered. I will ensure you will be able to wake without fear… but not like this. '' It takes a moment but then she nods,

'' Okay...''

'' How about you just let me finish and once we ate, we will look for a solution? '' Again, Kathrine nods. Erik halfway expects her to wait for him but she leaves the kitchen the moment he goes back to their breakfast. By the time he enters the living room, aiming for the bed in the open bedroom, he finds her on the balcony. Quietly he places everything on the table and considers whether or not to follow her or at least call out to her but he decides to give her a moment of peace so she will be able to gather her thoughts. He has payed close attention to her medication and her substance abuse. While he wanted to refuse her any sort of alcohol for a little while longer, he quickly realized that she is not too interested in her substance abuse right now other than smoking weed.

Of course he studied all of the substances Kathrine uses as well and he quickly became aware of the way cannabis is generally seen as something positive in this world. There were countless of articles that listed all the illnesses that are successfully treated with cannabis, that it hardly has any negative effects opposite to all the other drugs Kathrine has in her storage. Kathrine hides her drugs in a wooden box in her closet, each type is in a separate small plastic bag. The box is a sort of jewelry box with several separated parts, which allows her to put each different type of drug in a different part. This organization allowed him to quickly find out what drugs she has in her possession and what effects they have on both body and mind. Knowing that the ones she uses the most frequently are Morphine and Cannabis, Erik made sure to study these two first. Opposite to Cannabis, Morphine is nothing to be fooled with and Kathrine's repeated use of it is something they need to talk about once she is fully recovered. While Kathrine isn't showing any long-term symptoms of addiction to the substance yet, it is only a matter of time until she will and Erik will do anything that is possible to prevent that. Hopefully she will be reasonable in a calm conversation about the substance abuse.

Consulting Nathan about this, only led to answers Erik can not and will not accept. Because Nathan told him that Kathrine is brutally honest about this topic with her psychiatrist and that she went through every rehab program that she was assigned to without making too much of a fuss. The fact that she will do breaks whenever her psychiatrist tells her to and never shows the typical symptoms of withdrawal eventually led to several tests which finally had them come to the conclusion that a typical addiction is hardly possible due to her extremely messed up state. So as long as Kathrine reports everything truthfully and abruptly tells her doctor about any signs of change on that matter, she is allowed to continue her substance abuse as long as she sticks to certain rules and limits.

The Cannabis however is something Erik even encourages because he could already see that it helps Kathrine to calm down and that is eases the shaking of her hands that are side effects of the anti-psychotics she has to take more frequently during her episodes. He also noticed that her sleep is more peaceful if she smokes a joint before going to bed, there are less nightmares that have her tossing and turning or waking up abruptly. One night she woke from a nightmare, she inhaled so abruptly and repeatedly, that Erik feared he had to call an ambulance because her body cramped from the gasps and she was unable to breathe for almost a minute.

Erik's eyes shift to the copper casket on the table in which she keeps some of her cannabis, her so-called 'cruncher', tobacco, papes and tips. There's a joint or two already prepared in case she can't make one because of her shaky hands, too. After he read about the dozens of ways to taint the normal cannabis plants with other substances so the one using it will develop an addiction much sooner, he checked the plants but Kathrine told him he won't have to worry about that because she knows he dealers and they would never sell anything that has been tainted. Still, studying the world of drugs was something both fascinating and frightening. The willingness to try about anything possible to get high is alarming, the ideas people have to create new kicks are sickening and it quickly shows that something is very wrong about this world.

'' You really need to stop worrying about my substance abuse, handsome...'' The muttering close to him, breaks Erik out of his thoughts and upon looking up, he spots his beloved standing in the door to the balcony, her shoulder resting on the frame and her arms crossed over her chest relaxed.

'' I find it a bit alarming that your doctor and Nathan are this comfortable with the knowledge about all the drugs you use. ''

'' They're not really comfortable with it but they are well aware of the fact that they couldn't stop me anyways. My doc is obliged to keep the things I tell him between the two of us, so he couldn't stop me even if he really wanted to. Nathan knows I'll be open and truthful about the matter as long as I can be sure they won't exploit my trust. ''

'' Even if you are more resistant to typical signs of addiction, there is no way you are immune to it. ''

'' I'm not immune to it and no one is claiming that I am. However… both my body and my mind have built up a certain protection against addictions. That has a lot to do with my current mental state… but the main reason for that is the way I was treated before I met Doctor Bloomfield. My illness began to really show itself unusually soon and by the time I got a proper diagnosis, I received all sorts of medication in various doses. However…'' She sighs as she pushes herself off the frame to move to the sofa where she allows her body to smoothly sink into the cushions before she pulls up her legs to sit with them crossed,

'' Many of the meds I received were negatively affecting me and while one or two symptoms disappeared, others became much worse. So they gave me more meds and it was honestly just fucking me up. That uhm… that psyche-ward I mentioned as you asked me about the fighting? As you saw me doing my workout routine for the first time, back in the Opera? '' Erik nods, watches her scratching the back of her head while her eyes move through the room, her jaw stretching in a nervous tick.

'' Well they weren't really interested in actually helping but the guy who was in command, he was a bit interested in my case because it's not the most common type, y'know? He was sort of experimenting on me, trying out different meds on me to see what I react like, blood tests, brain scans, that sort of stuff. At some point he was just stuffing me full with all sorts of shit and it messed up my entire body. Made me a whole bloody lot worse and the damage that was done there, is still there today. So the minimal danger for me to become addicted to something in the typical way, is still an after effect of that time. ''

'' How long have you been in this institution? ''

'' I… think it was about… a year? Maybe a year and a half…''

'' Were your parents aware of the abuse you faced there? ''

'' It was a really strict institution. Usually if you're in a clinic, you are allowed to have visitors to any time during the weekends and under the week for a couple of hours once the therapies and programs are over. Depending on how stable you are, you are given rules that tell you for how long you can leave the station, how far you are allowed to go and if you can sleep at home on the weekends. But those are rules for normal clinics. The one I was in was for violent and extreme cases, I was brought there after I injured someone during an episode. Visitors were only allowed for an hour or two on Saturdays and only if the doctors gave their ok. Sleeping at home wasn't allowed at all, you couldn't leave the house for longer than half an hour and you had to stay on the grounds. My parents came by once a month at first but with my condition becoming worse, they were told to give me some space for a while so I could focus on the therapy 100%. ''

'' Did they never once question this method? '' The moment the question is out, he regrets it. It's not especially hard to see how uncomfortable his angel feels and his question is causing her already passive mask to become even more emotionless. With a shrug she bends forwards to grab her plate and cut a piece of her egg off,

'' Who knows. '' Kathrine begins to eat, the conversation is over. With a low sigh, he takes his seat next to her and places his hand on her head to thread his fingers through her hair gently,

'' I am not happy about your frequent use of drugs… but I understand that you have this under control and that you will not allow yourself to lose this control. '' With a kiss to her cheek that Kathrine is not acknowledging, he focuses on his breakfast as well and the room becomes quiet.