Natasha and Steve made their way back to her quarters, so Steve could spend some time with Nicole before he took off for Madrid. Steve was so excited about finally finding Bucky, but Natasha was on the quiet side as Steve played tea party with Nicole. All she had the strength to do was watch their interaction.
"Pinky up, Daddy," Nicole demanded.
"And, where exactly did you learn pinky up, princess?"
"Happy do it. Happy likes tea parties, Daddy."
"I'm glad you and Happy had fun today. Daddy needs to talk to you about something important."
"What, Daddy?" the child giggled as she put the toy teacup up to her bunny's mouth.
"Daddy has to take a little trip."
"Where we go? City?"
"Not this time. Daddy has to go further away this time and I will be gone for a while. You and Mommy aren't going."
Nicole gave Steve a puzzled look then looked to Natasha for confirmation. "Daddy has to go help a friend," Natasha replied, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.
"A friend?" Nicole questioned.
"Yes, my friend Bucky needs me. He's in trouble, and Daddy has to help him."
"Like on tv when you fight? I don't like that show, Daddy. I don't want you be bad."
Natasha and Steve exchanged worried looks. They'd only had her a month, but she seemed so relaxed most of the time. They had hoped she was forgetting her time in Hydra's hands. "When we fight, we do it to protect people," Steve said gently, "not to be bad. My friend has been with people like the ones who kept you away from us. He is finally free now, because some more of our friends fought to get him back.
"Sometimes we have to fight the bad people, Nicole, but this time, Daddy just has to go help his friend the way Mommy and Daddy have tried to help you."
"You draw with Bucky?"
"If that's what it takes. It helped you, didn't it? But, I think Bucky needs Daddy to talk and listen more than he needs Daddy to draw."
"Okay, Daddy. You help you friend. Mommy and I not go."
"Thank you, princess. You're such a big girl. That's why your my best girl."
"Mommy you best girl, too?"
Steve looked at Natasha. "Mommy is whatever she wants to be to me, but she is my best friend." He smiled and looked into Natasha's eyes.
They were still playing when Steve's phone rang. "It's Sharon. I need to take this. You got her?"
Natasha nodded and took Steve's place on the floor. "Sharon always call and Daddy goes bye bye," Nicole grimaced.
Natasha frowned. She hadn't realized Nicole was noticing Steve's frequent phone calls with Sharon. "Ms. Sharon," she over-emphasized the Ms. intentionally, "is with Bucky right now."
"She our friend, too?"
"She's definitely your daddy's friend," Natasha answered.
Steve was on the phone a long time, and Natasha had to end the tea party so she could start supper. Nicole was happily watching a princess movie, so Natasha had time to think.
Already, it seemed their daughter was taking a backseat. Whenever Sharon called, Steve dropped everything. Intellectually, Natasha knew Steve was worried about Bucky, but it didn't stop Natasha from worrying.
With a sigh, Natasha made a decision. The status quo wasn't going to keep her little family intact. Unless she wanted to share Nicole and Steve with another woman, she was going to have to stake a claim. On one level, she realized what she was considering was a total violation of her friendship with Steve, but what would she do if she lost him? How could she live with herself if she didn't at least try?
Natasha was the Black Widow. Honey traps were child's play for her-literally child's play. She'd been groomed to become whatever a man fantasized about since she wasn't that much older than Nicole. While she never wanted to play a role with Steve, she couldn't just give him up without a fight. It would be so much easier if you could just be a normal woman and fall in love, but the Red Room had apparently done their job. She could, at least, play the role of a woman in love. And, if she was going to keep Steve fully present and happy in this arrangement, that was what she was going to do.
Steve arrived just before it was time to eat. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be gone so long. I really wanted to just spend time with Nicole tonight. I fly out in the morning."
"Taking a quinjet?" Natasha asked.
"No, I don't know how long this will take. I'm flying commercial."
Natasha grabbed her phone. "Last minute commercial? We better book your ticket."
"Don't worry, Nat. Sharon already handled it. I'm meeting them at a safe house. I just have to convince Bucky to go back to Berlin and turn himself over to Sharon's superiors then they'll make sure he's stable enough to come home."
"Well, I better at least book you a place to stay in Berlin."
"Sharon has it covered. She's taken care of everything. We can just enjoy dinner."
"Great," Natasha replied. "I'm sure Agent Carter knows exactly what she's doing."
"She is Peggy's niece. It's not her first rodeo."
Natasha nodded. She was seething. Taking care of Steve was not Sharon's job. "Okay, Carter," she thought, "two can play this game."
Dinnertime was taken up mostly by Nicole's chatter, and Natasha and Steve tag teamed bath time as usual. They were getting much better at staying dry while bathing their daughter, and Natasha thought their bath time routine was probably her favorite part of the day.
Steve decided to read Nicole a bedtime story, so Natasha let him handle tucking Nicole in alone. She needed to get ready to put her plan into action. Instead of putting Steve's bedding on the couch, Natasha changed into the nightie she hadn't worn since the first night Steve had stayed over and waited in her room.
Just as she expected, Steve knocked on the door. "Nat, are you dressed? I need my blanket."
"Come on in, soldier," she replied.
Steve opened the door and starred. "I, um, I'm sorry. I just came to get my stuff."
"I know. I told you to come in, remember?" she smirked.
"Yeah, well, I'll just-"
"Or, you could just stay," Natasha replied in her most sultry voice.
"What are you doing, Nat?"
"If you have to ask, I'm not doing it right," she smiled and closed the distance between them.
"Um, Nat, what about Nicole? What we do affects her. Those were your words."
Natasha nodded. "I think Nicole doesn't need to know everything we do, Steve."
"You're sure? No going back after we cross this line."
"I know exactly what I'm doing, soldier," Natasha replied. "I'm protecting my family," she mentally reminded herself.
Natasha put her fingers in Steve's hair and pulled him in for a kiss. He didn't respond immediately, so she looked into his eyes. "This isn't like last time. I mean it, Steve. I want this," she said before kissing him again. It wasn't a lie. She did want him. She didn't deserve him. She wasn't capable of loving him the way he needed to be loved. But, wanting him, that she could do.
It wasn't until the early morning light flowed through the bedroom window that Natasha began to feel remorse. She hadn't said the words, but she knew her actions implied she felt what he felt. The truth was their night together was amazing, just like she always expected it to be between them. She was smart enough to know he had never been with a woman this way, and she had just insured he would never want to be with anyone else. It wasn't fair. He deserved so much more than she could offer.
Steve woke up with a smile on his face. "Morning love," he said as he kissed her temple. "I hope it wasn't to obvious I hadn't done that before."
"If that was you without experience, you are a natural," Natasha replied honestly.
"Loving you is as easy as breathing, Nat. You and Nicole mean everything to me."
Natasha took a deep breath in and blew it out slowly. This wasn't right. "Steve, I have to tell you something."
"Sure, you can tell me anything."
She looked into his eyes. She desperately wanted to come clean and tell him what she'd done, but his eyes were so full of love and adoration and she loved him looking at her that way. "I, we're going to miss you," she replied lamely.
"I'm going to miss you, too. I better get my shower. Clint's taking me to the airport."
She nodded and pulled on her robe. She'd just started drinking her coffee when Clint arrived.
"Someone looks down this morning," Clint said as he poured himself a cup.
"I'm an even bigger monster than I thought," Natasha sighed.
"What happened?"
"I seduced Steve."
Clint spit out his coffee. "Nat, I don't want to hear about that stuff." He wiped up the mess and added, "but it's about time you got your act together and told him how you feel."
"That's just it, Clint. I didn't do it for the right reason. I wanted to make sure he didn't turn to Sharon. I manipulated his emotions and used my training against him."
"You what?" came Steve's voice from the other side of the room.
"Steve, I-"
"Save it, Romanoff. I thought last night meant something."
"It di-"
"No, it obviously didn't. I've got a plane to catch. We'll talk about this when I get back. I expected better from you. You know how I feel about you. How could you do this to me? To Nicole?"
"Steve, I am so sorry."
"Clint, we've got to go," Steve said as he walked out the door.
Natasha was shattered. Clint put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I'll be back as soon as I can. It'll be alright, Nat. Pack a bag. We'll go to the farm for a few days. He loves you, and you love him. You just haven't figured it out yet."
Natasha nodded and put her head in her hands. Suddenly, it all made sense. She understood why she was so afraid she would lose him. It had nothing to do with Nicole. She was in love with Steve Rogers, and now she'd pushed him away-right into the arms of another woman.
Okay, tough chapter to write, but it really was necessary to have Natasha finally get the message and to push this story along. LoneWolfO'Neill commented that theirs was a stick of dynamite with a very long fuse. Well, we all know what happens when dynamite blows. It makes a big mess. Hope I kept it in a safe rating range. I'm actually kind of excited about the next few chapters. I hope you stay tuned.
And, Marvel still owns the Avengers.
