Winter training lasted only a month or so longer, and during that time we trained in the harsh conditions of the weather while I grew more and more frustrated with Reiner. After our kiss, we went through cycles of being friendly and distant. This was almost entirely dependent on the mood Reiner was in. It wasn't like he acted extremely different, but rather he wasn't sure of what to think in this step in our relationship. Sometimes I felt like he didn't want to acknowledge what happened and just be friends, and sometimes I felt like he didn't want to acknowledge me.

He never made it too obvious when he was trying to avoid spending time with me, but I could tell. I already knew Reiner well enough to tell, but I didn't quite know him well enough to know the best way to fix it considering I wasn't entirely sure what the problem was. He was the one that kissed me, and now he was the one being weird about it. I also wasn't sure if he regretted his action because I didn't make it apparent enough that I was interested too, or if he had completely rethought his decision and decided he wasn't interested anymore. I couldn't decide on how to proceed because I didn't want to risk hurting him, but was also deathly afraid of getting hurt and rejected more than I already was.

So on the day of our return to the training camp, I decided my best bet was Bertholdt. It was a resort I didn't want to use because of Bertholdt's own feelings toward Reiner. He had probably been heartbroken over Reiner for years and this would be like a knife to his heart, but I also remembered what Bertholdt had said about thinking I could make Reiner happy. From what I could tell, Reiner meant the world to Bertholdt and his happiness was what Bertholdt cared about most. And it wasn't that Reiner didn't also love Bertholdt, but rather Reiner had a strong brotherly love for Bert. And I knew that hurt Bert, he didn't have to say anything, but still I figured it was probably better than Reiner being indifferent.

I also thought at the time that Bert would be okay because we were just teenage kids. Bert loved Reiner because he was the first and closest friend he had. As he grew up, he would meet other people that he could get close to and fall in love with, even if Reiner only ever saw him as his best friend.

On our first day back, we got free time to rest for the rest of the day. The weather was still too cold to comfortably lounge outside, so I ended up relaxing in an empty classroom with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. I sat cross legged on top of a desk reading while Armin sat in the chair in front of me reading a book of his own and Mikasa and Eren did strength building exercises towards the front of the room.

"Today's a rest day, you know," I called to them. "Rest days don't serve their purpose if you work on them."

"You're one to talk," responded Armin. "Isn't that a book about the history of the Survey Corps?"

"And? I think it's interesting, if not a little depressing. I'm on the eighteenth expedition, and this only has up to the twenty eighth. It was written by combining several firsthand accounts of the expeditions and missions the Survey Corps goes on."

"It'll take you all day to finish that book. It takes us only forty minutes to exercise," pointed out Mikasa.

"I didn't say I was going to finish it today. I started this book way back before we left for winter training."

"After training in the mountains, that felt like a rest," said Eren as he sat down next to Armin while wiping his face with the bottom of his shirt. Mikasa came up beside me and sat on the desk with me.

"You're already done?"

"I said it only took us forty minutes."

I looked at Armin, who wrinkled his eyebrows like me and said, "It's been forty minutes?"

"Yeah?" replied Eren. He then nodded at the book Armin was reading. "What are you reading anyway?"

"It's just a novel meant for fun. Rest days are supposed to rest your mind, not just your body," he said giving me a pointed look.

"This is fun to read, too!" I argued, shaking my book at him.

"Don't most Survey Corps expeditions end in a lot of death?" asked Mikasa.

"That's… not the fun part."

"I meant what is that book about, Armin," clarified Eren.

"Well, it's about a Robin Hood-like character that lives in the underground. He pickpockets soldiers that patrol and visit the underground and uses that money to feed the orphans. It's mostly about him fighting and hiding from the military police, but it also has a romantic part where he falls for a… well, an employee of a brothel. But the owner of the brothel wouldn't let her leave so the main character had to fight him, too."

"Wouldn't someone writing about the underground have to have been to the underground to know enough to write about it? I thought no one could enter or leave there except for the military, with permission," I asked.

Armin shrugged, "The author could be in the military. Doesn't have any information on him."

"Where do you two get these books from anyway?" questioned Eren.

I cocked my head at him, "Uh, the library?"

"We have a library?"

Armin rolled his eyes, "It's in this building. Where do you think we went while you and Mikasa picked this room?"

"I didn't think about it."

I chuckled at Eren's cluelessness while Mikasa said, "Even I knew there was a library."

Armin nodded at Eren, "You should probably visit the library sometime."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you need to read more."

Eren playfully shoved Armin and Mikasa and I laughed.

"It won't be that bad Eren. They even have books with pictures," I teased.

"Oh wow. Maybe you'll find a book on how to get rid of pimples," he teased back, and I frowned and covered my cheek where the offending blemishes were.

"Shut the hell up," I muttered, and he laughed.

The dinner bell rang and we left the classroom while I took Armin's book from him. "I'll return these."

"Thanks. Take Eren with you so he can at least say he's been there."

Eren gave Armin a slightly offended look but followed me without question down a hall in the direction of the library. Once we got inside, I set our books down on the desk in the middle of the room while Eren looked around.

"This isn't anything like any library I remember seeing," he said.

I knew what he meant. Armin and I used to drag Eren with us to the library in Shiganshina when we were kids, and Mikasa when we meet her. That library was much bigger with a wide variety of books lined up on tall shelves that sat in rows across the main room, and had a strict older lady named Mrs. Biggs who always had to shush us for talking too loudly. Outside of the library, Mrs. Biggs was a sweet woman who lived down the street from Armin and I and was friends with our grandfather, but she took the atmosphere and tranquility of the library seriously at work.

The library in the training camp was just another room, with shelves of books that lined the walls with a few chairs and desks in the center of the room, and one 'return desk' where somebody would come along and return all the books that had been read recently. There was a lot less variety in the books, and a lot less books. Nobody was around to stop anyone from taking the books out of the building, vandalizing them, or talking too loud. Mrs. Biggs would be appalled.

I then realized that I hadn't seen Mrs. Biggs in any of the refugee camps or buildings we had been too. She had probably died back at the attack on Shiganshina, or had been sent out with my grandfather on the recon mission. And her pristine, wonderful library was sitting in Shiganshina, surrounded by mindless titans and collecting dust.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I said, "Yeah. There isn't a lot here. Most of these books are about history, military strategy, politics, fighting techniques, and the like. Stuff that would be considered useful by the military. There's only a few fiction books like the one Armin was reading."

"Do you come here and read a lot?"

"Not as much as Armin. I don't have time like we used to. There's only so many free hours in the day here and I'd rather spend them with my friends. But I have read a few books on fighting techniques and strategy since we've been here."

"Does it work? Does it help you get better?" he asked, his curiosity and interest being pecked.

I shrugged, "At fighting? I think it does. Of course, just reading doesn't help you get better, but I think applying some of the things I read about during training helps."

"Maybe I will visit the library more then. Right now, I'm hungry. Let's eat."

"That is a marvelous idea."

We walked side by side to the mess hall while Eren informed me of whatever stupid thing Connie, Marco, and Jean had done the night before. We should've been by far the last ones getting to dinner, but as we approached I saw Annie was just going in the door. Across the courtyard from us was Reiner and Bertholdt also coming in late and I wondered why they were coming so long after the bell had rung, but then realized we were doing the same as them.

I made eye contact with Reiner before Eren and I turned and headed up the stairs and I gave him a smile that he didn't return. I guess he's going to be like that today, I thought to myself. I really need to talk to Bertholdt after dinner and figure out what I did wrong.

Eren and I were too far ahead of Reiner and Bertholdt to bother holding open the door for them, so we got our food together and took our places next to Mikasa and Armin respectively. Not long after Eren started talking about reading some of the books about military training and seeing if it could help, two more people joined our table. Reiner sat down next to me and Bertholdt sat across from him next to Eren.

"Hey, what did you do two do this afternoon?" asked Armin, greeting them with a smile.

Bertholdt answered, "We went for a walk around the outside of the camp. It's nice to be back here, I didn't expect to miss the training camp."

"Yeah, who knew that you could miss a place like this?" joked Reiner.

I nodded, "I'd much rather stay here for an extra three years than see another drop of snow."

Eren snorted at me, and I smiled at him before Reiner asked, "What did you all do? I saw you and Eren getting to dinner late," he nudged me as he spoke.

Eren answered for me, saying, "We were just sitting in one of the classrooms. Did you know this place has a library?"

"Yeah?" said Reiner and Bertholdt together.

"I told you everyone knew but you, Eren," said Mikasa, and Eren ignored her comment before continuing.

"It's real big, but they have all kinds of books about history, military strategy, and-"

"Eren, you didn't even open a book while we were there," I interrupted.

"Maybe, but I am going to go back and read some of them. I may do that this evening actually."

"If you want. I'm probably not," I replied.

"Why not?" he whined, and Armin saved me from answering by agreeing to go with him instead.

"I want to finish that novel I started anyway," he explained.

"I'll go to," said Mikasa. "I also want to look at these fighting technique books Alex read."

"Fighting technique books?" asked Reiner.

I nodded, "Most of the books in there pertain to military training, so I read a few of them. Some of the ones on combat skills were useful, and interesting to apply in actual combat."

"So, that's another reason why you're so good, huh?" said Bertholdt.

"I don't know if I'm 'so good' but I think it helps?"

Bert nodded back at me and we ate in silence for a few moments before Armin started up more conversation. We all talked and laughed together throughout the meal, although I could feel a slight tension coming from Reiner. I wasn't sure if anyone else noticed. If Bertl did, he didn't seem to let it bother him as he passed jokes with Armin, Eren, and Mikasa. A few times I moved away from the conversation look at him, he was eating his food and half paying attention to the other people a the table with a slightly grumpy look on his face.

After dinner I headed out the door with Mikasa while Bertholdt, Armin, and Eren walked in front of us. As they turned off to head towards the library, I waved bye and was about to ask Bertholdt to stay with me, when Reiner called my name from behind me.

Turning, I saw him standing back in front of the porch to the mess hall. "Yes?" I asked.

"I wanted to keep walking around from earlier. Will you go with me?"

I gave him a weak smile, "Of course."

Talking with Reiner had always been easy. The comfort that I usually got from his presence was always something that I cherished. It hurt that one kiss was currently wrecking the natural ease of our friendship. How do I fix it?

We walked in silence until we got out of the edge of the camp. I realized we were on the same route that I had went on with him, Eren, Armin and Bertholdt the second day of training, towards the cliff overlooking the lake. Before I could say anything about it, though, he spoke.

"Do you go to the library often?"

"Um, not really. Not enough time. Armin and I used to go to the library back home frequently."

He nodded and paused for a moment before continuing, "I have no right to say anything, I haven't been as close to you lately as I was, but were you and Eren really just looking at the library before dinner?"

"Huh?" I said, bewildered. That wasn't what I expected him to ask.

"What were you and Eren doing?" he asked again, looking straight ahead and not meeting my gaze. I could see from the moonlight though that his cheeks were a little flushed.

He's jealous? I thought to myself, and then felt a small wave of anger go through me. It would be one thing if he had actual followed through after the kiss and not tried to cut me off, but he had no business being jealous of me spending time with Eren when he didn't want to spend time with me himself.

"You don't have a right to say anything. But we were just at the library. Armin and I were reading, and he wanted to know where we got the books from, so I showed him."

"I see," he muttered, and I continued.

"Do you admit that you've been avoiding me then? Ever since you kissed me, you've been acting like you don't want to be around me. We used to spend so much time together, and then you kiss me in the snow at sunrise, avoid me for over a month, and then get jealous when you see me walking around with another guy. And said guy is Eren, one of my best friends since childhood, who I've told you before I think of as my second brother."

"I was avoiding you after that, but…."

"But what?"

"I asked you to walk with me so I could say that I'm sorry for that. I was wrong."

"Huh?" I said, bewildered again. This conversation was going nowhere that I expected it to. "Why'd you do it in this first place?"

"Well, you see…" he trailed off, shook his head and started again. "Well, I wasn't expecting that kiss in the snow at sunrise any more than you were. I wasn't thinking about the consequences. In fact, I don't think I ever think about it when I'm with you, but I don't need to be in a relationship right now. I don't need to fall in love. That's why I was avoiding you. And I'm sorry, I know I confused you, and it probably felt like I was playing with your feelings. That was never my intention, either."

"So-"

"Wait, I'm not done explaining."

I nodded, and he took a breath and continued, "But I can't help myself when I'm around you, and I can hardly keep myself from not being around you. It takes too much energy to fight something that feels so right, you know? And seeing you walking and happy with Eren, even if you say he's like your brother, I realized that I couldn't bear it if I gave up… whatever this is, and you found something with someone else."

I floundered on how to respond to that. How does someone respond to something like that? What he just said was probably something that the main character from Armin's book would say to his love interest, not something that real people say.

So I just focused on the part that mattered the most to me, grabbed Reiner's hand and said, "So, this feels right to you too?"

We reached the end of the trail and ended up back on the cliff overlooking the lake. It looked just as beautiful and majestic as I remembered from around a year and a half ago, but I couldn't make myself pay attention to it when Reiner used the hand he was holding to pull me closer to him so he could lean down and press his forehead to mine.

"Yes, of course it does."

I pushed myself forward and wrapped my arms around his neck while pressing my lips to his. I had no clue what I was doing, this was only my second kiss, and I knew very little about how it really worked. I did know that your lips weren't supposed to stay still, so I moved my lips a little across his and parted and closed them. That must've been at least sort of right, because he responded by wrapping his arms around my waist and moving his lips in correspondence to mine. It felt good and as our mouths moved together I felt butterflies and sparks fly about in my stomach.

When I opened my lips again to try and get a better angle on his, he slide his tongue just inside my mouth enough to touch my front teeth and tease the top of my own tongue. The sparks and butterflies in my stomach caught fire, and I wanted more. I pressed myself closer to him, trying to deepen the kiss. I moved my arms from his neck down so I could feel the muscles on his chest through his shirt. He responded by removing his mouth from mine and a pang of disappointment hit me before he pressed his lips against my neck.

I had never even realized how sensitive that part of the body was until he kissed and licked the side of my neck and collarbone. I let out a soft moan when he kissed a spot near the crook of my neck that felt like heaven.

Reiner pulled away from neck to catch his breath, and I realized that I was breathing hard, too. As I stared at his golden eyes, I felt a small smile creep its way on to my face. I was just too happy about what had just happened to not smile. He returned it with his one-sided smile that, whether he knew it or not, always made me melt. I buried my face in my chest and started laughing.

"What? What's so funny?" I could feel the vibrations from deep voice, and I shook my head against his chest.

"I don't even know. I'm just happy."

His hand rubbed my back and he said, "Me too."

I pulled away from his embrace and asked, "What do you want to do now?"

"Well, I want to take things slow. Let's just sit and talk like we did before, and look at this beautiful view. I don't want to make you uncomfortable and-"

"I didn't mean right now, Reiner. But that does sound nice." I sat down on the cold ground and was thankful I had been wearing a jacket when we left because the separation from Reiner's body reminded me of how cold nights in early March could be.

He sat on the ground close to me, and I could still feel his body heat against my shoulder and I leaned into him so my head rested against his shoulder. "What were you asking about then?" he whispered.

"Like, tomorrow, you know? When normal training starts again and we're with other people. Do you want to tell people we're a couple?"

"We are a couple now, aren't we?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'd say so," I chuckled. "I don't want to make a big deal out of it, though, you know? There are other couples in the Cadet Corps, and I don't really care if other people know, but…."

"You don't want to feel weird about it," he finished for me. "I wasn't planning on any PDA, if that's what you're worried about, and I don't want to make it weird either. Let's just act normal, and let everyone figure it out for themselves."

"That works for me."

A/N: This chapter took forever to write because of college work, and a slight writer's block. But, I finally got myself to finish it! Hopefully I'll be able to write the next few chapters more easily. Also, I really need more friends in this fandom. If anyone that's read the recent manga chapters wants someone to talk about them with, let me know because I have no clue what's going on and it's driving me crazy.