That summer was short, and so was the following winter. Soon graduation day was approaching, and when it was less than a month away, all the cadets were excitedly planning on where to go next: the garrison, the survey corps, and for some, the military police. We wouldn't know who would be eligible for the MPs until the end of April, and those who wanted to get in were frantically trying to get as much points as possible to qualify for the top ten, which was pointless. It had probably already been decided at that point.
Reiner had started talking about the military police and become more persistent with each conversation. Reiner had known for a long time that my plans were to join the survey corps, but as it came time to make those plans official he started to challenge it more. The first conversation we had about it was uncomfortable, and it got worse each time. He started to push the military police more aggressively, and I got more annoyed every time he brought it up.
As we got closer to the end, the topic of where to go next become impossible to avoid. Bertholdt, who for the last several weeks had been more normal partner during hand to hand combat and academic lessons, started to question me about it as well during training.
Our training that day was for one person to charge another and try to stab them with a wooden knife, while the other tried to disarm them. At first, Bert was the attacker and I was on the defensive. Bert's height was an advantage, he could come at me quicker with less strides, and lunge deeper. He liked to use his long legs to lunge forward and quickly go from out of reach to too close.
When he lunged at me with his right leg and jutting the wooden knife towards my stomach in an upper cut position with his left hand, I expected it and dodged to my left. I had learned from experience that when Bert lunged, it was best to go to the opposite side of his back leg or he would roundhouse kick you with it. The problem was that also meant going to the opposite side of him from the knife, which was good not getting stabbed, but not good for getting the knife from him. Before Bertholdt could pivot to face me, I kicked the ankle supporting the back leg, causing him to fall on that knee, and grabbed the closest arm and pinned it behind his back. Just as I was about grab the wrist from behind him, he swung his free arm over his head and towards me and came very close to smashing the fake knife into my nose. It stopped an inch away from my face.
"Damnit," I sighed as I let him go and let him stand up.
"Language," he said in a fake stern voice, and I rolled my eyes.
During my turn, I was able to poke the knife into his side, just below his ribs, which made me feel better about losing in the last round. As I tossed the knife back to him, I asked, "Don't you think this is odd?"
"What? A wooden knife?"
"No. This is one of the few exercises that isn't counted in the scoring that determine ranks, but the ranks are designed to determine who can be allowed to join the military police. This is also one of the few exercises that would only be useful to those wanting to join the military police. Isn't that odd?"
"Maybe," Bertholdt shrugged, "but I wouldn't say that these exercises are only of use to the MPs. You never know what kind of situations you'll end up in."
"I guess. But the survey corps' primary objective would scarcely allow use of these skills. They'd need someone who's better at using swords and the gear, which is heavily weighted in scoring for the military police."
"You're not interested in joining the military police, right? So why does it matter?"
"I suppose it doesn't. It's just odd, like I said."
Bertholdt assumed the position that signaled he was going to attack with the knife again, and I readied myself, this time managing to take the knife from him before he stuck me with it. When it was my chance to attack, he got the knife from me.
Before we repeated the exercise again, Bertholdt stopped to ask, "Why aren't you interested in joining the military police?"
"Have you been talking to Reiner?"
"Of course, he's my friend. I talk to him every day." I scoffed, and he continued, "I'm asking because I'm curious, not because he asked me to. Almost everyone here would love to join the military police and have a secure life in the interior. You should want that more than anyone. You grew up with titans roaming around in your backyard, and your city was trampled by them. You haven't had security your whole life, why don't you want it now that you could?"
"I'm not guaranteed a spot in the top ten like you, Reiner, and Mikasa. You all could probably go ahead and send in your applications to them and they'd accept you. I probably won't be in the top ten."
"That's not true. You're near the top of the class in every subject."
"I'm not the top of the class in anything," I countered, and he shook his head.
"That doesn't matter here. They look at your overall score, and since you're one of the few people who don't fall below average in any area, you're going to have a really high score."
"Not as high as yours or Reiner's," I said, and looking behind Bertholdt, I saw a scene that would distract from the conversation about scores and military police. "Speaking of Reiner…"
Bert turned around to see what I was looking at. Reiner was pushing Eren at an angry looking Annie, while exclaiming with a mischievous look on his face, "Now go get her!"
"Is Reiner trying to kill Eren?" asked Bert.
"He might as well be. C'mon, this will be great!"
I moved towards the scene, so we could get a better look and hear what they were saying, and Bert followed me. We stopped and picked a spot near Reiner was standing so we could pretend to still be doing the exercise, and Eren charged at Annie, holding the knife with both hands ready to strike.
Annie easily side stepped him and swung out with her leg at his shins, knocking him down. It must've hurt, because Eren fell back down after trying to put weight back on the leg she kicked. Turning to Reiner she asked, "Are we done here?"
"You know the procedure, Annie, you've got to get the knife."
Annie rolled her eyes, but turned and started to walk towards Eren, who had just managed to get back on his feet.
"W-wait, Annie, there's a certain way you're supposed to do this- "
Annie didn't seem to hear him, instead grabbing him while kicking out at him again with her legs, flipping him over so that he landed on his back with his butt up in the air and legs folded over his head. Bert and I chuckled to ourselves, and by now most of the groups around us had stopped to watch.
Reiner looked scared, especially when Annie looked at him and tossed to knife towards him, "There. Are you ready to take me on yourself yet or what?"
"Uh," Reiner looked at the knife and then back at her, "Not exactly."
"Do it, Reiner," Eren was still in the same position on the ground and was looking up at Reiner from between his legs. "Someone has got to teach her a lesson, right? You go get her."
Reiner grimaced, and said, "Yeah, I guess a solider can't afford to back down either. All right, here I come!"
A few seconds later, Reiner ended up in the same position on his back with his legs over his head. Bertholdt kept his amusement quiet, while I laughed loudly.
As Eren walked after Annie to question her about her fighting skills, I grabbed Reiner's legs and pushed them back over his head, still giggling.
Reiner stayed flat on his back for a moment, looking up at me, "Do you really think it's that funny to watch me get hurt?'
I stuck out my hand to help him to his feet, smiling at him, "You're fine, she didn't hurt you that bad."
"Besides, it was your fault, you should've known not to antagonize Annie," chimed in Bertholdt as Reiner got to his feet.
"I thought it'd be funny," said Reiner.
"And it was!" I smiled, and Reiner gave me an annoyed side-eye.
"Braun, Hoover, Arlert! Get back to work! No slacking off!"
"Yes sir!" we answered in unison, and Bert and I turned toward each other to continue while Reiner turned to look for Eren.
"Hey! Annie stole my partner!" I looked over to see Annie pin Eren to the ground, and shove the wooden knife towards his neck, before getting up and helping Eren off the ground.
"That's also your fault," said Bertholdt. "Just work with us."
Reiner nodded and stood to the side to watch while Bert came at me with the knife once again. Instead of lunging at me, he ran at me. It was different from Bertholdt's normal rhythm, but I still managed to side step out of the way. When he slashed out for me with the knife again, I grabbed his arm and twisted it into a z-shape, while pushing the arm towards his chest, causing him to let go of the knife.
I picked it up for him and waited for him to get ready, and when he nodded, I ran at him. I was too short to try to raise the knife up, so I aimed for his midsection. Bertholdt expected this and blocked me easily, pushing my arm out of the way. I lost my balance for a second but managed to hold on to the knife and jump to the opposite side of his right fist which swung out at me. His left arm still guarded his body, meaning I couldn't try to stab him yet as I'd have to reach across that arm. I side stepped back in front of him quickly while slashing out towards his neck with the knife, and he barely stepped back in time for the wood to miss him. He kicked out at my legs to knock me down, and at the same time I was cutting back towards him with the knife at the end of the arch of my previous attempt. The dull wood slashed across the fabric of his shirt on the right side of his chest just as his kick collided with my legs and I hit the ground.
"You two are being serious, huh?" asked Reiner, who I had forgot was still watching us. "Come at me, Bertholdt."
I handed him the knife as I stood up and watched Bert and Reiner go at it. Although Bertholdt was still able to hit Reiner with the blade of the knife, Reiner had put up a much better fight than I had seen him do before. In fact, they were both moving much quicker and using more complicated moves than I had seen them do before. When Reiner came at him, I noticed that Bertholdt's defenses were much tougher than they had been against me, and Reiner still broke through and managed to put the knife to Bert's throat.
I let Reiner catch his breath before I said, "It's you and me now, right?"
"Yeah, you ready?"
I put my hands up and nodded. Reiner came at me the same way he came at Bertholdt, but there was less force behind it, and he seemed to be moving a little slower. After dodging and blocking his first few attacks, I could tell for sure he wasn't using the same speed and skill he had against Bertholdt. I was able to easily grab one of his arms as he swung, and I turned and flipped him onto his back, although not as gracefully or perfectly as Annie had. Reiner's legs were still below his waist.
"Don't you think my back's hit the ground enough today?" he joked, and I gave him a soft smile before asking them both.
"Have you two been going easy on me this whole time?"
"What?" said Reiner while I turned to Bert.
"You were harder on him then you have been on me, and you used moves on him I've never seen you do before. Why is that? You aren't going easy on me cause I'm a girl, right?"
Bertholdt shook his head, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Reiner laughed a little before putting a hand on my shoulder, "You're pretty, Alex, and I love you, but I don't like getting thrown on my back multiple times a day. I wouldn't let you do that just because you're a girl."
Before I could question him again, the bell rang sounding for lunch, and Reiner grabbed the knife off the dirt and he and Bertholdt started to leave. I followed quickly. Keeping up with them and their long legs was hard enough without letting them get a head start.
That night at dinner, I sat at a table with Reiner, Bert, and Connie, and the conversation was thankfully light hearted, but behind us Jean was being loud and talking about getting in the military police with Marco.
"Man, wouldn't it be great?" sighed Marco. "Working within a stone throw from the King. There's no higher honor than that."
"Cut the misty-eyed bullshit, Marco," Jean slapped the back of Marco's head while he took a swallow out of his cup, causing the drink to splash all over him. "We're not children. Honor doesn't have a part in it. You just want a nice, cushy job in the interior being a glorified sentry."
"That's not true! That's not true at all! Listen, you guys- "
"Interior? You know, up until five years ago, this was a part of the interior."
The interrupting party was, of course, Eren. He had never been able to not pick a fight with someone he didn't agree with, and it didn't seem he agreed with Jean on anything.
"Oh shit, here we go," whispered Connie with a grin on his face. He enjoyed watching the discourse between Eren and Jean as much as I did.
"You got a point, Eren?" Jean responded.
"Poor Jean, so misguided," said Eren coolly, and I almost snorted. I had known Eren too long to take him seriously when he tried to act big and cool. "Besides, I don't think your head would fit in the interior anyway."
Jean's eyebrow twitched, and those listening to the exchange laughed at Eren's insult. Reiner snorted his drink out of his nose, some of it spraying on Bertholdt, who sat next to me and across from Reiner.
"Sorry," said Reiner sheepishly as Bert gave him an annoyed look and I handed Bert my napkin.
"It seems a little backwards to me," continued Eren. "Fine tuning your titan killing skills to be assigned to a station where you'll never see one."
Jean scowled at him, "Would you rather I was good at getting killed? No thank you. Better to play the system than get gnawed on."
"You son of a bitch!" Eren rose from his seat quickly, and Jean also stood.
"Bring it on you little bastard!" The two approached each other until they were nose to nose with Eren grabbing the front of Jean's shirt.
I was turned halfway around in my seat now, so I could watch the scene. It was a very typical one for them, and was starting to get boring. Even before we joined the training corps, Eren picked fights like this with loud people whose ideal conflicted with his own. Back in the refugee camps I would try to intervene and stop Eren from getting in trouble or hurt, but here I thought it was best to let Eren deal with it himself. No one here would hurt him too bad for his mouth, and if he got in trouble with the superiors for fighting, that's mean he'd might eventually stop.
Thanks to Reiner and Mikasa, though, that almost never happened. This time, it was Mikasa who tried to break them apart.
"Gentlemen, please," Mikasa stepped in between them, grabbing Eren's hand so he let go of Jean and gently putting it back at Eren's side.
Eren and Mikasa stared hard at each for a moment before Eren broke their gaze to look at his feet. For a split second, Eren looked ashamed for starting a fight and upsetting Mikasa. It didn't last very long.
Jean grabbed the front of Eren's shirt and yelled, "You think you can judge me, huh?"
"You rip this shirt and you're dead!" Eren's rage returned as soon as Jean touched him, completely forgetting about not wanting to upset Mikasa.
"I don't care about the shirt, you piss me off!" Jean's face was riddled with anger, and what I took to be jealousy. Jean knew that the reason Mikasa interrupted their argument was because she cared about Eren, not him. Jean also knew that Eren didn't know that. I had to admit that I felt sympathy for Jean in that sense. If Reiner liked someone else, but that person had no clue and took Reiner's affections for granted, I'd probably hate that person too.
"Are you crazy?" Eren shouted back, looking at him now with more disbelief. He really was oblivious to other people's feelings.
Eren stared at him like that for a half second longer before donning a more determined, but still angry, expression and grabbing Jean's wrist. Before Jean could do or say anything else, Eren put the palm of his other hand to Jean's chest, knocking him off balance, and stepped forward to kick Jean's opposite ankle. This successfully knocked Jean's feet out from under him, and he hit the ground on his back with a loud grunt.
Around the room a few people gasped, surprised at the skill of Eren's move. While everything that happened up to this point had been a typical Jean and Eren fight, that wasn't. They normally threw angry, uncoordinated punches until someone broke them up before they got in trouble. I was also surprised that Eren was able to think while he was angry, but I knew where he got that from. I was Annie's sparring partner enough times to recognize her style of fighting.
Jean was still on the ground sat up to glare at Eren, "Damnit. What was that?"
"A little something I picked up this afternoon while you had your thumb up your ass," Eren resumed his "cool guy" act from earlier, and while he had just done something cool and impressive, I still had to resist the temptation to roll my eyes at him again.
"You really think the military police is your ticket to a good life?" Eren continued. "You're not a soldier. You're a joke."
Oh shit, I thought, while the room got quiet again. Everyone was staring at Jean and Eren, waiting for Jean's response.
On the opposite side of the room, the door that lead to the outside porch slowly creaked open, and everyone quickly turned back around to face their plates. Instructor Shadis' face peaked through the open doorway, staring down the room.
"What was all that ruckus I heard just now? I do hope everything is alright," the threat is Shadis' tone was hard to miss.
Everyone stayed quiet while Eren and Jean resumed their seats, and after a moment I heard Mikasa's voice call out from behind me, "Sasha passed gas again, Commander."
"Whaaa?" I didn't turn around to look at Sasha, but I could imagine the look of horror on her face, and across from me Reiner and Connie were shaking while trying not to let their laughs escape in front of the Shadis.
"Why am I not surprised? For the love of god, Braus, learn some self control."
Shadis left, and conversation resumed across the room. Behind me, I could hear Sasha whining to Mikasa about throwing her under the wheels.
"Well at least something was accomplished by you throwing Eren at Annie," I commented, and Reiner shrugged back.
"I guess so."
While leaving dinner, Reiner placed his hand on my back, gently but firmly steering me away from where our other friends were headed.
I looked up at him with fake surprise. I knew he was going to try to get me alone so that he could try to talk to me about the military police again, especially after witnessing the fight between Jean and Eren.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked, smiling down at me with his charming smile that usually made me cave in to whatever he wanted.
"How about the library?" I suggested. It was a fair compromise. There wasn't anyone in there at this time of night, but there was still a chance of being interrupted.
Reiner turned directions to steer us towards the classroom building, but asked, "Haven't you read everything in there by now?"
"Probably," I admitted. "But we have less than a month left here. I should reread my favorites while I still have the chance."
He nodded, and we walked the rest of the way in silence. When we got to the library, I picked out a random fantasy book I had read before and curled up in one of the chairs to read it. Reiner took more time looking through the different titles. He rarely came there unless he went with me or Bertholdt. I was able to read the first through pages in silence before he spoke up.
"You know, the military police have access to libraries bigger than this one, and they have all different types of libraries. I'm sure you could find copies of all these books in Stohess and a bunch of new ones."
I stayed silent for a few seconds before answering him with an uninterested tone, "Is that so?"
"And even after you would leave Stohess and get assigned somewhere else, wherever you would go would have large libraries too. Like the one in Shiganshina that you loved."
I nodded without commenting, and for a few moments he didn't say anything. I could hear him continue to walk along the book shelves behind me, but he didn't make any noises otherwise. For a moment, I almost believed he would drop the conversation.
"ALEXANDRIA! LOOK AT ME!"
I jumped and dropped the book I was holding, and then sat frozen in the chair, stunned. Reiner rarely raised his voice in anger, and it was even rarer for him to yell at me. I knew that my evasiveness was annoying him, but I wasn't aware that I was making him that angry. After a moment I did turn around to look at him. He was staring at me with his arms crossed and a deep scowl, now obviously angry.
"Why won't you talk to me?" he asked, the stern expression on his face breaking a little, and I realized he wasn't angry as much as he was frustrated and upset. "Haven't you said before that we should be able to talk about anything right? So why won't you talk to me about this?"
I stood up quickly and walked closer to him, the forgotten book falling to the floor from where it had landed in my lap. "Reiner… I wasn't trying to make you upset, or mad. I'm sorry, I just don't…. What do you want me to say?"
Guilt was seeping its way into me the more his hurt seeped its way into his face. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't one for confrontation, but I should've known putting this off would only make it worse for us.
"Just talk to me! Don't blow me off and avoid me!" he uncrossed his arms and put them on his hips. "You haven't even told me why you don't want to join the military police."
"You know why I don't, Reiner!"
"No, I don't. I think I know why, but I don't know for sure cause you won't tell me."
"Well what do you think it is?" I asked. "I can tell you if you're right."
"I'd imagine it's something like what Eren thinks."
"Sort of."
He sighed and rubbed his temples, going over to a nearby chair to sit down. I followed him and sat down next to him and started to rub his back, which was tenser than I thought. I still felt guilty for causing him to be so stressed over this, and I knew I had to stop giving him short and vague answers.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," he said. "You've done nothing wrong."
"I've made you upset."
He waved his hand, saying, "I'm fine."
"Do you remember what I told you and Bertholdt the second night we were here at this camp?"
"Huh?" he gave me a confused look, so I continued.
"You, Bert, Eren, and Armin were going for a walk outside of the camp, and Armin saw me outside and asked me to go with you all. It was the first night we went to go to that spot overlooking the lake."
"We talked about why we were joining military," he nodded, now remembering. "You said… something about a soldier from… that day. You said you wanted to be like him and his comrades. You wanted to do what you could to defeat the titans and save people from getting eaten."
"That's the gist of it," I said. "Back then you said I was brave for wanting to fight titans."
"You are brave, but I said that before I fell in love with you. Now when I think about you going off to fight titans, all I can imagine is you getting eaten alive."
I looked at my feet and didn't respond. I had no idea what to say to that. I had always thought I was good at comforting and being a solid rock for those around me, but I didn't think there was a way to comfort him about this.
"I understand, Alex, I do. You want to be a hero and take the courageous path. You feel like your life will have meaning if you join the survey corps and do what you can to kill the titans, or die trying," he said the last part with a darker tone and paused before continuing. "But what about us? If you join the survey corps, we won't have much of a future together. I don't have to read the book about the history of the survey corps to know that their death rate is high. There is no guarantee of either of lasting long there, and if you joined them and I joined the military police it'd be impossible to have a real relationship. The survey corps don't live like other soldiers; few of them get to have families, and part of that is because of their high death rate."
"Families?" I repeated. "You want a family?"
"It'd be nice to have a family one day, don't you think? If we stayed in the military police, we could have a future like that. For the first year or so we'd have to stay in Stohess, and we could get married during that time to make sure we aren't assigned to stations in different cities after our training. If you want to, of course."
"Of course I'd want to, Reiner, I'd love to have a future with you."
"Really? Are you sure?" Reiner's smile lit up, and he looked like an excited puppy dog for a moment, as if he had expected me to object to having a family with him. Which made saying what I had to say next difficult.
"Yes. But…."
"But?" he raised his eyebrows at me, dropping the happy puppy dog look.
"It's just not as simple as 'Oh, I want a future with Reiner, so this is what I'll do.' There's more going on here," I sighed, feeling horrible for saying that. "Can I tell you something a little odd?"
"What's that?"
"I just honestly don't like the military police. I never have."
"You mean as an organization?"
I shrugged, "I guess. Even when I was a girl, the MP soldiers that patrolled Shiganshina always scared me. They were stricter than the garrison soldiers, and I felt like they looked down at us. Which in hindsight, that could've only been because we were dirty little children playing and fighting in the streets. You were a refugee stuck working the fields, though, right?"
"I was. I've told you that before; Bertholdt, Annie, and I were together cleaning out trees for crops."
"Right. We were apart of the groups of refugees working the fields, but the MPs came to observe you, too, right? I hated them during that time. They used to look down their nose at us and complain that we weren't working hard enough. They blamed the famine on us. I still understand why other people would want to join. It has a lot of benefits, as you keep pointing out, and it is a great honor. I just don't think it's for me."
Reiner nodded, "I don't think that's odd. I think it's understandable. The MPs we meet back then were shitty to us, too. But they don't represent the entire organization, Alex."
"I know that," I sighed.
"Hey, think about this way," Reiner said, reaching out to grab my hand and squeeze. "If you did join the military police, you could help bring about change and eventually wash out all the corrupt MPs."
"Maybe," I said, now considering the possibility. "That still wouldn't change the want to join the survey corps. I think you're right; I want to be a hero, and I'm like Eren. Eren's always wanted to join the them, but I had no interest until that day. They trampled all over my home and took it, and they started the famine that took my grandpa away. It became personal, just like it did for Eren. The titans destroyed your hometown too, right? Can't you relate to that?"
"I suppose I can. Will you agree to think about it? For me?"
I nodded, "It's a lot to think about."
"It is," he agreed. "Which is why I've been wanting to talk to you about this for the past month."
The slight passive aggressive tone wasn't lost on me, and I sighed, "I'm sorry. I honestly wasn't trying to upset you or frustrate you. I was trying to not upset you by avoiding a fight."
"Did we have a fight?" he asked, and I felt like a scolded child.
"Not really, we didn't. I thought we were, though."
Reiner reached out and grabbed my hand and pulled it up to him and kissed the back of my hand. It was a sweet and comforting gesture that he started to do more often that made my chest swell.
"I'm sorry I yelled. I shouldn't have."
I shook my head, "It's fine."
Reiner looked away and nodded his head at the book still laying on the ground a few feet away from us, "Are you still interested in reading that book?"
I shook my head, and he gave me his mischievous half smile, "How long until you think we get ran out of here?"
"We might have a little a bit," I smiled as Reiner was already trying to pull me out of my chair and into his own.
A/n: I'm still recovering from chapter 105.
