Chapter Sixteen: Got Lost in Wonderland


Darling, we found wonderland. You and I got lost in it, and we pretended it could last forever.

I reached for you but you were gone, I knew I had to go back home. You search the world for something else to make you feel like what we had, and in the end in wonderland we both went mad.

-Taylor Swift, "Wonderland"


Grant waited several moments after Skye left to regain his composure. He steadied his breathing and fixed his clothes in the silence. Even after he was ready, he wasted more time alone in the closet just to be safe. If someone had been watching the door after Skye's departure, chances were they had abandoned their post.

The alarms were still blaring when he emerged. The hallways were a mess littered with prone bodies, none of which were sporting the SHIELD eagle logo, Grant noted. He stopped and checked a few for a pulse, but they were all dead. The survivors must have fled.

He did a sweep of the building but did not see Kara. That was good, she was likely fine then. He did not know why he had doubted, she was a very competent agent. Still, if she had gotten killed while he had been kissing an enemy and could have helped her- Grant cut his thoughts off. Kara Lynn Palamas was not his responsibility.

He took one of the fallen Hydra members' earpiece to test the frequencies. The voices poured over the line immediately. He quickly gathered where the forces were regrouping and set off.

He was fortunate that he had arrived after the conflict began because now he had the perfect excuse for why he was not around to help. John and he had touched down in HQ after a disappointing meeting with Raina only to face more power plays from Whitehall.

It seemed that Kara and her team had managed to secure the Adamantium, but now Whitehall wanted her for some other assignment. He had the equipment and intel needed for her mission at headquarters and rather than delegate to someone whose services would not be missed, he ordered Ward to bring it to her.

It was an obvious challenge, commanding Garrett's right hand report to him and giving him a menial task. Grant suspected Whitehall was trying to test loyalties. He recognized that Ward's focus was more on John than Hydra and wanted to see how Grant would react.

But Ward was not so easily baited. He saw through Whitehall's transparent attempts to get a response from him, so all Grant had said to him was that he was happy to serve Hydra. He had to stop himself from saying "happy to comply" instead. That would be too heavy handed, and John told him to ensure Whitehall would not become suspicious at such a crucial time for them.

It could work to his advantage now. It would be easy for Grant to play off this posturing from Whitehall as the reason why he would not be back for another day to John. It gave him time to meet with Skye.

Unbidden, a thrill shot through Grant. He belatedly realized he was smiling to himself and quickly forced his face into a mask of emotionlessness.

Grant wondered if it was a problem that he was so far gone that he did not even consider standing Skye up.


Skye woke up the following day feeling lighter than she had in months. Five a.m. training with May did not even make a dent in her mood.

"You have a lot of energy this morning," May remarked after they finished up. The sun had not risen yet, and while Skye was far more diligent and ready to train nowadays, it was still strange for her to be bubbly so early. Especially since her transformation.

"Just have a good feeling about the day," Skye said. That was true, she did have a good feeling about the day because today was the day she was finally giving into what she wanted.

May gave her one of her rare soft smiles but said nothing more on the subject.

Skye swallowed a gulp of water as she broached the next topic as casually as she could. She did not look at May as she gathered her things and said, "I need to go on one of my trips soon."

"Is it urgent?" May asked seriously, wary of the possibility that Skye would bring the base down on them while everyone slept.

Skye shrugged while still avoiding May's gaze. "Not really. It can wait a day or two."

"I'll talk to Coulson," May promised.

Skye just nodded and let them regress into silence. Her S.O. left the room without another word. Skye refused to let that reminder of her weirdness get her down though.

As soon as Simmons woke up, Skye was quick to track her down and lay the groundwork for her plan.

"Morning Jemma," Skye said by way of greeting as she entered the kitchen.

Simmons looked up with a smile. "Hey Skye. You look happy," she observed.

Skye took a seat by Simmons. "Yeah, I guess I am." She snagged a bit of Simmons' omelet before the other woman could protest. Skye groaned and found herself not for the first time wishing that she could cook. It just was not the type of skill that someone picked up living in a van for most of their adult life though. "So I have to ask for a favor."

Simmons frowned slightly, "Beyond stealing my breakfast you mean?"

"Uh yeah," Skye said without a hint of guilt. "I wanted to take you up on your offer from the other day."

Simmons gasped in pleased surprise. "For me to educate you on thermodynamics as it relates to-"

"Not that one," Skye interrupted. She had almost forgotten Simmons was trying to get her to understand all this science mumbo jumbo that she missed as a high school dropout. Skye was sure most eighteen year olds never learned that stuff anyway. "I was talking about going out to a bar again. You know, to get me laid," she said with an eye roll.

"Oh." Some of Simmons excitement had dampened, but she recovered quickly with even more enthusiasm. "Yes, of course, but does this mean your previous vexation is no longer a concern?" Simmons voice dropped making it extremely clear for any potential eavesdropper that there was something up.

Skye nearly sighed in frustration. "Yes," she lied. "I've moved past it."

Simmons let out a relieved breath. "Thank goodness, I was so worried. I knew you would see the potential repercussions there though." Skye wanted to cringe, but she kept her face blank and refused to let doubt creep in.

"Yeah, so tonight?" Skye prompted, eager to stop that train of thought.

"Wonderful. I have just the pub in mind," Simmons said. "Their clientele have very symmetrical features and well formed physiques if you know what I mean."

Skye laughed. She felt giddy, everything felt normal for once. "Great."

At nine that night, Skye and Simmons went to Simmons' bar, which did have many hot people Skye could admit, and drank a couple beers. Skye let Simmons pick out a guy for her and then pretended to flirt with him for several minutes. She told Simmons she was going home with him, and the biochemist left. Not long afterwards, Skye lost her admirer by sneaking out the back door after pretending to go to the bathroom. Everything went off without a hitch.

Skye arrived outside of the hotel ten minutes to eleven. She considered going inside and securing a room for them, but she wanted to wait. Part of her was worried that he might not show. She had not allowed herself to dwell on the possibility, so consumed with the feeling of actually being hopeful for once.

Now that she was there and waiting, the thoughts crept back in. It was not as though she even waited for him to agree before leaving the night before.

As she contemplated that, she sensed a presence from behind her. The sidewalk was quiet at this time of night, so it was suspicious. When the person moved closer, Skye's hand drifted inconspicuously to her sidearm.

"If you shoot me now, it's going to put a damper on the whole evening," an arrogant voice spoke from just behind her.

Skye relaxed at once when she recognized it. Her hand dropped and her lips quirked up in a restrained smile. "Maybe that's my idea of fun," she teased.

"I certainly hope not because I had a very different idea of fun for this night," he said, leaning down to speak into her ear. His breath was hot and sent shivers down Skye's spine. He stood behind her close enough that their clothes just barely brushed each other. He trailed a finger down her arm. "Trust me, my way is better."

Skye turned to face him and canted her head to the side in consideration. "I'd be willing to test that." She turned and walked away without waiting for his response. "Well, are you coming or what?" Skye called over her shoulder.

He was behind her in an instant and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, shielding her from view. "There's a camera at our two o'clock," he spoke softly with his head turned away from the device.

"I knew that," Skye told him testily. It grated her that he seemed to still be underestimating her. "Which is why I took care of it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Took care of it how?" He opened the front door for her and held it to let her walk through. There was no mockery in the gesture like Skye usually saw from people. It seemed to be a habit of his, an ingrained action. That was strange because the type of people who usually have those instincts were rich kids raised to be gentlemen of society or some such nonsense. Just another mystery and contradiction for her to analyze Skye supposed.

"I looped the surveillance footage for the next ten hours," Skye said casually. "So the elevator camera, front entrance, even the ATM video feed across the street? Not a problem."

His lips twitched like he was repressing a smile. She smirked back, knowing he was impressed even if he would not say anything.

His arm was still around her, guiding her towards the front desk. The concierge looked up as they approached with a polite smile. "Good evening, how may I help you?"

Skye felt a little stupid all of the sudden. Maybe she should have called ahead, but she had not had an opportunity to back at the base. It was probably strange to show up without warning, made it obvious what they were at the hotel for. May as well get it over with, Skye thought. She plastered a friendly smile on her lips, but before Skye could ask for a room, the arm around her tightened to stop her.

"Hello. We have a reservation for one night." Zach grinned charmingly in a way that reminded Skye of Seville. She had almost forgotten that he was so good at this stuff. But did he really call in a reservation?

"Of course, sir. What name is the reservation under?"

"Dan Filch," he answered easily, as if that were actually his real name. He even produced an ID that said as much.

"Do you need any help with your bags?" The concierge asked as he retrieved a key card for their room.

"Nah, we're only in the area for the night, so the big ones are staying in the car. Need an early start if we wanna get to Niagara Falls before nightfall. Right, honey?"

He had an answer for everything. Skye's smile was genuine as she looked back at him. He stared at her adoringly. "With the way you drive, we'll be lucky to make it by next week," she said.

A flash of real amusement peeked through his lovey dovey façade. The concierge handed them their key card while informing them of the way to their room. Skye could not stop grinning the whole way to the elevator.

When the doors closed and the two of them were alone, Skye turned towards her companion. "Please tell me some poor sap named Dan isn't going to be out a place to stay tonight because we stole his room."

He smirked down at her in response. His hand was absentmindedly stroking her shoulder from where his arm encircled her. After a second, he let go of her. Skye wanted to say something, missing the heat of him already, but then he put a hand on both of her shoulders and gently pushed her backwards.

Her back hit the wall lightly, and his hands rose to cradle her face. He lowered his mouth to hers, and Skye's eyelids fluttered closed. She ran her fingers through his hair and yanked him even closer.

Just when things began to get heated, the elevator dinged to let them know the reached their floor. Skye intertwined their fingers and led them to Room 480. She glanced back at him and almost stopped in shock.

His hair was mussed and his lips reddened from their kissing, but that was not what caught her attention. It was his expression. It was not the fake adoring look he had sported earlier, but it was soft and cherishing all the same. He smiled tenderly at her, but Skye was willing to bet he did not know he was. His eyes were warm, more amber than brown, and followed her every movement.

Skye's breath caught because no one had ever looked at her that way, like she was something to be treasured. As if she was the center of his world.

"We're here," she said softly, as though speaking loudly would ruin the atmosphere.

He nodded and inserted the key card. The light flashed green, and he opened the door for her again.

Skye flicked on the lights, barely taking in the interior, her focus entirely on her companion as he shut the door behind them. Suddenly, she felt a little nervous. She was not worried about any of the legitimate concerns there were, like the amount of trust she was giving a Hydra member, but she was anxious over something else entirely.

He showed up, he kissed her, so Skye knew that her attraction was not just one-sided. Still, she felt like she was opening herself up for rejection. She had never been so insecure when it came to one night stands, but even if that was all this amounted to, Skye could not consider this the same.

And then there was the other concern that Skye could not block out to just enjoy the moment the way she was with everything else. What was this and what did it mean? Skye was not an idiot, she knew there was no way that they could meet up and continue sleeping together. The idea of any sort of relationship was out of the question, it just was not possible. To Skye, this was one night of her giving in and getting what she had been denying herself. While she would admit that her feelings were not limited to pure physical attraction, Skye was going to pretend that was the case. There could be no emotions. There was always the chance that they would end up fighting each other the next day. But Skye was not sure if they were even on the same page and could not decide how to broach the subject.

Maybe her thoughts showed on her face because he was staring at her knowingly. He leaned back against the door and shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, out with it."

"We should probably discuss some things first," Skye said.

"Well, I didn't really come here to discuss anything." He pushed off the wall and moved across the room. He shucked his jacket off and removed what looked like a whole arsenal that he had apparently been hiding on his person.

Skye's skill at hiding her facial expressions was the only thing that prevented the blush that his tone and meaning brought on as well as the eye roll at the sheer number of weapons he brought to a hook up. "You really have nothing that you want to say?"

He sighed."This is a one time thing," he said.

"Agreed."

"After we split up tomorrow morning, this never comes up again."

Skye adopted a fake southern belle accent. "You're not going to throw little old me out after we finished, I'm touched." She was getting better at reading him because when his face twitched at her comment, she knew it was from trying to hide his amusement. "Okay, got it. What happens in a hotel outside of D.C., stays here and all."

He let himself smile this time before returning to his serious expression. "I can't have any attachments. This isn't emotional." Skye got the feeling that he was trying to convince himself of that one but just nodded.

"I have one more rule: no work talk," Skye stipulated. While she would love to get the upper hand on Hydra, she did not trust that he would not figure something out from her if they talked about their jobs. She would have no way to explain how she got the intel or trust that it was accurate anyway.

"Shouldn't be a problem with what I have planned," he said huskily, and Skye was done with talking.

She grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her in another passionate kiss. She dragged him back as she blindly walked towards the bed. When she hit the edge of the mattress, she stumbled. He quickly steadied her as their lips broke apart and gave her an intense look as they both breathed heavily.

Skye turned them around and pushed him down to the bed. He sat without a protest and never took his eyes off her as she straddled him. His hands traced the sides of her body up and down before grasping the hemline of her shirt. He tugged at it, his intention clear. Skye pulled back to let him remove the shirt and then gasped when he immediately began kissing her chest.

He peppered light kisses on the curve of her breasts not concealed. His fingers trailed up her back as unclipped her bra. Skye decided that he was far too clothed.

"Off," she demanded harshly as she jerked his shirt up as much as she could. He stopped his ministrations long enough to throw the garment away. While he was doing that, Skye removed her unhooked bra from her arms and tossed it aside.

He took in her shirtless appearance in awe and returned to kissing her breasts, taking one of them in his mouth as his hand covered the other. Skye gasped and threw her head back.

Skye rolled her hips against his own and was rewarded with a groan he could not stifle in time. She felt him hardening under her as she pushed for more friction.

He switched his attention to her other breast as his unoccupied hand roamed around touching every part of her unclothed top. She noticed that he had not reached where she wanted him most. The thought had her grinding down shamelessly in the hopes of alleviating some of the growing pressure that had begun in her lower stomach. His hips jerked in response causing Skye's breath to hitch. It was not enough though, and it was driving her crazy.

She focused on getting her fumbling fingers to unbutton his pants. He was distracting her with his wandering hands, and she whined in frustration as she failed to get it open.

He pulled back then and gripped her under her backside to yank her to him. He spun them around so now she was lying on the bed beneath him. From this position, Skye could clearly see the effect she had on him. His pants did nothing to conceal the prominent bulge that had formed.

Instead of removing his pants like she wanted, he dipped to press his mouth to her stomach and down to her naval. At the same time, he worked her underwear and pants off much more efficiently than her attempts towards his own. He slid them down at the same as his mouth trailed towards the juncture between her thighs.

Skye had to grab the sheets in an attempt to ground herself as his mouth lowered upon her. He worked her open with his tongue and fingers until Skye fell apart.

As she tried to recover, he raised himself up over her. For a moment, the two of them just stared at each other before Skye grabbed his head to pull him down for a searing kiss that tasted of her. He hurriedly rid himself of the rest of his clothing as she bit down on his bottom lip. She spread her legs open and let him nestle in between them. Slowly, he guided himself into her.

Skye gasped and clutched at his back. She began kissing and biting his neck as he let her grow accustomed to the feeling of having him inside her before moving.

The rhythm was steady at first. Long, powerful thrusts that reflected his amazing self-control, but Skye observed him hazily as he came apart at the seams. His expression tightened and his breathing quickened. One of his hands trailed down between them to touch her and send her over the edge with him.

Afterwards, she rolled over on the bed. Skye breathed in deeply, calming the rapid pounding of her heart. She was covered in sweat and the sheets were a tangled mess that had been pushed aside in their haste to get rid of any potential boundaries between them.

Skye glanced over at her partner, slightly surprised to see he was already looking at her. His stare was softer than she had ever seen it, reminiscent of when he was unconscious at Futurepharm. There was an emotion in his eyes that Skye did not want to consider. He reached out a hand to stroke her face gently, and Skye warmed under his touch. She felt precious and protected under the weight of his gaze.

Skye could not help the grin that spread across her face. She flipped over to straddle him, enjoying the light shock and excitement that colored his expression.

"This time I'm on top," she told him.

In response, he raised his head and gave her a light kiss on the lips that echoed the sentiments that neither of them would give a voice to.


Skye stirred awake at exactly five thirty in the morning. She wanted to cling to sleep after having gotten so little rest the night before, but someone was making that impossible.

She was wrapped up in his arms, so when he woke up, he had to detangle himself from her. Skye could not decide which was more irritating, the fact that he ruined her rest or the sudden coldness that spread through her when he ended their embrace. There was a note of finality in the movement.

"How can you already be up?" Skye mumbled as he left the bed. She thought she heard him chuckle, but she was too sleepy to be sure. The bathroom door opened and closed, and she heard the shower turn on.

She briefly considered joining him, knowing there was no way she could go back to bed now, but something stopped her. It was a new day, their stolen night had come and gone. It felt like it would be breaking the established rules to share the shower with him. That was oddly domestic and couple-y. Skye sighed to herself as she turned over, that did not stop her from wanting to though.

Skye wondered if she should take this as her cue to leave. It might be easier to skip the awkward goodbye and just get on with her life. She ran her fingers over his side of the bed that was still warm. She decided she could wait a little longer. After all, she may as well enjoy the time she had left before returning to the reality where she was an unstable abomination with zero romantic prospects.

Skye sat up, resigned to the knowledge that she would not be able to go back to sleep. She darted across the room and grabbed his discarded shirt to cover herself. She always loved wearing her boyfriends' shirts. Not that he was her boyfriend or that they had something that even resembled a real relationship. Skye sighed and chose not to dwell on those thoughts.

Instead, she plopped back on the edge of the bed and turned on the television to occupy herself. Checking her phone would probably lead to messages from Simmons or someone else, so TV it was.

She flipped through the channels before stopping on a news station. They were interviewing that asshole, SHIELD-hating senator. She figured she should probably see what Senator Ward was up to. The douchebag said a lot of platitudes and even managed to bring up the "terrorist organization SHIELD" making Skye roll her eyes.

"Turn it off."

Skye nearly jumped at the sound of his voice. She had not even noticed that the shower had turned off, but there he was behind her clad in only a towel. Normally the water droplets emphasizing his impressive chest would be distracting, but Skye was completely focused on his face.

She had never seen him look so dangerous, even when he was taking down the AIM agents. His face was set in a deadly expression now, jaw clenched and teeth gritted, while he stared at the television screen.

"I was just checking the news," Skye said hesitantly, unsure of what to make of this abrupt change in mood.

"I said turn it off," he snarled. He violently grabbed the remote out of her hands and pressed the power button. Even after the TV went dark, he glared at it. Skye was worried he might actually grab his gun and shoot it.

"Okay, wow. That was totally unnecessary," Skye said. She was not afraid of him, though she wondered if she should be, but she was growing concerned. He was shaking in rage and had yet to even look at her. When he did not respond to her, she added, "It's off now, all right? Calm down."

He ran a hand through his wet hair and took deep breaths as though he had just finished running a marathon. After a couple of torturous moments, he relaxed. "I see you're wearing my shirt," he observed in a normal tone.

Skye just gaped. "Uh are your really going to ignore the fact that you just acted like a crazy person over me watching the news?"

"Drop it," he said lowly.

Skye did not want to, but he clearly did not want to talk about it. Besides, it was obviously an emotional reaction for him, and they did agree to no feelings.

So instead of asking one of the hundreds of questions she had, Skye just gestured to his shirt and said, "Well, it looks better on me."

He gave a smirk. "I will concede that's true. Still going to need it back though."

Skye tapped her chin in contemplation. "Hmm, no, I don't think so. What you're wearing now suits you much better."

He laughed a little and shook his head. "It'd be too much of a hassle to deal with people if I went back to HQ dressed like this."

That gave Skye the strange image of him walking through Hydra headquarters in nothing but a towel, which she had to admit was a pretty amusing thought.

"Fine," she said as she slowly lifted it off of her body to reveal her naked body underneath. She dropped it lightly at his feet with a smile. "All yours."

His eyes darkened with lust just like she knew they would. One of his hands tightened into a fist while he stared at her.

She leaned backwards on the bed, arms supporting her in such a way that made her chest stick out. His eyes seemed glued to her breasts, so Skye knew she had him. She looked up at him seductively and challengingly.

She watched as his self-control lost the battle, and she found herself in his arms again for the next hour.

When seven o'clock rolled around, Skye knew that she had to get back to base. Reluctantly, she pulled away from him and gathered her clothes.

She noticed him staring at her as she did. "I've got to get back," she explained. "My S.O. is not going to be happy with me for staying out so long."

He snorted. "I'd take the Cavalry's reaction over my S.O.'s."

Skye looked back at him as she dragged her pants up her legs. "Really? Who's your S.O.?" That was not something she normally heard from anyone who even knew Melinda May's reputation.

He narrowed his eyes at her and sat up. "I would think that would be common knowledge at SHIELD."

Skye paused in the process of re-hooking her bra. There were several things that set off alarm bells for Skye in that statement. The fact that he seemed to think she and the rest of SHEILD should know him and his S.O. by repute indicated that he at least thought he was a big enough deal to warrant that attention. That meant he was either more arrogant than she thought or that the nagging and frequently ignored worries she had that he was highly ranked and important to Hydra had merit.

Her heart started to pound as she realized that she could no longer pretend his identity did not matter. She was afraid to know, as she had been since she first began developing feelings for a Hydra agent, but Skye forced herself to ask the next question anyway.

"What's your name?" Her voice shook slightly, but she made sure her tone was serious enough that he would not try to joke or lie.

She succeeded in putting him on alert. His body was tense as he stared back at her bewildered. "What? Don't you-"

"What's your name?" Skye interrupted firmly.

"Grant Ward."


This is by far my longest chapter. Also, things are officially heating up. The way I envisioned this fic, it's a before/after story. Consider this the end of the "before" part. Everything's crazier from here on out I would say. Hope the sex scene wasn't terrible, I've never written one before.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Your support means the world to me. I look forward to hearing what you think of this one!