Chapter 9- A Matter Of Survival
Squall sat in shock. The battlefield smoldered. Dust and smoke rising from the rocky terrain, the remains of gun blasts and weaponry from the fight. Soldiers' voices could be heard in the distance yelling out orders. Figures could be barely seen through a haze that seemingly settled like a fog. Laguna's shoulders were cradled in Squall's arms, his body splayed out, his head laying limply back to rest in the crook of Squall's elbow. There was no movement from him; no sign of life in him. Blood was steadily dripping down the sides of his mouth. Squall's eyes darted down to the unconscious man in his lap.
"No... no, Laguna. C'mon. You can't do that. You gotta wake up. You gotta stay with me," Squall ignored the desperation that had lilted in his voice. His grip on Laguna tightened, even more, fingers leaving indentations into his father's arms.
This is all my goddamn fault. I never NEVER should have let him come along with us. I never should've let him fight. I should've forced him to stay behind. I knew I had a bad feeling about this, and if he dies...
"Rinoa?" Squall tried to find his voice as Griever lay Rinoa's figure next to Squall. The GF never moved. He just hovered protectively over the three, golden eyes scanning the battlefield in case anything tried to attack while they were all vulnerable and susceptible to attack.
"Rinoa, you've got to wake up... I-I," Squall's voice caught in his throat.
I need you... Right now. I need you more than anything. I need your help. So, please. Please wake up. Don't you fade out on me too... Ugh stop acting like a pansy and focus!
Coming to his senses, Squall gathered up energy in the palm of his hand and cast a Curaga spell over Laguna's limp form. Members of the Galbadian and Estharian Army called out to Squall that they were sending for help to the field medics, but the SeeD barely registered this. He was too focused on trying to preserve his father's life, at least until they could get back to Esthar and get Laguna safely into a hospital.
The President tipped his head back, taking a heavy gasp in Squall's arms, his breathing returning very shallow and coarse. Squall swiped his forearm over his face, brushing back the burning sweat that was lacing his forehead and stinging his eyes. He didn't take his eyes off Laguna as he waited with bated breath. Next to him, Rinoa groaned, slowly regaining consciousness, and he reached out a hand to grab her arm and tug her closer, one arm around his father and his other holding her close. He felt so pathetic and helpless, on his knees in a battlefield with his seriously injured father and his girlfriend hurt and barely conscious.
Laguna was on the verge of death and Rinoa was definitely injured, though he wasn't sure where. At least she wasn't bleeding.
God, somebody please help us...
The SeeD Commander swallowed thickly against the lump attempting to form in his throat again, when Laguna let out a hard cough, spattering a bit of blood on Squall's white shirt, but he did not care.
"Laguna!? C'mon. You gotta wake up. You have to stay with me here. You can't leave me. Not now." Squall hesitated for a moment, his desperation finally getting the better of him. "Please, Dad."
Laguna's breathing sputtered for a moment before his eyes flickered open, and Squall felt his heart jump into his throat as emerald green met ice blue.
"Squall. Hey son," Laguna's voice croaked out and Squall found he couldn't speak any words. He just tightened the grip of his fingers on Laguna's shoulder. "You alright? You're not hurt are you?"
Squall let out a very short, humorless laugh, incredulous that his father was lying here bleeding to death and he was too busy wondering if Squall was hurt. "Leave it to you to worry about me while you're like this. You're such a moron."
"Yeah, I guess I probably am," Laguna tried to laugh and then winced from the pain and groaned loudly. "Really am sorry bout this. I never realized it, how alike you and Raine are," he mumbled, eyes at half-mast. "Amazing really. Just like her. So glad I got to meet you. Just wanted you to know that, Squall... my son," the President mumbled. His words were slurring together, his eyes beginning to flutter close once again.
"What? What are you talking about? C'mon, Laguna. You have to stay awake. Keep telling me about Raine. About my mom. What is it about us that's alike? Keep talking to me. Don't fade out on me. Dammit! Laguna! DAD!"
Squall tapped Laguna's face again, but once more, he had fallen unconscious and his skin was turning a very pasty, almost ghostly shade. It was terrifying him. "Fuck! Where the hell are the goddamn medics!"
Laguna's breaths were becoming more shallow and uneven by the moment, and at some points, it sounded like his breathing stopped. Squall felt like he had been sitting there and waiting for an eternity when he heard the loud clatter of armor from soldiers running as fast as possible approaching them.
They were carrying numerous first aid kids, like suitcases swinging in their hands. Squall felt a hand grasp his arm, and he looked up into the face of a Galbadian Medic.
"Son, we need you to let go of him now. We got him. Can you tell us what happened?"
His voice was loud, somewhat harsh. Another Medic, an Estharian Medic, was crouched down in front of Laguna, removing Squall's bloodied leather jacket and replacing it with fresh gauze and bandages. Laguna had once again lost consciousness, and it almost seemed as if he weren't even there. He never reacted to the pressure of the bandages being wrapped around deep, fresh, oozing wounds.
"Son? I need you to snap out of it. Can you remember what happened to the President?"
Squall shook his head, ran a hand down his face and took a breath. Surprisingly his tone was steady.
"We were fighting monsters along with the army. Laguna insisted on being out on the frontlines with the soldiers, myself and Rinoa," he made a hand gesture to the girl at his side where another Medic had now approached her and was checking her over for injuries. "When we were fighting some of the moon monsters, Rinoa got attacked, and I summoned a GF to protect her. The next thing I knew, Laguna was... jumping out in front of me to protect me from being attacked while I was distracted by another one, and...," Squall's throat closed up and he couldn't bring himself to say anything more.
He just waved a hand at Laguna, indicating that this was what happened next. One of the Estharian Medics nearby patted the distraught SeeD on his shoulder and nodded his head in understanding.
At least he's a bit nicer than that asshole of a Galbadian Medic. Must be a Galbadian thing. They're all jerks.
"It's alright, son."
Can they just stop calling me son? I'm not their son...
"We have emergency transport waiting over there. I'll gather your belongings and put them in the back of the vehicle. We just need to get the President in, and Rinoa here is it? Rinoa the Sorceress, correct?"
Squall flinched at those words but didn't respond, just nodded his head.
"We'll carry them over and get you all back to Esthar's top medical facility. Don't worry, son. You're in good hands"
"Can you stop calling me son?" Squall snapped. The only person allowed to call him 'son' was Laguna and nobody else as far as he was concerned.
The Galbadian Medic was the one to speak up.
"Do you have a name then? Maybe you can tell me who you are so we can report everything that happened. The Esthar government and medical specialists will have questions," the Medic explained.
Squall noted that the man was not trying to be unkind. In fact, he was being professional and doing his job. He just wished at this point in time, the Medic could've been a bit more compassionate about the entire situation.
Of course, I have a name... what kind of stupid question is that?
"Squall. My name is Squall Leonhart," he answered while the Medics finished their work.
"Oh, Squall Leonhart? You're the Commander of SeeD, aren't you?" Squall didn't like the way the Medic appeared to be scrutinizing him. "Maybe you'll be able to better answer to the President's doctors and surgeons just how the Commander of SeeD allowed the President of Esthar to get so severely injured then."
Squall blanched at this words, his eyes widening at the Medic who's tone turned somewhat condescending at this point.
What the hell is this guy's problem? I LET Laguna get hurt? No, I didn't, I just... I don't know. Maybe I did. I-I ... It's not like I asked for this. I didn't want this to happen...
Squall's face then went blank, he masked his emotions entirely.
"Things like this happen when you're fighting on the frontlines. Laguna is formerly a soldier, so he knew the risks. I didn't give Laguna any orders to the contrary. He chose to fight. It's not my job to tell the President of Esthar what to do in regards to his own country. My orders were to come and help assist in the monster extermination and nothing more," the SeeD stated indifferently, but he made sure equal coldness was dripping from his tone as he responded to the soldier's criticisms. Squall did his best to act like a professional SeeD in this instance since the Galbadian Medic insisted on judging a situation that he wasn't there to witness, but everything inside of his was screaming the complete opposite.
"So, you're blaming the President for getting himself hurt, when you're the Commander of the great mercenaries known as SeeD and defeated the sorceress, and yet you couldn't even keep the President out of harm's way?"
What the actual hell is this guy's problem with me? He's had a shitty attitude ever since he arrived on the scene.
Squall just sighed and threw his hands up in the air. He had no energy nor desire to argue or even defend himself, and maybe it's because the Medic was right. It was his fault. He deserved to be berated. So he just remained silent as the Galbadian Medic chastized him.
"..."
"Accidents happen. Lay off of him," an Estharian Medic scolded the Galbadian Medic as he gathered up Rinoa in his arms. "We need to get these two to a hospital. They both need looking at. The President has lost a lot of blood and appears to have broken ribs along with his flesh wounds, so there's concern that his ribs may have punctured his lungs. The girl appears to have hit her head pretty hard. She may be concussed."
The other Medic just shook his head and went to grab Laguna, but Squall found himself shoving him out of the way as molten anger rolled through him. This guy was beginning to seriously piss him off with his condescending attitude, and he would be damned if he let the bastard even so much as touch as his father.
"Don't touch him," Squall hissed. "I'll take him."
The Commander crouched down and gathered his father's broken, unconscious form into his arms as he began following the Medic carrying Rinoa toward the emergency medical vehicle waiting about 100 feet away, taking care not to jostle Laguna around too much for fear of his father losing even more blood faster than he already was. The new bandages were already entirely soaked through in a vivid red.
As they began making their way toward the awaiting vehicle, Squall heard Rinoa's voice moan and then grumble out in slight alarm.
"Hey... What the...? Let go of me! Where's Squall? Where's Laguna? Put me DOWN! I'm FINE!" She insisted.
Squall listened to the Medic argue with Rinoa briefly before a loud 'OOOF!' resounded. Given the circumstances, Squall had to force himself not to laugh.
Rinoa had given the Medic carrying her a good left hook to make him let go, and he watched her drop to her feet, stand up, dust herself off, and come running toward him, and the sounds of her footsteps patting across the ground, and a green glow of the familiar Curaga spell surrounded her. At least she was smart enough to heal herself.
"Squall!" her voice called and he stopped to allow Rinoa to reach him. Both of her hands went up and over her mouth, her dark eyes beginning to glisten with tears. "Wha-what happened to him? Are you alright? Is he alright? Did the... did that monster attack him?" Rinoa's voice dropped to a fearful whisper.
Squall nodded his head in confirmation, closing his eyes against that horrible, familiar burning sensation, his expression looking very grim, and Rinoa placed her hand over his arm in understanding as they began walking again toward the vehicle. Squall cleared his throat. "Yeah... doesn't matter... I'm fine. Are you alright at least? You were unconscious for a while."
"It's just a little lump on the head," Rinoa assured him, running her small hand over the back of her head. "I'm honestly just fine. Nothing I can't handle. Let's get you and Laguna back to Esthar. You're injured too, Squall. Your leg is bleeding pretty bad."
Through all of the chaos of Laguna getting hurt and the adrenaline rushing through him, Squall didn't even take notice of the injuries in his leg as they finally approached the emergency vehicle. He'd worry about them later. Right now, Laguna's wellbeing was more important. A soldier opened up the back door for them and Rinoa slipped inside, followed by Squall who seated himself next to the sorceress, Laguna's head nestled in his lap and his bloodied, bandaged body stretched out across the bench-like seat. Rinoa rubbed Squall's shoulder tenderly. The weight of everything that happened just so fast and out of nowhere seemed to settle over him like a dark cloud and his body slumped under the pressure.
"He's going to be alright, Squall. Esthar has the topmost medical staff that you can possibly find in the entire nation. Their technology far surpasses anything else on the continent. He'll be in good hands."
Squall opened his mouth to speak, but instead, a hitch of his breath escaped, and he couldn't find his voice. He felt a heavy ache in the middle of his chest, an almost overwhelming, expanding pressure that he couldn't understand. It was something that he hadn't felt in a very long time. Not since the day Sis left when he was only 4 years old, and Squall did not resist the urge to bury his face in his hands. He did just that, clamping his fingers hard against burning eyes that had welled up with unshed tears. He did not want to do this again, and he did not understand why he was becoming so emotional all of a sudden. He had to keep it together.
He pressed his face harder into his hands, willing himself not to give in, his body leaning slightly forward before he felt Rinoa snake an arm over his shoulders and pull him toward her. His face still hidden by his hands, he allowed the side of his head to rest comfortably against her shoulder as he attempted to control his breathing. "Hey, it's okay, Squall. It's okay. I'm here. If you want to talk, or just want to sit. Whatever you want, I'm here and I won't leave your side. Everything is going to be alright. I promise."
Calm down. Calm down. Breathe. Pull yourself together. Ugh... I can't let Rinoa see me like this. When the hell did I become so weak and pathetic?
There was honestly a lot that he wanted to say at this very moment to Rinoa, but he feared that if he did, he would end up completely breaking down, and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. Rinoa's fingers began threading through his hair, stroking his locks gently in an attempt to soothe him as the emergency medical vehicle transported them back to Esthar.
A couple of hours later, Squall sat hunched over in the waiting room of the Esthar Memorial Hospital and Medical Facility, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together. Rinoa was at his side, her head pressing against the side of one of his legs. She lay curled up in a fetal position on the couch-like bench sound asleep. She had suffered a brain contusion, but luckily no concussion, so she was allowed to sleep if she was tired without any danger. Squall's leg was treated, stitched up and freshly wrapped with clean bandages. Kiros and Ward had come to the hospital earlier upon Laguna's admittance.
They had heard the news over Esthar's radio's airwaves that the President had been fatally injured and had rushed straight to the hospital to handle Laguna's medical responsibilities since the President was currently comatose and unable to do it himself. They were kind enough to bring Squall a change of clothes since they had heard the SeeD Commander had also been injured in battle. He was now dressed in a fresh white t-shirt and jeans. His signature leather bomber jacket had been taken to get cleaned up from Laguna's blood.
The Commander was lost in his thoughts as he heard a couple sets of footsteps approaching him. He glanced up to see Kiros and Ward standing next to him, and the dark-skinned man reached a hand down to place it gingerly on Squall's shoulder.
"H-how is he?" Squall managed to croak out, his voice strained from stress and exhaustion.
"..."
"Yeah, what Ward said," Kiros sighed, shaking his head and seating himself in a chair next to Squall. "There's not much change. They have him hooked up to IVs and one is currently giving him a blood transfusion, while another is giving him antibiotics and fluids just in case there's any sort of infection developing in his wounds. He lost a lot of blood which is why he lost consciousness. He hasn't woken up, and they've put him into an induced coma. He's still in the trauma unit in critical condition, and they have him on a ventilator to help him breathe. We don't really know what's going to happen. The doctors are waiting to meet with his surgeon, which should be now." Kiros glanced at his watch. "They're going to run some further tests once he's more stabilized to make for certain his broken ribs didn't splinter or puncture his lungs. If they did, it's likely he'll have to have surgical repair done."
At this point, Rinoa had stirred awake and was sitting up next to Squall, listening intently to Kiros explaining Laguna's current condition.
"Do the doctors know if he's going to be alright? What are his chances he'll recover from this?" the sorceress questioned, lacing her fingers together nervously.
"..."
"Yeah, it's too early to tell," Kiros dropped his face into his hands and scrubbed at his forehead. "Right now, all we can do is wait. He's in good hands. We've got to head back to the Presidential Palace. They're expecting a full report on Laguna's case and current condition. The news stations are going wild, and we don't want any stories twisted. We don't want them making anyone look bad or at fault." Kiros stood up and glanced down at Squall and Rinoa. "You two can manage things til we get back in a couple of hours. Squall, you should know that it's been made known to the medical staff that you're Laguna's son. You've been given permission to handle any confidential medical information in regards to Laguna."
Squall just nodded his head, and Kiros puffed up his cheeks, letting out a stressed-sounding breath.
"We'll be going now. We'll be back in just a while." Kiros paused before following Ward out and glanced back at the young Commander of SeeD. "Squall, I know what you're thinking, man. Don't. What happened to Laguna wasn't your fault. That's all I'm gonna say." Kiros and Ward disappeared from the room, and Squall hung his head.
Yes, it was... because of him insisting on coming out there with me, and letting him... I could've put a stop to it...
Shortly after Kiros and Ward's departure, Squall heard the door to waiting room open again and in walked a middle-aged man with short, dark hair slicked back. A pair of glasses sat perched on his nose. He wore a long, white lab coat and carried a clipboard and pen. Squall glanced at the man as he opened his mouth to speak.
"Are you the son of President Laguna Loire, Squall Leonhart?" Squall nodded his head and stood up to face the man who gave him a smile and extended his hand. Squall briefly shook it. "I'm Dr. Kandra. I'm overseeing the treatment and medical care of your father, President Laguna Loire." His eyes slid over to look at Rinoa. "I apologize for this, but might we be able to speak confidentially? It is concerning your father's condition."
Squall began to open his mouth in protest, not liking the idea of Rinoa leaving the room, when Rinoa rose to her feet, nodding her head and placed a hand on Squall's shoulder giving it a squeeze.
"It's okay, Squall. I understand. I'll be right outside. I won't go far."
He really did not want to be left alone with the doctor discussing his father's current medical state. More than anything he needed Rinoa here to help keep his composure because he wasn't sure if the news the doctor was about to relay to him would crack it or not. His eyes followed the blue of Rinoa's duster before she disappeared behind the waiting room door.
"That's quite a lady you have there," the doctor mused pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and he looked down at his clipboard, flipping through the pages. "Mr. Leonhart, in terms of your father, the President, his condition is currently very critical. President Loire has suffered massive blood loss, severe trauma to his torso due to the nature of the attack. Some of his organs were badly damaged. We didn't realize just how deep the claws of the thing that attacked him went, but had they went any deeper, he wouldn't be here right now."
Squall's heart skipped a beat and he swallowed hard, nodding his head in understanding. "He's suffering internal bleeding, broken ribs on his left side, and his left lung is punctured. There is also a risk of infection, so we have him started on some very strong antibiotics, but they are not always guaranteed to work. We will just have to monitor it."
"What does all of this mean?" Squall managed to get out without sounding too distraught, but this news was almost too much. He didn't realize how extensive the damage to Laguna's body had been or the seriousness of his injuries. His legs were starting to feel weak underneath him, and Squall had to force himself to stay upright while in the doctor's presence.
"Well, where the rib splintered and punctured his lung, there is a lining of tissues that is slowly filling up with air. This will all need surgical repair. He is currently in the operating room with the best surgeons in the nation undergoing an emergency surgery. They will be cauterizing and repairing the organs that were damaged from the attack to try and stop the bleeding, and he will have to have a chest tube surgically inserted to help drain the trapped air in the lining of his lung tissues, and they will remove any pieces of bone that may have splintered from his broken ribs."
The doctor sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before reaching out to place a hand on Squall's shoulder. What was with people putting their hand on his shoulder? Did he look as bad as he felt?
"Mr. Leonhart, I am not one for sugarcoating things, so I'm going to be very honest with you. As of right now, things do not look good for President Loire. His chances are very slim, but we are hoping with our top surgeons, the best medical staff in the nation and top of the line medical care we can possibly offer, we may be able to help him pull through. I just want you to understand the seriousness of his condition. While he may improve, there is always a chance he won't as well. The first 48 hours are going to be his most critical if he makes it through those first 48 hours. I'm truly sorry to have to be the one to give you this news, but I'd rather you know the truth than being told something else and given false hope only to have the worst happen."
The doctor bowed out of the room and left Squall standing alone. When he was certain the doctor was gone, Squall slowly backed up until he felt his back hit against the wall, and the strength in his legs left him entirely. Squall slowly slid down the wall until he landed on the floor, his face blank and his mind whirling. His breathing started to become heavier as he tried to control the anvil of weight that seemed to crush him, keeping him held fast to the floor. Gravity took hold and he wasn't moving. His hands lay limply on either side of his legs, fingers splayed against the carpet. His head was tipped back against the wall with his chin tilted toward the ceiling. He didn't hear Rinoa come back into the waiting room til she dropped to her knees at his side.
"Squall...?" her voice spoke his name softly. He felt her fingertips gently brush away strands of his hair out of his eyes.
"It's all my fault," he managed to croak out. "It's all my goddamn fault, Rinoa. What the hell was I thinking letting this damned moron of a President out onto the battlefield with us? I should've listened to my gut. I should've forced him to stay behind. I knew he wasn't even close to battle ready, and yet I still let him come along. I let him fight like that when the stupid old man probably hadn't fought a proper battle in years. If I would've just told the bumbling oaf to stay behind, none of this would be happening!" his voice was beginning to quiver. "How the hell could I have been such an idiot?"
Oh my god I'm so tired of this... I can't deal with feeling this way. I don't know how to handle this. I don't think I can. It's too much. It's just too damn much.
"Squall. You have got to calm down. Calm down and pay attention to me." Rinoa placed both of her hands on Squall's cheeks, forcing the SeeD Commander to look at her, her chocolate eyes locking hard with his ice blue ones. "Squall, Laguna is a grown man who can make his own choices, and he's just as stubborn as you are. Even if you had tried to force him to stay behind, you know he wouldn't have, so NONE of this is your fault! I honestly think that he just wanted to be by your side on the battlefield, fighting alongside his son, and helping protect his country from those monsters. I think it was just Laguna's way of wanting to spend more time with you."
Squall snorted derisively at her words and pushed her hands off his face. "Spend more time with me? What, so he can just go out and get himself killed?" Squall drew in a shaky breath as Rinoa leaned back and Squall turned his head so he didn't have to face her. "This is why I never wanted to get close to him. This is why I never wanted to try and build a father and son relationship with him. This is why I never wanted to accept Laguna as my father. Because of this."
Squall tried to control himself, but there was no stopping him now. The words just came spilling out. And it's not like it was a terrible thing. It was just him and Rinoa in here. Nobody else. Rinoa was that one person in the world who knew him better than anyone, and the one person he could trust with everything. This is what she wanted. She wanted him to open up, and it was like he was a freight train with no brakes. It came pouring out.
"I wanted to push him away. I wanted to keep him at arm's length. I never wanted to let him in. Even knowing he was my father, it was easier to just be ignorant of it. If he had never shown up at Garden, I would've been fine leaving things the way they were."
"Squall, really?" Rinoa interjected, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Would you really have been fine with that? Because I saw how all of this was getting to you. How the news of him being confirmed as your dad affected you. You were a complete wreck over it, and I think a part of you still is, especially now that Laguna is in the condition he's in." She leaned toward him, placing a hand gently over his bare forearm. "I don't believe for one minute that you wanted to keep him at arm's length. If you did, you could've just sent him back to Esthar and never bothered to meet with him and go to Winhill with him, and then travel back here with him."
Squall rested his head back against the wall, staring upward at the ceiling and brought a hand up to run through his hair.
"Really? So every single one of you guys who kept pushing me and encouraging me to get close to him was the right thing? You, Ellone and everyone insisted on it, and because of that, I did. Dammit. I did, and now that I've started to accept him as a part of my life, and maybe even as my dad... I could lose him," Squall's voice broke. "And it's so hard to recover from losing people, and I don't think I can go through that pain again, Rinoa. If Laguna succumbs to his injuries..." his throat locked up, and he rested an arm on his knee, burying his face into the inner crease of his elbow.
Rinoa gasped, her own eyes filling with burning tears now. "No, Squall. You can't think like that. You absolutely cannot. You have to stay positive and hope for the best!" Squall shook his head, because the way the doctor had put things, there was very little hope. "Squall, what did the doctor say to you...?"
"He's not in good condition. His injuries were much worse than we thought, and he's undergoing emergency surgery right now. The doctor says it doesn't look good... He said that his chances right now are very slim and to not get my hopes up, and I can't handle that Rinoa. I can't. I don't know how to deal with this," Squall's voice quivering and breath hitching was the last straw for Rinoa. She pulled him to her, and Squall did not fight against it. Her arms wrapped around his head, as he buried his face in the side of her neck and in her dark curtain of hair, both of his arms wrapping around her small body, pulling her in close to him, as though he were trying to just hide away from the world, as if he could disappear.
Squall felt her body weight shift against his as her arms stayed wrapped around him, holding onto him as though she'd never let go, comfortingly and protectively while his breaths came out unsteady and uneven, his shoulders hitching as he clung hard onto her almost desperately. As if holding her as tightly as possible would help hold himself together. He was truly grateful that Rinoa was here with him because if he had to do this alone, he wasn't sure if he could. Squall knew that even though his outer defenses were now falling apart and his composure was crumbling, Rinoa would be there to try and keep him together and pick up the pieces as best as she could.
